Wings of the Wicked (18 page)

Nathaniel nodded. “That’s what it says.”

Sometimes I forgot that reapers could keep on living if nothing happened to kill them. Cadan had said he was over eight hundred years old and his father was over a thousand. Will was six hundred. Nathaniel was about a century older. It made me wonder about Bastian. How old was he? The way Merodach and Kelaeno seemed completely unaffected by Bastian’s commands made me question if they were even stronger than he was. It seemed like every day the odds against me were more and more staggering.

“I hate this job,” I said exasperatedly. “I’m quitting and going to work at McDonald’s.”

All three angelic reapers stared at me in confusion and surprise. Will even had a little horror in his expression.

I rolled my eyes. “Or maybe I should work somewhere that can sell each of you a sense of humor. I’ll even give you my employee discount. Especially
you
.” I looked pointedly at Nathaniel.

He blinked back. “I have a great sense of humor!”

“No, you don’t,” I mumbled. “So, Merodach. He’s solitary, despite being somehow connected with the Enshi. I’m confused that he’s allied with Kelaeno and Bastian. But I’m not surprised that Bastian is gathering the strongest he can in order to free the Enshi. He needs a powerful, impenetrable front to his army. If Merodach has joined him, then he must believe Bastian can pull it off. He wouldn’t waste his time or take anyone’s orders otherwise.”

Will furrowed his brow. “I just don’t see a reaper that ancient and powerful taking orders from Bastian.”

“Unless Bastian has grown in strength,” Ava said. “You know what Bastian can do, Will.”

He didn’t look at her, but his body visibly tensed. “Either way, Merodach and this Kelaeno are acting under Bastian’s orders. They aren’t doing it because they enjoy it. You saw the look Merodach gave Bastian.”

I could tell the subject of Bastian’s capabilities was hard for him. “Kelaeno said something very cryptic and strange to me,” I added. “Something about my heart and hand, I don’t know.”

Nathaniel’s gaze turned serious. “What exactly did she say?”

“‘Your strength in heart and hand will fall to a reaper’s bane.’ And then, ‘You will lose everything you love before finally you lose your soul.’ It was awful.”

He paused to think. “She meant Will. Your strength in heart and hand. It’s your Guardian, your right hand.”

I looked at Will, who stared at the ground. Ava wasn’t taking her eyes off him either. “What did she mean when she said he will fall?” I asked. “What is the reaper’s bane?”

“It could mean a lot of things,” Nathaniel said. “Anything that can harm a reaper, I suppose. It’s a pretty serious threat.”

I stared at him firmly. “She means he’s going to die.”

“Nathaniel,” Ava said. “The female vir’s name was Kelaeno. Doesn’t that sound familiar?”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “Aeneas and the Harpies. That’s just Greek myth, though.”

Both Ava’s gaze and her voice became dark. “What if she is real?”

Will remained silent, and his expression hardened.

“What are you talking about?” I asked. “What about Greek myth?”

Nathaniel cleared his throat. “Kelaeno was a Harpy who cursed Aeneas, the leader of the Dardanian Trojans who fought in the battle of Troy. She told him that he would go so hungry that he’d eat his tables by the end of his journey, which came true, according to the story.”

“So this threat was more like a prophecy,” I said. The words weighed on my heart. The thought of losing Will and my friends and family was too much. I couldn’t let anyone get hurt. No one should have to die for me.

“This could very well be the same Kelaeno of Greek mythology,” Nathaniel said, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly. “People have misidentified reapers since the beginning of time and come up with their own explanations for what they’ve experienced. Lupines were mistaken for were-wolves all the time. People saw vir reapers and believed they were demons and witches, sometimes so fervently that they’d turn on their neighbors in hysteria, burn their friends and families at the stake. It’s very likely that the Greeks invented the Harpy myth to explain some of the more avian vir reapers they may have encountered.”

That made sense. Kelaeno had been so birdlike that it was disturbing. The way her face seemed to have difficulty retaining a form haunted me. “She said something else, too. She called me ‘the gift for the demon queen.’ That sounds familiar—”

I shut up midsentence when I saw Nathaniel’s face. He stared at me in shock and fear, so startling that my pulse began to pound. “What is it?” I asked shakily.

Nathaniel leaned forward and spoke slowly. “Are you positive that is exactly what Kelaeno said?”

“Yeah,” I said. “What’s wrong? What was she talking about?”

“Lilith,” Will said. “The Fallen Queen of Hell and mother of all demonic reapers.”

The blood drained from my face. “Oh. Is that all?” I forced a tiny laugh.

“So Bastian is after Lilith too,” Ava thought to herself out loud. “He is really serious about this second war.”

“Could they really be trying to summon Lilith?” Will asked.

Ava shook her head. “More than that. If Bastian wants the Preliator and Lilith, then the spell will be more powerful than a summoning ritual. The Preliator is an archangel bound in human form. Her blood would be … so
immense
in power. They must want to restore Lilith’s corporeal form. They want her in this world, and not just for a visit.”

