Where My Heart Breaks (11 page)

I stopped short of the truck and waited, staring out into the darkness toward the highway. I watched a set of headlights in the distance appear from the direction of Bleckerville and then curve off past the driveway where I stood. I tried to still my pounding heart as I heard the telltale noise of footsteps approaching me.
 

Reed’s hands touched my shoulders, and I twisted out of his grasp. He didn’t want me. Or better yet, his body wanted me but his mind didn’t. Fine. I wasn’t going to set myself up for that awkward conversation. I never wanted to discuss what just happened. Ever.

“I need to get back,” I said. Then I pulled away from him and got into the truck. If I didn’t know it was more than a mile back into town, I would have walked instead. When Reed joined me in the truck, the tension was palatable.

He started the truck, and I felt his eyes on me. “We should talk about what happened. I want to explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain,” I said as I averted my eyes out my window. “You told me you just wanted to be friends. You told me that you didn’t want to be involved that way. I crossed a line I shouldn’t have. It’s fine.”

I wasn’t sure if he was going to say anything else, or not, and I was grateful when he didn’t. It gave me the time I needed to compose myself. The short drive back to town seemed to stretch into hours. I couldn’t wait to get into my car, flee back to the Willoughby, lock myself in my room, and cry myself to sleep. I was an idiot. When a guy says he doesn’t want you like that, you should listen. I was stupid for thinking that the mixed signals that Reed sent me were anything more than what they were: a guy who might be attracted to me, but didn’t want to be involved with me. A guy who had declared rather emphatically that he didn’t want to be involved with anyone.

I should have felt better that he was a gentleman enough to stop things before they went too far. He could have slept with me and then told me. It’s what I would have expected with his reputation.

He barely had the truck in park back at Java Joe’s before I threw the door open and climbed out. I fumbled to get my keys out of my purse when I heard his door open too.

“Shit,” I cursed as my shaking fingers refused to grasp the key ring. Reed’s shadow fell across me just as I finally found purchase on the ring and yanked it out of the bag.

Reed put his hand on my car door. If I wanted to pry it open, I was going to have to fight with his brute strength. There was a part of me that wanted to try, but that would surely be a sign of how much the stalled encounter in the town hall affected me. I wasn’t going to give him that satisfaction.

“I can’t let you leave like this,” he said softly. “You’re upset.”

“I’m not upset,” I lied. I looked down at my feet. “I need to go. Please move.”

He moved toward me and started to put his arms around me but I fought at him, slapping his hands away. But he was bigger than me, and my pathetic attempts to outmaneuver him lasted less than thirty seconds.

“I’m your friend,” he whispered against my ear. “As your friend, I’m telling you that you deserve somebody better than me. You don’t know anything about me. You won’t understand.”

Dragging a deep breath from my lungs, I finally looked up into his eyes. The tears that I could barely hold back threatened to fall at any minute. I saw Reed’s pain and hurt mirrored my own.
 

“You’re not even giving me a chance to understand,” I whispered.
 

“I told you what I wanted here,” Reed said. “I’d like to be your friend because based on some of the things you told me earlier, I think you need one too. At the end of the summer, you are going to go back home and will forget this place and everyone in it. And I don’t do relationships. Sex and everything that comes with it just complicates things. This way is better. We can spend time together, have some laughs, and nobody is going to get hurt.”

My swollen lips said differently. I wondered who he was protecting, me or himself. Probably both. I grudgingly had to agree that at least part of what he said made sense. Although I might have acted nonchalant in talking about having a summer fling to Millie, there was no way that I’d be able to have a one night stand with Reed and not want to do it again. And again. And again. His aura sucked me in and struck a chord with a part of me that I forgot existed.

“I’m not sure I can do that,” I said honestly. The idea of being around Reed and not being able to touch him ripped at me. Cradled there in his arms, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. “How can you expect me to forget what just happened?”

Seeming to sense that I was calmer, Reed released me and stepped away. I keenly felt the loss of his strong arms around me.
 

