Where did your heart go? (The Heart Trilogy Book 1) (14 page)

Chapter 17

Sunday 1
st
May, 1998.

Waking up early I decided to surprise James and make him breakfast in bed for a change. I quickly pulled on my knickers and James’ discarded t-shirt from the night before and padded down to the kitchen. Once the coffee and toast were ready I noticed some orange juice in the fridge so once I had located some glasses I popped them on the tray too. As there was still no sound from upstairs I decided to finish the washing up from our meal last night so I filled the sink and stuck my hands into the warm water, imagining that this was our house, wondering if living with James would be as magical as the times we had already spent together.

I was so engrossed in my day dream about the future, weddings, babies even that I didn’t hear James creep up behind me, so when his arms wrapped themselves around me I jumped a mile.

“You scared me” I laughed, as I turned and trying not to drip water or bubbles on the floor I leaned in for a welcome kiss.

“You look lovely in my t-shirt”

“What even with my hands covered in soap suds?”

“Definitely” he murmured as his hands wandered down to the hem of the t-shirt and then disappeared underneath it. I was helpless as I couldn’t reach the nearest towel to dry my hands on, so instead I placed them on James’ bare back this time making him jump as the water droplets ran down his spine.

“You are wicked” he whispered “I think I need to take you upstairs”

Then before I could say another word, he hoisted me over his shoulder in the traditional fireman’s lift and I was soon back in his bed, where we spent an enjoyable couple of hours enjoying each other’s company and bodies. James didn’t venture as far this morning so I took the lead and removed his boxer shorts.

“Show me how to make you come” I asked, blushing at my forthrightness.

“Even better I will help you to do it” he replied “Are you definitely sure about this”

“Not really but sort of, if that makes any sense”

“No” he laughed and then before I could say anything more he started to kiss me as we lay down together and he slowly moved my hand in his.

Reaching over he grabbed the bottle of baby oil from the night before and dropped some onto my palm “You might need this” he breathed, as he then guided my hand down and onto him. Then with his hand he wrapped my hand around it and then started a slow, sweeping up and down motion.

As I did this we continued to kiss as his free hand moved up and into my hair, gently pulling me closer and tighter into his embrace as the rhythm gradually got faster and faster before he shuddered

“Stephanie” he whispered in my ear as he went still in my embrace.

After a few minut
es he reached for some tissues and I wiped mine and his hands before lying back in his embrace.

“That was beautiful” he murmured, kissing me long and deep and slow.

“Are you sure?” I asked

“Absolutely” he finished “Bu
t I’m a bit hungry now and could do with a shower too…care to join me?”

“I would love too” I replied as we headed to the bathroom together.

After another dreamy session of soap suds in the shower we eventually reached the kitchen, where we had started.

“It’s a bit lat
e for toast now, how about fish finger sandwiches?”

“Sounds great, I’ve never had one of those before” I replied “Shall I butter the bread then?”

As we got on with the task in hand I caught myself glancing at James and I felt his stare on me too, this felt so right it was amazing.

It felt good, knowing that I was not heading home until tomorrow so Sunday afternoon stretched ahead of us.

“There’s a fun fair on and a band playing later in the park do you fancy going?” James asked.

“Sounds great” I replied

“Some of the guys are going from work so I said we would meet them there”

“But what shall we do between now and then?” I asked.

“Well, I could help you with you revision if you want?”

I had completely forgotten about my exams so I agreed and went to get my notes for History and Geography
. I soon realised that having kisses when I got things right was an extremely good learning tool and I hoped that when I was sat in the exams I would remember the information and not just the kisses.

Then we got changed and walked over to the park which was buzzing with people and the sounds and sights of the fairground rides and games. We headed for the Waltzer’s first, I loved being spun around at high speed, feeling James’ arm around me as we laughed out loud and sung along to the music.

James drove me around on the Dodgems and then I drove him around on them, as he laughingly covered his eyes at my appalling driving skills
.

Feeling hungry we headed for the burger van and ate hot dogs piled high with onions, mustard and sauce and we shared a bottle of beer too.

Then we headed towards the stage area as the band had started to warm up, James spotted
Ian and another guy called Sean from work and we went over to where they were standing.

