When It's Right (15 page)

“How old are you?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“How old are you?”

Exasperated, he said, “Twenty-­eight.”

“Does it bother you that I'm only twenty?”

“No. Why would it? You're more mature than half the women I know my own age. What does this have to do with anything?”

“I'm trying to figure out what made you mad. It isn't the age difference, so I guess you're angry, what, because you like me?”

“I
like
my mother.”

The corners of her mouth curved up at that, but he wasn't finished being mad, at what, he had no idea anymore. “It's a hell of a lot more than liking you.”

“So you're angry because you more than like me, and you've been thinking about me, and you can't sleep. You want to kiss me, so you're avoiding me. Is that about right?”

Her face and eyes remained serious, but on the inside she was laughing at him.

“You think this is funny? It's not. I can't concentrate on anything. I've been staring at that damn spreadsheet for over an hour.”

“Oh, I'm taking you very seriously, because I think you really do have feelings for me, and you aren't quite sure what to do about that, so you're mad at me because I made you feel something. Since you're serious, and I'm serious, I have a question.” She pointed her finger at him. “Lie to me, and I'll know it.”

“What's the question?”

“What do you want? A quick toss in the hay to get me out of your system, or something more?”

The girl didn't mince words, shot from the hip, and took direct aim at his heart. Some of the tension went out of him. Unsure how to answer her without screwing this whole thing up, he took his time and thought about it.

He could keep things casual and give her a vague answer, something in between the two she asked. Or, for the first time in his life, he could lay it on the line and tell her what he really wanted. Straightforward as always, she'd asked the bold question, so he figured he owed her the honest answer.

“You're the first person I ever thought about in terms of the future, and what that could mean.” He wanted to tell her when he looked at her he thought of waking up with her every day, sleeping with her in his arms every night, rings, and babies. He'd never thought of having a wife and family, but when he looked at her, he wanted to make promises and spend the rest of his life keeping them.

Maybe that's how it happened to Gabe and Caleb. It explained the lengths Gabe went to protect Ella and win her heart, despite the obstacles of their very different lives.

“Nothing's going to happen. Your grandfather made himself clear,” Blake said, silently reminding himself again that she was hands off.

“Yes, he did. If I want to get to know you better, the choice is mine. Not his.”

“What?” Surprised, he didn't think he'd heard her quite right.

“You heard me.”

Blake wanted to go to her and touch her, and still he held back. If he touched her now, he'd never stop. As much as he wanted her, he didn't want to screw this up. This was one of those moments when one decision could give him everything he wanted and screw everything up. He wanted her. He wanted his job and life here on the ranch. He wanted both, and choosing one meant losing the other. Or did it? Could he have both?

She took a step toward him. He took one back. They'd done this dance for days, but the other way around. Surprised by his move, she took another step, and he took one back. That secret smile touched her lips again. He liked it and hated it.

“Blake, don't you think that at the age of twenty-­eight you should stop acting like a nervous fourteen-­year-­old boy and just come over here and kiss me.”

She took another step toward him, and he took one back. Confused, he stopped dead in his tracks.

“What did you say?”

“Kiss me.”

She took a step toward him, and he sidestepped the coffee table, making it an obstacle between them when he didn't even want a breath of air separating them.

“Stay still,” he ordered, going against his mind screaming out,
Come here!

“Kiss me.” This time, the smile bloomed. She liked having him on the run.

“I can't.” If he kissed her, he'd go nuts and drag her to the floor. He'd never stop kissing her until all her clothes were scattered across the hardwood and he kissed every square inch of her. That's not how he wanted things to be. Right now, he didn't have control of himself well enough to be gentle. She needed gentle. She'd had enough rough in her life.

“Why can't you kiss me? You said you want to.” She pouted and took a step toward him. He took a step back and ended up in the exact place he'd started this strange dance around the room. The backs of his thighs pressed into the wood desk. Trapped.

She'd gone from computer wizard to siren in a matter of minutes. Damnit, he was trying to be a gentleman and keep his damn hands off her. Even her broken arm and sprained knee failed to make him stop wanting her.

“Because I don't think I'll stop at one kiss. I want you too much.”

“That could be a problem, since your mother's downstairs waiting to see you.”

“I really don't want to talk about my mom right now.” He winced when her image came into his mind, replacing the one of a naked Gillian with her hair falling over her shoulders and breasts. He wanted that image back. Then he had a better idea. “On second thought, yeah, let's talk about my mom.” That would definitely get his mind off getting Gillian naked and in his arms.

“Your mom's nice and all, but I want to talk about you kissing me.”

