Winds of Heaven (17 page)

Julie sat at the bar in the kitchen while Casey made coffee. She set a steamy mug in front of Julie, who pouted severely. Casey shook her head and sat across from her. She reached over and took Julie’s hand in hers. “Now let’s be honest. You and I have only touched on this topic once, and that was last year. Honey, my biological clock is ticking, and I really don’t care. I do not have a maternal need to bear a child. Yes, I like children. Would I like to be a parent? Perhaps, someday when I’m married or in a secure, stable relationship.”

Julie pouted still as she drank her coffee. Casey smiled sadly. “Which we do not have, Julie.”

Her head shot up then and she glared at Casey. “Are you saying you don’t love me?”

Casey rolled her eyes and drank her coffee. “Julie, think of what you’re asking here. To bring a child into this world, with two women who barely see each other and who have no idea how to raise and nurture a child. It’s completely unfair and childish of you to want that simply because you were an only child and now being a grownup you need a playmate.” She knew the words would sting, but they needed to be said. In the past year, Julie was indeed showing signs of her spoiled childhood, where her parents gave her what she wanted, more than likely out of guilt for traveling around the country and the world, never giving her any stability.

Julie glared at her. “You missed your calling. You should have been a psychiatrist instead of a composer. Why do you stay with me if I’m such a neurotic mess? I love children and I thought you felt the same. Apparently, you don’t.”

“Julie, we’ve talked in-depth about your childhood and your parents. You’ve blamed them for dragging you all over the world, but, honey, you’re a grown woman now. Stop blaming them and start living your own life—”

“I am,” she said angrily. “I want children. I have a need for that, Casey. Deep inside of me. Can’t you understand that? Or are you too selfish?”

Casey bristled at the accusation; the urge to continue this hurtful path was overwhelming. Instead, she countered softly, “If you have this need so deep inside you, why am I expected to have the baby?”

Julie’s anger mounted. She stood and paced back and forth like a caged tiger. Casey drank her coffee and waited; she knew when Julie felt trapped.

“Fine. I-I’ll have the baby,” she said simply and gave Casey a challenging look.

Casey sighed sadly. “Honey, this is not a challenge. I’m trying to explain that we are not a good match for children. You say you want a child, but you won’t put yourself physically through the process.” Casey now felt the anger rising. “Damn it, it’s an enormous responsibility that I know we cannot handle. And if you were thinking about this clearly, you would agree. I will not bring a child into this world with two strikes against them to appease your selfish need to rewind your biological clock.”

Julie’s back stiffened. “This is a deal breaker, Casey.”

Casey stared at her in disbelief and shook her head. “Then it is what it is.”

Casey remembered how the topic was indeed a deal breaker. They stayed together for another six months, but both knew it was a losing battle. It ended in Denver. Casey was angry and sad, but deep in her heart, she knew it was inevitable. Of course, she thought their relationship was great. They were never challenged, never tested. This was their test. Casey came away broken-hearted, but she knew she was right. If she had to do it all over again, she would have done the same thing.

Now she had Julie’s partner, pregnant and with a three-year-old, living in her cabin. And to make matters worse, or better, depending on how she looked at it, Casey was attracted to Liz. Suddenly, Casey felt completely confused. She had no idea what to do. Liz’s face, as she slept next to her, flashed through her mind. Skye’s contagious laughter had her chuckling.

However, she wouldn’t take on the responsibility with Julie. Could she with Liz? Did she even want to? “Damn it,” she said angrily and started jogging back to the cabin.

The more she thought about it, the faster she ran. Casey didn’t know if she was running from or to Liz and her family. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to know.
  

An hour later, Liz got Skye to calm down. The poor little thing hyperventilated and got the hiccoughs. “C-
Cafey
c-
comin
’ back?” she asked as Liz rocked her on the porch swing.

“Yes, sweet pea. Casey will be back. She was just mad.”

“Mama yell at
Cafey
.”

Liz winced and held her close. “I know. That was wrong of me, Skye. Mommy has to tell Casey she’s sorry.”

“
Cafey
make Mama cry.”

“Well, Mommy cries very easily these days. Casey and Mommy just had an argument. Like when you don’t want to take a nap or eat your breakfast.”

“I
fim
,” Skye offered and Liz nodded.

“Right, like when you wanted to swim.”

With that, they heard the back door open.

“
Cafey
home...” Skye cried out and scrambled inside.

Liz sat there, her heart racing, feeling horrible about the stupid argument.

“Mama,
Cafey
hurt.” She heard Skye’s voice call from the front door.

“Hurt?” Liz bolted up as quickly as she could and dashed into the cabin.

Casey was leaning against the counter with a frozen package of hamburger against her head. There was dirt and smudges all over her clothes and scratches on her legs and arms.

“What happened?” Liz exclaimed as she took the frozen package away. A large red welt was forming above one brow. “Sit down,” she ordered.

Casey eased herself into the kitchen chair. Liz put ice in a towel and placed it on her forehead. “I-I tripped,” Casey said angrily and Liz bit her bottom lip as she held the ice. “Go ahead. I can almost hear the peal of laughter coming.”

