When Saint Goes Marching In (47 page)
Read When Saint Goes Marching In Online
Authors: Tiana Laveen
“How do your religious beliefs play into your discussions regarding sex and intimacy?” Jazz asked.
“What do you mean?” Saint asked as he slowly turned his wedding band from side to side.
“If you believe in one God and you have blended various religious beliefs into your own concept, what does your personal religion, your spirituality, say about, for instance, premarital sex?” Jazz clarified.
“Just because some of my subject matters are seen as taboo doesn’t mean I just think anything goes. Sex is a part of the human experience and our existence. None of us would be here without it. There is nothing wrong or dirty about it. There were no courts, churches, mosques and synagogues at the very beginning of time. Man and woman were forging relationships, mating and procreating prior to another man, or group of men, telling them supposedly what God wanted them to do and making them sign paperwork and joint taxes.” Saint laughed. “This is just silly. People have been having sex without rules and regulations since the beginning of their creation. That’s when they decided to find out what would happen if they put their genitals together. They found out. They liked it. They had children and there was no marriage certificate. Just because someone decides they now want to control an entire nation or world of people doesn’t mean that they are correct in whatever doctrines they try to ascribe to our Creator and impose on followers. That said, to answer your question more directly, I think premarital sex is a couple’s decision. I don’t believe in casual sex even though I’ve engaged in it countless times and I don’t regret what I did. I just think the couple should genuinely love each other. For some people that only takes a few hours but for most, at least a few months.”
“Well, can you really talk to people about that since you did it? It’s like you had your fun and now you want to shake your finger at the rest of us,” Jazz laughed.
“I just know it didn’t match what I believed. I was a contradiction. There were repercussions, believe me. There are always consequences to everything we say and do whether we see them coming or not.”
“What kind of repercussions?”
Saint’s mind drifted to Payton.
“Let me put it this way. When we go out into the world and give ourselves to people who should never have us, they will always have a piece of us and there can be repercussions, especially if you knew that individual was not someone you should have ever given yourself to in the first place. There are people who are very sick, or sometimes just not a good match for us, and when we make love to them, we create a bond that we don’t want. Once lines and boundaries are crossed purely for lust and sexual desire, there is always a ‘pay the piper’ doomsday. It may be emotional, it could be more. Regardless, for this reason it’s not good to have sex with people we don’t see ourselves with for more than just sex.”
“OK, understood, now back to the spiritual and religious beliefs. So, you mean to say, your religious beliefs are OK with premarital sex?” Jazz asked.
“It never was a part of my religious beliefs. I’ve always known that sex was important, powerful, binding, spiritual and emotional. Sex between soul mates is a shared life force regardless of marriage. I married my soul mate for many reasons but as far as I’m concerned, once I knew she was the woman for me, in my mind and heart, we were married. The ceremony was just a formality. Our existence, our relationship, is fluid. In liquid is life. It is a life-force. It is our chi. Our life is in our liquid and our liquid is our blood, urine, saliva and all the other secretions that come from our body and reside within us…but semen carries life. We share those things during lovemaking. I chose to have unprotected sex with one woman and one woman only, because of this. I think the couple at least needs to be exclusive and have strong feelings for one another in an ideal situation but also…” Saint took a sip of his white tea, “we have urges; I don’t think urges are bad if taken care of with the right person. I don’t think it would be so hard to abstain if we were supposed to, actually. I think we are supposed to be making love just with that person who we adore, though.”
“And you’re still contradicting!” Jazz laughed.
Saint smiled, “I suppose I am to some extent but to me, it makes sense because what I’m essentially saying is that it’s up to the couple and my personal beliefs don’t have the right to dictate what someone else is doing in their home, sexually speaking. Now, if you come to my office for therapy or to a conference, you are paying to get my opinion and advice, so that’s different. I can’t speak for everyone. In my practice, I spoke to unhappy couples who waited to have sex until they married and their marriage was falling apart because they found out they had completely different sexual styles, desires, and libidos. Some of them didn’t want to try anything new and were abhorrently against anything that wasn’t straight missionary and even that position had to be cookie cutter – no leaning at an angle, no pillows to help tilt a pelvis for deeper penetration, no legs around the neck, nothing – and you can forget about oral or anal. That wasn’t even on the radar.”