“Do you want any popcorn?” I asked, craving some sweetness after the savoury.

“Yes, sounds good…want me to come with you?”

“No it’s fine” I replied as I noticed that he wanted to continue his conversation with the lads. Turning around from the stand with my box of popcorn I almost
bumped into the back of a dark haired woman, as she turned round I realised it was Felicity from the pool.

“Hi Felicity” I said

“Hi…um what’s your name again?”

“Steph, I’m James’ girlfriend” I replied.

“Oh yes, how could I forget meeting you, can’t understand what James sees in a girl like you…he really needs a woman in his life”

I just stared at her open mouthed, wondering what I should say back, but she continued “I see James almost every day, when he’s not on pool side he’s in the gym working out like a maniac, which is no
rmally a sign of sexual frustration…oh but you wouldn’t know anything about that I guess, at your age”

“James loves me, he’s told me” I
retorted my face red with rage and upset at her remarks.

“Well, we’ll see about that, I should keep a close eye on him if I were you, he’s a good looking guy and there are a lot of distractions at the pool” she finished, as she flicked her hair and strolled off.

I took a few steps and found a park bench and sat down heavily onto it, as tears sprung to my eyes. I held them back but I couldn’t help but worry about what she had said and what those words implied. After all I had seen the way she had looked at me the first time we had met. Composing myself I was determined to put this behind me, she was obviously just jealous of what James and I shared. I was soon stood back next to him and with
his arms around me we enjoyed the music as I tried to forget the words swimming round in my head, bringing doubts and fears with them.

Charlotte definitely felt for her Mum, what a bitch this Felicity woman was, as she turned the page and continued reading.

After the music finished, we headed back home for our last night together. I tried not to let my run in with Felicity spoil these precious moments we had left. In bed later together I eventually told James what had happened with Felicity, I could tell he was angry that I hadn’t told him earlier but in the end he said the words that more than made up for it.

“It’s you I am with, you are my girlfriend and you are definitely the one I love”

Then he pulled me into his arms and he kissed me with such tenderness and longing that I almost cried with joy.

“I love you too James, forever” I whispered, as we fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

Monday 2
nd
May, 1988.

As our last morning together dawned I reached for James as soon as I was awake and started to kiss him with a passion and fierceness that I had never felt before, determined to dispel those last few nagging doubts that Felicity had placed in my mind. I trailed my hands down his chest and felt his hardness spring up under my touch immediately. Then feeling very brave indeed I let my mouth follow and decided that I would approach my first ever blow job without fear. I gently ran my tongue down its length and then up again gently to the tip, then I did the same thing again as I felt James stroking my hair in a way that told me to continue.

Tentatively I opened my mouth and took the whole of the tip in and swirled my tongue over it, testing and tasting the whole of him. I heard James groan and push slightly on my head so I took more in and then almost choked myself as it hit the back of my throat. This was going to need more practises I thought as I came up from under the duvet and replaced my tongue with my hand, remembering the way I had done this with his guidance yesterday. James kissed me long and deep, his eyes hooked onto mine in a gaze that was hard to fathom but on the whole I thought was the look of love, pure and good and true.

Then he shuddered and sighed as he came in my hand. I felt good, I felt bad too, I felt powerful and at the same time scared of the impact I obviously had on James and that he had on me too.

“That was amazing” he finally breathed “I want to do the same for you, show me how”

Oh my god, I had only ever had orgasms in the shower so how was I going to show James how to do this with his fingers.

“I don’t know how” I mumbled, so embarrassed by my omission “I have never done it with my fingers only with the shower head jet”

“Ok then, shower it is and you can show me there if you are happy too”

“I’ll try “I said, suddenly so shy and nervous he must have felt me tremble in his arms.

Under the warming jets of the shower we spent ages just kissing and stroking each other with the shower gel, before James took the shower head off
its hook and placed my hand with his onto it.

“I can’t” I whispered, suddenly so shy and unsure as I turned away from him.

“Ok” he responded as he turned me around towards him again, “I can wait as long as it takes because I love you”

“I love you too” I responded, so thankful that James was a true gentleman.
We finished in the shower and he gently wrapped me in a towel and dried me off too, his touch so soothing and warm. Why did I have to go home again?