“
Cafey
faw
down?” Skye asked as she patted Casey’s leg.

“Uh, yes, sweetie. Don’t bother Casey right now,” Liz said as she could see Casey’s anger rising once again.

“I was running.” Casey stopped and breathed heavily. “For my life,” she added sarcastically, and Liz hid her grin as she held the ice to her head; her other hand caressed the back of her damp neck. “I ran too fast on the way back and twisted my ankle on a rock and went flying in a fu... I fell in a ditch.”

Liz looked down at her swollen ankle. “Okay, let’s get you to bed. You need to put that foot up and I need to clean those scratches.”

“I’m fine,” Casey countered.

“Casey Bennett, get into bed,” she ordered.

Casey looked up and grinned. “Well, I’ve never had to be ordered to the bedroom before. You’re so forceful, Mommy,” she added dryly.

Liz felt the color once again rising in her cheeks. Casey stood painfully and looked down into the blue eyes. “I’m sorry. It was my fault.”

“No, I’m sorry. It’s none of my business, you were right,” Liz said teary-eyed.

“This pregnancy is having an effect on both of us, Liz,” Casey said, and out of the blue, she put a gentle hand to her cheek. “I should know better. I’m sorry. I’m just not used to being around a woman, great with child.”

“This is new for both of us, you’re right there.”

Liz gently examined Casey’s ankle. “I don’t think it’s broken. You can move it. Just a bad sprain and a little edema,” she said almost to herself. Casey watched her curiously as she expertly wrapped the ankle. “Not too tight?” She looked up and Casey shook her head.

“You did that pretty quickly and very professionally,” Casey said. “Where did you find the ACE bandage?”

“It’s what I did part time,” Liz said and put her ankle up on a pillow. “And I found it in the mess you call a first-aid kit in the bathroom.”

“Oh.” Casey winced. “What did you do?”

“I’m a nurse. An RN actually,” she said and sat on the edge of the bed.

Casey nodded. “I can see you as a nurse. You’re very gentle, very considerate. Did you work at a hospital?”

“No, a clinic in a rotten area of Albuquerque. The pay was horrible.”

“But you didn’t do it for the pay,” Casey said; it was not a question.

“No, I didn’t. If I did, I probably wouldn’t be in this situation.”

Casey then shifted uncomfortably and Liz leaned back.

“Are you in pain?” she asked, noticing again the confused, clouded look. “Are you?”

“No, I’m fine,” Casey said, still looking as though she wanted to say something.

“Okay, well, what’s wrong?”
 

“Nothing.”

“Casey, every once in a while, I get the impression you want to say something. I can’t make you, but I truly wish you’d say what’s on your mind.” And again, Liz felt her anger rising. She took the antiseptic and doused a few cotton balls. “This is going to hurt.”

“That sounds like a threat.” Casey winced as Liz cleaned the scratches on her leg.

When she finished, she tossed the remains of the first aid in the wastebasket by the bedside.

“I hurt too, Mama,” Skye whimpered as she crawled up on the bed.

Casey was lying on her back; Skye lay next to Casey and looked up. “Mama make it better?”

Casey looked up at Liz and shrugged. “I guess.”

Liz snorted sarcastically at Casey, then turned her attention to her daughter; she cursed herself for her trembling hands. “You hurt too, sweet pea? Let me see. Where?” she asked; Skye offered her unblemished knee.

“I
faw
too.”

“Aw. I am so sorry. Does it hurt, sweetie?” Liz asked tenderly.

 
“Mmm-hmm, kiss it, Mama,” Skye said and Liz laughed and leaned over Casey to kiss her knee.

“There. All better?” she asked.

Skye nodded happily and watched her mother. “Sit still while I clean your forehead,” she said to Casey. Afterward, she placed a Band-Aid above her brow.

“There. All better,” Liz said, oozing sarcasm.

“Ha, ha,” Casey said and felt her brow. She looked down at Skye’s curious look. “I guess we’re lucky,
Shortround
.” Casey glanced at Liz, who shook her head.

Skye stared up at the Band-Aid on Casey’s brow. “Mama, kiss it,” she said seriously and pointed to Casey’s forehead.

Liz’s back stiffened, and she knew she was blushing. “Casey’s a big girl, Skye.”

“I’m not that big,” Casey said.

“Mama...” Skye insisted.

Liz looked back and forth between the two children. She saw Casey’s challenging gaze and rolled her eyes. She then bent down and kissed Casey’s forehead. From the look of surprise on her face, Liz knew Casey did not think she would do it. Liz pulled back and both women stared at each other.

“Mama make it better,
Cafey
?” Skye asked.

Liz didn’t know what to make of the look on Casey’s face.

“Yes,
Shortround
. More than she knows.”

“You shouldn’t be on that ankle,” Liz said.

Casey, clad in her bathing suit, grabbed Skye around the waist and hauled her up. “I’m fine. The water will be good for it,” she said stubbornly.