“I'm not going to kiss you.” Bud would kill him. Yes, think about that. A slow and painful death, not her full, soft lips.
Damnit
.

“Oh, you are going to kiss me.” She walked right up to him and stood on tiptoe with her body pressed to his. His hands remained at his sides, wrapped around the edge of the desk. She ran her hands up his arms to his shoulders. “Kiss me, Blake. I want you to.”

The devil inside him leaped. A man could only take so much. Having this beautiful woman pressed against his body drove him over the edge. He cupped her face in his hands and stared down into her beautiful hazel eyes.
Be gentle. Give her that much.
“I've wanted to do this since the moment I saw you.”

Bad idea,
his mind shouted.

She'd worn him down. He didn't care anymore. He had to kiss her.

His lips touched hers, soft, tender. That's when that door in Gillian's heart swung wide open and banged against the wall of her heart. Just that one light meeting of lips and mingling of breath and she wanted more. More than she'd ever wanted for herself. For the first time in her life, she wanted to love this man and be loved by him. She had a thousand dreams run through her mind, and all of them were filled with Blake. She should have known that she wouldn't ease into love. She hadn't eased into anything in her life. No, she fell hard.

She thought about flying through the window and landing on top of a car. In that moment, her life flashed before her eyes and the only person she'd thought about was Justin. Now, she could only think of Blake and the life they could build together with Justin.

Her fingers dug into his shoulders when his lips left hers.

“You're so beautiful.”

“Kiss me again, Blake. Kiss me like you've dreamed of kissing me.”

He took her mouth, and she opened to him. His tongue slid against hers, tasting, tempting. He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her head back so he could take the kiss deeper. His tongue slid over hers as he explored the depth of her mouth. His hands trailed down her back and cupped her bottom, pulling her hips to his. She pressed her aching breasts to his hard chest. His hand slid up over her bottom and under her blue sweater, his fingers tracing her spine and some of the scars that didn't stop him from exploring.

He filled her mind and her senses. His rough hands caressed her back, and his mouth never stopped kissing and nipping at her throat and back up to her mouth. Everywhere her fingers roamed over strong, taut muscles. She loved the feel of him. More, she loved the feel of his arms banded around her and the way he pulled her closer with gentle demand. She didn't think she could be any closer to him, and then his arms tightened, and he pressed her into the sturdy wall of his chest. Her thighs rubbed against his. The contact sent heat through her system in a tidal wave that washed over her, overwhelming her senses. Safe and protected in his strong arms, she never wanted to be without them wrapped around her.

Someone knocked, then pushed the door open. They broke apart in a start. Blake held her at arm's length with his hands on her hips. Both of them needed a moment to catch their breath. His gaze fell to her mouth. He wanted to kiss her again. She wanted him to do it again.

“Were you kissing?” Justin asked, staring from her to Blake and back again.

Gillian and Blake answered together.

“No,” she said. “Yes,” Blake said.

They looked at each other and she said, “Yes.” Blake said, “No.” They smiled at each other and laughed. It was just what they needed to break the coiling tension.

Gillian took over with Justin. He was her responsibility. “We kissed.”

“So, you like him?”

“I do.” Something weighed on his mind. He stared down at his feet and avoided looking at Blake. She went to him and kneeled on her good knee in front of him. “What's wrong?”

Justin leaned over to her ear and whispered, “Is he going to hurt you?”

Blake heard him and wanted to answer him immediately, but, like Justin, he waited for Gillian's answer. He needed to know that she knew he wouldn't hurt her. He wanted Justin to hear that she knew he wouldn't hurt her, because it would be more meaningful coming from her.

Getting involved with Gillian included Justin. A package deal. He'd never interfere in their relationship. He wanted to be included in it. Blake needed to prove himself to her and Justin. It wasn't one or the other, but both. Which added another layer, because if Justin wasn't on board with him seeing his sister and it caused problems, Blake had no doubt he'd not only lose Gillian but he could also lose his job and the home he'd built here.

Could he take care of Gillian and Justin? Be everything they needed? He sure as hell wanted to try.

Gillian wrapped Justin in her arms and held him tight. She looked him right in the eye and spoke the truth reflected in her steady gaze and voice. “Blake would never hurt me like that, Justin. He cares about me. He cares about you. He's a nice man. He'd never hit me. He'd never hit you.” That was the underlying question Justin wanted to know. “Blake isn't like our father.”

Blake kneeled in front of Justin, too, and looked him in the eye. The boy needed reassurances, and Blake needed to give them.