“I won’t deny there’s an attraction there, but we can control that. I’m not asking you to forget what happened, just recognize it for what it was.”

“And what’s that?”
 

“A momentary lapse in judgment,” Reed said.

That stung. “Usually I at least get a few drinks out of the deal when I have one of those,” I said sullenly. I crossed my arms creating a barrier between the two of us. It seemed that no matter what I said or thought, Reed was going to insist that we stay firmly in the ‘friends’ zone. If I had more friend options in Bleckerville, there was a good chance that I would have told him to go to hell. But my summer looked like a bleak, desolate wasteland in my mind once I removed him from the picture. That was worse than his rejection of me. Barely.

“I just want to be your friend,” Reed said. “Is there anything wrong with that?”

The list was too long to go into, starting with the distinct pulsating wave of desire for him that I felt welling inside of me. “Fine. We’re friends.”
 

“I’d like to take you out to Grossler’s Point when you finish the book. It’s the place where the big finale takes place,” Reed said.
 

I could tell he was trying to get me to cheer up. I could think of so many better ways for him to do that, but those were now strictly reserved for my imagination and my dreams. “I’ll see what I can do. Patrice has a pretty long list of things for me to get trained up on.”

“You’re a natural. You’ll pick it up in no time,” he said.

My body felt drained as if I had been working outdoors doing hard labor all day. The emotional roller coaster of dealing with Reed took it all out of me. “I should get back.”

“Do you want me to follow you home?”

Reed was a gentleman to the end, making the entire evening the most confusing non-date of my life. “I’m a big girl, Reed. I’ll be fine.”

He offered up a small wave as I got into the car and pulled away. I glanced back in my rearview mirror once. He stood there in the parking lot watching me drive away. I sighed. It was going to be a long summer.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Now I had a new reason to throw myself into my work. Whenever I allowed my mind to drift, those few stolen minutes in the old town hall filled my every waking thought. I tried to play it off. So Reed was mouthwateringly hot. So what? I’d been with good looking guys before. Trevor may not have been a prize, but he had been easy on the eyes.
 

But the nagging voice in the back of my head reminded me that by giving me a tiny preview into the whole package that was Reed Black, every kiss, every touch, every melting ounce of desire packed into those moments carried an entirely different weight in my mind. Beneath the handsome veneer, it was clear he had been scarred deeply by someone. That was the only explanation for why he was so insistent on distancing himself from anything resembling a relationship. Friendship seemed to be a safe zone for him, but it didn’t take a therapist to see that Reed’s unconscious need for a connection was surfacing. If I were more brazen and brave, I’d launch an effort to make him let me in.
 

It was a stupid idea even if I considered it for more than thirty seconds. Reed’s walls had been in place for awhile, and I would only be in Bleckerville for three months. If somehow I succeeded in breaking in, where did that leave me? Where did that leave Reed? The answer made me frustrated and angry because I knew the answer. It meant that we were left in a place that could only end in heartbreak.

It was the same argument that rolled around and around in my mind. That, and the fact that it had not escaped my notice that it had been three days since the incident at the town hall, and I hadn’t heard a peep from Reed, friendly or otherwise. I was too embarrassed to text or call him first. It was bad enough that I threw myself at him despite his numerous attempts to tell me that he only wanted to be friends. Going over what happened again and again in my mind just solidified for me that I was the one who crossed the line. I was the one that didn’t listen to what Reed told me he wanted. It wasn’t too hard to figure out why Reed hadn’t called. He probably thought that I’d try to molest him again given the chance.

As I attempted to scrub a red wine stain out of one of the dining room’s white linen tablecloths, I took the opportunity to take my frustrations about Reed out on the fabric.

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that. Patrice has a million of them because stuff like that happens all the time. Guests have a tendency to get clumsy with their drinks as the nights wear on.” Sam appeared in the doorway of the laundry room. I’d barely spoken to him since the night that he brought me home from Lula’s, despite his not so obvious attempts to draw me into conversation every time we crossed paths. I didn’t want to admit that I had been avoiding him the last few days.

