“Baby, I don’t know how to say this to you.”
“Just tell me whatever’s on your mind Ryder. I’m a big girl. I can handle it. If something’s bothering you, tell me about it,” I urge.
“I fuckin’ love you.”
“I love you too,” I say, smiling. I think to myself that maybe he’s going to propose to me. We’re in love and I’m having his baby. Why not? That wouldn’t be a totally absurd idea.
“I wasn’t finished. Please, let me tell you this without any interruptions. It’s going to be hard enough as it is,” he sighs. Not good. My stomach starts to roll.
“I love you so fuckin’ much it hurts. I need you more than I need my next breath. You may not think it, but I love our baby just as much and that’s why I gotta do this.” He pauses, stands up and paces the living room floor.
“I’m no good for you and this baby. I can’t be the great husband and father you need me to be…”
I don’t care; I have to interrupt him, “That’s bullshit, Ryder. You would make me the happiest woman alive, if we were to get married. And you would be an amazing father. You would be a loving, protective and a dedicated family man. Even though we’ve only know each other for a short time, I know you’re a good man.”
“How can you fuckin’ say that? I’m a goddamn member of a motorcycle club and I’m a drug dealer. Okay, I might not do it personally, but I allow it to be done under my leadership. If you only knew the other shit that I’ve done over the years, you would run for the hills. I’m doin’ this because I love you. You need to forget about me. Move back with Payton and Karen. Find yourself a better man, a good and decent man, who will take care of you and our baby.”
My bottom lip starts to tremble and the tears are falling down my face. “Ryder, please. You can’t mean what you’re saying.”
“Yes, I do, Ella.”
“Ryder, I love you so much. You told me we were forever. Where’s our forever now?” I go over to him and wrap my arms around his waist.
“I’m doing this for you and our baby. You both deserve so much more than what I can offer,” he whispers, pulling away from me and laying his hand on my belly that’s not even showing a baby bump yet. I watch as a single tear falls down his cheek.
Bending down, he lifts up the hem of my shirt and gently places small kisses around my belly. He pulls it back down and then his hands are at the sides of my face and he is kissing me passionately. Like it’s the last kiss we’ll ever share and he’s committing it to memory.
Breaking the kiss, I whisper against his lips “You told me you would never leave me.”
“I gotta leave.”
“No, you don’t. You’re choosing to leave. There’s a difference,” I try to keep it together, but I’m seriously close to losing it.
“What would your parents think about you doing something like this?” I ask him, instantly regretting the words as they slip past my lips.
“Don’t fuckin’ bring them into this. They’re dead. Dead people’s opinions don’t matter,” he hisses at me.
And just like that, he lets me go and stomps out the door, jumping on his Harley. I hear the engine rev, while my brain tries to process whether or not this is actually happening. This can’t be happening. I just stand there in shock.
What’s wrong with you Ella? Run after him. When I run out the front door, it’s too late. He just rode out of my life. I sit on the step crying for the love that I’ve lost, that
we’ve
lost. That’s how Payton and Karen find me two hours later. They have to physically carry me into the house and put me to bed.
Devon
Five days later…….
I pull into the parking lot at the hospital for my first prenatal appointment. Payton didn’t want me coming alone, but if Ryder couldn’t be here to experience this with me, I didn’t want anyone there. I’m still reeling from the fact that Ryder left us, still not believing it. He told me that he doesn’t think he’ll be a good father. I don’t
think
he’ll be a good father, I
know
he’ll be an excellent father.
He told me that he loves me and this baby and wants nothing but the best for us. What he doesn’t realize is that he’s what best for us.
After finding out that I was pregnant, I could see the panic in his eyes right from the start, but he kept reassuring me that everything was alright. Everything was as far from alright as it could be.
I have no idea where Ryder is, but I hope he can come to terms with this. It saddens me to know that he thinks so little of himself. For all of the bad things Ryder’s done in his life, the good ones have outnumbered them. If only he could see that in himself, like I see it in him.
He wants me to move back to Boston with Payton and Karen, but I won’t do it. I’m not giving up on us yet. It’s not over until G.I. Jane says it’s over. I stand by my car, absently rubbing my non-existent baby belly, trying to fight back the tears that threaten to fall. I miss Ryder so much.
I am walking towards the hospital when I feel it; a sharp, stinging sensation on the side of my neck, like a needle injection. Not even getting a chance to turn around to see what’s going on, everything goes black.
My eyes open, but I feel really strange. I feel groggy and I’m fighting to stay awake. I can’t seem to move my arms or legs. Lifting my head up, I try to scan my surroundings. I can’t see anything. What the hell is going on? Where the hell am I? “Ryder!” I cry out in panic before I drift away into the darkness again.
I regain consciousness, still feeling a little bit groggy. I try to look around again, but it is still pitch black. It feels as if someone has me blindfolded. I try to move my arms and legs again, but can’t. It definitely feels like I’m lying on a bed with my hands above my head. Something chafes the skin around my wrists and ankles, when I try to move my limbs.
Not being able to see and from sensation alone, I would say that there are some sort of restraints keeping me prisoner. It feels like I’m only wearing a pair of panties. The rest of my skin feels bare.
There’s a sound in the corner of the room and every muscle in my body tenses.
“Who’s there?” I ask, trying to be brave and not cry.
The sound of footsteps approach and my blindfold is removed. It takes a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the sudden intrusion of light, when I see Axel leaning over me.
“Thank you God. Axel, get me out of here now.”
“Not gonna happen, Ella,” he says coldly.
“What do you mean?” I ask, confused.
“You’ve fucked up everything for the club, so we’re gonna fuck you up!” he lashes out, almost snarling at me.
