Where Their Hearts Collide: Wardham Book #2 (9 page)

If she wasn’t right in front of him, close enough to count the freckles on her nose, he would have missed the barest flare in her eyes, and the slight intake of air.

“What?”

She shifted uncomfortably on his lap. “This is something real?”

Frustration swelled in his chest, and he tamped it down. He’d had a long night. He did
n’t need to take that out on Karen. “Yeah. Isn’t it?”

“I thought…” Her face crumpled for a moment before she found her strength. “We don’t know each other that well, yet, but I’m pretty sure you’ve been giving me clear signals that you aren’t available.”

“What about yesterday?” He chose his words carefully. They just needed to have a conversation and get on the same page. More information would resolve this problem. He
had
been sending mixed signals, she wasn’t wrong about that.

“It was nice.
”
Nice?
He wanted to interject that he didn’t need to be in the same room to know that it had blown her away, but she looked so uncertain he didn’t dare. “But just like the night we walked home from Danny’s, I thought it was a one-time thing.”

“I told you it wasn’t.”

“I thought that was just…”

“Just what?”

“You know…sexy talk.” She was still in his lap, but her body language was clear. She was slipping away from him, putting up a wall. How could he explain that she didn’t need to protect herself from him?

“I don’t have phone sex with just anyone.” From the look on her face, that didn’t help. He cursed under his breath. “
And I came over for breakfast. We’re making plans for tonight. What’s going on here, Karen?”

She reached up and stroked his cheek briefly before pushing to a stand
and turning away from him. She propped her hands on her hips and stared out the kitchen window that overlooked their driveway.

“
You’ve got too much on the line to risk a new relationship.”

There was no controlling his frustration at that. That was his decision to make. “You have no idea about what’s on the line.” He surged out of his seat and paced toward her, stopping just short of touching her back. Her back was straight, too straight, and he was close enough to see the firm set of her jaw. “And that’s not the real reason you’re throwing up a road block here.”

“Then what’s changed between last week and this morning? Your ex isn’t going to give you a hard time about dating again?”

“She shouldn’t.”

“She will.”

“I’ll make her understand. Megan thinks you’re great. She never liked any of my—”

“You really don’t need to finish that statement.” Karen whirled around, but she crossed her arms over her heaving chest, making it clear her attention wasn’t going to be positive. “Why can’t this just be something casual? Private?”

“It can be private. But
darlin’, despite your current apparent dislike for me, what we have…there’s nothing casual about it.” He stepped into her personal space, crowding her against the counter. “Did you think I wanted to be fuck buddies?”

She blanched, but didn’t break eye contact. After a loaded moment, she relaxed her arms and placed one hand lightly against his chest. Her expression didn’t change, though. “If I did, that was clearly a mistake. But that was all that would ever be possible between us.” Her voice dropped to a broken whisper. “You’ve been up for a long time. This has gotten heavier than it needed to. Maybe you should just go.”

He shook his head. Her words sounded reasonable, but her tone was…destroyed. And it ripped through his chest like a blade. “I don’t understand.” His own voice rasped with emotion, surprising himself, and from her wide eyes, Karen too. “Are you breaking up with me?”

She laughed without
humour. “Not possible to break up what’s never been together.”

No. He wouldn’t accept that. “Say whatever you want about the future, but we’ve been together, Karen.” He didn’t move, but he was going to, unless she gave him a sign he shouldn’t. “Do I need to remind you?”

She stared at him, mere inches between them, and slowly shook her head from side to side.

“No, I don’t. But I’m going to.” He moved slowly
, giving her time to stop him. She didn’t. His feet bracketed hers, and his hands cupped her face as he took her mouth hungrily, stroking deep with his tongue, staking a claim that rejected false barriers. He poured more than a month of desire and fantasies into the kiss, letting hunger set the pace, not caring that it wasn’t suave or seductive.

Fuck, if she was done with him, she’d know that he hadn’t been done with her. Not by a long shot. He needed her, and not her body. He needed her heart and her friendship, and she didn’t get that at all. He was the furthest thing from an ideal boyfriend, but he’d have made it work.
Somehow.

“Paul. Paul, stop.” He barely heard it, but as the word registered in his brain, he jerked away. He shook his head and stepped back, still breathing hard.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered.

Karen pressed her fingers to her mouth and shook her head slowly. “No, don’t be. That was…I know, okay? I feel it…but I need to tell you…”

A lone tear rolled down her cheek, and if he was capable of tears, he’d probably have a matching one. This was not how the morning should have gone. “What? Tell me what?”

“I’m probably going to…” She swallowed hard and stood straighter. With a deep breath, she steadied her voice.
“My adventure. Remember? It’s going to take me away from Wardham. At the end of the summer, I’ll be heading somewhere, wherever I can get into a Library Science program. I started to explore the options last week, and my meeting yesterday cemented this decision.”

She was leaving.

He hadn’t seen that coming.

“Right.”
She had been, after all. His life was already fractured enough. He couldn’t add a long distance relationship to it, not without impacting Megan. Not without threatening his tenuous custody agreement. Susan would have a shit-fit if he spent a significant amount of time… “Where would you go?”

“I don’t know.
Toronto, maybe London. Might have to go elsewhere in the province. It depends which program would have space for me at this late date. It’s well past the application window. But I don’t want to wait another year.” Her lips curved south in a helpless frown. “I need to do this, Paul.”

He knew that. And he was rapidly understanding that it didn’t make her happy, but
neither would staying here and working at the store for the next twenty years.

“I’ll be back.”

He nodded. There wasn’t anything left to say.

