Wild Heart (14 page)

She heard a low growl come from Knox’s throat as he grabbed her hand and walked past the man. She smiled as nicely as she could at him as she was drug up a flight of stairs. As they reached the top, it opened into a long hallway with various doors on each side. She passed by doors with the names Repo, Charon, and Rage before she was pulled into the one with Knox’s name on it. It was simple and quaint; a smaller version of his bed sat against one wall and a dresser on the other, there was a small closet and an even smaller bathroom. She walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed as he rummaged through paperwork on the top of his dresser. She could feel the tension he was emitting as he roughly tossed papers over to the side. She didn’t want to anger him further so she sat quietly and waited for him to finish.

“I’m sorry, Love,” he turned to her, his face was long and she could see that he was upset.

“I don’t know what you’re sorry for, Knox.”

“I shouldn’t have brought you here,” he came to the edge of the bed and kneeled in front of her.

Pain shot through her heart at his words, he
was
ashamed of her. “I understand Knox. You don’t want to have to explain me to anyone. I get it. That’s why this weekend was about having fun.” She turned her head in fear that if she kept looking at him she might start crying.

“I can’t promise you anything, Darlin’. I don’t deserve to have someone like you in my life and I won’t ask you to get behind the M.C. life.”

“I completely understand.” She took a deep breath, trying to find the words that didn’t make her look needy. “Knox, this is all new to me. I don’t know what I’m doing here, with you and with my expectations of what’s to come. I’m not going to say I don’t want to see what happens but let’s just take it a day at the time.”

“It’s new to me too, Aiyana. I haven’t had a woman in my life in a very long time. Didn’t want it, didn’t expect it to ever happen,” he reached up and wrapped his hand around hers, “But then I saw you that day in town and my world has been fucked up ever since. I can’t fucking think straight when you’re not around and it drives me crazy.”

She giggled as she sniffed away a tear; this was all so confusing to her. Never had she thought that she would have fallen for guy who was so rough around the edges, but every fiber of her body wanted to be right here, with him. The true test would be what happened when she made it back to her normal life. Would whatever this was between them last or would it crumble to pieces? Dating had never been her strong suit and the only person she had to compare it to, was waiting impatiently by his phone for her to call him back. She knew she would have to eventually tell Cash about Knox, and vice versa, but she wasn’t going to bring anything up until she was sure of what was to come. And that wasn’t something she really wanted to keep worrying about.

“No commitments. Let’s just have fun ok?” she smiled over at him.

“I can do fun,” He held her hand up to his lips, giving it a light kiss.

CASH

His mouth hung open in shock as he watched her ride away. Who the fuck’s motorcycle was she on the back of? And what the hell was she wearing? This wasn’t the Ani that he knew, he hoped to God that this was just a phase. Some sick twisted phase that she needed to purge from her system. Cash knew that he wasn’t the best catch, but he could relate to Ani on so many levels that he couldn’t imagine her being out tonight anything more than sowing wild oats.

He could feel the rage burning in his chest. No, maybe he wasn’t her boyfriend, but he wasn’t about to let her ride off into the sunset with some white trash biker. He contemplated his options. They weren’t speeding, so he couldn’t pull them over. He fumbled around in his center console until he grabbed his phone, punching in Ani’s number and hitting call; she didn’t answer. He let the irritation flow out of him as he yelled into the phone. Again he called; no answer. He took a steadying breath before he spoke again. He knew better than to piss her off, she was a rattlesnake. Poke her with a stick enough times and she would strike.

He ran his hand over his face, exasperated and spent. He didn’t know what to do, but he could already feel her slipping from his grasp. One last deep breath and he dialed her number again. Apologizing for his behavior was the best route to take, this wasn’t a matter he could talk to her about over the phone. This was something he’d have to gauge in person, see her reaction. He sent up a silent prayer, asking for her to be safe tonight. It would kill him if anything happened to her. As he re-opened his eyes a flash of blonde hair went by his window.

“Hey there, Cash. Calling it a night, Deputy?” Trisha Stephens came floating up to his window.

“Hey, Trisha. Yeah, I’m about to head back to the house. How are you this evening?” he smiled warmly over to her.

“I’m good. Just running in the store here to get some beer and popcorn, I think I am gonna have a movie night tonight,” she giggled as she propped her hand up in his window. “You know, if you’re not busy you can come by later and have a beer with me.”

He hesitated for a moment, not more than fifteen seconds ago all he could think about was Ani on the back of some guy’s bike, but as the anger settled he felt the longing setting in. Should he wait around to see what happened or go out and have some fun himself? He looked over at her smiling face, making his decision before putting his truck in drive. “I’ll give you a call later,” he smiled back at her. He watched as she strutted into the store, turning to give him a wink as she opened the door.

CHAPTER NINE

THE REAL WORLD

“Ani, can I get you to look over these?” Lisa came into her office with a stack of papers.