“I can’t have Patrice thinking that I’m not giving this job my all,” I said heatedly. “Besides, each one of these costs five dollars and fifty cents wholesale. I get this stain out, I’m saving Patrice money.”
 

Why couldn’t it be Reed chasing me around like a lost puppy? Of course, it was obvious that wasn’t Reed’s style. He wasn’t the type of guy who needed to do any chasing.
 

“I overheard her talking to somebody on the phone a little while ago. I don’t know who it was, but I heard her say that you were doing a good job. I don’t think you need to worry so much about impressing her.”

I stopped scrubbing and looked at Sam trying to sense if he was lying. His open face showed no signs of deception. He leaned against the doorframe and watched me with noticeable appreciation in his eyes. I noticed then that he was dressed in black dress slacks and a black button down shirt with the cuffs rolled up. With his tanned skin and blond hair, he actually looked pretty handsome.

“Thanks,” I said. “You look different.”

He looked down at his clothes sheepishly. “Patrice’s dress code for the catering events.”

I groaned. “Crap. I forgot all about that.”
 

It was Saturday night and time for the first event at the Willoughby since my arrival. Patrice said that catered, intimate cocktail parties made up a solid twenty-five percent of her revenue during the summer tourist months. An extra bonus was that guests from the parties filled up the rooms that weren’t booked by the honeymooners. Within the next hour, the Willoughby would be bursting at the seams with people, quite the change from the quiet solitude that I had come to expect there.

“Patrice has your uniform in her office. That’s why I’m here. I was supposed to come and get you, so you have time to get ready.”
 

I threw the tablecloth in the sudsy tub and hoped that soaking the stain overnight might get it to come out. My hands were shriveled, and I could just imagine what I looked like after cleaning all day. Self-consciously I ran my hand through my hair. “Thanks. I need to get going then.”

As I passed him, Sam put out his hand and caught my elbow stopping me. He looked nervous. “So I’m meeting a couple of my friends out at Lula’s later. I know you’ve been working like a dog since you got here. Would you want to come out for a couple beers? There’s a band playing tonight.” His words came out in a rush.

I was ready to turn him down. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. But, on the other hand, I was dying for a release. After the week of work and dealing with trying to wrap my brain around what happened with Reed, a night out of dancing and fun sounded amazing. “I’d like that.”

Sam’s face lit up. “Great! Don’t worry. The people who come to these parties always clear out by ten or eleven at the latest. We shouldn’t have any problem making it to Lula’s in time for the band’s second set.”

I would deal with Sam’s intentions toward me later if it came up, but I needed to stop being such a worrywart. From what everyone said, Sam was a nice, stand-up guy. It definitely wouldn’t hurt me to be around that kind of influence. I waved to Sam and headed toward Patrice’s office. It would be so much easier if I were attracted to Sam. I welcomed the idea of having one night without Reed Black front and center in my mind. For the moment, Sam was an acceptable distraction.

Five hours later, my feet were killing me, and I had monster headache from the permanent smile stretched across my face. The cocktail reception had been a celebration for one of the lawyers in nearby Cheshire making partner in his law firm. Being around the smartly dressed people and listening to their witty conversation made me feel even more awkward in my muted black skirt and button down shirt.
 

It amazed me how many cocktails and hor d’oeuvres were consumed over the course of the evening. Although I hadn’t met the bartender, Marlene before, I knew who she was from reviewing the Willoughby’s personnel files. By day, she was an administrative assistant for an insurance agent in Bleckerville, but she made extra cash bartending for both Lula and Patrice. Marlene was in her late thirties, and Sam whispered to me at one point that she was recently divorced. With four kids at home, Marlene needed every penny she could get.

After the last taillights trailed off down the driveway, I fell against the island in the kitchen and looked around the room in dismay. There were trays, plates, pots and pans everywhere. Sam, who despite how busy we were somehow managed to drop hints about how much fun we were going to have at Lula’s, saw my face and then laughed.