Wild Honey (23 page)

“But it means just as much to me that it’s happened in time for Matt. I love that kid, Randi. I want a life that’s
better for my son than what I’ve had. I mean, isn’t that what bein’ a parent’s all about? I know I’m no expert, but…” He shrugged.

She felt as if she could drown in the blue blue gaze that held hers. How had she ever doubted this man’s sincerity? His need to be involved in the life of the child he’d fathered, no matter how that had come about. His ability to care deeply for him in a healthy way, a selfless way.

“Sometimes, Travis,” she began quietly, “love creates its own expertise.”

A shaky smile trembled on lips that fought to contain a sob, and to conceal the emotions threatening to tear him apart, he captured her hand and led her to a sofa beyond the piano. Dear God, she’d accepted that he loved Matt! A small miracle in itself, he thought as his pulse tripped into double time. Now to work on the bigger miracle.
Please, Lord, let me be right.

His emotions finally under control, he stopped before the sofa, lifted her hand and raised it to his lips. Placing a kiss on her palm, he closed her fingers over it, feeling a shiver course through her as he met her gaze. “Sit with me, darlin’. It’s time we talked ‘bout a few things.”

A look of uncertainty crossed her face. What things? she wanted to ask, but then he joined her, draping his arm along the sofa behind her back, and the words evaporated on her tongue. His nearness drove her crazy with an ambivalence she didn’t understand; she both wanted it and feared it, and she still didn’t know why.

“Randi,” he began, choosing his words carefully, “I can’t tell you how much it means to me to hear you acknowledge my love for Matt. We’ve come a long way, darlin’, from that standoff on the beach.”

She nodded, managing a small smile. “You terrified me, you know, coming on the scene that way. All I could think of was—” she swallowed, staring down at her tightly
folded hands “—that you’d come to take him away from me.”

“Oh, sweetheart—” he captured her chin, turning her face toward him “-not in a million years. But then, you couldn’t know that, could you? Lord, darlin’, I’m sorry. I should’ve been more sensitive. You didn’t know me well enough to realize I’m not—”

“Not the sort of man to do such a thing?” she said, stilling him with her fingers on his lips. “You’re right. I didn’t know that about you. I didn’t know you at all.”

“And now?” he asked, capturing her hand and kissing the tips of her fingers before releasing it.

Trying to ignore the wild leap of her pulse, she cocked her head to the side and managed a smile. “Well, uh, now that I know you a little better…”

He grinned. “Yes?”

“I know you don’t mean to…to do the things I feared back then. It isn’t in you. You…care.”

He nodded solemnly. He’d hoped she felt this way, sensed she did, but he wanted her to articulate her feelings. “And my presence in Matt’s life now? In both your lives?” He held his breath. “Randi…where d’you see us goin’ from here?”

She swallowed past the lump of trepidation his words called up and didn’t answer. It was one of the things she’d been wrestling with, both awake and in her dreams. Matt’s asking about Travis being his daddy had brought such things to a head; she couldn’t continue to sweep them aside.

Travis chuckled softly. “I think we both know where Matt sees us goin’,” he said as if reading her mind. Again he turned her toward him; his gaze was intense as he studied her face. “I’d like him to know, Randi. I think I’d trade my soul for him to know I’m his father.”

“Don’t say that!” she exclaimed for want of something better to say. But she was stalling and she knew it.

“Just a figure of speech, darlin’,” he said. His gaze became
even more intense. “But, Randi, I need for you to know how important this is to me…as I feel it’s important for Matt. For all of us.”

She swallowed and managed a small nod. It was out on the table now; more importantly, he was telling her the decision was hers to make. But could she do it? Make him Matt’s father in name, as well as in deed?
Share her son?

There, she’d acknowledged it. That it sounded selfish was something she also realized, and she felt herself flush. But it was true, wasn’t it? She’d lived for five years now with the idea that Matt was hers and hers alone. She was a single mother—not an easy thing, by any means—but she’d done it, and she felt a certain pride in knowing she’d done it well.

But as a mother, a good mother, which was what she’d always tried to be, she had her child to think of first. And Matt wanted a daddy. He wanted Travis.

“Will…will you give me a little time to think about it?” she asked in a small voice.

He smiled warmly at her, savoring another small step of progress. “I won’t press you, darlin’. But I did think it was important for you to know where I stand.”

A small frown creased her brow. “Travis, how would it work, do you think? I mean, if we told him, how would we work it into our…well, our daily lives?”

I’d marry you, and we’d go from there.
“C’mon,” he said aloud, pulling her up from the sofa. “Dance with me some more, ‘n’ I’ll give you my thoughts on the matter.”