After breakfast we packed up my bag and then headed for the car and the drive home.

Arriving back home
I didn’t want to get out of the car but I knew I had too as James had to get back for his afternoon shift. He carried my bag back upstairs to my room and we shared one last, long, lingering kiss as he held me tightly in his arms, how I was going to miss the feel of them. It was as though he could read my mind as he murmured

“I’ll miss you so much and will be back down to see you
as soon as I have a free weekend so long as it doesn’t clash with your exam dates”

I nodded, unable to speak as my throat was already choking back the sobs that were forming at his imminent departure.

“I love you” I breathed softly into his chest where my head was resting
.

“I love you too, Stephanie”

Then I walked with him back to his car and watched as his tail lights disappeared from view as he turned the corner at the end of the road. I ran back to my room and threw myself on the bed and cried for all I was worth, until my eyes were red and sore yet again.

Chapter 18

Charlotte
put the diary aside and turned on her ipad to check Facebook and to download her clip from the dance finals for Mitch to see. It was a lovely surprise to see a message already waiting for her from Mitch, along with a clip of their dance routine to Skyfall and the comment ‘nice legs’. She responded with a comment on his routine saying ‘nice ass’ and a smiley face. Almost immediately a response came back asking if she could talk if he gave her a call on her mobile number. Lying back against her pillows Charlotte took a deep breath and then typed yes and waited for her phone to ring and to hear his deep voice again.

“Hi Charlie”

“Hi Mitch”

“So, did you get the chance to speak to your Mum yet about us meeting?”

“Yes and she said yes but she is going to come up to
Birmingham for the day with my Aunt Sarah…she says she wants to meet you”

“Ok, I can go with that” he replied “If it means I get to spend the rest of the day alone with you”

“Yes…my Mum is cool I’ve told her not to embarrass me when she meets you”

“Well, if she is half as nice as you it won’t be too bad, does she work?”

“Yeah, she’s a DJ for a local radio station”

“Wow, that’s cool”

“Yeah…cool if you like old music” Charlotte replied, laughing and settling into the conversation and feeling like she had known Mitch for a lot longer than a few weeks.

He was so easy to talk too and he listened too instead of just talking about himself.

“What about your Dad?”

“My Dad died when I was 3 months old, so I never really knew him”

“Oh, that’s awful so no step dad then?”

“No, my Mum hasn’t even been on a date as far as I can remember, I think she misses my Dad too much, he was a Doctor and he got stabbed in the car park at the end of his shift…drug addict or something, it must have been awful for her”

“Gosh, that’s on
e hell of a thing to have to go through, I know my Dad comes home from work sometimes and can hardly speak after some of the fire’s that he has attended, he’s a fireman”

“That’s a cool job too”
Charlotte replied. There was a pause as each of them considered their future lives and that of their respective parents.

“So how about next weekend?” Mitch said.

“I’ll ask Mum later and
drop you a text if that’s ok?”

“Sure, hope it will be as I can’t wait to see you again, you looked fabulous in those ti
ght dance pants you wore for Skyfall”

It was a good job Mitch couldn’t see the blush that was spreading over her cheeks.

“Thanks” she mumbled, suddenly shy at the compliment.

“I’ve gotta go now but will look forward to your text later, I hope we can get together then” he replied

“Catch you later then Mitch” Charlie finished

“Later, Charlie” he replied and then the line went dead.

She couldn’t believe the grin that sp
read over her face. He was so nice and gorgeous too and seemed to think she was too. Today had been a very good day. Luckily her Mum had already spoken to Aunt Sarah so by the time Charlotte headed up to bed she was able to tell Mitch yes for next Saturday. She had a week to prepare and of course shop and get her hair cut and lots of other things that she knew she would need to do to prepare for this meeting with her future, her destiny if she was lucky.

Monday dawned and Charlotte couldn’t wait to tell Julia about her weekend and the phone call from Mitch and the date next Saturday. As I watched my daughter with a new swing in her step I wondered what this next step in her life would lead too. I hoped that he was a nice lad and that he would treat her daughter with respect being a few years older than her. I was looking forward to a day of shopping, lunch and perhaps a film with Sarah in Birmingham next Saturday. In the meantime, work and chores were on the day’s agenda.

