Wild Honey (26 page)

Saying none of this, she managed a tight nod and tried to look away, but his gaze caught hers and didn’t let go.

“Randi, listen to me.” He took a step toward her, saw her stiffen ever so slightly and backed away with a sigh.

“First of all,” he told her gravely, “I give you this promise. I won’t lay a hand on you, touch you again in any way, unless you ask me to. Not ever. Do you understand?”

“I think so.”

He shook his head. “Not good enough, darlin’. I need you to be sure. When I say I won’t touch you, it’s because I couldn’t bear it if there was fear in your eyes when I did. I’m puttin’ you in the driver’s seat with this, Randi. You and nobody else. Now do you understand?”

Slowly nodding, she was aware of the irony in her response. He was giving her control! Even as she sought to relinquish her need to control so many other things in her life. But in the arena of what went on between a man and a woman, she knew he was right to do this; she wasn’t ready to relinquish control there, not yet. Maybe never.

“Beyond that,” he went on quietly, “no matter what happens, I want you to know I’ll always be here for you, Randi. If you need me, that is. If you ask. Because I think I understand what it must’ve been like. To be vulnerable and helpless, with no one to go to when…when the need was there. No one to protect you.

“And your private history’s safe with me. I’ll guard it—and you—with my life. That’s a promise, too. I’ll do whatever it takes to protect you, Randi—even if it’s from myself. I’d cut off my arm before I’d ever hurt you or let harm come to you. And if that means…never seein’ you again, you’ve got it—though you have to know, too, that’s not what I want. You’re that important to me, Randi. You ‘n’

Matt.”

With this he turned and walked away, his footsteps echoing
in the cavernous underground space. She watched him go, wanting to call him back and tell him how his words had touched her. How he’d become important to her, too. Wanting to, but not knowing how.

S
EVERAL NIGHTS LATER
Jill looked up from the wedding invitations she was addressing when she heard Randi come in. The sound of cheerful humming echoed from the foyer, and she grinned to herself. Randi had been to a counseling session, and from the sound of things, it had gone well.

“Hey, sis,” Randi said as she stuck her head in the door of Jill’s office, “you’re working kind of late tonight.”

“Oh, it’s not decorator stuff. Just a few last-minute additions to the guest list.” Jill leaned back in her chair-and motioned her in. “How’s it going, kid?”

Randi knew the question could be taken generally or specifically, referring to her session. Jill never pried, leaving it up to Randi to confide in her or not.

In the beginning, in the difficult days after the trauma of the
Sarah Anne,
Randi had told her nothing. She knew she’d returned from those early sessions in a bad humor—angry, upset, often near tears—and Jill had wisely left her alone. But lately the sessions had begun to feel better. She was making progress. By inches, it felt sometimes, with occasional minor setbacks, but progress nonetheless.

“I’m finally getting a handle on it, Jill,” she said, smiling. “Carol’s so darned good at what she does—but I don’t need to tell
you
that.” The smile turned to an impish grin. “You really should’ve convinced me to go back to her years ago.”

“What!” Jill pretended to throw a pen at her. Randi pretended to duck. Then they broke into laughter.

It was a watershed moment. When they’d collected themselves, Randi fell into a chair and began to talk. To share the intimate details she hadn’t been ready to share before, not even with Jill.

She began with the truth, the key fact that had been eluding her for years: that she had suffered exactly what Jill had. Jill prudently refrained from telling her she’d always known, instead reaching out for her sister wordlessly as she came around the desk. The moment was cathartic; they wept in each other’s arms.

But Randi wasn’t done. It was like a dam had broken, releasing a river that had been held to a trickle for years. She told her everything. About the terrible dreams that had been pushing at her conscious mind, urging her to recall the past as it had really been; about her denial and the need to block; about her need to control and how this had been affecting her life, especially her parenting, as Jill had noticed. And then how she’d begun to do something about it.

Finally she talked about Travis. About her inability to trust him, to open herself up to him. Despite a growing attraction that, surprisingly, was physical, but also emotional, and growing stronger all the time. Despite his demonstrating-he was good and kind and decent. Despite knowing he loved Matt and cared deeply for her, as well.

“I know it’s the control thing again, with how I feel about him, Jill. But things are slowly changing,” she added as she finished. “I can feel it. It’s…like a heavy chain has been dragging at your ankles for years, but suddenly it’s lighter, and you know that one day soon you’ll wake up and it won’t be there anymore, y’know?”

“I know,” Jill said softly, blinking back tears.

“Yeah, I guess you do.” They smiled at each other.

“So,” Jill said after a moment, “what’s next, or shouldn’t I ask?”

Randi sighed. “Oh, you can ask. I just don’t know if I have all the answers—or even if I ever will.”

It was the first uncertainty Jill had heard. “Travis?” she asked gently.

