Wife Me Bad Boy (6 page)

He played up the fact that it would only be this one time, and all the while, I was secretly praying it might lead to more.

That’s why I was crying. I didn’t want it to be just once. I didn’t want a dirty little secret. I wanted something that would last. I wanted it to become something more, something real. I wanted more than just sex. I wanted a full blown relationship with Grant. God, I had to keep my mouth shut before I made a complete fool of myself.

“Lacey,” he said, trying to turn me around. “What’s the matter? Did I hurt you?”

“It’s nothing, Grant.”

“It’s something.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m just feeling emotional.”

“Emotional?”

He said it like he was surprised. Didn’t he know that emotions were always involved when people had sex? Was it really such a big surprise? It wasn’t just about sex. We weren’t animals. We were people, with feelings, and vulnerabilities, and secret hopes and wishes. I was making a fool out of myself. I would be so humiliated if he realized the reason I was crying was because I wanted more than he was willing to offer me.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been made love to like that,” I said. “That’s why I’m crying.”

Then I bit my tongue. Was that what we’d been doing? Had we
made love
? Or were we just
fucking
? Luckily Grant didn’t catch the distinction.

“Me neither,” he said, rolling onto his side to face me.

I felt a momentary loss as his penis slid out of me. I was wet inside, his stickiness all over me, but already I knew that I was losing him. He’d done what he’d wanted to do. Now he was ready to move on.

I looked into his dark eyes and then forced myself to look away, letting my eyes gaze over his naked body. His arms were so thick, so perfectly formed, the deep colors of the tattoo ink drawing my attention. His back was like a contour map, muscular hills and valleys leading all the way to the perfect valley between his buttocks.

“Are you all right, Lacey?”

“Of course I am. I just got a little overwhelmed. That was pretty intense.”

“It was,” he agreed.

“Calling each other husband and wife. What was that?”

He shrugged. He wasn’t taking things lightly, he looked serious and thoughtful, it was just that he’d made it so abundantly clear that this was a once off thing, it made me want to cry again. Why didn’t he want me again? It made no sense. If he’d wanted my for seventeen years, why didn’t he want me for more than one night?

“I don’t know, Lacey. I just thought, I guess, it was part of some fantasy I had in my mind. I’m sorry if it upset you. It was silly.”

“Silly?” I said.

“Yes.”

I took a deep breath. I knew I should drop the subject, I should have pretended to be fine and maintained whatever dignity I could, but some part of me had to keep the conversation going.

“I guess it’s just a little surprising, coming from the man who says he doesn’t believe in marriage,” I said.

“I think marriage is a false promise,” he said.

“I know, Grant. You’ve said it a million times. People have a better chance of being elected president than finding their soulmate.”

“That’s not what I say.”

“You say something like that.”

He nodded. “True.”

“So why did you want us to cry out husband and wife as we climaxed?”

He shrugged. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it would upset you. It was just a sort of … fetish.”

“A fetish? You’re kidding me.”

“I don’t know. Not a fetish. You know what I mean.”

“No, Grant. I don’t know what you mean. All I know is that you made it perfectly clear that this was to be a one night stand, that it wasn’t going to go anywhere, that I shouldn’t get attached to anything, but then, right at the most intense moment, you want me to cry out
husband
. It’s a head game.”

“A head game? Lacey, I’m sorry if that upset you, but it was just a fantasy, like wearing a stewardess costume. It was role-play.”

“Husbands and wives aren’t role-play, Grant. That’s real life. That’s what women are allowed to expect. A fantasy is a hunky police officer handcuffing you to a chair at a bachelorette party, or a fireman grinding on his hose. Husbands? That’s reality. That’s what we’re allowed to hope for.”

“Hope for? Lacey. What are you talking about?”

Shit. What was I saying? I was making an absolute idiot of myself. I was giving away too much. I didn’t know what I was doing. All I knew was that my emotions were in a hurricane of confusion and I had better shut up if I didn’t want to say something I’d regret.

