Wild Heart (9 page)

“Really, whom then?”

She turned to face him. “Your grandfather, that’s whom. He tries so hard, can’t you see that?”

Any amusement fled. “I owe him nothing.”

“He’s your grandfather.”

“He left me to rot in the jungle!” He hadn’t meant to admit the truth, but in all honesty, it felt good to say the words. They’d weighed down on his soul since he’d been old enough to realize that no one had come looking for him, nor would.

Her face softened. Damn it all, her sympathy sliced through him like a knife. He turned away from her, pretending interest in the guests.

“I’m sure he searched for you, Leo; I’m sure he did.”

He didn’t respond. How could he possibly explain how terrified he’d been, a child alone in the jungle for years? Every day waking up and expecting his family to arrive. But no one ever came. Ever.

“Leo,” she rested her fingers on his sleeve. Her touch was as light as the yellow butterfly flittering around her as if she were a bloom it needed to feast upon. “How long were you alone in the jungle?”

“I was never alone. Akshay was with me,” he said the words, feeling almost numb.

“Just you two?”

He nodded.

She moved closer to him, the heat of her body seeping into his like a comforting caress. “For how long?”

“Not long.”

She stared up at him, her eyes shining.
Merda
, would she cry? Anger welled within him, so much better than the numbness he felt. He clung to that anger. How dare she cry? He didn’t want her sympathy.

“Yes, stuck in the jungle, two boys alone, and not once did anyone come for us. I know because I stayed by our campsite, night after night, with my parents’ rotting bodies, hoping, waiting until finally I was forced to bury them.”

Tears pooled in her eyes and shimmered on her lashes. He had the odd feeling she wanted to hug him. He stepped back, afraid he’d allow her tender touch, and then what? He’d caress her back and they’d live happily ever after?

“Leo, if you talk to your grandfather, I’m sure you’ll discover that he did search for you.”

“He didn’t,” he whispered furiously. Why wouldn’t she believe him? Because no one believed him, did they? Why should she?

Her brows furrowed. “Surely…surely he did.”

“He didn’t.”

She shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”

“Well, jolly for you,” he snapped. “You know nothing about me. You know nothing about my family. Do not come here with your high morals and propriety and judge me.”

“And you know nothing about me,” she cried.

“Ella, did you find the ball?” Lord Roberts called out.

She pasted a smile upon her face. “Yes, my lord, just here.” She drew her mallet back.

“Well done, Ella,” Leo said softly. “Replace your perfect façade for the crowd.”

Her jaw clenched, and she whacked the ball. Like an arrow toward a bull’s-eye, it went flying through the air directly at the group. Ella gasped, and Leo watched, the day becoming immeasurably better. The ball skimmed the top of the Mrs. Miller’s large purple hat. The bizarre bonnet toppled off the woman’s head and landed in the fountain behind her. Apparently finding it the opportune time to escape, her small dog jumped from her arms and raced around the garden, barking at nothing and everything.

“Oh, no,” Ella whispered and stepped behind him. Leo threw back his head and laughed.

“Hush,” Ella demanded slapping him on the back. It only made him laugh harder. She peeked around his shoulder. “Oh my, Mr. Miller is attempting to retrieve the bonnet.” The small group had gathered around the fountain and divided their time between throwing horrified glances at Mr. Miller, wobbling precariously on the fountain edge, and Ella, who still hid behind Leo.

“It is no use, Ella. They all know it was you.”

“If you were a gentleman, you would take the blame,” she said.

He grinned, amazed that one moment he could be furious with the governess and the next he was laughing until his gut hurt. He hadn’t laughed so hard since he was a child. “For once, no one is looking at me like an animal, and I plan to savor the moment.”

“You would.” She stepped beside him and tilted her chin in the air, as if prepared to take her punishment.

“I doubt they’ll hang you.”

“You’re not acquainted with English society.” Her hand went to her mouth and her eyes grew wide. “Oh, no.”

He followed her gaze to see Mr. Miller teetering on the edge of the fountain. The man’s rotund belly stuck out, and his arms wavered back and forth like a pinwheel. The women gasped while the vicar rushed forward in a vain attempt to grab the man’s hand.

He missed.

Mr. Miller fell back, sending droplets of water into the air.

Leo burst out laughing.

“Shush,” Ella hissed, her eyes wide and her face flushed. “They’ll think you don’t care.”

