Will the Real Abi Sanders Please Stand Up? (23 page)

Also, I should clarify that I hate that I hate this. I am not the kind of person who’s ever cared about being the hottest or coolest or most congenial or whatever girls are supposed to get hung up over. So having up my hackles because Kaitlyn now ranks above me in these categories isn’t exactly a shining achievement for me.

“I promise,” I say, even though I know it’s dangerous making promises about another person’s actions. This one’s as safe a bet as you can get, though. Of course Garrett will want to make out with Kaitlyn! I start to open the bathroom door, but my phone buzzes again in my pocket.

It’s another text from Sara:
K? Are you there?

“Go!” I ignore the text, put my hands on Kaitlyn’s shoulders, and steer her toward the door. “Conquer!”

“Hang on.” She pulls the strap of her (black, lacy) bra out from her shirt (also black, lacy). “You saw this, right? It’s okay? Like, if we get that far?”

“Trust me. Boys will be happy to just see your underwear. I wear frigging boy shorts, and I’ve had no complaints.” I say it so easily by now that it’s basically no longer a lie. “Seriously, go do this.”

Kaitlyn gives me a hug before flinging open the door of the bathroom. I follow her out, but since I’m only at this party for moral support, I now have nothing to do. I find an open spot on the couch in the living room of whoever’s house this is and get my phone back out.
r u ok??
I finally text Sara.
kinda stuck at this party right now.
I don’t add that Sara’s never not okay because it’s probably not nice to make people justify their not-being-okay-ness.

Sara texts back fast:
Sorry about that. I sounded so dramatic! I’m fine.

This is a Cool Person party, and Kaitlyn and I are definitively not Cool People. I figured I’d be exerting a lot of energy trying to just blend in, but it doesn’t actually look any different than any other party I’ve been to. No one’s circling up to take a gulp from the golden chalice of popularity.

“Hey!” Jessie Weinberg, a girl I kind of know from my Literature of an Emerging America class, sits down next to me as I’m texting Sara to make sure she’s actually fine. Ticknor Day School isn’t big enough not to know everyone—if not by name, at least by face. “I just wanted to tell you that I read your piece and it was
hilarious
.”

“My English paper on Mark Twain?” It does not seem possible for a short biographical assignment to be
hilarious
.

“Oh, no, your thing for the
Ticknor Voice
. I know it’s not public yet, but Jennifer couldn’t shut up about how funny it was.”

“Thanks,” I say even though I hadn’t been trying to be funny. When I saw the flyers for our school newspaper’s op/ed column, it just felt
right
. I’ve been just fine not caring too much about anything for a long time, but that’s starting to feel like it’s a size too small for me now. I worked as hard as I could on my submission. But I guess if it’s funny, whatever works! “Wait, does that mean I’m going to be the new op/ed writer?”

Jessie makes a face like she’s thinking,
awkward!
“I probably shouldn’t talk about it.”

I make the
awkward!
face, too. This makes her laugh, so I guess whatever’s up with the paper isn’t too big of a deal. And it’s so weird I care. I was convinced not caring too much about stuff kept you sane, but lately this tiny voice in my head says it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

…Not a literal voice, of course. I’m trying out for an extracurricular, not developing a second personality.

“Kellie.” Kaitlyn runs into the room and yanks me to my feet. “We have to go.”

“Hey, Kaitlyn,” Jessie says.

“Hi, Jessie,” Kaitlyn says, then, “Bye, Jessie,” and I’m pulled out of the room and then the front door. “Let’s go. Tonight’s the worst. Tonight is a
disaster
.”

“Okay.” I don’t ask anything, just get her to my car as she starts crying. We sit there for a while in the darkness, and when my phone buzzes again, I leave it and wait.

“He didn’t even say hi to me,” Kaitlyn says finally. “And then he started making out with Brandy. Like I wasn’t even there or didn’t even
matter
.”

“He’s an idiot, then,” I say. “Brandy’s pretty, but you’re…
pretty
. And that whole crowd is made up of idiots. You could do way better.”

Now that the silence is broken, I take the opportunity to check my phone.
Yes, I’m sure I’m fine. We’re at South City Diner if you want to meet us after your party.

“Want to meet up with Sara and her friends?” I ask even though I already know the answer and am already turning on the car.

“Help me fix my makeup,” she says.

“Your makeup’s unfixable! Just go with the badass smeary-eyed look. It works on you.”

Kaitlyn laughs and flicks me in the head—
ow
—and hopefully that means stupid Garrett Miller is forgotten for now. And also hopefully the crowd Sara’s with at the diner includes her boyfriend and his friends, and Kaitlyn can find a new distraction to get her through the evening.

I drive east on Highway 44 all the way to South Grand, where it feels like I spend as much time as I do in Webster Groves, the suburb of St. Louis where we live. Parking can be crowded, especially on weekends, but I’m so used to the side streets that I zip around and slide into a spot on Hartford almost immediately. When we walk in, the diner’s so packed I can’t even spot Sara, but Kaitlyn does and pulls me over to the table crowded with, yes, Sara, Sara’s boyfriend Dexter, and a bunch of other guys.

“Good evening, ladies,” Dexter says, affecting an old-timey accent. “How is this beautiful Saturday treating you and yours?”

Sara and I tell each other almost everything, but we don’t really talk about guys—who knows why—and so that was only one of the reasons I was surprised when she started going out with Dexter. Wasn’t my perfect pre-prelaw sister way too serious for stuff like boys and dating when she was studying her butt off and worrying about college applications? And if I
had
been forced into describing the kind of guy Sara would end up with, I would not have said
redheaded hipster hottie
. But then all of a sudden, Dexter was a thing.

