Wild Aces (16 page)

And, somehow, I had fallen for them both.

Trapper

I could feel Brea’s eyes on the side of my face as I stared at my boot. My leg was bouncing. My heart was thumping. I didn’t lose my cool too often. In poker, if I let nerves get control of me, it’d be game suicide. But they were fucking me up now, and the feeling wasn’t anything I wanted to get used to.

It was all because of this…my brother.

The truth about our lives sliced us down the middle. While I was a kid, getting the shit beaten out of me by the people who were supposed to be watching me, my other half was being tucked in tightly by those who loved him. While I was told I was worthless and tried so hard not to turn into a piece of trash, he was being praised and filled with self-esteem. He had cake on his birthday, and his clothes probably smelled like a spring meadow. I went to bed with a stomach that growled and ached from hunger pains. Clothes that never fit and reeked of filth. The only thing that made any of this better was knowing he had been taken care of…saved, adopted, protected. He’d been normal—whatever the hell that was. And when he died, he died saving kids. A real hero.

But what had all the torture turned me into?

I could read eyes expertly and figure out when someone was lying. I could make a hand out of two cards, and I knew when to fold. And what I did at the compound was my way of getting revenge against all the motherfuckers who laid their hands on me, who spit in my face and told me I was nothing but a waste of good cum.

There was a reason Cody and I had ended up in different places, and Brea and I would find that out. I didn’t want my past dug up, I didn’t want it to be staring back at me through her gorgeous fucking eyes, but that was what was going to happen. As I looked at her now, I saw so much confusion. And what she saw was someone she used to love, someone who had been ripped away from her.

He’d been ripped away from me, too. Only I never even knew he existed.

This had to be hell for her. I’d only known about him for a few hours, and it was already hell for me. Learning the truth about whatever had gone down all those years ago was only going to make it worse. I wouldn’t be able to change it or fix the memories that haunted me. I couldn’t bring Cody back. But I needed some answers. We both did.

I leaned forward and ground my fingers together. “My plan was to fucking devour you tonight, not have anything like this happen. I’m sorry it all went down.”

When she put her hand on top of mine, I didn’t look at her. I didn’t want to know why she was touching me. If it was something she needed to do, I wouldn’t stop her. But I didn’t want to act on anything too fast and regret it once my thoughts cleared.

“I know,” she said. “I’m sorry, too. Together, we can figure it all out.”

I finally looked. Her hair had fallen into her eyes, and I had to stop myself from tucking it behind her ears.

“Why?”

“Cody would have wanted me to. If he had known you existed, he would have figured it out himself.”

“Yeah, I get it.”

Her fingers tightened around my wrist. “The shock of what happened tonight is still really fresh. When I opened my eyes, the last person I expected to see was him.”

But it was me she’d gotten when I took off that goddamn mask while her past had been shared with someone who had my face. That added so many layers to what was already the most fucked-up hand…one that never should have been dealt in the first place.

I related everything back to poker. It was a language I understood, and it was how I made sense of things by figuring out probabilities and taking risks based on possible outcomes. The chances of getting a royal flush were less than one percent; I’d never gotten one in all the years I’d been playing. What were the odds of having an identical twin and that we had been separated and hadn’t known about each other? That we’d shared the same city, maybe even the same part of town, and we’d never run into each other? Now, those were some fucking odds.

He’d been kept away from me.

And that was unforgivable.

“Where are you going?” Brea asked when I stood from the couch and headed for the door.

“I don’t know.” But I knew staying here would only make me feel shittier about this situation.

Brea kept me inside my head. I needed to be out of it even if it was just for tonight.

“I need some time.” I turned and walked toward the door.

“Trapper, wait.”

Saying those words was the worst thing she could have done. I wanted to kiss her, and I wanted to apologize. I wanted her to forget me, so she wouldn’t ever have to feel the pain from seeing my face again. I wanted to hide from my pain, too. I’d spent years shoving it in the back of my mind, and now, it was threatening to spill out. She deserved better than that.

She stood behind me, and I held the doorframe with both hands. It was the safest place for me to be, just far enough away from her face and body to stop anything from happening. Then I felt her fingertips on my back, and I walked outside and down the front steps. All of this was too fucking much.

“Try and get some sleep,” I said without turning around. If I looked at her, something would happen that we’d both regret.

“That’s it?” she said. “That’s all you’re going to say to me?”

I could hear how much it was hurting her.

Fuck.

“Trapper…”

She wanted me to turn around. She wanted an answer. So, I looked over my shoulder and saw her clinging to the side of the door. I wanted to bury my dick inside her, and I wanted us to forget everything we’d learned tonight. But my cock couldn’t make that happen, and my presence only made this more painful.