“I don’t care. Every single one of them has been whispering behind their hands since I arrived. I can only imagine what they’ve said about me.”

“So then show them who you really are!”

His amusement faded. Didn’t she understand? How could he make it any clearer? He would never fit in here, no matter how cultured he became. “I told you, this is me.”

“Leo, Ella,” Lord Roberts huffed as he came racing toward them.

Ella spun around to face the man.

“Perhaps, perhaps you’d like to go for a walk.”

There was a moment of awkward silence. But it didn’t matter; it was too late. His grandfather had shown the truth in that simple statement. A truth that still stung, although he’d never admit it to anyone.

“There you have it, Ella,” Leo said softly, as his grandfather darted a worried glance at the group. “As I said, it doesn’t matter how I act or what I do; my family will always think of me as an embarrassment.”

He walked away.

“Oh, Ella, I didn’t mean it,” he heard his grandfather say. “It was just that Leo was laughing so and…”

Leo made it out of the garden and onto the path that led to the woods. He didn’t want to hear any more words, any more excuses. How many times would it happen? How many times would he slowly adjust to think fondly of the house and the old man, only to have that fondness turn to regret in an instant? Even worse than the fact that he embarrassed his grandfather was the obvious fact that Ella thought he should change too. Why did he care what the woman thought? Because he was sure he saw in her a person who might understand. The thump of feet hitting dirt and the breathless pant of a woman coming up behind him broke through his morose thoughts.

“Leo! Leo, wait.”

“Go back, Ella.”

“I can’t,” she said, coming up beside him. “I told your grandfather I’d find you.”

“Well you found me.”

“Leo, please, you can’t just run off—”

“Yes, actually, I can.”

She sighed, shaking her head. “You have to talk to me, explain why you are here….” Her voice trailed off and she stilled.

“What?” he asked, too curious to help himself.

“Did you hear that?”

His brows drew together and his gaze slid from her to the surrounding area. Birds darted through the foliage, butterflies flitted from flower to flower, but nothing else moved.

She peered down a path that led into the shadowed woods. When she started forward he reached out and stopped her. “Where are you—”

“Shhh!” she whispered furiously. Jerking away from his grasp, she hiked up her skirt and continued toward the trees.

He should ignore her; he should continue on his way. So why then did he follow?

She stilled at the opening of the woods and peered into the dark trees.

“There.” She pointed ahead.

The brush moved, leaves rattling.

She rushed forward.

“Ella, wait.” But she was gone before he could latch onto her hand. With a sigh, he followed.

He spotted her kneeling on the dirt, peering into the brush. “A fawn,” she whispered. “Shhh, darling, it’s all right now.”

He knelt beside her. “What happened?”

“She’s stuck in the thorns.” Gingerly, she reached out and latched onto a vine. “Ouch.” She pulled back, a spot of blood marring her fingertip.

“Here.” He pulled up his trouser, revealing a long dagger sheathed to his leg. When he reached forward, the deer jumped.

Ella shifted closer to the animal. “Shh, easy, girl; we only want to help.” Surprisingly, the animal obeyed. Its wide brown eyes were murky in the dim light, its breathing ragged.

Slowly, Leo hacked at the vines. Ella dragged them away and even used a handkerchief to swipe the sweat from his brow. He lifted the knife, the blade glistening in the sunlight that pierced the forest canopy above.

“Kill it Leo,” Akshay pleaded, his eyes huge in his thin face.

Leo shook his head. “It’s injured…it’s looking at me so innocent, so helpless.”

Akshay clutched his arm, his grasp weak. “I’m starving, you’re starving. We’ve eaten nothing but berries for four days.”

He knew his friend was right. They needed the meat to stay strong, to survive.

Leo swallowed hard and lifted his knife, the blade glinting in the setting sun.

“Leo?” Ella’s soft voice penetrated his mind. “We can reach her now. We don’t need the knife.”

He stumbled back. Dear God, would the memories ever leave him in peace?

Ella gently pulled the small fawn from the brush. Scratches marred the animal’s fur coat, bright red against the soft brown. Ella smoothed her hand over its flanks, whispering words that calmed. The small animal nudged her face with its nose, and Ella laughed, a sound that made his heart clench.

“Go now,” she whispered. “You’ll be fine.”

The fawn swished its small tail and then pranced away, disappearing into the shadows of the forest. Ella stood and swiped her hands on her skirt. She seemed perfectly at ease here, in these woods, as if she belonged to nature.

