When the Glitter Fades (Cowboys of Whispering Winds) (10 page)

“There you are. When Trevor and I came back, you and Jase had both disappeared.”

His nearness rattled her. All of her problems revolved around him. “I needed some time alone.” Her lips began to quiver, fighting not to cry.

“Did something happen with Jase?” His eyes narrowed, accurately guessing a part of her trouble.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“At least tell me you’re okay and then I’ll leave you alone.”

She shook her head no, knowing she’d cry if she spoke. 

“Was it about me?”

She shook her head yes. Confiding in him was the last thing she needed to do.  She should turn and walk away.

“Maybe I should leave. I don’t want to come between you and your family.”

“No.” she insisted, finding her voice. “Once Jase pulls his head from his ass it’ll be fine.”

Jeremy gave her a dubious look, clearly disbelieving her. “Ready to go back?”

“I think so.”

Jeremy looked at her and for a second she thought he was going to hug her. Disappointment struck her when he didn’t and once again, she chided herself for such thoughts.

Back at the booth, Jase had also returned, the imprint of Lanie’s hand still visible. Jeremy gave her a look, as if to confirm the mark was her doing. When she swiftly turned her head away, she inadvertently gave her answer. She dared to look backed, wishing she hadn’t. Jeremy’s face had went red, rage seething from him. For his certain flaws, he’d always been hard to anger. He grabbed Jase by the arm, dragging him out of public view. 

“Get your hands off me,” Jase rumbled, shaking free from Jeremy’s grip, but continued to follow him.

“Watch the booth. I’ll be right back,” she told Trevor, going in the direction of the men. 

She stood, unseen, at the edge of the horse trailer, listening to raised voices.

“What the hell did you say to your sister,” Jeremy yelled.

“This isn’t your business.”

“Yes it is. When I see any woman being disrespected to the point of tears, and being provoked to strike, it’s my business.”

Jase snorted. “And that’s why you slept around with every skank that came along?”

“I don’t care if you like me or not, but leave your sister be. Why are you punishing her for trying to help your home?”

“Because you are nothing but trouble. I’m not going to stand by and see her broken again.”

“How many times does everyone have to tell you that’s not going to happen? I screwed up and that’s on me.”

She wanted to punch something. Anything. 

“She still love you, you know.”

Lanie bit her bottom lip to keep from yelling out, denying it, but she couldn’t.  Her mouth opened, but no words came out and she remained unnoticed.

“No, she doesn’t,” she heard Jeremy answer, his voice tinged with sadness.  “She wants me in Cody’s life, that’s it.”

“Think what you want, but you dare make a move toward her and I’ll make your life miserable,” Jase threatened.

“Like you’re doing to hers now?”  Jeremy snarled back. 

Turning and running back to the booth, Lanie didn’t want to hear more. All the excitement she felt about the fall festival was ruined. They were scheduled to open in ten minutes and she already wanted to go home.  Five minutes later, Jeremy still hadn’t returned, but Jase came shamefacedly up to her.

“Can we talk?”

“No,” she answered curtly.

“Please? I hate this between us.”

“You made that choice. Eventually, we’ll talk and I’ll forgive you; but not now.  You crossed too far over the line. Let this thing with Jeremy go. It’s poisoning you. If I can forgive him and move forward, so can you.”

“Can I ask one question?”

She looked at him warily, not giving a verbal answer.

“Do you still love him?’

“Go home, Jase.”

She turned her back to him, unwilling to let him see the heat rising on her cheeks. Why did everyone insist she still had feelings for him? They had a history, yes, and she cared for him because of all the good they had shared; but love?  That was a strong word and not one she’d used to describe her confused feelings regarding him. 

Empathy, maybe. 

Tentative friendship, even.

But definitely not love.

Jeremy reappeared, whistling, acting casual like nothing happened. “Let’s get this show going.” He cast her a subtle wink, telling her he knew.