The music hadn’t stopped, she realized; she’d simply been preoccupied with the things they were discussing. Now she felt its dreamy chords swelling around them as he took her back in his arms.

They danced as before, slowly, with just the right amount of closeness, Randi thought. She listened as Travis gave her the scenario he envisioned. He could move closer to her and Matt, so that he lived in the district where Matt
would attend school; they’d operate as some couples who were separated or divorced did, but with joint custody. When this was handled right, he’d read in a study, the children moved easily between the two households, accepting the situation as normal.

That this was the last thing Travis had in mind for their future was something he didn’t tell her. He simply sketched for her the possibility that was least threatening.
One step at a time,
he thought, schooling himself to be patient.
One careful step at a time.

Randi pondered his idea, saying it sounded plausible, but she’d like to see the study he’d read. And she ignored the inner voice that asked her why she felt a stab of disappointment when he mentioned operating like a divorced couple.

Travis was only too happy to agree. She was softening to the idea. It wouldn’t be too great a leap to his true scenario. But time for that later. Patience, he reminded himself, patience.

“You feelin’ relaxed, darlin’?” he asked with a casual change of topic. “Enjoyin’ the cruise so far?”

She was relaxed, she realized, though he was now holding her closer. But after the things they’d discussed, being in his arms was the least of her concerns. “Mm,” she murmured, “and the dancing.”

“Good,” he whispered, and his gaze fastened on her mouth. “Now stay that way, darlin’,” he breathed as he slowed his steps and pulled her even closer, “all nice ‘n’ easy ‘n’ relaxed…”

And with devastating tenderness, Travis slowly lowered his head and began to kiss her senseless.

R
ANDI HAD TROUBLE
drawing breath as his mouth slowly descended. He captured her lips, a gentle claim that stole across her senses like no champagne ever could. The music flowed and ebbed around them, and she realized she recognized the melody. It was called the
Liebestraum—the
“dream of love.” Travis’s lips and tongue played unhurriedly with hers. Molding, shaping, deliciously teasing, until she was giddy with sensation and wanting more.

When his tongue skimmed the seam between her lips, they parted, and without thinking, she met it with a tentative dart of her own.

A murmur of approval vibrated in his throat, and he deepened the kiss, widening his stance against the swaying of the boat as he drew her closer yet. With utmost care he began to probe the moist heat of her mouth. He traced the sensitive crevice between her upper teeth and lip with his tongue. He captured her full lower lip lightly between his teeth, then releasing it slowly, nibbled at it almost carelessly, finally pulling it into his mouth with a gentle suction that made something careen wildly inside her.

“So lovely…” he murmured as his hands slid over her shoulders to cup her face. “Ah, lady, I love the taste of you.” And he kissed her again, a long drugging kiss that had her reeling. She was tumbling heedlessly into a warm sensual place that had no name. Just that of the man whose fingers threaded through her hair as he deepened the kiss
and took her there.
Travis!
her heart shouted with every wildly thudding beat.
Travis Travis Travis!

He felt her hands go to his shoulders. He knew from the way she clung to him that it wasn’t the gentle swaying of the vessel that made her unsteady, for he was having the same problem. Stifling a groan, he cautioned himself to go slowly. Randi was still inexperienced, still a novice at such things. An innocent whose kisses were only beginning to grow accomplished under his careful tutoring. But, dammit, this was hard. She went to his head like wine.

“Back to dancin’, darlin’,” he murmured huskily. But when they began moving to the rhythm again, their bodies were closely aligned.

Randi sensed this with only a vague dreamy awareness. She sighed as she felt his chin resting on her head, his thighs brushing against hers with each slow gliding step. Melting against him, she felt herself carried along by the swelling strains of the music. Images flowed and ebbed in her head, mingling in a subtle blend of past and present: her father’s big comforting arms about her, Travis’s warmth as he held close, gentle laughter that could have belonged to either man, protective male strength. Safety.

And so, when he paused and drew her more intimately into his arms, she went as if it were the most natural thing in the world When his mouth again began its tender assault, skimming her hair, her eyes, trailing kisses along her neck and throat, she moaned with pleasure. When he captured her mouth in a heady sensual invasion that left her breathless, she leaned into him, silently begging for more.

And finally, when he swept her up into his arms and began carrying her—where, she neither knew nor cared—she closed her eyes and clung to him, curling into his warmth. Here was comfort and sharing and pleasure all rolled into one. Here she was safe.

Aching and sweet, the muted strains of the
Liebestraum
followed them as he carried her. Travis was taking her to
his private stateroom. He’d debated this, wondering if it wasn’t too risky. But in the lounge, anyone could walk in on them, and they needed privacy. He promised himself he’d do nothing she wasn’t ready for.