“How did you hear it?”

Her smile fell. “What?”

“How did you hear the fawn?”

“She was calling out—”

“I didn’t hear a thing.”

She shrugged and started out of the woods. “Maybe you weren’t listening hard enough. Maybe you are too obsessed with your own problems to be aware of the world around you.”

She stepped out into the sunlight, leaving him in the shadows. “Maybe you aren’t the only one who is different.” With those words hanging in the air, she left him.

Ella stared into her polished fork, her features pulled into a distorted monster that begged to be released from its imprisonment. Disgusted, she set the utensil on her plate. The movement produced an unnatural clatter that rang through the large room. Her face heated, and she dared a glance at Lord Roberts. Fortunately, he ate his meal as if he hadn’t noticed the noise.

Resisting the urge to sigh, she glanced at the open doors. She felt very much like a child out of place. The meal was far richer than she was used to. She should be ecstatic to be included, so why was she anything but thrilled? Because
he
had ruined her appetite.

“I fear he isn’t coming,” Lord Roberts said from the end of the table, as if reading her thoughts.

She wanted to reassure the man that Leo would arrive, but she didn’t have the heart. Instead, she settled a piece of beef into her mouth and tried to appreciate the burst of herbs and spices, but to no avail. Her mind remained focused on Leo. Where was he? What was more important than a good meal with your only grandfather?

Had she frightened him off because of yesterday’s incident with the fawn? It wouldn’t be the first time she’d scared someone because of her powers. Really though, she couldn’t imagine anyone frightening Leo. She drew her fork through the rich, brown sauce, nudging a piece of beef around the plate.

“I have it on high authority it is not good manners to play with your food.”

The familiar voice wrapped around Ella’s heart and squeezed. Leo stood in the doorway looking devastatingly handsome. Flustered at his sudden appearance, she wondered why she hadn’t sensed him.

His long locks were pulled back with a leather strap, his black jacket smooth and fitted across his broad shoulders. On the outside, he looked appropriate, like he belonged. But it was something more that made him stand out, as if any moment he could attack. He was a wild animal contained. Dangerous, mysterious, and devastatingly attractive. He bowed, and her eyes narrowed. What was his game?

Lord Roberts stood, his face beaming. “Leo, don’t you look dapper. Doesn’t he look handsome, Ella?”

Ella forced a smile. “Yes, very.”

Leo’s eyes sparkled as if he recognized her unease and found it immensely amusing. Smoothly, he moved across the room, and she tried not to stare. Tried not to notice the way his muscles bunched under his jacket, the way the candlelight played against the chiseled planes of his face. Instead of sitting where he belonged, he lowered himself into the chair directly across from her. With an elegant flick of his wrist, he placed his napkin on his lap.

Grinning broadly, Lord Roberts nodded to the nearby footman, and a plate was placed in front of his grandson. Even under Leo’s polite façade, there was that all too familiar gleam in his eyes. Ella frowned, and her worry escalated. If he ruined this lovely moment for his grandfather she’d…well, do something Lady Buckley would definitely not approve of.

Leo caught her stare and lifted a brow. She tilted her chin, feigning indifference, not wanting him to know her heart raced in his presence. But his lips quirked anyway. Dear God, could he read her feelings as she could read his? Was he playing with her as a cat would with a mouse?

Quickly, before Leo said something inappropriate, Ella burst out with, “Croquet is very interesting.”

Lord Roberts set his wineglass down and nodded. “Ah, yes, came from Ireland, I believe.”

They fell into an awkward silence.

Ella plucked at her sleeve. “I hope Mrs. Miller’s hat wasn’t ruined.”

“Oh, dear Lord, that monstrosity? I hope it was,” Lord Roberts replied with a rich chuckle. Even Leo smiled, and Ella finally was able to relax.

“She isn’t too angry?” Ella asked.

Lord Roberts waved his hand through the air. “She’ll recover.”

The old man’s gaze slid to Leo, as if he wanted to make conversation with his grandson but didn’t quite know what to say. Like a restless child, Lord Roberts shifted on his seat. Ella bit her lip to keep from smiling and attempted to think of a topic of conversation both men would enjoy. Not the weather and most certainly not India.

“Your gardens are lovely,” she tried.

Lord Roberts sighed and smiled. “Ah, yes. My wife worked very hard to contain them. They were wild and unruly when we married and moved here.”

Leo released a wry laugh, slowly turning the wineglass in his hand.