“Wow!”
“People need to be sexually compatible, or it will destroy their marriage anyway. There need to be discussions ahead of time, open discussions about sexual likes and dislikes, as well as fantasies, so that this sort of thing doesn’t happen. If not, they’d probably be in my office soon.”
“Are there ways to make an otherwise sexually compatible couple, compatible?” Jazz asked with a lopsided grin.
“Yes, but they both have to be willing to give, one hundred ten percent. That is not as common as it should be. Usually they aren’t sexually compatible because they are so vastly different in how they view sex in the first place. Meeting in the middle can make it tolerable, but one or both people will always in some way feel deprived. In order to fully enjoy someone sexually, they have to give themselves to you, completely. When there are limits, the fun and enjoyment are also limited. I’m not suggesting that anyone feel pressure to do something they are inherently against, but one must be open minded before slamming down all of their mate’s ideas. Communication is key. The person saying ‘No’ all the time hurts the self-esteem and self-worth of the other person and can also make them feel dirty for even asking in the first place. If two people are in love and what they are doing isn’t harming themselves or the other person, then there is nothing to feel dirty about, but there are so many damaged people. Sex is seen as filthy. It’s not. It’s natural, normal and necessary for human survival and bonding with your significant other.”
“And how do you raise your children regarding religion, sex, what you do for a living, the whole nine yards?” Jazz asked, flipping her long black, curly hair over her shoulder.
“My wife and I teach our children to be their own people. We are open and honest with them. As they mature and get older, I have certain expectations for their behavior, regarding respect for themselves and others, and that is what I teach. They can choose their own belief system once they are mature enough. I have no desire to dictate to them what they should believe but I’d hope to be a positive influence in their decision, as my parents were with me. I would like them to believe in God, but I will accept the choices that they make. As far as sex is concerned, I feel that if my sons are old enough to ask a question regarding sex, relationships or reproduction, then they are old enough to receive an accurate, age-appropriate answer. What I do for a living is also an open book. They know Daddy is a licensed therapist, author and a speaker – that I talk to couples and crowds about ethnicities, racism and sex. Nothing I’m doing I’m ashamed of nor should they be afraid to ask me anything,” Saint said.
“How does your wife handle all of the attention you get from women?” Jazz laughed. “You get a lot, Saint. Also, what does she think of your philosophies?”
“Xenia thinks I’m kind of out there,” Saint chuckled. “She agrees with a lot of what I write and lecture about though. We don’t have to agree on everything. We agree on the core concepts, the important stuff, and that’s what matters. To your first question, she knows where my heart is and I’d never do anything to hurt her.” Jazz nodded. “No matter how much attention I get, it’s
her
that I want, and
only
her.”
“Aww! That is so sweet. I do love what you said on Zar’s radio program last week, and if it made me swoon I’m sure it made other women do the same.”
“What was that?” Saint smiled.
“You said, ‘There are only three things a man should change about a woman once he obtains his soul mate. Her last name, her address and how she now sees men in general.’ You’re really smooth!” Jazz laughed.
Saint grinned. “Am I? It’s true, though.”
“Now, I can’t let you get out of here without asking this. There was some recent controversy about you on a panel in Georgia, for the Men’s Health Tour awhile back, in regards to statements made about condom use. You want to explain your new position on that?”
Saint grinned and shook his head. He lowered his gaze to his feet as he gathered his thoughts, then raised his eyes to his interviewer again. “Sure. Basically, I’m a scientist. People forget that and just focus on the controversy but anyway, I have a medical background and I always try to keep myself well educated and open minded regarding new information. We don’t know everything. The doctors, the teachers, whomever – no one has the lock down on the truth except the Creator. Now, my discussions in Atlanta were in regards to a big lie we’ve been told, that I also believed, which was that condoms can prevent transmission of HIV and Aids. They help, they do, and they should be used, but they are in no way as effective as reported and so we have to help ourselves and not just depend on a factory to protect us.”
