Will to Love (18 page)

* Hi W.
 
Hope your flight was pleasant and you got there okay.
 
:-).
 
C xxx *

A warm, joyful glow travelled through his body at the thought that she cared enough that he had a good flight and was safe.
 
He started tapping his response, smiling.

* Hi C.
 
Flying was boring as usual.
 
But I feel better now that I heard from you.
 
:-). W *

Just as he was about to hit 'send', he felt anxious that this texting could get out of hand and leave him unfocused from his work for that week.
 
He couldn't afford to act like a teenager with a big crush when he had very important things to attend to.
 
He deleted his message and tapped a new one.

* Hi C.
 
Thank you.
 
Flight was okay.
 
Got to the hotel okay. W *

He hit 'send', and there was that feeling again that he cheated himself of something good.
 

~~

Clarise heard the 'ting-ting' of the incoming message and snatched her phone from her desk.
 
She felt a pang of disappointment at the tone of his text.
 
What was I expecting?
 
In truth, she was expecting - hoping for - something warmer, more flirty, with a smiley face just like she sent him.
 

But his response sounded impersonal, like he was responding to his PA.
 
She felt disheartened and even more worried that for him their relationship was indeed just as she had started to fear - casual with no commitment.
 

Damn you, Will, for making me fall in love with you.
 
And damn me for doing and saying things that would hurt me.

Clarise had to distract herself from the fear and pain gnawing at her chest so she went to Victor's office.
 
He was fully concentrated on what he was doing but looked up when he noticed her by the door.

"Hey, Clarise.
 
What's up?" he asked with concern.

"Hi, darling.
 
I was wondering if you have time for a quick coffee?"

"Sure.
 
Do you want to make them in the kitchen or do you want to get them from next door?"

"Next door.
 
The fresh air and walk would do me good."

~~

"Okay, spill," Victor commanded as they walked towards the take away coffee shop.

Clarise took a deep breath and asked him, "If someone said to you they'll go out with you on a date-by-date basis, whenever your schedules would allow, what would you think the intention of that person is?"

Victor frowned at her.
 
"Is that what Will said to you?"

"No, it's what I said to him."

"What?!" Victor exclaimed, shock evident in his voice.
 
"Clarise, I didn't know you went for casual relationships.
 
I thought you only ever wanted something that's more committed than that!"

Clarise flushed.
 
They ordered their coffee and as they waited, she looked worriedly at Victor.

"Well, you see, it just kind of came out of my mouth.
 
I just so wanted to be with him.
 
I didn't realise how hard it would be for me to take it," she said with a touch of embarrassment.

"And you're regretting it now?"

"I'm not regretting that we started going out together." Clarise knew she hadn't regretted their lovemaking.
 
Looking at Victor with wide, pained eyes, she added, "but, I think I've fallen for him and I'm afraid all he wants is a casual relationship.
 
I don't think he's ready for more.
 
But I want more."

"Oh, Clarise," Victor said sympathetically.

"I know it's my fault, but it hurts," she whispered.

"What are you going to do?"

"Well, the thing is I know I couldn't continue on with our current arrangement of... casual.
 
It's just not for me.
 
That very much suggests we can see other people anytime because we're not committed to each other.
 
I need to know I'm the only one he's seeing and I need him to commit to that.
 
Otherwise, I'll just keep getting hurt everyday.
 
And he wouldn't even know it."

Victor nodded his support.

"There were times when he was really sweet and attentive, like he cared a little bit about me, so maybe there's hope that he may be open to exclusivity."
 
Yeah, sure, he was sweet and attentive only when he was horny.
 
Clarise pushed away that little nasty voice inside her head.
   

She continued telling Victor her plan.
 
"Maybe I'll warm him up by taking the sweet and flirtatious route, then tell him we need to commit to being exclusive or we stop seeing each other altogether."
 

Victor smiled at her encouragingly as they took their coffee and walked back to their office.
 
"That's the way.
 
Go for what you want.
 
At least you know you tried."

She smiled gratefully at Victor, feeling validated and more courageous.
 

~~

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Clarise flopped on her bed, wearing her pyjamas and all ready to curl up and sleep.
 
But first, she wanted to send Will a short and sweet text message.
 

She was grateful that her day at work had been very hectic.
 
It helped made her day bearable.
 
But now that she was alone in her apartment, she acutely felt the aching disappointment that she had not heard one word from him.
 
She hated that she was hoping he would call or email or text her.
 
Her rational part told her that was too much to expect from him considering their arrangement, but her heart kept on hoping.
 
She glanced at her alarm clock.
 
It said 10:18pm.

Well, if he was going to contact me at all today, he would have done it by now.

She looked at her phone that she took to bed with her, feeling nervous, her palms sweating.
 
Just freaking do it, Clarise!
 
She started tapping her message.

* Hi Will.
 
Hope your day went well.
 
Mine was busy but I found it hard to concentrate.
 
I know I'll find it hard to sleep too.
 
Because I'm missing you a lot.
 
C xxx
 
*

She stared at her message, debating on whether it was too revealing of her feelings or not.
 
Would it freak him out?
 
Was it too early in their relationship for her to be sending him messages like this?
 

Just send it already!
 

She tapped 'send', her heart galloping.
 