“We could—”

“No.” He sounded brusque and heartless. That was a reasonable cover for heartbroken. “We can’t. It’s better this way.” He stepped backward slowly, his gaze never leaving her face. He wanted to soak up this last private moment. He wouldn’t be getting another one. “I’ll see you around, Karen.”

As he stepped out to the deck and down the stairs toward his own house, her quiet sobs echoed in the early morning still
. He almost turned back, but he was pretty sure he’d done enough damage that he wouldn’t be welcome in her kitchen again.

Heartbreak made mincemeat of indecision. Within a few days, Karen had found three programs that would accept a late application from her, and informed her parents of her plan to leave in August for a year. Functionally, this meant they needed to make a permanent decision about what to do with the store, because when, or if, she returned, it would be for a librarian position. She’d paid a high enough price for this adventure, she was damned sure she’d see it through to the end and make that sacrifice worthwhile.

“Earth to Karen.
Come in—”

“
Leave her alone, Carrie.” Evie Calhoun leaned over the back of their friend’s couch and gave her a smothering hug.

Karen flashed them both a half-hearted smile. “I’m sorry, I’m not being very good company.”

“Meh, we all have days like that.” Evie clambered over the couch and bounced into the seat next to Carrie. Karen shook her head at her friend’s energy. She needed to do more Pilates and fewer pints of ice cream. “Want to talk about it?”

“Nope.”

Carrie narrowed her eyes and ignored the answer. “So if you don’t want to talk about it, it could be work. Unless it’s personal…guy trouble?” Karen froze. Her best friend was way too smart for her own good.  “Oooh--!”

“
It’s work,” she quickly interjected. “I guess you’ll hear about it soon enough. I’m heading back to school.”

She outlined the tentative plan, glossing over what sparked her into action. After briefly outlining the pros and cons of the different schools she’d applied to, she reached for her wine glass and settled back into her seat for their reactions.

Her friends exchanged a long look, then turned and pinned her with identical skeptical expressions.

“So, first you don’t want to talk about it,”
Evie started.

“And
then you talk about it.” Carrie crossed her arms over her chest. “Honey, do we look new?”

“No?”

“No. What else is going on? The last few days you’ve been miserable. We didn’t call an emergency girls’ night so we could drink wine.”

“You don’t even have a reaction to me moving away?”

“Are you going to stay away?”

“No.”
They exchanged smiles loaded with understanding and relief. “Thanks.”

Evie
leaned across the coffee table and tapped Karen’s foot. “Spill.”

She couldn’t. Where to start? Where to end? None of what happened with Paul made sense to her, how could she explain
it to anyone else? “I did something stupid, I guess. It’s not a big deal, except it might have been a big deal and I didn’t realize.”

Carrie opened a drawer in the coffee table and pulled out another bottle of wine and a spare corkscrew. “We’ve got emergency supplies, we’re good. Start at the beginning.”

By the time she’d caught them up to date on most of the details, leaving out only the bits about Paul’s life that she didn’t feel were hers to share, her friends’ expressions no longer matched.

“I don’t understand. So he wants to have a relationship. Why wouldn’t you just date until you leave?”
Evie shook her head. “Maybe it’s my utter lack of a sex life talking, but I think you made a mountain out of a molehill.”

“No, you did the right thing.” Carrie pursed her lips. “I’ve seen you two together. You like him. No way would you end up leaving at the end of the summer.”

Karen couldn’t help but protest. “Hey, I’m not a brainless bimbo.” But Carrie wasn’t wrong. “I’d leave. But I’d be miserable. And I’m not sure I wouldn’t come home early again.”

Both women knew how Karen had ended up managing the grocery store. “You wouldn’t.”
Evie shook her head violently. “You’re a different person now. You know what you want.”

Karen
glanced at Carrie, but her friend was studiously filling her wine glass. Not saying anything. She wanted to ask why. But a bigger part of her was afraid of Carrie’s honest opinion, so she silently slid her own glass across the coffee table and shifted the conversation. “Don’t you have the boys this weekend? Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the company, but…?” Girls’ nights were almost always called on Saturdays when Evie’s ex-husband had their two boys.

“I’m going
out of town next weekend. I got a smokin’ deal on a train and hotel deal, so I’m going to Toronto for a couple of days of culture that I can’t get in this backwards hick town.” Evie managed to say the last bit with a straight face, but her voice was softer than usual. It wasn’t the town she needed a break from. Karen grabbed her friend’s wine glass and shoved it toward Carrie. Top-ups needed all round.

They drank in silence for a couple of minutes, giving
Evie the space she needed. She’d share when she could, and it didn’t take long. “Dale’s introducing the kids to his girlfriend while I’m away. And she’s sleeping at his house, so they’re going to play happy family for 48 hours. I haven’t gotten laid in two years, and he’s managed to move on full-circle.”

Shit. Karen hated that she’d been so buried in her own feelings that she hadn’t realized her friend was hurting. “How long have they been together?”

Evie shrugged. “A couple of months. It’s not her. Or him. It’s just that I’m frozen in the moment after I left him, and it’s time for a thaw.”

“You should take your own advice. Have some fun. Hook up with some big city cutie, love him and leave him.” Karen took a big slug of wine. The more she drank, the better a one night stand sounded. “That’s what I wanted to do with Paul.”

“Maybe he’ll come around. Living next door to you would test any man’s resolve.”

Carrie stood up. “If
Evie gets any drunker, I think you could probably have a one night stand with her.”

“Hey!” The pretty blond shrugged. “Yeah, you probably could.”

“Great, so the list of people who would do me is a whopping two.”