“How so? If this is true, what do we do short of abstaining?”
“The key is to get ourselves healthy from the inside out, so that our immune system doesn’t allow the infection to spread within us in the first place. We’re not there yet. I believe HIV has been around much longer than we suspected, but our health was better, and caused it to go undetected. We’re physically sick and don’t even know it. We’re not eating right. We’re not exercising, and like I said, a man’s seed is important so we need to watch who we are making love to and control our ejaculations. Our life force is not just in our penis, it’s in our semen.”
“But what about birth control? How can you prevent pregnancy? In some of your earlier books and statements, you are also against birth control pills and…”
“Shots, all of that, it’s poison. To all the women in child bearing years please listen to me, stop putting that stuff in your bodies,” Saint said vehemently. “It can ruin a woman’s reproductive system. There are women who were never able to conceive after getting off of that stuff but they were fine just beforehand. Look, it’s the man’s job anyway to prevent his woman from getting pregnant if that’s what they want. We are the givers; you are the receivers so we have to make sure we don’t give you anything that would be upsetting, in this case, an unplanned pregnancy. We are making a delivery – you are taking it in so it’s our job to control that. If we do give you a child, then when it’s time for that child to be born, the woman becomes the giver and we become the receiver. The roles reverse. I used to be all for condoms, and I still am but with the knowledge that you still aren’t fully protected. Also, that is still a foreign item inside her body. I bought so many boxes of Magnums that it should’ve become my last name.”
Jazz burst out laughing.
“There are people who are allergic to latex and those people are actually the normal ones. Their body is at least telling them something isn’t right. It’s sending out smoke signals. I know that condoms help reduce the spread of HIV and STIs, as well as help prevent unwanted pregnancies, and as out there as I was at one point in time, I’m certain they helped protect me. What I’m saying is that it isn’t enough and we have to come up with something else, something more natural, and make better choices, period. This needs further research and people need to wake up and get in tune with themselves. You are the only person that can completely prevent this, not these companies out here making synthetic hormones and rubbers just so we can have sex without worry.”
“Now Saint you know some guys are just too irresponsible for this!”
“What do you mean?” Saint asked as he slowly turned his wedding band from side to side.
“If you believe in one God and you have blended various religious beliefs into your own concept, what does your personal religion, your spirituality, say about, for instance, premarital sex?” Jazz clarified.
“Just because some of my subject matters are seen as taboo doesn’t mean I just think anything goes. Sex is a part of the human experience and our existence. None of us would be here without it. There is nothing wrong or dirty about it. There were no courts, churches, mosques and synagogues at the very beginning of time. Man and woman were forging relationships, mating and procreating prior to another man, or group of men, telling them supposedly what God wanted them to do and making them sign paperwork and joint taxes.” Saint laughed. “This is just silly. People have been having sex without rules and regulations since the beginning of their creation. That’s when they decided to find out what would happen if they put their genitals together. They found out. They liked it. They had children and there was no marriage certificate. Just because someone decides they now want to control an entire nation or world of people doesn’t mean that they are correct in whatever doctrines they try to ascribe to our Creator and impose on followers. That said, to answer your question more directly, I think premarital sex is a couple’s decision. I don’t believe in casual sex even though I’ve engaged in it countless times and I don’t regret what I did. I just think the couple should genuinely love each other. For some people that only takes a few hours but for most, at least a few months.”
“Well, can you really talk to people about that since you did it? It’s like you had your fun and now you want to shake your finger at the rest of us,” Jazz laughed.
“I just know it didn’t match what I believed. I was a contradiction. There were repercussions, believe me. There are always consequences to everything we say and do whether we see them coming or not.”
“What kind of repercussions?”
Saint’s mind drifted to Payton.
“Let me put it this way. When we go out into the world and give ourselves to people who should never have us, they will always have a piece of us and there can be repercussions, especially if you knew that individual was not someone you should have ever given yourself to in the first place. There are people who are very sick, or sometimes just not a good match for us, and when we make love to them, we create a bond that we don’t want. Once lines and boundaries are crossed purely for lust and sexual desire, there is always a ‘pay the piper’ doomsday. It may be emotional, it could be more. Regardless, for this reason it’s not good to have sex with people we don’t see ourselves with for more than just sex.”
