Where Love Finds You (The Unspoken Series) (11 page)

“Interesting how you just made something painful sound so romantic.”

“That’s just it. With Andy and me . . . the pain was romantic because it was part of our story, part of us growing into one person. My books became ours, not mine. Was it easy? Not at all. Did we sometimes make each other cry? Of course. But in the end these rings stayed on our fingers and we made a pact to never fall asleep in separate rooms.”

“Sounds simple enough.” 

“You’ll find her, Matthew.” She turned the music back on. “Now, let’s get this first coat finished.”

Gavin rubbed his eyes. “You mean to tell me you are falling for a widow who wants nothing to do with falling in love with someone else?”

“There you go. You’re reading into things again.” I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a sprite. “I’m saying she is beautiful in this way I’ve never seen before. She is sticking by this guy no matter what. She knows she is beautiful and could get married again if she wanted to, even if she had ten kids, but she is not interested. I have to constantly remind myself to not be attracted to her because this love she lives is magnetic. It makes her more beautiful than she already is.”

“Interesting situation you have found yourself in.”

“It’s definitely weird, man.” I opened the sprite and took a sip. “Really weird.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“Nothing at all. She is cute and sweet, but never flirts with me at all. She never sends the message that she’s interested. She only talks about him. Get this. She told me she will never take her wedding ring off because no man will ever be worth it.”

“Wow.”

“Exactly.”

“Yeah . . . wow.”

“She’s young. She’s only twenty-four or five, can’t remember. An entire life ahead of her, a baby inside, and she’s going to do all of this without a man because the only one worth marrying is still alive to her.”

“Maybe that will fade with time and she’ll reconsider.”

“Oh, come on. Don’t give up so easily.”

He leaned against the side of the refrigerator and crossed his legs. “I’m just being honest. It could happen.”

“I want to find a love like that. I want to find a woman who loves me like that, and a woman I love like that.”

“Me too, Matt.”

“So you do think it’s possible?”

“Of course.” He walked toward the living room. “Just hard to imagine sometimes.”

I followed. “Do you think you will settle if you don’t find that?”

“I don’t know. This isn’t the central part of my life. I’m going one day at a time here. Whatever happens, happens.”

“I don’t buy it.”

“Buy what?”

“You haven’t been the same since your last breakup. It still gets to you. I know you think about love more than you let on.”

“We’re men. Come on, now. Do we have to talk like we’re women all the time?”

I laughed. “You’re probably right.”

“Anyway, I’d like to come and paint this house with you sometime. Maybe next Tuesday since I have nothing to do. I really want to hear this girl’s story.”’

“I don’t think she’ll mind at all.” I finished my soda and bent the cap off. Weird habit. “Oh, by the way, I know you think about this stuff as much as I do, you just don’t want to talk about it because it upsets you.”

He shook his head. “Go play the piano or something.”

Dee begged me to go on another blind date. Every time I saw her it’s the first thing she said, the last thing she said when I left, and pretty much the only thing she said during our time together.

“Here.” She came into my office and handed me a large rectangular box.

“What’s this?”

“Converse shoes dropped them off this morning for his friend.”

“You are too much.”

“What?” She walked to the door. “He’s cute.”

“Let me guess.” I opened the box and pulled out three framed paintings. “Is Converse shoes guy the one you asked to go on a blind date with me?”

She waved her finger in the air. “Now, there’s an idea.”

She left the office in a hurry. Must’ve been busy out there. Dee is nothing short of a sweet person. Real, compassionate, and not as intimidating as she comes across, but why did people in relationships always seem to think every single person around them should be in a relationship as well?

I glanced down at the images on my desk and saw the feet of a couple walking in the park. Autumn leaves raining around them, but you could only see their legs and some glistening trees in the background. Romance painted so simply. Kind of made me reconsider the blind date idea.

Second one, a man and woman sitting at a piano. Her head on his shoulder and eyes on the keys, while he looked down at her as he played. Very sweet. They both wore all white, a perfect complement to the antique piano. Then I saw the shoes. Those Converse shoes again, barely tied under the piano bench.

I analyzed the art for a few more minutes. Could that really be him? Is he with someone else?

I’m crazy, I thought, then moved on to the next picture and dropped it into my lap. I blinked a few times to make sure. Yes, definitely Sarah looking back at me.

Sarah?

Yes. Sarah. On a park bench under the streetlight. Half moon hanging in the indigo sky behind her. Frost-laden tree branches sparkling in the moonlight, just like her hair and eyes. Angelic and beautiful, she leaned forward on the bench, arms at her sides. I loved the soft brush strokes. His style made every picture look so poetic.

Sarah came in late every night. I didn’t see her for

three days, which wasn’t normal since we lived together. 

Finally, I stayed up and waited for her to come in. Guess I can’t say I actually stayed up. I fell asleep on the couch and woke to the sound of the key turning in the door.