Act like everything’s fine. It was her defense mechanism that kicked in until she could sort out her problems. “Thank you,” she whispered under her breath.

By early afternoon, she’d forgotten her problems. The roping game was a success, and maintained a steady line the entire morning. Without realizing it, she found herself laughing with Jeremy, enjoying his company.  They worked well together, keeping the line to a minimum while still allowing the children to have fun and not be rushed.

They were laughing at little Cole James, who’d just thrown his hat up with a whoop when he roped the fake cow, when Lanie looked over to see Clay watching her, a curious and solemn expression on his face. So engrossed in his observations, he didn’t even see her looking back at him.

“Is it two already?” she asked, striding over to him.

“Almost. We were having some downtime, so I cut out a few minutes early.”

“Look, here comes Allie. Perfect timing.”

Allie greeted her with a restrained friendliness. Great. She’d obviously spoken with Jase and gotten his side of the story. 

“I guess you heard?” Lanie approached the subject, whispering in low tones.

“Yes.”

“You’re mad?”

“Not at you.” Allie sighed. “I don’t get your brother sometimes.” She started to say more but looked over, as if just noticing Clay. Closing her mouth, she walked away and took her spot at the booth.

“Are you hungry?” Clay’s eyes gazed off, looking at her but not making contact.

Nervous butterflies churned in her stomach. “Not particularly.”

He walked toward the rear perimeter of the fairgrounds where there was a small playground and picnic pavilions. The area was void of any people; everyone else was within the fairgrounds having a good time, unlike her. Leading her to a picnic table, Clay sat her down when they reached it, then sat beside her.

“We need to talk.” As if she didn’t already know, the look in his eyes said she wouldn’t like what he had to say.

“Yes,” she whispered.

“I like you, Lanie. I like you a whole lot. But it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to remain a couple.”

“Why?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

“There are unsettled issues between you and your ex-husband. I suspected it last week, and I didn’t want to believe it, but watching you interact with him just now confirmed it. Exes don’t look at each other like that, don’t communicate without talking.”

“We share a history. I can’t take that away.”

“I was married once and divorced, Lanie. Melissa and I occasionally exchange a brief ‘hello’ or ‘how you doing’ but that’s it. There are no sparks flying between us, no longing glances. There shouldn’t be between exes.”

“Why does everyone keep insisting there is something between Jeremy and I?” she protested.

Clay took her hands in his. “Because there is. You might not be able to see it yet, or maybe you’re trying to deny it, but for everyone’s sake figure it out.”

She chewed on the inside of her cheek. This day kept getting worse by the hour. “Thank you for being honest.”

“If you sort it out and decide things with Jeremy could never work again, come find me, okay?”

“You’re a good man, Clay.”

He nodded sadly and she realized what it had cost him to break off their relationship. Giving his hand a final squeeze, she stood up and made a run for her car before anyone could see her crying.

Sinking down into the sofa, Jeremy spread his arms over the back, propped his legs up on the coffee table and allowed himself to fully relax.  Today had been fun, despite the run-in with Jase that started the morning. Far as he could tell, the fall festival was turning into a raging success. He enjoyed working with the younger kids, showing them how to throw a rope. The teaching, he found, was rewarding and fulfilling. Having a beautiful helper didn’t hurt the case at all, either.

He replayed the conversation with Jase. He’d said Lanie still loved him. Why would he say something like that?  What woman in their right mind would still love someone who’d cheated on her and abandoned his vows?  Still, he couldn’t stop the little nudge of hope in the pit of his heart. He didn’t deserve her; he could never make up for all the crap he’d put her through. But knowing she could forgive him? That knowledge alone made him feel alive.

Reaching down between the cushions, he searched blindly with his hand for the missing remote to the television. His hand brushed against something soft and he grabbed hold of the mystery object, lifting it up. It was the top to Cody’s dinosaur pajamas. Memories of that night brought a grin to his face. Calming Cody from his nightmare - for the first time, he’d felt like a real dad. There was hope for him after all, he thought with a hint of sarcasm.