“OK, understood, now back to the spiritual and religious beliefs. So, you mean to say, your religious beliefs are OK with premarital sex?” Jazz asked.
“It never was a part of my religious beliefs. I’ve always known that sex was important, powerful, binding, spiritual and emotional. Sex between soul mates is a shared life force regardless of marriage. I married my soul mate for many reasons but as far as I’m concerned, once I knew she was the woman for me, in my mind and heart, we were married. The ceremony was just a formality. Our existence, our relationship, is fluid. In liquid is life. It is a life-force. It is our chi. Our life is in our liquid and our liquid is our blood, urine, saliva and all the other secretions that come from our body and reside within us…but semen carries life. We share those things during lovemaking. I chose to have unprotected sex with one woman and one woman only, because of this. I think the couple at least needs to be exclusive and have strong feelings for one another in an ideal situation but also…” Saint took a sip of his white tea, “we have urges; I don’t think urges are bad if taken care of with the right person. I don’t think it would be so hard to abstain if we were supposed to, actually. I think we are supposed to be making love just with that person who we adore, though.”
“And you’re still contradicting!” Jazz laughed.
Saint smiled, “I suppose I am to some extent but to me, it makes sense because what I’m essentially saying is that it’s up to the couple and my personal beliefs don’t have the right to dictate what someone else is doing in their home, sexually speaking. Now, if you come to my office for therapy or to a conference, you are paying to get my opinion and advice, so that’s different. I can’t speak for everyone. In my practice, I spoke to unhappy couples who waited to have sex until they married and their marriage was falling apart because they found out they had completely different sexual styles, desires, and libidos. Some of them didn’t want to try anything new and were abhorrently against anything that wasn’t straight missionary and even that position had to be cookie cutter – no leaning at an angle, no pillows to help tilt a pelvis for deeper penetration, no legs around the neck, nothing – and you can forget about oral or anal. That wasn’t even on the radar.”
“Wow!”
“People need to be sexually compatible, or it will destroy their marriage anyway. There need to be discussions ahead of time, open discussions about sexual likes and dislikes, as well as fantasies, so that this sort of thing doesn’t happen. If not, they’d probably be in my office soon.”
“Are there ways to make an otherwise sexually compatible couple, compatible?” Jazz asked with a lopsided grin.
“Yes, but they both have to be willing to give, one hundred ten percent. That is not as common as it should be. Usually they aren’t sexually compatible because they are so vastly different in how they view sex in the first place. Meeting in the middle can make it tolerable, but one or both people will always in some way feel deprived. In order to fully enjoy someone sexually, they have to give themselves to you, completely. When there are limits, the fun and enjoyment are also limited. I’m not suggesting that anyone feel pressure to do something they are inherently against, but one must be open minded before slamming down all of their mate’s ideas. Communication is key. The person saying ‘No’ all the time hurts the self-esteem and self-worth of the other person and can also make them feel dirty for even asking in the first place. If two people are in love and what they are doing isn’t harming themselves or the other person, then there is nothing to feel dirty about, but there are so many damaged people. Sex is seen as filthy. It’s not. It’s natural, normal and necessary for human survival and bonding with your significant other.”
“And how do you raise your children regarding religion, sex, what you do for a living, the whole nine yards?” Jazz asked, flipping her long black, curly hair over her shoulder.
“My wife and I teach our children to be their own people. We are open and honest with them. As they mature and get older, I have certain expectations for their behavior, regarding respect for themselves and others, and that is what I teach. They can choose their own belief system once they are mature enough. I have no desire to dictate to them what they should believe but I’d hope to be a positive influence in their decision, as my parents were with me. I would like them to believe in God, but I will accept the choices that they make. As far as sex is concerned, I feel that if my sons are old enough to ask a question regarding sex, relationships or reproduction, then they are old enough to receive an accurate, age-appropriate answer. What I do for a living is also an open book. They know Daddy is a licensed therapist, author and a speaker – that I talk to couples and crowds about ethnicities, racism and sex. Nothing I’m doing I’m ashamed of nor should they be afraid to ask me anything,” Saint said.