I looked down at her feet and kept my hands at my sides. “Good night, Brea.”

And then I started walking.

Brea

I watched Trapper disappear down the sidewalk, not knowing if I wanted to scream or cry or chase him down. I knew why he left; I just didn’t want him to. We could have talked in circles all night and into the early hours of the morning, and I would have been fine with that. I just wanted him here. I just wanted to be around him.

What did that mean?

I pushed the door shut and walked to my bedroom. A piece of clothing came off with each step until I was fully naked, crawling onto the mattress, and pulling the blanket over my bare skin. My stomach growled, probably from hunger. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten, and I had no idea what time it was. Those details didn’t matter. I was far too consumed with everything that had happened tonight.

Cody and Trapper.

Good God.

When I closed my eyes, it was Trapper I saw. The scar above his eyebrow and the one under his chin stared back at me, and so did the storminess of his eyes. Their distinct personalities came through in their faces, too. Trapper’s edginess made his features a bit sharper; Cody’s carefree happiness made his softer. Identical yet not at all, especially in the way they touched me.

I could feel Trapper’s fingers running up and down my sides. The memory made me shiver, his cool presence spreading all the way to my toes. I rubbed the spot on my neck where he had kissed when we were in the kitchen. It was as if his lips left something on my skin that made it tingle. It wasn’t a memory. It was something stronger, something that stirred a feeling deep inside me. A feeling I’d never had before…

“You’re so beautiful,” Cody said.

I waited until he was done eating breakfast before straddling his lap at the kitchen table.

“Even when there’s maple syrup on your face.” He wiped my cheek and licked his thumb. Then he tapped my nose with it before kissing me. It was something he always did—tap, smile, small kiss.

It made me smile, and I enjoyed it, but sometimes, I wished he would clutch my face and draw my lips roughly to his. I wished he would show me the passion he felt for me with a bit more force and strength. I wished he would come up behind me while I was washing the dishes, wrap his hands around my waist, and show me just how beautiful he thought I was.

That just wasn’t Cody. It never had been. And it was something I had learned to accept.

I tucked my face into his neck and cuddled into his chest. This was my safe place, and I loved it even if it had no edges, no danger. Less passion than maybe I would have wanted. It was the spot where I felt warm and safe. Nothing could hurt me here. I was comfortable…so comfortable.

“Love you, babe.”

I closed my eyes and breathed in his smell. “Love you.”

Too comfortable.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stared at the ceiling. The image in my head was a little different now. Now, it was missing the scars, and the darkness had been lifted from his eyes.

“I thought I had you back, Cody,” I said aloud. “I thought you’d come home to me, that you’d been lying for the last two years. Hiding from me and everyone else. I thought, when I was finally ready to touch you again, that I would get to feel the warmth of you one more time. I was angry with you. I was scared. A part of me was even relieved. I don’t really know who Trapper is. I don’t know what makes him smile or how to get him to laugh or what happened in his past that has made him so dark. But I think I want to find out. I think I need to. And I think you would want me to.”

I rolled over and closed my eyes. The scar was back, and it brought some scary realizations with it. Even if I wanted to ignore Trapper, I didn’t know that I could. Even if that meant every time I would look at him, I would see Cody. I would think of Cody. I would remember what Cody and I had together. I didn’t think time would change that. I just knew that I wanted to see Trapper again and that I didn’t want him to go tonight.

“Hey, Frankie,” I whispered as I held the phone to my ear, my throat dry and crackly.

“You were sleeping?”

I checked the time; it was a little past six in the morning. “Shocking, isn’t it? I’m sure the wine probably helped.”

“I just got off the phone with Derek.”

I sat up, pushing my back against the pillows, as I wrapped the blanket over me. “And?”

“He had nothing but wonderful things to say about Trapper. Derek did a full remodel on his townhouse, and they’ve hung out several times since. And it happened while Cody was still alive, Brea. I don’t know what that means, but—”

“They’re not the same person,” I confirmed. “Trapper came over here last night, and we talked.”

“I had a feeling. Derek said he gave him your address.”

“They’re twins.” I bent my knees and wrapped my arms around them. “I’m going to have my connection look into it.”

“You’re sure?”

“Same birthday, both adopted, their faces are identical, except for the scars that Trapper has.”

“Oh my God.”

“I know.” This reminded me that I needed to update Net on what I’d found out. I’d sent him Trapper’s last name, but I hadn’t told him anything beyond that. “I’ll get to the bottom of it…whatever that bottom looks like.”

“This could get messy.”

“No, spilling wine on my clothes would be messy. This is…well, I don’t even know how to describe this, but I know I’m right in the middle of it. Did Derek happen to say how he met Trapper?”