“Travis. I didn’t handle him at all well, Jill. I mean, I
accused him of such terrible things that night on the yacht. Of scheming and lying to me and—”

“You might’ve accused me of those things, too,” Jill cut in wryly. “I mean, I was in on it.”

“I know,” Randi said with a rueful smile. “But I didn’t have a problem with
you.”

“Uh-huh, because you don’t have a problem
trusting
me.”

Randi nodded. “He told me about…about how you confided in him a while back, you know. About…”

“I was wondering if you were ever gonna bring that up. Randi, are you angry with me for telling him? Upset?”

“I guess I was at first, but he explained your reasons, and you know, it’s odd, but I was more upset with him than I was with you for telling him.” She sighed. “Guess I didn’t handle that too well, either.”

“The trust thing again.”

“Yes, just as it was on that darn cruise.” Randi gave her head a wry shake. “You know, Jill, it’s funny, but with a better understanding of my underlying fear of men, of relationships, I’m beginning to see how I used that little escapade he organized as an excuse to…to cop out. It wasn’t really his so-called deceit that made me cry off. It was the
fear
at work. The buried terror that—”

“But, honey, surely you can tell him that.
Talk
to him. He’s not an unreasonable man.”

“Oh, Jill, if only it were that simple. But I’m still not comfortable that way around men. Around
him.
You know, speaking the way we are now—intimately. I mean, look how long it’s taken me to talk to
you
about all this. And it’s not only that. You see, I’m afraid I…Oh, never mind.”

“What, love?” Jill felt her heart turn over at the sadness and regret she glimpsed in her sister’s eyes.

Randi swallowed a sob. “I blew it, Jill. I rejected him, pure and simple. And now he’s gone. I mean, what man hangs around for more of that kind of thing? I blew it, and
now when I feel I might be ready to try, I haven’t got the guts to reach out to him!”
It would take a miracle.

“Oh, sweetheart—”

“Hey, enough of all this soul-baring!” Randi’s laugh was a little too quick as she rose to give her sister a peck on the cheek. “It’s my problem, not yours. G’night, love. Don’t stay up too late.”

Jill murmured in kind as the door closed. She stared absently for a long time at the wedding invitations in front of her, Randi’s words drifting through her mind. I
blew it…I haven’t got the guts to reach out to him…my problem, not yours.

“Hmm,” she mused as she pondered the crisp white envelopes on the desk. “Hmm…”

T
RAVIS RAN HIS GAZE
approvingly over Sarah’s elegantly clad figure as he held the car door open for her. “You look gorgeous, Pumpkin. Reckon I’ll be real busy this evenin’.”

“Thanks,” she replied as she got in. “Uh, busy?”

He grinned as he shut the door and came around. “Yup, fightin’ off all those eager beavers you’re gonna attract.”

“Travis McLean, don’t you dare!” It was part of a longstanding feud between them. When they’d been younger, their mother had assigned Travis and Troy the duty of protecting Sarah from overeager beaux at various functions. Both had complied, but Travis had been impossible. As a result, Sarah had frequently gone with no male company at all. “Mother-r-r,” she’d wail, “he’s my brother, not my keeper!”

He chuckled as he started the car, but the mirth soon faded. They were on their way to Jill and David’s wedding. With Sarah as his invited guest, he was going at the specific request of the bride, who’d practically begged him to come, and to bring his sister.

“You’re not only my nephew’s father,” she’d said when he sounded reluctant, “you’re a friend. Besides, David wants you there, too. And Matt’ll be ecstatic. Uh, not that I’ve told him you’re invited—just in case something happens and you can’t make it.” She’d explained about their policy of not getting Matt’s hopes up in advance, to avoid disappointment if things fell through. “So please don’t mention it to the squirt, okay?”

He’d agreed to that readily enough, but had pressed her about Randi’s feelings regarding the invitation.

“It’s
my
wedding, Travis,” Jill had replied. “How could she possibly argue with me about who I choose to have as guests?”

“I don’t know, Jill. She might go along for your sake, but—”

“Travis,” she’d interrupted, “just how much do you care about my sister? Do you want to be with her or don’t you?”

“If she’d have me,” he’d told her solemnly, “I’d marry her tomorrow. I love her, Jill. These past weeks’ve been hell.”

“Then why haven’t you been beating a path to her door? You don’t strike me as a guy who gives up easily. You’ve made an effort to see Matt, but not Randi. Why?”

He decided not to mention the encounter in the hospital parking garage; nothing had been resolved there, anyhow. “I figured she needed time, Jill, to sort things out, digest what’s been happenin’ with us. And…maybe I needed time myself. Your sister, uh, left me with a few things to think about.”
Your sister and my brother, Troy.