“How does your wife handle all of the attention you get from women?” Jazz laughed. “You get a lot, Saint. Also, what does she think of your philosophies?”
“Xenia thinks I’m kind of out there,” Saint chuckled. “She agrees with a lot of what I write and lecture about though. We don’t have to agree on everything. We agree on the core concepts, the important stuff, and that’s what matters. To your first question, she knows where my heart is and I’d never do anything to hurt her.” Jazz nodded. “No matter how much attention I get, it’s
her
that I want, and
only
her.”
“Aww! That is so sweet. I do love what you said on Zar’s radio program last week, and if it made me swoon I’m sure it made other women do the same.”
“What was that?” Saint smiled.
“You said, ‘There are only three things a man should change about a woman once he obtains his soul mate. Her last name, her address and how she now sees men in general.’ You’re really smooth!” Jazz laughed.
Saint grinned. “Am I? It’s true, though.”
“Now, I can’t let you get out of here without asking this. There was some recent controversy about you on a panel in Georgia, for the Men’s Health Tour awhile back, in regards to statements made about condom use. You want to explain your new position on that?”
Saint grinned and shook his head. He lowered his gaze to his feet as he gathered his thoughts, then raised his eyes to his interviewer again. “Sure. Basically, I’m a scientist. People forget that and just focus on the controversy but anyway, I have a medical background and I always try to keep myself well educated and open minded regarding new information. We don’t know everything. The doctors, the teachers, whomever – no one has the lock down on the truth except the Creator. Now, my discussions in Atlanta were in regards to a big lie we’ve been told, that I also believed, which was that condoms can prevent transmission of HIV and Aids. They help, they do, and they should be used, but they are in no way as effective as reported and so we have to help ourselves and not just depend on a factory to protect us.”
“How so? If this is true, what do we do short of abstaining?”
“The key is to get ourselves healthy from the inside out, so that our immune system doesn’t allow the infection to spread within us in the first place. We’re not there yet. I believe HIV has been around much longer than we suspected, but our health was better, and caused it to go undetected. We’re physically sick and don’t even know it. We’re not eating right. We’re not exercising, and like I said, a man’s seed is important so we need to watch who we are making love to and control our ejaculations. Our life force is not just in our penis, it’s in our semen.”
“But what about birth control? How can you prevent pregnancy? In some of your earlier books and statements, you are also against birth control pills and…”
“Shots, all of that, it’s poison. To all the women in child bearing years please listen to me, stop putting that stuff in your bodies,” Saint said vehemently. “It can ruin a woman’s reproductive system. There are women who were never able to conceive after getting off of that stuff but they were fine just beforehand. Look, it’s the man’s job anyway to prevent his woman from getting pregnant if that’s what they want. We are the givers; you are the receivers so we have to make sure we don’t give you anything that would be upsetting, in this case, an unplanned pregnancy. We are making a delivery – you are taking it in so it’s our job to control that. If we do give you a child, then when it’s time for that child to be born, the woman becomes the giver and we become the receiver. The roles reverse. I used to be all for condoms, and I still am but with the knowledge that you still aren’t fully protected. Also, that is still a foreign item inside her body. I bought so many boxes of Magnums that it should’ve become my last name.”
Jazz burst out laughing.
“There are people who are allergic to latex and those people are actually the normal ones. Their body is at least telling them something isn’t right. It’s sending out smoke signals. I know that condoms help reduce the spread of HIV and STIs, as well as help prevent unwanted pregnancies, and as out there as I was at one point in time, I’m certain they helped protect me. What I’m saying is that it isn’t enough and we have to come up with something else, something more natural, and make better choices, period. This needs further research and people need to wake up and get in tune with themselves. You are the only person that can completely prevent this, not these companies out here making synthetic hormones and rubbers just so we can have sex without worry.”
“Now Saint you know some guys are just too irresponsible for this!”
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