Who Are You Meant to Be? (21 page)

Performer William Shatner complains about being mistaken for his Captain Kirk character from
Star Trek
in his parody of a Molson Canadian commercial.

I am not a Starfleet commander, or T. J. Hooker. I don’t live on Starship NCC-170, or own a phaser. And I don’t know anybody named Bones, Sulu, or Spock. And no, I’ve never had green alien sex, though I’m sure it would be quite an evening. I speak English and French, not Klingon! I drink Labatt’s, not Romulan ale! And when someone says to me “Live long and prosper,” I seriously mean it when I say, “Get a life.” My doctor’s name is not McCoy, it’s Ginsberg. And tribbles were puppets, not real animals. PUPPETS! And when I speak, I never, ever talk like every. Word. Is. Its. Own. Sentence. I live in California, but I was raised in Montreal…My name is William Shatner, and I am Canadian!

Blind Spots

Perception of Others

Performers don’t always feel the need to cooperate with others, or to understand or empathize with them. They don’t think about how their demands for special treatment impact friends and family. An extreme example is that of Leona Helmsley, the infamous “Queen of Mean.” When a housekeeper remarked that the Helmsleys must pay a tremendous amount in taxes, she retorted, “We don’t pay taxes; the little people do.”

Creating Emotional Drama

Those who are privy to Performers in this state don’t know how to react to their emotionality, moodiness, and behavioral swings. Performers don’t consider the consequences of their self-centered behavior; they just expect others to be forgiving. Friends and family may walk on eggshells around them for fear of becoming a target for their emotions.

Seeing Themselves Realistically

If Performers aren’t everything, they are nothing. If they aren’t successful or a winner, they are an imposter or a loser. They don’t realize how much they depend on winning to regulate their self-esteem. They are constantly measuring the achievements and status of others against their own, feeling envious and threatened by those they consider to be ahead of them. Performers are caught up in a web of feeling superior or inferior, inflating or deflating their value, using others or being used by them.

Behaving Self-Destructively

Some of the things Performers do to keep themselves from feeling low are detrimental to their own well-being. Habits such as workaholism, an inability to commit to one relationship, or jumping from one improbable scheme to another can wreak havoc on their existence as they attempt to keep themselves stimulated. In the long run, they can hit bottom and be unable to climb back up because they have not developed a strong enough inner structure.

Dependence on Others

Although they appear self-reliant and confident, their strong need to be validated causes Performers to be overly concerned with others’ opinions of them. However, they have a blind spot because they believe they don’t need anyone. Their tendency to be dependent on external approval can cause them to perform the way they believe others expect them to in order to be acknowledged and admired. They adopt the behaviors of an actor, becoming superficial and overly attentive to their image.

Upshifting to Their Self-Actualizing System

For Performers to upshift to their SA System, they need to refocus their striving energy by doing the following.

Sharing the Spotlight

Developing an awareness of when they aren’t really paying attention to others helps them upshift and refocus their attention, making sure they aren’t taking up all of the space. They remind themselves that they become stronger when they are not as dependent on the recognition and admiration of others. Once they get over the feeling that being an ordinary human being with needs and feelings somehow diminishes them, Performers find relief in being authentic, empathetic, and cooperative rather than just the headliner in an endless series of shows.

Letting Others Help

Having lost their ability to be rational and optimistic about themselves, Performers need others to reassure them that they are okay and to help them recognize that it’s possible to accept criticism from someone without having to destroy that person. Others need to listen and empathize with the Performer’s feelings before initiating a more rational, problem-solving conversation to help settle down the fear and anxiety he or she feels.

Establishing Discipline and Routine

Because it is so easy for Performers to disconnect from their bodies, they are able to stay in their SA System when they follow a discipline that keeps them grounded. Physical exercise—such as jogging, walking, and gardening—or grounding activities like meditation are critical for keeping their feet on the ground. But they need to take care not to use these activities as just another forum in which to compete. Commencing a program of weightlifting with an eye toward becoming Mr. Universe will probably defeat the purpose.

Staying the Course

Performers can get so focused on winning or being seen as the best that they don’t realize when they have strayed from their own path or career track. They need to reflect before saying yes or get feedback from people when they are tempted to go off in another direction because something sounds good. In addition, learning to experience pleasure while achieving goals helps them resist the temptation to take on more.

Sharing Therapy or Counseling

Performers have the habit of depending on others to support their self-image, which gets in the way of the development of their authentic self. If they continue their constant quest for recognition, their authentic self remains fragile and vulnerable to perceived slights and criticisms from others. They can be seen by others as narcissistic and self-serving. They can be riddled with feelings of being a “fraud” and will work very hard to make sure no one sees this side of them. Performers gain security and personal strength when they seek counseling or therapy to help them connect their image of who they are trying to be with who they actually are.

Achieving Their Full Potential

Charismatic and charming, Performers live their lives for their audiences. For them, “all the world’s a stage,” and they explode into life with color and a flair for the dramatic. Achieving goals that others dare not dream of, they live inspired lives and in turn inspire others to reach for the stars. The Performer is a Striving Style with the potential for tremendous interpersonal strengths and resources, from strong communication skills and charisma to diplomacy and intuition. When Performers are able to turn down the spotlight on themselves and engage genuinely with others—both socially and professionally—their stars can rise high without undue risk of falling.

C
HAPTER
N
INE

THE VISIONARY—STRIVING TO BE PERCEPTIVE

Climb to tranquility, finding its real worth

Conceiving the heavens flourishing on earth.