In the end, he’d been persuaded to attend. Maybe because he’d been encouraged by the way Randi had looked when he left her with those final words that night in the garage; maybe she was ready to see him now. He’d also reasoned that Jill had to believe this, or she’d never have included him. Maybe Randi’s counseling sessions had begun to pay off.

Maybe. And with Randi gaining some insights into her feelings, and with the insights he’d gained about himself, maybe, just maybe, they had a chance.

R
ANDI STOOD
in the reception line, unable to believe what was happening. Pain lodged in her chest, and her throat burned. Dear God. Travis—here! But why? How? A new
wave of pain hit—the smile Jill just tossed him said she’d invited him! It hurt almost as much as seeing Travis this way—with another woman on his arm.

A stunning little brunette with huge green eyes and
debutante
written all over her. Her dress was a designer original if ever she’d seen one; she and Jill had spent too much time studying designer gowns for the wedding for Randi not to recognize the look. How
could
he?

Her lips tightened as she sought to contain a surge of pain.
Damn you, Travis! You said you’d never hurt me. That you’d protect me. Damn you to hell!

Travis caught the anguish in Randi’s eyes before her face hardened into an angry mask. She hadn’t known he’d be here! O1’ Jill had pulled a fast one—on both of them! He heaved a sigh. A big mistake. He should have questioned Jill more carefully about whether Randi was in on this. Now he was stuck playing a part he hadn’t been sure, he wanted in the first place.
Poets and fools…

The line moved Sarah and him along until he faced the bride and groom, with the maid of honor just a few feet away. “You’re a beautiful bride,” he told Jill. “Every happiness, darlin’—even if you are a sneaky devil,” he added sotto voce. He kissed her cheek, then shook David’s hand and congratulated him.

“I’d like you both to meet my guest,” he added as Sarah smiled at the happy couple. “This is Sarah, my sister.”

Randi’s head swung in their direction at the mention of the woman’s surname.

McLean?
God in heaven, he’s…he’s married!
Disbelief warred with shock and nausea. This was a nightmare; she was dreaming, and any second now, she’d awaken and find everything back to normal.

But the nightmare went on. Travis and Sarah McLean were moving toward her now, and she was expected to paste a smile on her face
and…God, Jill, why? Why put me through this?

But maybe Jill didn’t know…about the wife, anyway. Tears threatening, she braced herself, wondering how she could endure this. But Matt was a few feet away, and she couldn’t break down in front of him. For Matt, then. For Matt, you can do this!

She stood there, dazed, as he moved toward her.

“Hello, Randi,” Travis said carefully. “I’d like you to meet my sister, Sarah. Sarah, this is—”

“Travis!” Matt’s voice rang out from the end of the reception line. “I didn’t know you were comin’!”

Randi watched as her son broke rank and ran toward his father. Then Sarah smiled and extended a gloved hand. “I’m so happy to meet you, Randi. Although Travis has told me so much about you I almost feel I already have.”

Still feeling foolish, and limp with relief, Randi managed to smile back. “You can’t possibly know how happy I am, too.”

“Hey, Mom, can we go get some food now? I’m starvin’!” Matt was at eye level, grinning unashamedly at her from the vantage point of his father’s arms. He indicated the rest of the guests, who’d already passed through the reception line. “Everybody’s done shakin’ hands, y’know.”

Randi chuckled, blushing as she felt Travis’s gaze on her.

“Almost, sweetheart,” she told Matt. “There’s just one more hand to shake.”

She turned to Sarah and smiled. “Sarah, I’d like you to meet my son, Matthew. Matt, this is Travis’s sister.”
And I’ve never uttered gladder words!

Travis set Matt down to shake hands with his aunt. He glanced at Randi, but she was avoiding his eyes. He swung his gaze to Jill, but the bride merely shrugged at him and grinned. The little traitor! He was on his own.

His gaze returned to Randi, and his face softened. On his own? Not if he could help it. He’d had his fill of being alone. He needed a woman to share his life. This woman.

Now all he had to do was convince her.

W
ITH A GRACIOUSNESS
acquired from birth, Travis endured the elegant reception that followed. He smiled and chatted with fellow guests as toasts were proposed, as a sumptuous banquet was consumed, as the dancing began, led by the happy couple. Yet his eyes rarely left the maid of honor. Randi, resplendent in a gown of bronze silk.

He’d decided to make the best of the situation. Since he was here, he’d try to talk to her, see how things stood. When the wedding rituals wound down, maybe he’d find a chance.

Randi, meanwhile, was trying to find a moment to talk to the bride alone—not easy, with all of them in the spotlight. But she had no intention of letting Jill off the hook where a certain surprise guest was concerned. What had gotten into her? After their heart-to-heart that night especially, Jill should have realized how awkward this would be for her.

And someday Jill the pill and she were going to have a talk about just who was doing the controlling around here! It was ironic really. Here she was, trying to work past her own need to control, when she found herself the object of controlling efforts by others. People she loved!

