Wild Heart (18 page)

“Ok, let me go get him. I’ll be back down in a few minutes.” Cash stood next to Ani for a moment before he leaned down and kissed the top of her head, strolling back toward his truck.

She didn’t fight it, she no longer had the energy to. She knew that the best thing for her was to stay with what she knew, what was familiar. Yes, Cash had been her past and she hadn’t expected him to be her future, but she knew he could provide for her in every way she could ever need. She’d tried to experience a new life, but each time she had Cash still remained prevalent in her mind. His memory was too firmly implanted for her to let him go.

She eased up onto the saddle as Catori shifted slightly underneath her. She had missed this, the connection, the feeling of being one with such an amazing creature. She could feel the trust flowing through Catori into her as she leaned forward and pulled the rope from the fence. She led her slowly into the pasture, feeling each step she took forward, the way she leaned and rocked as she went. She walked her around the edge of the pasture as she caught sight of Cash and Tank galloping up the driveway, a long trail of dust behind them.

Tank was a beautiful horse, a brilliant shade of red with the darkest black hair Ani had ever seen. He was tall and muscular, quite like Cash and the two looked like a scheming pair as they strolled into the pasture. Ani smiled at the cowboy hat that Cash had resting on the top of his head.

“Nice hat,” she said sarcastically as they trotted toward the gate at the back of the pasture.

“I thought you’d like it,” he smiled over at her, “So, anything exciting happen this past week? You didn’t have any problems at work did you?” She could hear the caution in his voice. She’d made it very clear that she didn’t want to talk about what had happened at the club. But she had to disclose some information to Cash so that he would know what was going on.

“Nope. Just a bunch of paperwork.”

“Good,” he hoped down and opened the gate to the back forty acres of the property, “So, when do you think I could claim that dinner voucher you owe me?”

“Cash,” her voice was practically a growl as he came up next to her.

“I just know you have to eat at some point, figured I could take you out to a nice dinner at the Steak N’ Shake. Get you a chocolate milkshake before laying some cheesy pick-up lines on you,” he laughed at the unimpressed look on her face.

She took a deep breath, “You can make me dinner tonight.”

“I think I can handle that.” His face held a smug grin as they passed along the edge of the creek and up toward the mountain ridge.

A comfortable silence transcended between them, nothing but the songs of the birds and the leaves crunching under the hooves of the horses. She tried to push out all of the negative thoughts from her mind, but with each try she found herself coming back to the image of Knox’s face in the club. The fear of what could have happened to her written in every line. It was time she made a choice. She couldn’t continue to keep up this constant battle of who was right for her and who she needed to let go. She might not control who fate brought into her life, but she could control who she let walk out of it. Or who she’d refuse to let go of.

As they neared the end of the trail the colors of the sky reflected in every direction of the valley. The lush green tree tops rolled over the tops of the hills that seemed to span out for thousands of miles. She took a deep breath and exhaled all of her worries, all of her cares. She needed to stop evaluating every move she made and just live. If two people were destined to be together, they would.

“I love this view,” his words pulled her from her thoughts, “You know after you left for New York, I came up here almost every day that summer. It was the only place I could feel you. Everywhere else was bland and stagnant. I tried to get myself into a routine that didn’t have you in it and I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t find my rhythm without you.”

She absorbed the love in his voice as he spoke, “I know it was hard on you, Cash, and I’m sorry for the way I left.”

“No need to be sorry, Ani. I didn’t care about anything but myself and because of that selfishness I let you go. I was naïve, made decisions with my heart instead of my mind. I let my emotions take over and didn’t think things through. I should have supported you when you told me about New York,” he leaned down onto the horn of his saddle, “Hell, Ani, I should’ve followed you up there.”

“It’s ok, Cash. I’m back now,” she stared out at the sea of evergreens, avoiding the emotions that were welling up inside of her.

“Do you know how many plane tickets I bought?” he looked over at her, the raw emotion evident as he spoke. He wasn’t hiding his feeling toward her any longer. “Fifteen. I bought fifteen plane tickets to New York. I told myself that I would go up there and win you back. Even got on a flight once and flew up there.”

“I never knew you came to New York, Cash.”

“I never told anyone. I got into that city and was swallowed whole by those buildings. I tried, Ani, I really tried. I wanted to show you that I could live there and be with you. Make things right, but I couldn’t. I never once felt like that was home,” an apologetic look encompassed his face. “I’m just a southern boy, Ani; covered in dirt and grease. No matter how much I loved you, I thought I was in love with Tennessee more.”

“Cash, I was selfish when I expected you to drop everything you’d ever known to come with me.” It was time to take this burden from him, “To be honest I think a part of me never wanted to tell you about New York because I knew you wouldn’t want to go. You would have talked me out of it and we would be living in the cabin up on Mr. Baxley’s property with twelve kids,” she eyed over at him with a warm smile, “and as beautiful as those kids would be, it wasn’t what I wanted.”

“I know that,” his voice was a mere whisper as he acknowledged their broken future. They both knew that a lot would have to change for anything to work between them. They wouldn’t be able to settle back into old habits, they were both different from the kids they were before.

As they finished their ride and came trotting back into the pasture, a flash of silver caught Ani’s eye causing her to pick up the pace. As she neared the barn she saw Knox’s black Harley parked at the side of the house. Her stomach twisted as she glanced over at Cash, his eyes were cut toward the motorcycle, irritation spread across his face.