“I’m just saying, Grant, that maybe it’s not a good idea to play with girls’ feelings about marriage. I know you don’t want to get married, but that doesn’t mean you can just use the idea as a fantasy to play out. Especially when the person you’re playing with might think differently about marriage.”

“You’d get married?”

“I can’t believe you’re even asking me that. Of course I would. One day.”

“Oh, Lacey. Sorry. I had no idea.”

“What do you mean, you had no idea? Do you think I’m just some sort of slut who wants to sleep around for her entire life? Do you think I don’t deserve to hope for marriage one day with someone amazing?”

“Lacey, of course I don’t think that.”

“That’s what it sounds like.”

“No, I didn’t mean that at all. I guess I just never thought about it.”

“Why should it be such a big surprise for me to admit I’d like to get married one day? It’s perfectly normal.”

“You’re right. Of course it is. I guess, I don’t know. I’m sorry Lacey. I just assumed you felt the way I did.”

“And how’s that?”

“That marriage is a fraud. That it’s a fairy tale. That a sane adult should be more interested in finding out who they really are, than in tying the knot with some random person they happen to like having sex with.”

Tears formed in my eyes. It was so stupid. I knew Grant thought all those things about marriage. He was a good guy, but his ideas on family life were royally screwed up. It was the result of the horrible childhood he’d had to endure. I knew it all. It shouldn’t have shocked me.

But after what we’d just done. After making love, without a condom, and crying out husband and wife at climax, I couldn’t help take it all personally. It was as if he wasn’t just saying that marriage was a mistake, but that marriage with me specifically would be a big mistake.

I was crying. I was so embarrassed I could die.

“Would you mind giving me a few moments to get ready?” I said. “I’d like to freshen up before rejoining the party.”

“Lacey, I never intended to upset you like this. I’m really sorry.”

“I’m fine, Grant. Really.”

“Are you sure?”

I wiped my eyes. My makeup would be a complete mess but I had a compact.

“Of course I’m sure. I was being silly, that’s all. It happens after I make love. I get emotional.”

Chapter 10

Lacey

T
HINGS WERE AWKWARD BETWEEN ME
and Grant after that. Actually, that’s an understatement. Things weren’t just awkward, they were excruciating. We avoided each other completely in the mansion, which wasn’t difficult given the size of the house. If I heard him in the kitchen, I’d order in from a local restaurant and eat in the dining room. If he was in the living area, I’d go up to my room. One morning, I was sitting by the pool and he came out and sat by himself at the other end of it. We just watched each other over our sunglasses and didn’t speak. It was weird. We’d been sharing the same home for years, and suddenly we were like two complete strangers.

Forrester and Grady noticed. They knew exactly what had happened. So much for it being a secret. They didn’t mention it, but there was sort of an unwritten rule among us that we wouldn’t sleep with each other. Or more specifically, that they wouldn’t sleep with me. My father had taken them in and we were supposed to all be a family.

Grant and I had broken that rule, and no one really knew what it meant. Maybe we’d all been living together for too long. It would be a shame if the Brotherhood drifted apart because of something stupid Grant and I had done, but we couldn’t all share a house forever, could we? It was one thing when we were in our twenties, but the brothers all had millions of dollars now, and didn’t need to be living in my house. Jackson had fixed up his father’s old vineyard and moved into it with Faith. Maybe the others would do something similar.

I’d miss them though. Actually, I’d be devastated. I didn’t want to lose the only family I’d ever known.

I counted the days until Jackson and Faith got back from their honeymoon. They’d gone up north to Washington State for a couple of weeks. There was a forest up there where Jackson had bought a cabin by a lake. They brought Sam, and they fished and jet skied and went out in a boat. The pictures looked beautiful.

The day after they got back, I called Faith.

“How was the honeymoon?”

“Amazing,” she said, and I could tell by her voice that she was the happiest she’d ever been.

She’d always been a happy, positive person, but there was a lightness to her now, like she’d finally gotten what she’d always wanted. I couldn’t help wonder if I’d ever know that sort of happiness.

“Was Jackson everything you remembered?”

“And more,” she said, and then giggled like a girl. “Lacey, he’s an animal. My husband is a beast.”