“I've never hit a woman or a child in my whole life, and I won't start now. You've seen me with the horses. I'd never hurt one of them. I don't believe in hurting others.”

“You're nice to them,” Justin confirmed.

“And I'll always be nice to your sister and you. That's not to say that we might not argue, or get upset with each other. That happens sometimes, even between friends. But I'd never hurt her. I'd never hurt you. I promise.”

He held out his hand to shake on it. Justin glanced at Gillian to be sure she believed Blake, too. Then he put his little hand in Blake's big one and shook. Blake couldn't help himself. He pulled Justin into his arms and hugged him. So cute. So worried about his big sister. Blake stood with Justin in his arms and gave him a soft poke in the ribs to make him laugh.

“Justin, why did you come over here?” Gillian asked.

She struggled to get up. Blake held out his hand, and she took it without hesitation. When they touched, their eyes met, and that strange energy that snapped between them came to life, crackling between them.

“Blake's mom wants to see him. She didn't think she should come up here.”

“Your mom has your number, Blake. She said I'm as lovely as she'd heard. I wonder where she heard that?” Suspicion filled her narrowed eyes.

“I'm sure Dee had a lot of nice things to say about you the last time they talked.”

“Dee, huh?”

“I might have mentioned you the last time I talked to her on the phone,” he said vaguely.

“Go see your mother. I'll look through your paperwork.” She took her seat at the desk and sorted through the files again. This time when he touched her hair, he made sure she knew it. Then, with Justin in his arms, he leaned over and kissed her on the top of her head.

He laughed when Justin made a disgusted noise.

“No way you're staying up here alone. Come with me.” Blake held out his hand to her, but she didn't take it.

“But I need to go through all of this, input the data, complete the calculations, and—­”

“Not tonight. Come on. I'll introduce you to my parents.”

“I met them already.”

“Gillian.” The hint of a warning tinged her name as it passed his lips on an exasperated sigh.

She got the message and took his hand. He pulled her up, and the three of them left the office together.

 

Chapter 16

B
lake led them down the stairs to the kitchen door. He held it open for Gillian and let her go into the house ahead of him. Justin sat on his arm, his hands at Blake's neck, happy to be carried into the house and not in the least afraid of Blake. He'd won the boy over. If the kiss he and Gillian had shared was any indication, they'd taken a giant step toward complete trust. Definitely a step in the right direction. When he'd touched her hair and kissed her on the head before they'd come down, she hadn't flinched. Progress. He'd build on it until he wasn't the one reaching for her, but she felt comfortable reaching for him from now on.

He needed to have a man-­to-­man talk with Bud. Since Gillian decided she wanted to be with him, Bud would listen, and hopefully give him a chance to make her happy.

They entered the living room together. Gillian stood beside him, Justin in his arms. His mother's eyes softened on them. She gave him one of those knowing looks that he ignored, trying not to make a big deal out of them standing together—­almost like a family.

“So, you finally decided to come see us,” his mother said, giving him a soft smile and breaking the tension in the room.

Gillian fidgeted beside him, realizing they'd become the center of attention and everyone knew she was the reason he'd been delayed.

“I needed to finish some work upstairs,” he covered, even if they wouldn't believe it.

“They were kissing,” Justin announced.

Gillian's whole face flushed pink. She turned to him. “Justin.”

Okay, no man-­to-­man talk with Bud. Blake would wait for the man to grab his shotgun, then do his damnedest to make Bud believe Blake intended to do right by her. Instead, Bud gave Gillian a questioning look. Blake couldn't see her face, but Bud looked back at Blake and gave him a nod that could only be construed as a go-­ahead to see his granddaughter.

“Is that '57 Chevy C10 outside yours?” Blake's dad asked Gillian.

Blake gave his dad a look, silently thanking him for distracting Gillian from the embarrassment of being caught. Bad enough Justin walked in on them, but now everyone in the room stared and exchanged knowing looks. Especially his mother and Dee. Those two women were plotting happy-­ever-­after, but all Blake wanted right now was for Gillian to relax and get to know his parents. One step at a time. Though they'd taken a huge step forward, he didn't want to push too hard and end up five steps back, with Gillian retreating to neutral ground to keep him at bay, the way she'd done for days.

“Uh, yeah,” she answered, her voice shy.

“Cool truck. My dad used to have one just like it when I was a kid. I miss that old truck,” his father said, nostalgia filling his eyes.

“I, uh, bartered my way into it. When I got it, it didn't even run or have any tires and rims.”

“Blake mentioned you worked at a garage. Did you do the work yourself?”