A masculine haven done in deepest tones of earth and sky and sea, Travis’s room had a huge canopied bed at its center. Bed hangings of sheer azure silk billowed with the gentle breeze sifting through an open window.

Randi noticed none of it. Caught in the warm cocoon of his arms, she felt something soft undulate beneath her as he placed her on the bed. “Mmm,” she murmured lazily.

He smiled as he joined her on the water bed, recalling how he’d hated it and carried on about it as a teenager when his mother’s fancy decorator had had it installed. Now he could only appreciate its chief advantage—helping lull thisskittish woman he cared so much about into the dreamy relaxed state suited to his purpose.

At least he hoped she was lulled.

“Randi, darlin’, look at me,” he murmured, smoothing tendrils of honey blond hair away from her face and watching her struggle to raise her eyelids. He answered her smile with his own as she gazed languidly at him through thick tawny lashes.

“Kitten,” he whispered, kissing her temple, the tip of her nose and then her mouth, lingering there to savor the taste of her. “I have a confession to make.”

She couldn’t imagine anything softer than the surface cradling their entwined bodies. And Travis’s hand stroking her hair was so delicious, soothing. “Mmm?” She ached for the feel of his mouth on hers again.

Hoping he’d judged the moment right, he let his hand slide along her neck and over her shoulder. It stroked the silken fabric of her blouse in a slow downward glide that ended in the capture of a generously rounded breast. As if on command, her nipple sprang to life, jutting through the silk to tease the center of his palm.

He heard her moan softly, and she leaned into his caress.
Thank God,
he thought, then bent his head to nibble at her ear, catching the lobe between his teeth, nipping it lightly before using his lips to soothe the sensitized flesh.

“T-Travis…” she stammered breathlessly. He was molding both breasts now, finding their hardened peaks through the silk. She couldn’t think.

“Uh-huh,” he murmured encouragingly, continuing the assault on her ear and the sensitive flesh below. “Now, ‘bout that confession, love…” he continued in the same soothing voice.

“Confession?” she whispered shakily. His fingers were doing mad impossible things to her throbbing flesh. She couldn’t concentrate. Lord above, her whole body ached! Ached with a need that hovered somewhere between pleasure and sweet unbearable pain.

He nudged the sarong-wrapped silk aside and gently bit a nipple through the barely existent lace of her bra. “Y’see, love,” he continued, feeling her shudder with swiftly building need, “we’re not goin’ back to port tonight.”

“Not going…?” What was he talking about? Why was he even talking at all?

“This cruise—” he nudged the lace aside and drew the puckered tip of her breast into his mouth, sucking gently on it before he released it “—is a surprise…just for you, darlin’.” Maybe he wasn’t playing entirely fair, but that was the risk he had to take; all that happened between them now depended on getting her to trust him, and that meant not just emotionally, but physically. He suckled the worried flesh again, felt her shudder beneath him.

Randi felt a liquid warmth settle in the region below her navel. Her thighs trembled uncontrollably, and the place between was hot and throbbing. The maddening suction of his mouth seemed directly linked to the heat below.
Dear God, the pleasure!

“Did you hear me, sweetheart?” Travis persisted. He
might be aware he’d stacked the deck in his favor, but he still wouldn’t settle for a mindless response, much as he was tempted. He wanted her to know what was happening, that he’d conspired to steal her away for a few days. To court her, and win her, body, mind and heart. And for her to trust him, in spite of his little deception. Only then would he be ready to ask her for the ultimate in trust: to share a lifetime with him.

“We’ll be cruisin’ for a few days,” he added. He raised his head to watch her face, but continued to caress her with sure knowing hands.

Randi blinked, focusing at last on his words. “Did you say a
few days?”
She stiffened under his touch.

“Uh…yeah.” He eyed her shocked face with mounting trepidation. “It’s all right,” he said quickly. “Jill knows about it and, uh, sends her love.”

Jill?
She tried to keep her mind on his words, despite the anxiety spiraling through her. “Jill’s back h-home with M-Matt. Th-they’re expecting us to…to…”

“Not for a few days, sweetheart. We’ve all—
Oof!”

“Don’t you
dare
call me that!” She shoved at his chest and scrambled away, the undulating surface of the bed making her movements awkward.

“Randi, wait! It isn’t—”

“You lied to me!” she cried. “Just a little cruise to set my mind at ease,” she sneered as her feet found the floor. “A couple of hours, you said. But it was a lie! I trusted you.
Trusted!
And you
lied
to me!”

Travis winced. Her tone, her expression, every nuance of body language said his hope for a miracle was gone. He was a fool. He’d gambled on the impossible and he’d lost.

“I should have realized,” she said bitterly. Her hands shook as she fumbled awkwardly with her blouse. “But you were making damned sure I
wouldn’t
realize, weren’t you?”

