When Mercy Rains (8 page)

One question released a parade of others. Did her siblings really expect her to stay here forever, caring for Mother? How much help did she require? Why did the house look so forlorn and weary? If Suzanne stayed beyond her planned leave of absence, how would she cover expenses when her vacation pay ran out? Would Alexa choose to stay here with her, or would she go back to Indiana alone?

Curled there in the corner of the sofa, her cheek against the tufted velvet scattered all over with earth tone–colored daisies—when Mother and Dad
bought the set, she’d laughed at the strange color for daisies—she sent the questions to the One who never slept.

God, I wouldn’t have come if it hadn’t been for Alexa. When she said she would always be there for me, the way You’ve always been there for me, I felt as though You were talking through her, encouraging me to reach out to my mother. But now that I’m here, I’m not sure I should be
. Her dry throat began to ache, the desire to give vent to tears tightening her chest.
How do we ignore the years of separation and the hurts that have been left to fester? How can I be here without them discovering the truth?

The secrets she’d carried for so many years bore down on her. She pressed her forehead to her raised knees.
God, forgive me, but I can’t tell them everything. I can’t ever let Alexa know what I stole from her. I know it’s wrong to ask this of You, but … oh, please, Lord … let me keep my secrets while I’m here. The truth will only hurt them and Alexa. And me. I’ll stay two months. Long enough to determine the extent of Mother’s needs and locate a nurse who can provide care. And then I’ll go back to Franklin and leave my family in peace
.

Overhead, floorboards creaked. A door clicked open and closed, then water spattered against the side of the porcelain tub. Tanya? Probably. The others would be up soon, too. The day was beginning. In the next hour, she and Mother would be face to face. Mother and Alexa would be face to face. Her stomach rolled with apprehension and she pressed tighter into her huddling pose.
Dear Lord, help …

Suzanne

Breakfast turned into a chaotic affair, and Suzanne wished she’d stayed upstairs. Little Jana bumped Jay’s glass of milk with her elbow, dumping it into Julie’s lap. Julie set up a howl that surely was heard all the way into town. Jana, out of pity for her soggy sister, added her wails to the mix. Tanya took Julie upstairs to wash away the stickiness and change her clothes, and while they were gone, Jay ate the last piece of toast, which Julie had wanted. Consequently another storm erupted. By the time Clete left with all three children in tow—to drop Jay and Julie at school and then take Jana to Shelley’s for the day—Suzanne’s head ached from the tumult. How had her mother slept through such a clamor?

As soon as the door closed behind them, Tanya turned to Suzanne with an embarrassed grimace. “Aren’t you glad you won’t be taking care of
them
?”

If she were to answer honestly, she would hurt Tanya’s feelings. “They’re young, away from their own home and routine. They’re bound to be a little rambunctious.”

Tanya’s smile thanked her for her understanding. She grabbed the dishrag from the corner of the sink. “I’ll get this table cleaned up so Alexa won’t have to sit in our crumbs when she eats breakfast. Do you think she’ll be down soon?”

Suzanne had awakened Alexa when she went up to dress, and she’d expected her to come straight down. Maybe their day of travel on top of her weeks of
being almost too excited to sleep had caught up with her. “I’m not sure. But don’t worry about fixing her anything. She’s quite self-sufficient in a kitchen.”

Tanya paused in scrubbing up the milk rings left from the children’s cups. “She’s a very pretty girl, Suzanne, and so polite. You must be proud of her.”

Suzanne crossed to the stove and poured herself a cup of coffee. She chose her words carefully. “I am. Alexa is the best thing that ever happened to me. I can’t imagine my life without her.”

“I feel the same way about our three. Even though they wear me out sometimes!” Tanya rinsed the rag and hung it over the sink’s edge. She leaned against the counter and fixed Suzanne with a pensive look. “I noticed both you and Alexa wear skirts, but neither of you have head coverings.”

Subconsciously Suzanne touched her heavy braided bun with trembling fingertips.

“I hope I’m not being intrusive, but I wondered … Have you left the Mennonite faith?”

“Alexa and I attend a Mennonite Brethren church in Pleasant View, a small town near Franklin, where we live. The hospital where I work is supported by the MB church.” She deliberately used the present tense when referring to church, work, and home.

“I’ve heard of the denomination, but I’m not familiar with the Mennonite Brethren. Are they similar to Old Order in their beliefs?”

Suzanne sought the best explanation. “The church is very scripturally based, but they don’t follow specific dictates concerning attire or forbid using worldly conveniences. Those things are left to the individual conscience.” She glanced down at her lightweight hunter-green sweater and khaki skirt and offered a short laugh. “Although I’ve been away from Arborville for more years than not, I feel more comfortable in a skirt, and Alexa has chosen to respect my preference.”

“May I ask … How did you come to join their church?”

If Suzanne were to give Tanya a complete answer, it would take hours. And open the door to far more questions than she wanted to field. “We stayed with
an MB couple in Indianapolis while I attended nursing school. Had it not been for their help with Alexa, I wouldn’t have been able to earn my license as an RN. I’m very grateful to them.”

“I’m glad you had people to help you. It must have been hard when Alexa was small.”

Memories rose to torment her. Of those baby days when Alexa cried and Suzanne cried, too, frightened she’d taken on more than she could comfortably bear. Of the happy times when Alexa learned to roll over or sit up or took her first toddling steps. And even though the Martens celebrated with her, she’d longed to share the milestones with her mother. The mingled joy and pain had tied knots in her heart.
Hard
didn’t begin to cover it, and Suzanne had no desire to revisit those days. “As you said, children can wear you out sometimes. But they’re always worth the effort.”