Dexter is a senior at the all-boys school Chaminade, where he wears his uniform tie slightly askew and heads up both the Young Democrats Club and the Poetry in Action Club, the latter of which he’d also founded. (No one really seems to know what Poetry in Action actually
is
. Poetry seems like a pretty passive activity. Sometimes Dexter recites Yeats really loud and in public. Is that it?)

Anyway, I guess it works because they
are
serious, about each other and about the stuff in their lives. They study together and talk nonstop about college and go to lectures and museums and foreign films. Even when Dexter’s doing goofy accents or shouting poetry at the stars, Sara looks at him like it all makes sense to her. The lesson I take from this is that love is finding someone who thinks everything about you that’s weird is actually hot.

“Make room for Kellie and Kaitlyn,” Sara says, and the guy on her other side jumps at her command by shoving in two chairs for us. Kaitlyn’s immediately eyeing the other prospects, but I stare Sara down until she notices.

“What’s up with you?” she asks like she didn’t send me two emergency-ish texts less than an hour ago.

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Don’t I look okay?” she asks with a smile. And
of course
she does, because Sara is basically two steps shy of a supermodel. Tall and blond and the kind of cheekbones that people comment on. Four separate times people have asked Sara if they saw her in a Macy’s ad. (No, but that seems like a pretty good compliment.)

“We can talk later if you want,” I say even though that’s the kind of thing she says to me and never vice versa. Sara’s only a year older than me, but she’s got it
together
.

“Sure.” She turns her attention back to Dexter, who’s in the midst of some elaborate story about a fight he witnessed between two stray cats. Kaitlyn’s talking with the guy on her other side, so I finally glance all the way around our table.

Across from me, sitting just a few people down—like it’s
normal
!—is Oliver.

Oliver! Dexter’s brother. Who knows a lot about me. Who knows things I don’t want anyone else knowing. Who I hoped would have found a way to text me even though I’d never given him my number and even though the thought made me a little terrified.

Oliver
.

He raises his eyebrows at me and grins. And I don’t know what I’m doing any more than I did back in May when everything happened—or, well, didn’t happen. But I can’t help it. I grin back.

Discover our digital first books for teens from Embrace…

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IDELINED

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definite 
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Then, it’s over.

A freak accident ends her career before it’s even begun. Her parents are fighting more than ever, her friends don’t understand what she’s going through, and she’s not sure who she is without basketball. And while he tries to be there for her, Genna doesn’t understand how Jake could ever want the broken version of the girl he fell for.

Her life in a tailspin, Genna turns to the only solace that eases her pain: Vicodin.

W
HERE
Y
OU’LL
F
IND
M
E

by
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When Hanley Helton discovers a boy living in her garage, she knows she should kick him out. But Nate is too charming to be dangerous. He just needs a place to get away, which Hanley understands. Her own escape methods—vodka, black hair dye, and pretending the past didn’t happen—are more traditional, but who is she to judge?

Nate doesn’t tell her why he’s in her garage, and she doesn’t tell him what she’s running from. Soon, Hanley¹s trading her late-night escapades for all-night conversations and stolen kisses. But when Nate¹s recognized as the missing teen from the news, Hanley isn’t sure which is worse: that she’s harboring a fugitive, or that she’s in love with one.

M
ADE OF
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TARS

by
Kelley York

When eighteen-year-old Hunter Jackson and his half sister, Ashlin, return to their dad’s for the first winter in years, they expect everything to be just like the warmer months they’d spent there as kids. And it is—at first. But Chance, the charismatic and adventurous boy who made their summers epic, is harboring deep secrets. Secrets that are quickly spiraling into something else entirely.

The reason they’ve never met Chance’s parents or seen his home is becoming clearer. And what the siblings used to think of as Chance’s quirks—the outrageous stories, his clinginess, his dangerous impulsiveness—are now warning signs that something is seriously off.

Then someone turns up with a bullet to the head, and all eyes shift to Chance’s family. Hunter and Ashlin know Chance is innocent...they just have to prove it. But how can they protect the boy they both love when they can’t trust a word Chance says?

I
N THE
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LOOD

by
Sara Hantz

For seventeen years, Jed Franklin’s life was normal. Then his father was charged with the abuse and murder of four young boys and 
normal
 became a nightmare.

His mom’s practically a walking zombie, he’s lost most of his friends, and the press camps out on his lawn. The only things that keep him sane are his little sis; his best friend and dream girl, Summer; and the alcohol he stashes in his room. But after Jed wakes up from a total blackout to discover a local kid has gone missing—a kid he was last seen talking to—he’s forced to face his greatest fear: that he could somehow be responsible.

In a life that’s spiraled out of control, Jed must decide if he chooses his own destiny with Summer by his side or if the violent urges that plagued his father are truly in the blood…

O
LIVIA
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Vivi Barnes

Olivia

He tilts my chin up so my eyes meet his, his thumb brushing lightly across my lips. I close my eyes. I know Z is trouble. I know that being with him is going to get me into trouble. I don’t care.

At least at this moment, I don’t care.

Tossed from foster home to foster home, Olivia’s seen a lot in her sixteen years. She’s hardened, sure, though mostly just wants to fly under the radar until graduation. But her natural ability with computers catches the eye of Z, a mysterious guy at her new school. Soon, Z has brought Liv into his team of hacker elite—break into a few bank accounts, and voila, he drives a motorcycle. Follow his lead, and Olivia might even be able to escape from her oppressive foster parents. As Olivia and Z grow closer, though, so does the watchful eye of Bill Sykes, Z’s boss. And he’s got bigger plans for Liv…