She tensely waited for his reply, not knowing when it would arrive.
 
She picked up her iPad to distract herself.
 
Half an hour later, there was still no reply from Will.
 
She reasoned that he may have turned his phone off but knew it was unlikely.
 
She remembered him saying he never turned it off and that he slept around midnight.
 
By midnight, she had cried herself to sleep.

~~

Clarise woke up, the alarm clock startling her out of an unpleasant dream.
 
She pressed the 'off' button but didn't get up.
 
Her head felt heavy.
 
Her heart too.
 
Then she remembered her text to Will the night before and sat up quickly, grabbing her phone from the bedside table.

She blinked.
 
Still no messages.
 
He doesn't care about me like that.
 

Once again she felt her heart constrict and a tear escaped her eye.
 
She thought about calling in sick for work.
 
She really didn't feel very well.
 
But then she realised it would be worse if she stayed at home and not have anything else to do but think about him all day.
 
At least work would distract her from thoughts of him.

~~

Victor and Jessa came into her office at 12pm.
 
"Hello, darling.
 
We're here to drag you out to lunch."
 
Victor said.

Clarise smiled warmly at her friends.
 
"Great!
 
I'm ready."
 

Jessa peered at her closely, noticing her still slightly puffed eyes.
 
"You don't look too well.
 
Are you okay?"

She gave her a small smile and a shrug.
 
"I'll be fine.
 
At least now I know how he really feels."

Victor raised his eyebrows.
 
"You do?
 
Did you talk to him last night?"

Jessa gazed at them quizically.
 
Victor looked at Clarise, waiting for her to tell Jessa.

"Let's go to lunch and I'll tell you."

~~

Clarise brought her friends up-to-date with what had happened with her and Will so far.
 

"So, I sent him a text last night.
 
I'll show you."
 
Clarise opened her messages and showed them her text.
 
"He didn't respond to that at all."

Jessa's eyes were wide, looking at Clarise in a different light.
 
When it came to relationships, the old Clarise was either running away, hiding or waiting - never initiating.
 
But it looked like when it came to Will, she'd taken steps that were big and bold for her.
 

"Oh.
 
Are you sure he got it?"

"How can he not get it?
 
It's not like he's in the middle of nowhere with no coverage.
 
He's in Melbourne!"

Jessa and Victor looked at each other, crestfallen.

"I guess you're right.
 
I'm sorry, darling.
 
I don't know what to say," Victor said with compassion as Jessa reached out to squeeze her hand.

"Oh, don't worry.
 
I'll get over him soon," she said with fake bravado.

Victor stood up and motioned for the two girls to stand up as well.
 
"Group hug," he said.
 
Clarise felt tears prick her eyes.
 
She hugged them back fiercely.
 
"Thank you, darlings.
 
Now let's go back to the office and let me bury myself in work," she managed to say jokingly as she tried to maintain control of her emotions.

~~

Will sat on a couch at the lobby of his hotel, getting very impatient with his friend Rob Granger.
 
He may have developed a brilliant marketing mind and vastly increased his social network since school but when it came to being on time, he was still the old Rob he remembered.
 
He was running late again.
 
He was supposed to be there at 1pm, it was now 1:15pm.
 
He had an important 1:30pm phone meeting coming up with a corporate client and he needed his phone.
 
He tried to keep calm.

They went to dinner last night and he met Rob's girlfriend, Andrea.
 
Will enjoyed their company but when they suggested he join them to go to a late-night party of a friend of theirs who was celebrating something important, he pleaded tiredness and went back to his hotel.
 
Who organises a big party on a week night?
 
It was only when he got back to the hotel that he realised Andrea still had his mobile phone.
 
Will was so mad at himself.
 

Andrea borrowed his phone last night as both hers and Rob's had ran out of battery.
 
She had to go out of the quiet restaurant to have a loud conversation with her friend who was holding the weeknight party.
 
Maybe it was the wine, the different environment, the somewhat rambunctious company or the fact that he was tired, but whatever the reason, he forgot to get his phone back from Andrea.
 
And Andrea forgot to return it to him.
 

He tried to call his phone all night from the hotel but no one picked up.
 
He tried Rob's phone and it went to voicemail.
 
He called again a few times this morning in between meetings.
 
Finally, Rob picked up at around 10am.
 
He apologised profusely.
 
Apparently, they had a really late night and were suffering from some serious hangover.
 

It seemed to Will that Rob hadn't grown out of his partying habits.
 
He acted as if he was still eighteen years old.
 
He was surprised that he was somewhat successful in his marketing business with all his partying.
 
It must be Rob's charismatic and likeable personality that helped him garner the necessary connections and support he needed.
 

Finally, Will saw Rob arrive.
 
He had to hand it to him, even with a supposedly serious hangover, he still managed to turn the heads of the two good-looking females that were walking out the door.
 

When they were in high school, the two of them were always competing for the same girls.
 
From memory, the score was a tie.
 
Some girls preferred Rob's tall, dark and handsome look and some preferred him.
 
Once, they were both approached by a man who said he was a scout for a modelling agency and asked if they were interested in modelling.
 
They laughed their asses off at the offer right there in the middle of Pitt Street Mall and the man left, pissed off with their rudeness.
 
Will's annoyance lessened as he remembered those fun times he shared with his friend.