“Sure. Let me see, O.C. Worldwide Distributers, four accounts in the last five years. Yeah, I will give it a look and see if I find anything,” Ani smiled as she left.

Her first week back at work had been a little off, every rumble of exhaust that passed the building had made her look out the window. She hadn’t seen Knox since the weekend, only spoken to him a handful of times over the phone. After returning home Sunday evening she’d tried to call Cash a few times with no success, this was what she had been afraid of. She had pushed him to the point of giving up and why it mattered to her, she wasn’t sure. Maybe it was the history they shared together; or maybe it was how much effort and passion he had put into trying to rekindle things between them. She flipped through the paperwork that Lisa had given her, looking up when she heard the notification of a new e-mail.

Recipient: Aiyana Forrest

Subject: Why so sad?

Message: You look like someone ran over your puppy…

Ani let out a long breath before hitting reply.

Recipient: Kate Benson

Subject: RE: Why so sad?

Message: Because I ran over my own metaphorical puppy.

She turned back to the paperwork on her desk in an attempt to get her mind off Cash and Knox, for now she just wanted to focus on work, but just as she was immersing herself in her work the door flew open. Kate strolled into her office and sat in the chair in front of her.

“Ok, tell me what’s going on,” she peered across the desk at Ani.

“To be honest, Kate, I have no idea,” Ani huffed, “I am so fucked up in my head right now I don’t know what to think or what to do. It’s like someone cut my head open and filled it full of mud that I am now trudging through to try and figure out what is next.”

“What do you want to do, Ani?”

“I want to see where things go with Knox, I feel this pull to him that I can’t explain, but then I think about Cash and it breaks my heart. Why can’t I have them both in my life?” Ani leaned back in her chair. This whole process was exhausting.

“Well, it’s not possible to have them both in your life, that’s obvious. First of all Cash is a cop, Knox is a biker; not the kind of people who usually go to dinner parties together,” Kate gave her an apologetic smile before continuing, “And you gotta face it that Cash is in love with you and I am pretty sure if you kept him in your life, even as just a friend, that he would never give up.”

“I don’t know about that. I think he already has.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I tried calling him Sunday night, no answer. He also hasn’t returned any of my calls either,” Ani propped her head up onto her hand.

“He’s just playing the game. Doing a damn good job at it too,” Kate picked at a piece of lint on her skirt.

“What do you mean,
playing the game
?”

“He’s got you right where he wants you, you feel bad about the weekend and you have been groveling all week. I can see you every time I walk into the lobby so don’t deny it. Now watch, I bet he will call you tonight feed you some line about how he was so hurt but that he forgives you and then the next thing you know you will be going to dinner with him.”

Cash was a charmer, but Ani wasn’t sure if he was that smooth. Just as soon as the thought crossed through her mind, her phone rang on her desk.

“This is Aiyana, how may I help you?” she answered.

“Hey, it’s Cash. You gotta minute?” his voice was light and airy as he spoke.

Ani cut her eyes over to Kate who had already guessed who was on the other line. Quietly she stood and left Ani’s office, smiling as she went out the door.

“Hey, yeah I’m free. How are you?” she said partly in shock that Kate had been right.

“I’m good. How are you?” he asked.

“Good. You know I’ve been trying to get in touch with you all week.”

“I know. I’m sorry; my head has been really fucked up after I saw you on the back of that guy’s bike. Listen I’ve been an ass and I’m sorry, I know you’re an adult and you can make your own decisions. I hope you can forgive me.”

She eyed the phone, what game was he playing at now? This wasn’t how Kate had explained this should go and now Ani was more confused than ever.

“Of course, Cash. I wasn’t mad at you; I was trying to call to tell you that I was ok. I knew you were worried.”

“I always worry about you Ani; you mean the world to me. I just want you to be happy. I know you need to go out and have fun and experience the world before we can really talk about the future, I’m ok with that.”

She could feel her hands clenching with each word that came out of his mouth. What on Earth gave him the idea that he could tell her what was ok for her to do? This man really had some nerve.

“Cash, I don’t need your approval,” she tried to keep from exploding; tried, “Didn’t you just get done saying that I’m an adult and can make my own choices. I don’t need you to tell me that I’m allowed to go hang out with other people, I can see Knox whenever I want to and you, nor anyone else, is going to stop me!”

Calm down Ani, you’re at work. Calm down.

“Look that came out wrong, I’m sorry. I just…” he tried to finish but she didn’t want to hear anything else coming out of his mouth, she was done with this conversation.

“No, it came out exactly like you meant it, Cash. I’m not the same naive girl I used to be, you don’t get to control me anymore.” She slammed the phone down, hoping he could hear the crash of the receiver into the base.

She hadn’t been this angry in years, the last time was the night of her mother’s funeral. She had been angry at the world then and there wasn’t much that could calm her down.