“Randi, I—”

“All this—” she gestured wildly at the room, the bed “—and the music, the champagne! It was calculated to seduce me, wasn’t it? A big lie to get me into your bed!”

“No!” He rolled off the mattress, scrambling in his mind for the right words, knowing he could lose her forever if he failed, terrified he already had. “Randi,” he pleaded, “it’s not the way you think. I only—”

“Take me home,” she cut in icily, not looking at him.

He swallowed a lump of anguish. What in the name of God had he done? He’d known how tenuous a thing trust could be. How fragile. And now, through a petty deception he could have easily avoided, he’d destroyed the bridge between them. A trust that had taken weeks to build.
Fool
didn’t begin to describe him!

But, dammit, he cared about this woman. It couldn’t end like this!

Then fight for her,
said a voice inside his head. And his heart. “Randi, please don’t go,” he urged, following her to the door. “You’ve gotta know I never planned a…a seduction. It was s’posed to be a courtship, I swear!” He placed a hand on her arm to stay her. “I want to marry you.”

“Take your hand off me!” She pressed her back to the door, reminding him of a frightened animal. She was staring at him, but not seeing him. Her eyes were unfocused, and she shook uncontrollably.

“I know what happens when a man t-touches you,” she said. “I saw it happen to Jill. Saw the way he looked at her…at me.”

“Randi, stop.” Travis hovered there, uncertain what to do or say. Things had gone horribly awry, and it was all his fault. “Please, baby, don’t do this.”

It was as if she hadn’t heard. “He forced her…hurt her!”

“Randi…” Raw emotion laced his voice as he realized what she was reliving in her mind, and he knew he needed
to stop her. Her hands were clenched into fists, and her face was ashen.

And he wanted to smash something, annihilate the horrors in her memory—No, he wanted to go back in time and kill! Erase the very existence of the animal who’d done those things, put this fear into her. “Randi,” he repeated in a choked plea, “please stop this.”

She never heard him. “He forced her!” she cried. “Just like he forced me, don’t you see? He forced both of us, and we couldn’t stop him! We were just g-girls and he was so s-strong, and he m-made me…made me…
Oh, my God…”

There was a stunned silence.

The silence grew and hung in the air like an accusing finger as their eyes met. Vaguely, in some distant part of his brain, Travis noted she was focusing again. Seconds passed as they stared at each other in dismay. In horror. And in the pregnant silence that screamed at them was a single thought:
Not just Jill, but Randi, too.

“Oh, baby…” Travis finally got out. He reached for her, wanting to comfort and protect. Wanting to turn back the clock and undo. If only it were that simple.

“Don’t!” She twisted away, her face pale with shock, and something else, he realized with a sick feeling. She was seething with anger. “Don’t you
dare
touch me!” she ground out between clenched teeth. “Not ever. Not ever again!”

“Okay,” he said, backing off a step, trying desperately to sound reassuring. “I know how you must be—”

“You
know,”
she mocked savagely, her eyes hot and accusing. “You couldn’t possibly know! But you had to force me to this, didn’t you, Travis? Corner me, till I—Oh, God, why did I have to remember? But I do. I remember
everything.
God, I can’t bear it!”

Travis closed his eyes, sensing her pain as if it were his own.
Not just Jill, but Randi, too.
And now she was blaming
him for what she’d obviously just recalled for the first time. But somehow he had to make her understand. “Randi, I swear to you, I had no idea…”

She began to sob, and he plowed a hand through his hair, staring at her helplessly. Feeling so far out of his element he had to grope for words. What did he know about things like blocking and buried shock? Trauma, he remembered they called it. He knew how to treat physical trauma, but this? He was no shrink. He was only a man, and right now, he felt less than that.

“Randi, listen to me,” he pleaded, using the one thing he could think of, hoping it would be enough. “I
care
about you, deeply, and I wouldn’t hurt you for the world. I know I was wrong using the method I did to bring you here, and I’m sorrier for it than I can say. But I meant what I said when I told you I intended to court you. I want to make things right for you…help
you…be
with you. I’m talkin’ ‘bout marriage, Randi. I want us to be a family—you, me ‘n’ Matt.”

“What right did you have,” she snarled, rounding on him with tight-lipped fury, “to barge into my life this way? To just take over? To expect that all you had to do was take me in your arms—” she waved a hand at the rumpled bed “—seduce me into compliance and…and then assume you’d make everything right? Marry you! I wouldn’t marry you if you were the father of
ten
of my children!”

She twisted toward the door and grabbed for the handle. “Now be a good little blueblooded Boy Scout,” she spat, “and get this…this floating palace turned around!”