“Some of it,” she confessed, warming up to the conversation and his dad.

“What did you barter to get it?”

“Well, it's a strange kind of circle. A woman down the street needed her fence repaired. She asked me to do it but didn't have the money to pay for the supplies, or for me to do the work. I needed some clothes for Justin, and she had a son who'd outgrown his things. So in exchange for the fence repair, she gave me the clothes. I knew a guy down at the pier who sold lawn ornaments and garden sculptures at the flea market. He worked as a landscaper during the week and had some extra fencing. He needed a babysitter for his four children for date nights with his wife. I traded him four Friday nights for the wood. I needed a way to get the wood, transport it, and transportation for myself, so I went to the guy who owned the truck. He wanted to impress his in-­laws, who were coming into town for five days, so I offered to get the truck off the cinder blocks in his driveway in exchange for four fresh lobsters. I worked the docks for two days straight for them. I got a discount at the garage I worked at for the used tires and rims for the truck. The truck needed some minor engine work to get it running. I did that myself, picked up the wood, and built the fence.”

His father, along with Bud, Dee, and Blake's mother, all stared at Gillian. No one spoke for several seconds.

“Very resourceful,” his father said.

“In the neighborhoods I lived in, ­people didn't have a lot of money to pay for things, but I learned to figure out what they needed, how to get it, so I could get what I wanted or needed. So, my friend got her fence fixed, and Justin got the clothes he needed. It just took some work and ingenuity to get it done.”

Blake admired her even more for her cleverness. His father's eyes held a light of pride and admiration when he looked at her, then glanced at him. The slight nod told Blake his father approved. He didn't need to look at his mother to know she liked Gillian for him.

“I'd love a closer look. Mind showing me what you've done?” his father asked.

“You can take it for a drive if you'd like,” she offered. “A trip down memory lane, so to speak.”

His dad's whole face lit up with excitement. “I'd like that. My dad used to take me fishing. We'd cast off from the tailgate and spend the day on the edge of the river, telling tall tales.”

“You took us boys all the time.” Blake remembered the trips fondly. He loved spending time with his brothers and dad. The days when they all got together were few and far between now.

“Come on. I'll show you the truck.” Gillian grabbed her keys from the table by the front door.

Justin wiggled down from his arms. “I want to go, too.”

“Come on, young man.” Blake's dad held out his hand. Justin grabbed it and walked out the door with him.

Gillian turned to Blake. “Did you see that?”

He smiled. “He didn't hesitate to go with him.”

Her whole face beamed with happiness. “I can't believe it.”

“I can. He doesn't need to be afraid anymore. He's got you, sweetheart. You were relaxed with my dad, so Justin was, too. You've kept your distance with me, so it took some coaxing to get Justin to hang with me in the beginning.”

“Hang is right. He likes you because you're a giant jungle gym to him.” Her gaze swept across his chest and landed on his biceps.

He didn't miss the heat in her gaze. Neither did Dee and his mother, so he didn't make a suggestive comment about her undressing him with her gorgeous hazel eyes.

“I like to play with him. He's fun. So serious when you arrived, but now he laughs and plays all the time.”

Justin giggled outside at something Blake's father said or did. Gillian held up her casted hand and touched her fingertips to her bruised jaw and eye. Her gaze met Blake's, a silent conversation that Justin might have switched gears living here, but she still had so much of her past dictating her every move, thought, and decisions.

Blake closed the distance between them, but at the last second, Gillian took a step back, then caught herself.

“I'm sorry.”

“You don't need to apologize for what you need. Whatever that is to make you feel safe and comfortable. So, if it's space, take it. If it's time, it's yours. Justin's experiences are much more benign than yours, Gillian. You've lived a certain way your whole life, your guard up, every instinct on high alert. It will take time for you to change, settle, learn to live another way.”

Her eyes went bright with unshed tears. She blinked them away. “I'm sorry.” The words came out softer than a whisper, barely making it past her lips. She turned and fled through the door.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't know his mother rose from the sofa to come and stand beside him until her hand touched his arm. He stared out the front door, watching Gillian with Justin and his father, standing by her truck. She opened the driver's door to show his dad the inside, then went and popped the hood. The whole time, she kept a discreet three-­foot distance, even when Justin wrapped his arms around her leg as he always did when he sensed her guard up.

“You're very good with her,” his mother praised. “She's beautiful and tragic all at the same time. She's smart and strong, nothing like I expected and so much more.”

“Yes. She is.” He didn't take his eyes off her.

“So, it's like that.” His mother guessed all that he didn't say. “You really like her.”

