Where Life Takes You (21 page)
Read Where Life Takes You Online
Authors: Claudia Burgoa
To kill the silence inside the car, Dan began wedding talk. “Will you be confirming the menu with Robert?” I stared outside the window. He planned our wedding, no correction. Betsy planned my own wedding. She chose my dress, made reservations for the villa in Maldives, and took the decisions regarding the invitations. She was the only one privy to the information. My wedding meant business to Dan.
“You want to talk?” he asked. I simply shook my head. Dan shouldn’t ask, perhaps, he should make the decision. I was unfit to do so, or worse he was so scared to lose me that he really didn’t want the real answer to my problems. “No to?”
“Yeah, I’ll confirm the menu by Monday,” I bit my cheek. I had a few days for that. “And I don’t want to talk. I’m fine.”
“Bex, you’re scaring me.” I could feel his gaze, even as he drove. “Disdain doesn’t sound good on you. Tell me, baby, why are you acting up?”
“You need a reason for my behavior?” I shielded myself on Mom’s death, and how I didn’t get closure from it. “My attitude needs to change, I shouldn’t—”
“Rebecca.” The powerful man was getting impatient with his perfect wife to be. I still didn’t turn to look at him. Tears flowed through my eyes, and facing him would make it worse. “The hellish weeks are over. Stop, we need to move on with our lives.”
“Agreed.” He kissed my hand. “I love you more than you can ever imagine.”
“Look at me, baby.” I couldn’t, not now.
“Love you too.”
By the time we arrived home, I was a sobbing mess. He carried me to our bed, and not making sense, I asked him for time. “You’re going to hate me.” I mumbled against his cheek.
“Never, you’re my other half.” Those words undid me, and made me second guess myself. “I’ll give you all the time you need, Bex. We’ll work it out.” But something told me the story would be different once we talked.
* * * * *
Dear Lisa:
Can’t start to imagine how you felt when your mom took her life—in front of you. Things were tough for you, even before she died. I understand: Parents are supposed to protect and love their children. They neglected you, and as a result you crave some kind of attention. Sadly I crossed your path, and you seized the opportunity to use an easy target.
My life’s a mess. I sheltered myself among friends and never fully face the world. I’m taking the first step and freeing myself from you. I half-lived afraid of being hurt. But I’m moving on. I only wish you find peace wherever you are.
Wish me luck,
Becca
* * * * *
From the living room, I contemplated the sunrise while I finished the final letter I would write for Lisa. Hoping for the best—for both of us. Letting her go before I took over my own life and became a person. Becca Trent. Dan, whose ghost powers never ceased to amaze me, appeared by my side.
“Can I?” With a silent nod, I handed the journal to him. His smile approving the new direction of my life, gave me hope. He got it, the change I needed.
“Whatever you need, I’m here for you, love.”
“Promise?” He nodded, then picked me up and took me back to the room. Not getting distracted by his naked torso, and the point of taking me back with him, I told him what I needed. “I’ll give you a list, but you need to follow it and don’t break it.” He frowned, but before he thought anything through, I began to touch him and kiss him. The guy’s hormones had a way to make him forget things. “I love you, Dan. Don’t break this promise, it’s important.”
He second guessed me, but gave in. We made love all day, a food break here and there, but we spent most of the day in bed. At night he handed me a chain with the ring on it. “So you can carry it around, baby,” he said, helping me put it on. Then he gave me a set of diamond studs that matched—same pink.
“I love you, Danny, and not because of the presents, but because you’re the most incredible man in the world.” Before I could continue my speech, he took over my lips and made me forget everything.
Danny:
Here’s the list, you promised.
Love,
Bex
Hi Dan,
You know the stories, all of them. My entire life I relied on someone to care for me. First Grams, then Ian, and I transferred the little cord to you. How it happened is a puzzle, but you took over the job of sheltering Becca. Heck of a job if you ask me. You put me through college, and gave me a wonderful job and your friendship. During the time we spent together, you began to love me.
But… do you really love me? I asked myself a hundred times during the day. Here’s my perspective:
Your parents abandoned you, and I believed you closed your heart to everyone. I’m safe. A little dove you found with two broken wings and incapable of flying. One you can possess. Would you love me the same if I could fly, or would you trust me? Or would I have been another nameless body on your bed’s parade? I don’t want you to resent me in the long run. I’ll die if I lose you because I’m such a mess.
I need time. Time to heal those wings and learn to use them.
This isn’t about you, so please don’t believe I abandoned you. I didn’t do this to hurt you. I love you. At this point in life, I’m an empty vessel that can’t belong to anyone, nor can I hold onto anyone. I’m leaving—I’ve left. We need to learn about each other before we can be together.
To do List:
1. Don’t look for me, please.
2. Date, yes date other people and give them the opportunity to know the real you. Chances are, you might meet the love of your life and forget all about me.
3. Don’t date Trish—she’s not good for you.
4. Don’t hate me, please
5. Even if you’re mad, please email me so I know you’re doing fine.
6. Don’t date sluts, please
You see, I’m setting you free because I love you. Who knows where life will take you. There’s the sad possibility that when I come back, you’ll be happy with someone else. But I’ll be happy if you are. You deserve better than me. A messed up woman who can’t fend for herself. I need to break out the codependency and find myself.
Love you forever,
Becca
Claudia lives in Colorado with her family and three dogs. Two beagles who believe they are human, and a bichon who thinks she’s a beagle. While managing life, she works as a CFO at a small IT Company. She’s a dreamer who enjoys music, laughter, and a good story. To find more about Claudia follow her:
http://www.claudiayburgoa.com/