Lord Roberts frowned. “Is something amusing?”

“’Tis nothing of importance.”

Lord Roberts glanced at her, obviously uneasy, and then his gaze was back to Leo. “No, please, share.”

Leo’s gaze turned hard. “It seems that is all you English do is try and contain the wild and unruly.”

Lord Roberts focused on her, his eyes helpless and pleading. Ella resisted the urge to reach over and pinch Leo’s arm, as Lady Buckley’s eldest daughter use to do her when she’d first arrived.

“I’m sure your grandfather meant nothing by his remark.”

His gaze, dark and hooded, met hers. “Of course not, they never
mean
anything they say.”

“Well then, Leo, why don’t you pick a topic of conversation?” Ella snapped, finally having had enough of the man.

“Fine.” His gaze swung to his grandfather. “Why not discuss why it is you didn’t search for me in India?”

Lord Roberts paled, and Ella’s worry grew. “Leo—”

Lord Roberts lifted his hand, stopping her. “No, it’s all right. I did not go to India because your Uncle Geoffrey traveled there and found no sign of you.”

Leo’s fist hit the tabletop, and the china rattled. “He lied.”

“And now we resort to calling my father a liar,” a deep voice mocked.

Ella’s gaze jumped to the dining room doors where Leo’s cousin Henry stood with a woman and young boy. The attending butler shifted back and forth next to them, wringing his gloved hands.

“It’s all right, Kips. You may go back to your post,” Lord Roberts said. Kips gave a quick bow and disappeared.

Henry sauntered toward the table, as if completely unaware of the awkwardness hanging in the air. “Kips, silly boy, wanted to announce us, but I explained that we are family and with family there is no need to announce. Perhaps I should have allowed him the opportunity and saved us from overhearing a damning conversation.” He took a seat at the end of the table, opposite his grandfather.

A footman rushed to the table, pulling out a chair for the woman and boy.

Not bothering to worry over his wife or child, Henry picked up a wineglass and drank deeply.

“Henry’s wife, Berta, and son, Stanley,” Lord Roberts introduced.

Ella smiled at Berta. She was surprised when the woman smiled back, shy but friendly. Not the shallow, vapid woman she’d expect Henry to be married to, but a rather sweet and beautiful lady with blond hair and soft blue eyes.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t say the same about the boy. At around age six, he wore a dark green jacket with a high collar that matched his father’s. He also wore his father’s arrogant smirk. The child threw himself into his chair and crossed his arms over his chest like he’d been in the middle of a tantrum. Sensing her attention, young Stanley looked at Ella and stuck out his tongue. Ella pressed her lips together, resisting the urge to stick out her tongue in kind.

“Do go on, Leo,” Henry said. “Do not stop on my account. Really, I’m on pins and needles waiting to hear what you’ll say about my father.”

“Where did he search?”

“I have no idea. I was in France with my mother.” He waved his hand impatiently at the footman for a plate.

“Really?” Leo’s eyes narrowed. There was a hardness to his voice that made Ella uneasy. Almost as if he knew something they didn’t. What secrets did he keep?

Henry frowned. “Yes, really.”

“Well,” Leo continued. “They mustn’t have looked very thoroughly. I stayed by our camp for months.”

Ella’s breath caught in her throat. Months? How long had he been in the jungle? Dear God, she thought days, maybe weeks, but months?

“You’ll have to take that up with my father, dear cousin. I can show you where he’s buried if you’d like.”

“Leo, what is this about?” Lord Roberts demanded.

“Absolutely nothing.” Leo stood, tossed his napkin on the table, and stalked from the room. She wanted to call to him, to demand answers, but it wasn’t her place.

“Ella, dear,” Lord Roberts pleaded softly.

She nodded and started toward the door, more than eager to escape Henry and his sarcastic comments.

“Run along, Ella,” Henry called out. “Your ward is getting away.”

She ignored his chuckles and raced down the hall, past curious servants. Breathless, Ella didn’t stop until she reached the gardens. Brilliant rays from the setting sun struck her face, warming her skin. Shading her eyes, she scanned the area.

Leo stood in the midst of the rose gardens. So strong, he seemed out of place amongst the delicate blooms. He gazed into the distance, resembling a gent deep in thought. But underneath his refined clothing, she knew his body was tense and his mind in turmoil. The crunch of gravel under her feet surely alerted him to her presence, yet he didn’t turn, didn’t react in the least.