“I like you, Mom.”

“What? You don't love me?” she teased.

“You know I love you. But her . . .” He shook his head, unable to put everything he felt into words. “I feel so much for her. I want to protect her. I want to rush her and give her all the time she needs. I want to kill every man who looks at her. I'd really like to kill her father all over again. Slowly. I want to wrap my arms around her and hold her and hope it's enough to make her feel safe. I want to make her happy and laugh and smile.

“It's strange, but everything she is, I am. If she's frightened, I feel it. If she's quiet and introspective, I calm and go inside, wondering how I can coax her back out. On the rare occasion she laughs with Justin, I feel so much joy inside for her because I know it's a triumph to allow herself to be happy and free to enjoy herself for even that small moment.”

“Blake, she's getting better,” Dee said. “It's only been a week.”

“I know. I meant what I said. Anything she needs, it's hers. She deserves it and so much more. I want to give her everything, but sometimes it's hard to hold back when she needs me to.”

“It's like that when you find someone special. You want to spend all your time with them,” his mother said. “She may want to spend time with you, but her situation holds her back, when you want to leap.”

“I want to hold on, but she won't let me close enough to even touch her most of the time. And I don't just mean in a physical way.”

“I don't know about that,” his mother said, watching Gillian, too. “You watch her. She watches you. Before she walked out, she hesitated for a second. I think she wanted to reach for you, but with me and Dee here, she didn't. If you'd been alone, she might have taken that step. She might not be like other women you've dated, Blake, but if what you two have is real and true, the time and effort you put into building your relationship will be stronger than anything others might have because she's got so much to overcome. For her to trust you, be close to you, you'll know it's real and true, because she wouldn't fight for it otherwise. The fact she's trying, despite the setbacks, both small and large, tells you she's not only interested in you but that she wants this to work as much as you do. Maybe more, because she needs to believe that some men can be good and kind. She believes that about you, so she tries. I bet she's scared to death that if she pushes you too hard, you'll give up on her. But she pushes, because she needs to know you won't give up. Remember that when things get tough, because they will. That's life.

“Look at all Gabe and Ella went through to be together. A relationship is work, Blake. It's never easy, but it's worth it if you love each other.”

“She's worth it,” he said to himself more than to his mother. She was right. For the first time in his life, he was building a relationship to last, not just seeing someone to have a good time.

“So, in addition to bringing Justin's quilt, I have something else for you. Gabe and Ella set a date. They're getting married in May at Wolf Ranch. It'll be an intimate affair, just family and a few of Ella's close friends from New York before she and Gabe go off to Bora Bora.”

“The trip she planned to take with her sister before her uncle murdered Lela,” he said.

His mother frowned. “Yes. She's still healing, too, from all the loss and betrayal that man put her through. Gabe wants to give his bride the closure she needs by taking the trip.” His mother handed him the engraved invitation. “Dane told Gabe about Gillian after you talked to him the other day. He's put a plus one on the invitation if you'd like to bring her.”

“But you said they only want family.”

“That's what Gabe said.”

Which meant that Gabe understood how important Gillian had become to Blake, even in such a short amount of time. Did he want to take that step and bring her to the family wedding? Yes. No hesitation. No worry that she wouldn't fit in. He wanted her there. But would she go?

She turned and stared at him across the yard. When he didn't smile or anything, she took a step in his direction, stopped, and smiled at him. His heart skipped. Then she waved for him to come out and join her. She wanted him to come to her. This time, his heart warmed and grew two sizes in his chest.

He stuffed the wedding invitation in his back pocket and walked out the door. He met Gillian in the drive. She didn't back away when he approached, but he still stopped two feet away from her. She closed the distance, stood beside him, and leaned against his side, looking up at him, smiling as they watched Bud and his dad going back and forth about the engine. His dad talked about working on his own father's truck when he was a boy of Justin's age.

When Gillian didn't pull away but stayed close, he wrapped his arm around her and held her to his side, feeling like he was ten feet tall and granted his greatest wish.

“They look good
together,” Dee said to Joan.

“Yes, they do, but she's wary of him. She hasn't let him in. Blake's nervous about Bud's reaction. Bud's keeping his eye on them. Blake's holding back, afraid to make a wrong move with him—­and her.

“Blake's been so focused on work and just cruising through his life that it's nice to see him put on the brakes and actually think about his future. It started with Caleb and Gabe, but it was still more of a rolling stop–a passing thought that maybe he'd find someone to share his life. Now he's slammed on the brakes to pick her up and take her on the ride with him if she'll get in the car.”