She jumped. “What are you doing awake?”

“What are you doing? I haven’t seen you in days.”

“I’ve had a lot going on. Been trying to deal with everything. Not sure what to do.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Her keys jingled as they landed on the couch beside her. I sat up and pulled the blanket to my chest. She yanked another blanket from the back of the couch and curled up underneath. 

The ticking of the clock talked for us. Minutes passed. And a few more. We listened to each other breathe. Her chest rose and fell in a slow rhythm, then she stopped breathing for a second and wiped her eyes. 

“Sarah, what’s going on? You’re worrying me. Is he abusing you?”

“No, not at all. He’s fine and supportive and for some odd reason loves me more than I could ever love someone after knowing them for three minutes.”

“Three minutes?”

She laughed and sniffed. “You know what I mean.”

“Then what is it, Sarah?” I took her hand in mine. “I’m serious. What’s wrong?”

“I can’t say yet. I’m sorry. You deserve to know everything about my life. You’ve been the closest person to me for years.”

“Then why can’t you tell me? I haven’t seen you in days, you’ve been crying yourself to sleep. I even called your parents and they said they haven’t been able to get in touch with you either.”

“You called my parents?”

“I’ve never seen you like this. What happened to the joy that never dies? The  smile of yours that would sometimes haunt me in my dreams.”

She tried not to smile. “It has nothing to do with James. It has nothing to do with anyone but myself.”

“Then why can’t you tell me?”

She pushed my shoulder. “You’re so stubborn.”

“You can’t always handle things on your own. Sometimes help is needed. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

She inhaled. Her chest rising and falling to the ticking of the clock. I listened to her cry, then sob into her blanket. In all of my years with her, I never, ever saw her act like that. Of course, my brain went to the worst. 

She’s been abused, I imagined. She’s been raped, something horrible happened. Of course, in all of my twisted thoughts, I never imagined what she’d say next. Too bad Google didn’t have a self-diagnosis option for crying best friends. 

Again, she dried her face with her blanket and looked at me.

I nodded, reassuring her that I’d listen without trying to talk.

Her lip quivered along with her hands. “I think I have cervical cancer.” 

Had I been standing, I would have fell to the nearest flat surface. Images rushed through my mind. Chemo, clumps of hair in our bathtub, me losing my best friend, the one who understood me, the only one who could be my maid-of-honor.

“How serious is it?” I managed to whisper.

“I don’t know yet. I’ve never been so scared in my life, Ella.” Strands of hair clung to her wet cheeks. “We’re so young. I’m not married. There’s a chance this is nothing, but my pap-smear came back abnormal. I’m scheduled to have a procedure done once my period is over. That’s when I’ll know for sure, but Ella, I’ve looked this up online like crazy and it’s got me so worried. It could be nothing, but if it’s cervical cancer and it’s too late, what next? Not to mention”—she closed her eyes—“what if I lose my chance of having children?”

“I can’t imagine going through this. It’s hard enough watching this happen to you, but let’s not jump to conclusions.”

A laugh barely escaped her lips. “Look who’s talking.”

“I know. Ironic, huh? Seriously though. You are the one who is supposed to think positively. It really could be a fluke, and if it is cancer in the early stages I’m sure everything will be find and you’ll be able to have children.”

“Will you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Promise?”

“Of course. Anything. Really.”

“This has my head spinning, not to mention my heart. I’m processing things I never wanted to process this soon. All this to say, part of me wants to marry James just because I wonder who’s gonna want me if I can’t have kids. Part of me wants to stay single forever because I can’t imagine making any man go through that with me.”

“I understand, but listen, you really don’t know what tomorrow holds. Everything could be fine. Don’t think too much about it until you know for sure, okay?”

“Starting to feel like you. How do you think this much on a daily basis?”

“It seems like I do, but I really don’t. There’s a lot that I question, a lot I wonder about, but I really don’t sit around thinking all day about my past or future. I have hope and I live there, in the hope of tomorrow. Sometimes I question myself and that’s probably when I seem so out of it, but it’s not every day.”

“Sure seems like it.”

“Lately it has been, but don’t compare yourself to crazy people like me. You are my happy sunshine friend. Don’t let something like this take that away from you. If you die, die happy. If you live, live happy.”

“Wow. What wisdom you have tonight, my dear.”

“Yeah. If only I could live by my own words, I’d be a lot better off. So, what is the favor you want from me?”

“I know this will be hard for you, but can we not talk about love and romance for a few weeks? I need a little time to think about life right now without worrying about my love life, and your idealism might make me completely lose my mind right now.”

I laughed. “Here’s to being honest.”

It may be hard to believe, but with Sarah’s cancerscare, I completely forgot about the painting, the Converse shoes, the love of my life waiting in the shadows of who knows where. She asked me to come with her to her procedure. I did. Days later we were watching Kevin Spacey fool everyone in
The Usual Suspects
when Sarah’s phone rang.