Tanya gazed at Suzanne for a few seconds, her lips pursing in indecision, then she turned toward the dirty dishes stacked beside the sink. “I’ll get these washed and put away. Mother Zimmerman will be getting up before too long, and I—”

“Tanya!”

“Oh, that’s her now.” Tanya lifted her apron to wipe her hands. She flung an inquisitive look at Suzanne as she headed for the passageway to the dining room. “Do you want to come in and let your mother know you’re here, or would you rather wait until she’s dressed?”

Suzanne swallowed a hysterical giggle as she envisioned her modest mother’s chagrin at being caught in her nightclothes by someone who was now a stranger. “Go ahead and get her dressed first. She’d probably rather not become reacquainted while she’s wearing her nightgown.”

“Tanya!”

Tanya darted out of the kitchen. How long would it take her to help Mother into her clothes—five minutes? Ten? Unable to simply stand still and wait, Suzanne busied herself by running a sinkful of water. She washed, dried,
and put the items back in the cupboards. Just as she finished placing the silverware in their drawer, she heard Tanya speaking.

“All right now, Mother Zimmerman, close your eyes. No peeking! Do you promise? I have a surprise waiting for you.”

Suzanne turned from the silverware drawer in time to see a wheelchair bearing a gray-haired, haggard-looking woman roll through the passageway. If Tanya hadn’t been pushing it, she wouldn’t have known the wheelchair held her mother. She drew back in shock. How had her mother aged so rapidly? She appeared closer to eighty than her true age of almost sixty. Her startled gaze bounced to Tanya, and her sister-in-law frowned, shaking her head in silent warning. Suzanne closed her eyes briefly, silently praying for strength, then met Tanya’s gaze once again. She mouthed,
I’m ready
.

Tanya curled her hands over Mother’s shoulders. “Okay, open your eyes!”

Abigail Zimmerman’s eyes opened slowly, as if her eyelids were too heavy to lift. Her watery gaze traveled across the kitchen to Suzanne, who stood rooted next to the open silverware drawer. Her heavy brows descended in obvious bewilderment.

Hardly aware of what she was doing, Suzanne slid the drawer closed and then approached the chair. She held her breath as she walked slowly, deliberately, the stiff fabric of her skirt chafing the bare expanse of her shins above her anklets. As she moved toward her mother she felt the years dropping away, and suddenly she was seventeen again, afraid and uncertain and so in need of assurance. Her breath wheezed out on a prayer.
Dear God, help me …

Her mother’s eyes never shifted from her face the entire distance, and when she reached the chair she dropped to her knees and took one of Mother’s blue-veined hands between both of hers. “Mother?” Her voice cracked. She swallowed and tried again. “It’s me, Mother—Suzanne.”

Mother’s frown deepened. She pulled her hand free of Suzanne’s light grasp. “Of course you’re Suzanne. Did you think I wouldn’t recognize my own daughter?”

Suzanne zipped a glance at Tanya, who stared at the back of Mother’s head with wide, appalled eyes. She licked her lips and looked at Mother again. “Well, I—”

Mother angled her head, peering up at Tanya. “Did you bring her here?”

Tanya put her hand on Mother’s shoulder and spoke soothingly. “Clete and the girls asked her to come.”

“Why?”

“Because she’s a nurse, Mother Zimmerman. And you …” Tanya pinned Suzanne with a pleading look.

Suzanne touched her mother’s knee. The sharp contour of the bone startled her, and her tongue turned clumsy. “C-Clete said you needed a nurse’s care.” She certainly needed something. This gaunt, ancient frame couldn’t possibly belong on her independent, stalwart mother. “That’s why I came. To take care of you.”

Her mother huffed out a heavy breath. “I have three people already taking care of me. Why do I need yet another?” She aimed her glare at Suzanne—the same glare she’d worn when Suzanne confessed she’d missed her monthly period. “I thought you had a nursing job in Indiana. Did they fire you?”

“No, I asked for time off. So I could …” Suzanne hung her head. Why bother to explain? Her mother hadn’t wanted her twenty years ago, and she didn’t want her now. She pushed to her feet. She’d performed her duty. She’d come at her brother’s request. She’d tried, but it was pointless. The hurts were too deep to heal, the chasm too wide to bridge. She gave Tanya a pointed look. “Maybe it would be best if I returned to Franklin immediately.”

Tanya shook her head, dismay playing on her face. “No. Please, Suzanne. I’m sure she just needs time to—”

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not in the room!” Mother snapped out the command so harshly, both Tanya and Suzanne drew back. She glowered at Tanya. “I won’t take Suzanne away from the mission hospital. She loves her work. In every letter, she told me she loves her work. She’s already given up enough for—” She clamped her jaw closed and hunched low. Although
Suzanne and Tanya waited in silence for her to continue, she kept her lips set in a firm line.

Tanya sighed. Her sad gaze met Suzanne’s. “I suppose we—”

“Mom?” Alexa entered the kitchen. She’d brushed her sleek hair into its familiar ponytail. The simple hairstyle along with her straight denim skirt and white blouse gave her a mature appearance. But in Suzanne’s eyes she was a little girl again—a helpless child in need of protection. She couldn’t subject Alexa to her mother’s venomous rejection.

She hurried to Alexa’s side and turned her toward the entryway. “Go upstairs, honey,” she whispered. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

Her mother caught the wheels of the chair and spun it to face Suzanne and Alexa. With a strength that shocked Suzanne, she rolled herself directly into their pathway. She stared at Alexa. “You … Did you call my Suzy ‘Mom’?”

“Yes, ma’am, I did.” She tipped her head inquisitively, her ponytail swishing across her shoulder. “Are you my grandmother?”

Mother’s mouth dropped open. Her face turned ashen. Then, before Suzanne had a chance to react, her eyes rolled back in her head and she slid from the chair onto the floor in a dead faint.