The exhaustion he’d felt earlier evaporated. Even his leg, which had been protesting the amount of standing today, didn’t hurt so badly. An idea formed and he acted on it before he could change his mind. Taking the stray pajama top, he left his cabin, embarking on the trail which he knew led to Lanie’s place. He just wanted to see her, to have some of her goodness shift to him, just by being around her. It didn’t occur to him that she might still be out with Clay. He cringed at the thought. There was nothing directly that he had against the owner of the hardware store, but he wasn’t right for Lanie. Her eyes didn’t light up when she saw him, and he was too…passive?  One day he’d make someone a good husband, but not Lanie; she needed to be with someone who could ignite the spark in her.

Someone like him.

But not him.

A cool breeze blew through the trees, reminding Jeremy he’d left with just a t-shirt, jeans and boots on.  Probably not a good idea during the evening in Wyoming. With a shrug, he blew it off. It wasn’t that cold. The enclosed porch light outside Lanie’s front door flickered a warm and inviting glow through rectangular panes of glass. A peek to the side of her cabin disclosed her parked car. So, she was likely home. Was he making a mistake? Damn, he’d become insecure. That had to change. There must be some happy medium between the arrogant prick he’d been and this waffling character he’d become.

With long, forced confident strides he approached the door. One firm knock.  A curtain was peeled away from the window.

“Go away, Jeremy.” Lanie snapped.

Too bad he’d seen her red-rimmed eyes in the split second they’d appeared through the mirror. “I know you’re crying, Ladybug,” he told her through the door, falling back to her nickname.

The door opened, revealing a disheveled Lanie. Blonde hair, normally brushed to a perfect shine, was thrown up in a sloppy ponytailed knot, the ends sticking out every which way.  Old gray sweatpants dragged to the ground, and she wore her senior t-shirt, a garment that should have been discarded a decade ago.  Telltale signs of tears ran down her cheeks, and her eyes were puffy. What had happened after he left?

“I hate you,” she spat out, slamming the door back in his face.

He was too quick and intercepted it before it closed and latched. “And I’ve given you good reason to, but that’s not what’s going on, is it?”

She looked up at him through blurry eyes. “First, I slapped my own brother today because he implied I would stoop to your level and cheat on Clay. Then Clay breaks up with me after the fall festival. So excuse me if I’ve had a shitty day and don’t want to speak with the cause of it.”

“Hold on,” he said, putting one hand up and sliding one foot forward so she couldn’t slam it again. “I get that I’m the source of strife between you and Jase, but how am I the cause of your break up with Clay.”

“Because we have some fiery chemistry between us that everyone can see, apparently, that’s why,” she yelled. “Everyone thinks I still love you, even Allie. Clay says I need to settle my feelings for you before he and I can be a true couple. But you know what, I know how I feel. I hate you. I hate you for making me feel worthless. I hate that you cheated on me. I hate that you blew off our son for so long. I hate how you make me feel. I hate you for breaking my dreams. But most of all, I hate you right now for making me so damned confused.”

He’d been expecting this moment for years. The explosion, the anger. She’d been too eerily calm when his indiscretions had been exposed, too nice during the mediations. Yes, this was long overdue. And he deserved every hated claim she shouted, but something ignited inside him. 

“There’s a thin line between love and hate,” he whispered, his voice dropping low and hoarse.

“Don’t you think I know that,” she murmured, her eyes filling with tears again.

For the first time, he truly saw how badly he’d hurt her, the damage he’d caused staring him back in the face with agonizing clarity. He’d do anything to wipe away those years, replace them with happy times of how things should have been. Tentatively, he reached out to touch her shoulder. Surprising him, she didn’t move away, but rather turned into his touch. Encouraged, he pulled her to him, enveloping her in his arms and cradling her to him. “I’m sorry, Lanie, I’m so very sorry.”