“Did my grandfather send you again?”

She stopped beside him. “Yes.”

He released a wry laugh and nodded.

“What’s so amusing?”

He finally looked down at her. “Your honesty is refreshing, is all.”

Confusion clouded her mind, and she realized that somehow she’d missed the importance of his question.

He looked away again. “England is so tame. There is nothing to fear here but other men. So confined, so innocent.”

She didn’t speak. She wasn’t sure what to say, for she’d always been rather nervous about what lay beyond the walls of Lady Buckley’s estate. At the same time, she craved the freedom she knew that distant horizon represented.

“Altogether, six years,” he said.

Her brows furrowed, confused by his words and even more confused by his blasé mood. “What do you mean?”

“Akshay and I were in the jungle for four years the first time.”

Her stomach tightened. “I don’t understand.” She shook her head, sure she had misheard him.

“My mother sent me to the village to get help, but everyone in Akshay’s village was killed. Most likely by the same men who killed my parents. We were scared; we had nowhere to go, didn’t know who to trust. We stayed in the jungle for four damn years.”

Blood rushed from her head and dizziness made her swerve on her feet. “But you were boys, mere children. How?”

“We used objects from the campsite. Knives to hunt, the tent to sleep in, the pans to cook. We even had food, for a short while. When that ran out, we found another village. We would steal from them; we were too afraid to ask for help.”

Ella sank onto a hard bench, her heart racing in her chest. Those images she’d seen when she first arrived held new meaning. Death, destruction, blood…memories of a boy who’d had no one to turn to. “How did you survive? How did you stay sane?”

He laughed, a harsh sound without mirth. “I’m sure there are many who would say I lost my sanity.”

“Leo—”

“A mere jest. Are you always so serious, Ella?” He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. When she didn’t respond, he sighed. “I taught Akshay how to read and write. We hunted. We stole. Although frightening at first, it was a game of survival after a while. We became men; then after years of fighting for survival, we became almost animals.” He looked down at her. “So what do you think of me now, Ella?”

She couldn’t keep the tears from slipping down her cheeks. With her heart thumping madly in her chest, she stood and reached for his hand, wrapping her fingers around his. She didn’t give two figs who noticed their interaction. “I think you’re amazing.”

He shook his head and looked away. “You wouldn’t think so if you truly knew what I had done to stay alive.”

She didn’t think she wanted to know. She wasn’t sure she could handle any more truth at the moment. Closing her eyes, she tried to push aside the images she’d seen the first night she stayed in this cursed castle…jungles…death…fear. Instead, she focused on the soft wind that blew off the ocean.

“He lies,” Leo said. “My cousin. I know he lies.”

Ella opened her eyes. “About what?”

Leo met her gaze, and the coldness there frightened her. “He was there.”

“Hello,” a soft voice called out. Ella spun around to see a small blond girl in a bright blue frock. The child smiled, and dimples appeared on either side of her bow-shaped mouth. She held a book in her gloved hands as if just coming from lessons. What in the world was she doing here near this house?

“Good evening,” Ella replied.

The child’s large blue eyes focused on Leo. “Are you my cousin Leo?”

“Apparently so,” Leo replied.

She sat on the bench, her gaze pinned on him. “You don’t look like an animal.”

Ella managed to hold back her gasp.

As if sensing her shock, the child turned her attention to Ella. “Who are you?”

“Ella,” she got out.

“Oh, are you the woman hired to teach my cousin to be civilized?”

Ella didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Apparently. What’s your name?”

“Grace.”

“What a pretty name.”

“Yes, I know,” the girl replied, smoothing the skirt of her ruffled dress.

Ella hid her grin, feeling the insane desire to laugh. “What do you have there, Grace?”

The girl brought her book forward. “It’s for cousin.”

Leo didn’t bother to glance their way. He didn’t seem to hear them, almost as if he were oblivious to their presence. What held him so enthralled? Ella followed the line of his vision but noticed nothing in the garden.

“Here,” Ella said. “I’ll take it for him.”

“Well, all right. I guess so.” Reluctantly, Grace handed the book to Ella. “It was mine, but I thought maybe cousin Leo could use it. Father said it was a brilliant idea.”

Ella read the title,
Proper Manners for Young Girls
, and managed to get out, “It is very kind of you.”

She nodded, so sure of herself. “Father said I was to stay inside. But it’s much too nice this evening to be inside, do you not agree?”