“I don’t understand,” I whimper. I’m so scared and have no idea what’s going on or where I am. “What have I fucked up for the club?”
“Mayhem has recently had some lucrative business opportunities become available to us. The kind of opportunities which could make us a lot of money. So much money, we wouldn’t have to keep workin’ our shitty day jobs. But because of his bitch, Ryder doesn’t want anything to do with it! he spits out at me, at the same time hitting me across my cheekbone with the back of his hand.
“Once again, how did I fuck that up for you? I never told Ryder how to deal with club matters. That’s all on him,” I finally break down and cry, as he back hands me again.
“I know you already know about the drugs, but what I’m not sure of is whether or not he told you about how we wanna get into the business of pushin’ women. Ryder is against it.”
“P-pushing women?” I stammer, trying to make him believe that I don’t understand what he’s talking about.
“Yeah, whoring them out. Some come here on their own, others against their will. Kinda like you.”
“Oh my God,” I choke out.
“So we voted, without Ryder. The vote was unanimous. Get rid of you!”
“NO! I’m pregnant! You can’t do this! Ryder trusted you!” I scream out, thrashing against my restraints.
He laughs. “We’re not gonna kill you, bitch. I left a few openings for that preppy douche bag ex of yours to get you, but the idiot kept fuckin’ up. And Macie’s sad attempt at scarin’ you off failed too, so we came up with alternate plans. I betcha you’re wonderin’ where you are. You’re at one of the whore houses we’ve set up, behind Ryder’s back. You’ll be kept drugged and restrained, entertaining men for the rest of you damn life. Although, don’t know how much greenback we’ll get on a scarred bitch like you. As for your baby, the future is uncertain. Maybe, you’ll have it and maybe you won’t,” he sneers.
“You can’t mean that! Ryder loves you all like brothers. How could you hurt him like this, he loves me and this baby!”
He just doesn’t want us
. I try to push the thought out of my head.
“Fuck you and fuck your baby!
”
He punches me in the face and I pass out from the searing pain.
When I come to, I feel light-headed and nauseous. Axel must’ve drugged me again because I’m finding it very hard to keep my eyes open. I hear voices in the hallway, just outside the door of the room I’m being held in.
Axel walks in with another man. Even though I am not fully alert, my body tenses when I see a familiar face looking down at me. The man with dark brown hair and bearded face is glaring at me with angry eyes, making him look even more dangerous than the last time I saw him. It’s Hunter, the biker that attacked me that very first night at Ryder’s bar.
I try to fight back the bile coming up in my throat.
“You’re her very first john. Unfortunately, for you, she’s no longer a virgin. Ryder beat ya to it, man,” he says, slapping him on the back.
“Fuck, you serious? I was hopin’ to tear her apart tonight.”
“Oh, I’m sure you can still do some damage,” he laughs, while leaving the room and shutting the door.
The scary biker immediately locks the door and says, “Don’t wanna be disturbed now, do we?”
Thoughts of my near rape with Matt flash through my head and I start thrashing on the bed and feel the restraints cut into my skin. Stalking over to the bed, he grabs my wrists and I can feel his hot breath on my face.
“Please, don’t hurt me,” I slur out. This can’t be happening again.
“Close your eyes and sleep,” he whispers.
My eyes are closing and there’s nothing I can do about it’s because of the drugs coursing through my system. My eyes finally close against my will and I slip in to the darkness, once again.
****
When I regain consciousness, the throbbing in my head is so intense I feel like I’m going to be sick. I realize that the restraints have been removed from my wrists and ankles. I can see rings of dried blood around them and they throb. I feel a chill down my body as I am still only wearing my panties, but covered in a sheet.
“You’re awake,” says a voice from the corner of the room.
I scream in response.
Hunter quickly runs to the side of the bed and I try to scramble away from him, but end up falling off the edge onto the floor. Straddling me and covering my mouth with his hand, he hisses, “Calm the fuck down and be quiet. If I take my hand from your mouth, do you promise not to scream?” I nod, watching his eyes narrow. Then he removes his hand from my mouth allowing me to speak.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I say, as I turn my head and vomit. He grabs me by the arms, hauling me up off of the dirty floor.
“Please, don’t hurt me. I’m pregnant,” I plead.
“I’m not going hurt you or your baby. I’m trying to help you,” he says, his eyes now softening. Say what?
He sits me on the bed and backs away from me, pulling off his hoodie. Sensing the panic in my eyes when he starts to undress, he quickly says, “I’m just taking it off to give you something to wear. You must be cold, Ella.” That’s when I finally remember that I’m only wearing a pair of panties. He hands me his hoodie and I gladly put it on. Because of his size, it falls to just above the knee.
I sit back on the bed, folding my legs up inside of the oversized hoodie trying to keep warm, when I speak to him, “I need to get out of here, now.”
Sitting on the bed beside me, he answers me with, “We will, but we have to wait out the night here.”
“I don’t understand, what’s going on?”
“My real name is Devon Ryan. I’m an undercover field agent with the Del Mar Police Department. My partner Jack De Luca and I have been infiltrating the Mayhem and Devil’s Disciples Motorcycle Clubs to break up the sex trade and drug trafficking operations that they have had going on for at least the last six months.”
I stare at him, in shock.
“We thought that Ryder was the brains behind the operations, but as it turns out, Axel has been running things behind his back. My partner informed me of the actions that Axel and the rest of the club had planned for you. There is a task force assembled and they are planning a raid of the premises. Unfortunately, that takes time. I came in here and bought you for the night, so that no one else would touch you. Damn Ryder for putting you in this position to begin with.”
“According to you, he didn’t know it was going on behind his back. So he wouldn’t think that he was putting me in danger. In fact, he’s done everything he could, to protect me.”