A frown knit her brow. Everyone engaged in controlling behavior to some extent, Carol had said. Only when it became an overruling compulsion was it a problem.

“Um, something wrong, pipsqueak?”

She heaved a sigh and turned to face her sister, who’d just finished a photo session with David and his side of the family. “You might’ve warned me, Jill.”

There was no need to mention what—or whom—they were discussing. “You know you’d have gone ballistic on me,” Jill said.

“Agreed, but still…”

“You did tell me you felt you’d blown it with him,
didn’t you? And that you didn’t have the guts, I think you said, to reach out to him, right?”

“Well, yes, but—”

“Oh, Randi, please don’t be upset with me, even if you’ve a perfect right to be. Don’t you see? I reached out
for
you. I mean, I know it was sneaky and underhanded, but I gambled you trusted me enough not to hate me too much for—”

“Jill, the idea! I could never hate you.”

Jill grinned at her. “Well, all right, then. So, uh, how about thanking me? Playing Cupid’s hard work, you know?”

Randi gave her head a shake, lapsing into a helpless chuckle. “You stinker! Okay, thanks…I think.”

“Whew! One down and one to go.”

“Huh?”

It was Jill’s turn to blush. “Well, I’m afraid you weren’t the only one I, uh, kept in the dark about a certain invitation.”

“Oh, no! You mean, Travis came here thinking I knew he’d been invit—”

“Um, guilty as charged.”

“Jill Terhune, how
could
you!”

“Uh, shouldn’t you be callin’ her Jill
Brooks
now?”

“Travis!” Jill exclaimed as they both whirled to face him. “Just the person I wanted to see.”

“Do tell.” With a wink for Randi, he glared at Jill, spoiling the effect with a lopsided grin. “I mean, I can’t
imagine
why.”

“Now, now, no need for sarcasm,” Jill told him breezily. “Don’t you know it’s bad form to make the bride squirm?”

“Huh, I could talk up some other stuff that’s bad form. Since when are brides s’posed to be so sneaky?”

Jill made a face at him. It demolished any remaining tension in the air, and all three of them chuckled.

“Well, that’s more like it,” Jill declared. Without waiting
for a response, she grabbed them each by the hand and headed for the French doors leading to a veranda.

“Jill, for Pete’s sake!” Randi protested, but found herself fighting a giggle; Jill had a bee in her bonnet, judging from the look on her face, a look she remembered well from their childhood. “What’s this all about?”

“Yeah,” Travis demanded as the bride dragged them beyond range of several curious wedding guests, “what gives?”

“Okay, you two,” said Jill, “listen up. There’s a couple of beautifully wrapped wedding gifts sitting amid the pile that arrived back at the house—one from each of you—and I know David and I are gonna love ‘em, so thank you.”

“Uh, you’re welcome,” Travis murmured, whereas Randi merely gave her a look that asked if she’d flipped.

“Now it’s my turn,” Jill went on. “You see, I’d like to give the pair of
you
a gift.”

Randi and Travis glanced at each other, but said nothing, eyeing Jill with considerable bemusement.

“Now, you can tell me if I’m way out of line with this,” Jill said, “but it seems to me the two of you need some time together to talk in private. But you’re both so darn busy circling each other, not wanting to make a move, you won’t do it on your own. So I’m doing it for you.”

“What do you mean?” Randi asked warily.

“I mean, if you and Travis would like to leave here, right now, and find a place to have that talk, just say so. I’ve only gotta make a phone call to Matt’s baby-sitter, who’s on standby to sit with him for the entire length of our honeymoon, if necessary, so his mom’s free to do this.”

Mentally crossing her fingers, Jill heaved a sigh and sent them each a look that pleaded for agreement with the idea. “Now, am I all wet, or will you accept this gift?”

Travis wanted to agree at once, but he glanced at Randi and hesitated, concerned about her, the last thing they needed was for her to feel squeezed, pushed into doing
something she wasn’t ready for. He hid a sardonic smile; there was a time, he mused wryly, when he would have pushed without a second’s hesitation. He was learning.

“Huh,” Randi groused, “put that way, sister mine, it’s an offer we can’t refuse.” But she was smiling as she said it. Smiling, because there suddenly wasn’t a doubt in her mind that they should do this. It felt as though something inside her had broken free. The old Randi—heck, the Randi of even a week ago—would have hedged or refused outright; she’d have been afraid—of herself, of Travis, of being alone with him. Of wanting to talk to him, but not knowing how.

But the woman who stood here now was remembering a moment when she’d wanted to reach out and couldn’t—
You’re that important to me, Randi. You
‘n’
Matt.
Remembering and knowing, thanks to the sister who loved her, that she’d been given the rarest of gifts: another chance.