I laughed.

“And he spent so much time with Sam, too. It was perfect. It was a dream, Lacey.”

“I’m so happy for you, Faith.”

“You sound like you need to talk about something,” she said.

I took a deep breath. It had been killing me, keeping my little affair with Grant to myself all this time. I hadn’t wanted to disturb Faith on her honeymoon.

“There is. Can we talk at the Rusty Nail tonight?”

“Of course.”

*

F
AITH WAS WAITING FOR ME
when I got there. I scanned the bar. None of the Brothers were there, which was rare. Usually at least one of them was leaning up against the bar with a beer in his hand.

“You look beautiful,” I said, when I saw her.

She was positively radiant. Love agreed with her. Marriage was bringing out her best.

She’d ordered a bottle of zinfandel and the waitress brought it over and opened it.

“I figured we’d get through a bottle,” she said.

“At least,” I said. “Faith, something terrible has happened.”

“What?”

“Grant and I … ,” I didn’t finish my sentence, but I didn’t need to. She already knew what I was going to say.

Her hand went in front of her mouth and a look of disbelief crossed her face. I thought she was shocked, but then I noticed that she was struggling to stifle a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” I said, indignantly.

“Oh, Lacey. I’m sorry. It’s just, I’ve known you and Grant needed to hook up for years.”

“Well I’m glad you find it so amusing.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” she said. “It’s serious, I can tell.”

I looked at her sternly. It
was
serious.

“When did it happen?”

“At your wedding.”

She laughed again.

“Faith!”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s been so awkward between us since.”

“Why? Just tell him how you feel.”

“How
do
I feel?”

“You like him, don’t you?”

I looked at Faith and felt my emotions well up.

“Oh, sweetie,” she said again, “what is it? Did something go wrong?”

“That depends on what your definition of right and wrong is.”

“Tell me exactly what happened.”

I took a sip of my wine. There was a napkin under my glass and I rose it to my face and touched my eyes. I hadn’t cried, but my eyes were full of tears and I’d spent half an hour on this mascara. If I could avoid messing it up that would be good.

“We promised each other it would just be a once off thing.”

“Oh,” Faith said, obviously disappointed. “Why? You’re both single aren’t you? You’re both crazy about each other.”

“I’m crazy about him, I know that much. But Grant doesn’t want a relationship with me at all. He made that abundantly clear.”

“Maybe you misunderstood him.”

“He said we’d only have sex that one time, and it would be a secret.”

“Maybe he was trying to convince you to go through with it. Downplaying it.”

“I know,” I said. “That was part of it, sure, but you know Grant. He’s never been in a relationship for more than a week or two.”

“That’s because he’s always been secretly in love with you.”

That made me laugh.

“Please, Faith.”

“I mean it, Lacey. I’ve been watching him look out for you for twelve years, ever since I got here.”

“He wanted me. That much was clear. But I think he just wanted me because I was forbidden. He wanted to have what he wasn’t allowed to have. And now that he’s tried me, he’s satisfied and ready to move on.”

“Lacey. I’m sure there’s more to it than that.”

“He had a crush on me when we were younger,” I said. “I found pictures from when I was in high school.”

“Exactly.”

“But it was just a crush, Faith. Just an infatuation. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he’s been wanting to fuck me for his whole life. So he took his opportunity at the wedding.”

“Give him time.”

I laughed. “I’ve given him seventeen years, Faith. I’m not waiting any longer. You know, we even discussed marriage.”

“How did that come up?”

“Well, we were at your wedding after all.”

“Of course.”

My mind flashed back to the moment of orgasm, when Grant had cried out wife, and I’d cried out husband. I didn’t mention that to Faith. That was too private. She didn’t need to know every single detail.

“So what did he say about marriage?”

“You know. Same thing he always says.”

“That it’s impossible?”

“Yes. And this was right after he’d just orgasmed inside me, Faith. It was really hurtful. I was filled to the brim with love for him. I’d have promised my life to him if he asked. But all he wanted to talk about was how marriage wasn’t a realistic option for him.”