“I’m gonna get Tank back home, I’ll see you in a few right?” he eyed over at her, taking in the look on her face.

“Yeah, I’ll give you a call when I get changed,” she smiled weakly as he rode off, tipping his hat toward the porch as he took off down the road.

Ani brought Catori up to the side of the barn, slipping down from the saddle as Knox came around the side of the house. His hair pulled into a tight bun with a darkened expression framing his face. He looked… worried. She hadn’t returned any of his calls for the past two weeks and it was now dawning on her that he had been worried.

“Been trying to call you, Ani. I hadn’t heard from you for the past two weeks, like you disappeared or something,” he ran his hand over his face, exasperation and relief pouring out of him as he walked up to her.

“Knox, I really didn’t have much to say.”

“Do you know how worried I was about you? Worried that something had happened to you because of me.”

“Exactly, Knox, because of you,” the words tore at her core as they came out of her mouth. “I can’t live like that, afraid that anywhere I go something may happen to me because of who I’m with. That’s not my life, Knox. It’s yours.”

“I know what you’re doing and it’s not gonna work, Love,” his dark eyes stared deep into her soul. She tried to keep her reserve as she spoke, she couldn’t give him any hint to the war path she was about to set ablaze between them.

“We don’t belong together. You and me, we’re cut from two different cloths, Knox. You’re dangerous and I’m not; you’re strong and I’m not. If I stay around you it’s only going to break that loving creature apart piece by piece. Sending cracks through my soul that can’t be fixed later.” The tears were burning at her eyes as the sharp pain began forming in her throat. She had to keep it together, but the hurt and pain were already tearing across his face, making it that much harder.

“Ani..” his voice trailed off, “You really feel that way?”

“Yes,” she looked down at the ground as she spoke. She couldn’t lie to his face.

“Look me in the eye and tell me that,” his voice was commanding as he stepped closer to her. “Look me in the eye and tell me that’s how you feel.”

She fought it, the fissures rupturing through her heart. This all felt so wrong but she knew she had to do it, she had to let him go. “Cash cares about me, Knox. More than you could ever imagine; he was my first love, my first everything. He can be there for me in ways you can’t. I owe it to him to try and give it a fresh start; a second chance.”

“Second chance? That’s not how it works, Ani,” his voice demanded her full attention, “Fuck you’re first love, let’s all give him a round of applause for ripping your heart out. No, Ani, a second chance is something new, something different.”

“Knox, you don’t know anything about my relationship with Cash,” her words were poisonous as she spoke.

“Aye, I don’t. But he didn’t respect you, Ani; that I do know. He didn’t support your dreams, your goals. If he had you would still be together. He didn’t respect you and he doesn’t deserve you.”

“And you do?”

“Aye. I do. Never thought I could love something before in my life, Ani. Then you came into it and turned my world upside down. Do you know the fear that I felt at the club that night, the fear of losing you?” His words cut through her flesh, exposing the weaknesses of her heart. “I can’t promise you a happy ending, Darlin’, but happy endings are for pussies. I can promise you our own ending, the one that we get to create together. It’s not like anyone else’s and at times we might have to fight for it, fight for each other. But I know that would mean more to me than to just… settle.”

The tears now flowed freely down her face, Knox reached for her, but she stepped back from him. Never had anyone spoken so deeply toward wanting her affection before. She tried to regain her composure as he turned and took a few steps toward his bike.

“I will fight for us, Ani. But you have to fight for us too.” He dropped his hands in surrender by his side, “If you want to fight for us you know where I’ll be.”

As he took off down the road, she could hear the growl of his engine as he hit the throttle. The sound ripped through her body taking every last doubt with it. She led Catori into her stall and collapsed onto the bale of hay sitting in the corner. The sobs shuttered through her body relentless and unforgiving. She clutched at her stomach as let them out, no longer holding back. She could feel Catori’s warm breath blowing against the top of her head, nuzzling her neck in comfort.

She reached up and gently rubbed the top of her head, “I know,” she wiped at the tears flowing down her cheeks as she looked up into those crystal blue eyes. “I know that I have to.”

KNOX

“Tell me where she is, Kate,” Knox’s voice was mixed between worry and sadness.

Two weeks had gone by and his world has ceased to exist. It was no longer filler with her beautiful laughter or the warmth of her touch. He knew he should have never left the night after the attack, he shouldn’t have left her alone, but he had. In the midst of his fury he had stormed out and left her standing there in the middle of his room. He choked down the eruption that was brewing inside of him as he thought back to that night. The thought that someone had threatened her because of him fueled the chaos that was burning in his mind. And then when he’d gotten back, she was gone.

“I can’t tell you, Knox,” Kate frowned over at him, “You just gotta give it time.”

“Fuck that. I’m not doing that, next thing I know she’ll be gone. I have to go make it right. Please, Kate. Please, just tell me where she is.” His face was long and somber as he looked over toward her. He could see that she was teetering between telling him and going upstairs. He could only hope that her devotion to Ani would persuade her to tell him.

Kate let out a deep breath, “Here.” She let out a slight growl as she grabbed the notepad and pen sitting on the side table and jotted something down. She ripped it off, bundled it up, and threw it right at his head.

He didn’t flinch as the ball of paper smacked against his right temple. He reached down and picked it up off the floor, unfolding it to see the address to Ani’s house. “Thank you,” he said to Kate as he bounded for the door.