When Charlotte returned home she rushed through the house like a whirlwind

“What’s wrong?” I asked

“We need to find a song from the eighties to dance too as the stipulation for the Grand Finals in London is that on the Saturday we dance our 2 previous dances and then on Sunday morning we dance the new one but to make it easier for the judges we all have to choose music from the eighties so any chance we can go through your music?”

“Yes, I’m sure I can help you with this”

“My dance teacher thought you might be able to come up with a couple of suggestions that I can take along with me to practice on Thursday.

“Well, we had better get started” I said, looking forward to an evening of rem
iniscence.

“Do you want something fast or slow?” I asked as we were both sat cross legged on the floor in front of my record collection.

“Slow, is generally better for us but I don’t really mind”
Charlotte replied.

Even
tually we had got a choice of four different songs, Hunting High and Low by A-Ha, Billie Jean by Michael Jackson, I Wanna Dance with Somebody by Whitney Houston and Take my Breath Away by Berlin. Strangely out of the four songs Charlie liked Take my Breath away the most, she looked up the video on You Tube and I could see that Charlie was taken in by the strong images of the woman with her singed black tipped hair as she stood on the broken fuselage of the planes.

“This song is from that film you and James liked?”

“Yes, it is
, it still reminds me of our time together” I replied.

“You really loved him didn’t you Mum?”

“Yes, you never forget your first love” I responded “He will always have a special place in my heart”

“Do you have a copy of the film, I’d like to watch it with you” Charlie asked.

“Yes, I think so” I replied “But I’ll have to go and look for it”

“
Ok Mum, I’ll go put some popcorn in the microwave then” my daughter replied, jumping up from the floor and heading to the kitchen.

When she returned I placed the DVD into the machine and we settled back, Charlie stretched out on the sofa and I took the arm chair. This was going to be hard, I always cried when I watched this film.

As the film started and the planes streaked across the screen I closed my
eyes and I was back to being sixteen all over again. Charlotte was soon sucked into the story of Maverick, Goose and the gang.

“Mum, did you name me after Charlie on the film?” she asked

“Sort of, at the time I hadn’t realised that I had, but both myself and Mark liked the name Charlotte” I replied.

As the love scene between Charlie and Maverick filled the screen I excused myself and headed to the kitchen to make drinks but in reality I couldn’t bear to feel the emotions spilling over as I remembered. I leaned against the island unit as the tears spilled down my cheeks. It was hard to lie to Charlotte about my true feelings for her Dad. Yes I had loved him but more as a friend than as a lover. He had never filled the gap that James had left; he had never unlocked my heart as James still held the key. I reached for some kitchen roll and wiped my eyes.

The credits rolled at the end and I watched as Charlotte looked over at me.

“Great film” she replied, “I think our group should definitely choose that song” she finished “I think we can come up with something spectacular”

“Well, I will look forward to the final even more if you do this song, it would make me so proud”

She walked over to me and hugged me “Do you miss Dad?”

“Yes, he would have been so proud of you, you were his princess”

“I wish I had known him” she sniffed, wiping tears from her eyes, partly from the film but partly from not knowing or having a father in her life.

“He would have been a fantastic Dad to you” I replied, handing her a tissue and also wiping my eyes too, the emotions of the evening were almost too much to handle.

As we both headed up to bed Charlotte turned to me.

“Thanks Mum”

“What for?”

“Everything, you’re the best” she finished. Then I watched her shut the door of her room

“Night, sweetheart” I finished, as I headed for my own bed and my own memories.

That night I dreamt about
how I had first met Mark at the hospital and then when we had eventually become a couple. It struck me that I hadn’t really felt the same butterflies whenever we were together; I had just felt safe and no longer alone.

At the time I had equated this with being how love was really meant to be when you were older, but in essence I knew that I had never really loved Mark. He had been a good friend who loved me no matter that my heart was sealed off from him. James would forever be my true love for the rest of my life.

In her bedroom Charlotte reached for the diary and read about the moment when her Mum and James finally made love, the night of her end of year dance.