—“Higher and Higher,” Moody Blues

T
HE
V
ISIONARY’S WORLD IS
a magical realm where everything is connected and all is possible. Delighting in building their utopian ideals, Visionaries live with one foot in the heavens and the other as close to earth as they can tolerate. Their ability to see how things can be lets them quickly formulate everything that has to be done to make it happen. Visionaries operate at more abstract, theoretical, and symbolic levels than any other Style, always curious about things that happen outside of the concrete realms of our human existence.

Visionaries believe in what they perceive and strive to live their lives according to grander ideals than they might ever accomplish. With their high personal integrity and faith in their vision for what is possible, they work tenaciously toward manifesting it. Their trust in their vision rarely falters, even in the face of popular opinion or established authority. Imaginative and conceptual, Visionaries prefer to spend time thinking about what might be and how to make it so, and less time taking care of mundane matters like going grocery shopping or doing the laundry.

You need to be in conversation with a Visionary for only a short period to recognize this Style. Visionaries easily see how things can be better and more efficient, and they can’t help but tell you. They might also provide a theory to explain human motivation or educate you on how your problem is connected to a greater human issue. You can count on them to offer a different or unusual perspective whose connection to what you were talking about isn’t readily apparent. Frequently recognized for their profound, intuitive insight, Visionaries take whatever you are talking about, draw it inside, and then return with the deep, unseen meanings or an unexplored solution. It’s as if they can see what’s hidden to most people; they can blindside people with unexpected personal revelations.

Shelley (Visionary) was talking on the phone with her friend Angie. Angie, as usual, was complaining about her boyfriend and was looking for a sympathetic ear. Shelley wanted to help her friend, so she said that the reason Angie tolerated her boyfriend was that he monopolized her energy, which kept her from going after the things in her career that she really wanted to do but was afraid to try. Angie became defensive and accused Shelley of being insensitive. She felt Shelley was blaming her for the poor treatment she was getting from her boyfriend.

The truth was that Shelley was dead right, but Angie had never considered that her relationship might be a distraction that limited her career potential by draining her energy.

Visionaries might not remember who you are, but they will remember a conversation they had with you that connected to something they were thinking about. Their inner wisdom and knowledge are sometimes hard to express and can make them difficult to relate to personally. The world of ideas and concepts is their playground, and they can spend long stretches of time just dreaming and creating visions. They love to have the freedom to do this and always encourage others to do the same.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.

—Albert Einstein

What Makes Visionaries Tick?

The Visionary Style leads from the right rational brain, which recognizes, interprets, and interconnects information, events, and situations, aggregating these into a whole. It “knows,” without the necessity of working linearly to arrive at a conclusion. With great insight and understanding, Visionaries take what currently exists and envision the possibilities for transformation to an exalted future state. Driven by their need to be perceptive, they seek to understand and connect with the deeper meaning and significance of everything they encounter in their daily lives, including people. If you ever questioned where human beings fit in the web of life, find a Visionary, who will delight in exploring the question with you. If you want to talk about your gun collection, better look elsewhere.

Visionaries are able to create mental order out of seemingly random thoughts, impressions, and experiences. They enjoy working to understand themselves and others, and they intuitively recognize the complexities of human existence. They are optimistic and have the gift of seeing potential in a world of limitless possibilities. They freely offer others the benefit of their perceptions to help them move past their self-imposed limitations. Continuous improvement is a philosophy Visionaries live by. They work to achieve their potential and to help others do the same.

It can be challenging for Visionaries to know the difference between what is theoretically possible and what is realistic. Their intuition about most things tends to be sharp, quick, and often eerily correct. It is as though they have a direct line into the future that enables them to envision what is going to happen long before other people do. This talent has nothing to do with psychic ability; it is an internal sorting and processing of information against possibilities that allows them to come up with exact solutions to even the most complex problems. Their empathetic abilities are so strong that they will sense another’s emotional state, illness, or distress before that person is aware of it.

Hillary Clinton demonstrates some of the natural capabilities of the Visionary Style. Perceptive and intuitive, she has great insight and vision. With a natural capacity to create systems (her work with health-care reform, for example), she is able to motivate others toward their desired outcomes. Perfectionistic, objective, and self-determined, she will likely be a vital force in Washington for many years.

One of the challenges for Visionaries like Hillary is that they tend to lack the interpersonal skills that characterize other Styles, such as the Performer and the Leader. Visionaries are farsighted leaders who are hindered by their discomfort with the limelight. Because they are aware of this limitation, they often choose to become second to someone who can elevate them to places they would never go on their own. Hillary did this with Bill Clinton. As a result, she was able to use her access to others in power to demonstrate her true talents. Her ability to show dignity in the face of public humiliation also reflects the Visionaries’ knack for getting past what is going on in the present by staying focused on what could happen in the future.

Visionaries are strong individualists who can easily feel threatened and insecure when they are forced to conform or adapt to what is considered normal. The act of fitting in, which is a present-moment experience, is hard for them because the moment they are aware of the nature of something (or someone), they immediately think of how to improve or transform it. They have the tendency to think of themselves as above average while at the same time fearing that they are below. Often setting themselves apart from people around them, they prefer to lead or advise a team or group than to be a part of it. When unhindered, Visionaries enjoy their independence and are willing to live life on their own terms. They are willing to challenge the status quo in order to live life in alignment with their vision.