“The ritual would most certainly be contained within the grimoire,” Nathaniel suggested. “I believe I have a near-complete copy in my collection that I wrote myself before the original grimoire went missing centuries ago.”

The word was familiar and stirred memories within me. “I remember what that is. A book written by a Grigori, right? The Fallen angels bound to Earth instead of Hell?”

Nathaniel nodded. “The book is the most ancient and complete collection of angelic spells and rituals.”

“Bastian would definitely need it in order to free Lilith,” Will said darkly. “Only Grigori magic would have the kind of power needed to give corporeal form to any angel or one of the Fallen. Otherwise, they can only roam as phantoms in the mortal world.”

“What would happen then?” I asked, beginning to panic. “If Lilith is released, in her true form? How could I stop something like that?”

Nathaniel let out a long whistling breath. “I don’t think you, or any of us, can. You as Gabriel, however, could. Lilith was never an archangel. Her power could never match the strength of your own true form.”

The solution seemed simple. “Then how can I become Gabriel?”

“If there’s a way, only an angel, like a Grigori or archangel, would know,” he said. “But you already have a form. I don’t know if it’s possible for you to become an archangel out of a human body. That kind of transformation would almost certainly destroy you. Just looking upon an angel’s glory can burn a human’s eyes from their sockets. If your human body somehow transformed into an archangel, even by magic, I would imagine your own glory would incinerate you.”

“But it doesn’t,” I said. When Nathaniel gave me a puzzled look, I continued. “The power I’ve used to burn—Bastian called it my glory. It didn’t hurt me at all, so if he’s right then perhaps my human body could survive my full-on archangel glory.”

Will shook his head. “Perhaps isn’t good enough. Bastian could be wrong.”

“Or he’s right.”

Silence fell on the room. I knew the others, like me, had minds swimming with thoughts and possibilities. What if I were able to become who I really was? What would it be like? What would
I
be like? I wondered if I would be different, like the me of my memories, stonelike and resolute. Those visions of myself scared me, but I could only imagine the archangel side of me. When the archangel Michael came to me on that boat out in the middle of nowhere, he was eerily calm, beautifully serene, but danger leaked from him, thick and blinding like fog. The angels had no emotions, or at most very little. I wondered then: If I remembered my true self, if I became the archangel Gabriel, would I be a heartless creature who only cared about fulfilling a mission, no matter the loss? Would I no longer be in love with Will?

Would I feel anything at all?

Nathaniel stood, wrenching me from my thoughts. “I can check my copy of the original grimoire. Will, would you help me look for it?”

“Of course.” He rose to follow Nathaniel but paused and looked down at me, his gaze gentle. “Don’t be afraid. We’ll fight through this.”

I forced a smile and ached for him to offer a comforting touch. And then he touched my cheek, and warmth spread to my toes. He drew away and vanished out the door of Nathaniel’s office.

I sat back heavily in my chair. The room was silent for a moment, and I realized that I was alone with Ava. Then I noticed she was staring at me. She studied my face as if I were an amoeba beneath a microscope. The awkward seconds passed, and finally I opened my mouth with words I hadn’t really thought about.

“What does the chain tattoo around your neck mean?” I asked.

Ava hesitated for an agonizing second before she answered in a quiet voice, “It means I was property.”

I blinked. Well, that was not the response I’d expected. “What?”

“When I was young,” she began, “a demonic reaper disguised as a powerful duke kept me as a pet. He bound my power through the magic in the ink he used to tattoo chains around my neck. He raped me almost every night for twenty years. Sometimes he would get bored with me and I wouldn’t see him or anyone else for a week, and I would starve almost to death.”

Bile rose in my throat. “Oh, my God.” I thought about that, unable to comprehend the constant horror she endured through years of slavery and sexual assault. “How did you escape?”

Only then did she look away from me. “Will. He’d heard about this duke keeping angelic reapers as slaves. He fought his way into the castle and killed the demonic vir so that I was free. The magical link was severed and my power was unbound, but this tattoo will always remain for the world to see.” She paused and looked back to me. The corners of her lips pulled into a small smile. “It doesn’t matter, because I’m free. I owe Will everything.”

I didn’t respond, but the events of her rescue played out in my head like a horror movie.

“You see why I value him so much.”

I did. How could she not have cared for him after he saved her from that horrible place?

“You know, don’t you?” she asked, tilting her head to gaze at me, her dark hair curtaining her shoulders. Her voice was gentle, as though she were speaking to a wounded animal. “He told you. I suspected he would.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. I had no idea what to say to her. Talking about this with her made what I knew feel a thousand times more real. I didn’t want to think about Will with Ava, or with how many other girls there’d been. I didn’t want to think about anyone loving him but me.

“I’m not in love with him,” she said as if reading my mind. Before I could respond, she continued. “At least not anymore. He never loved me. Not once. You can tell when someone loves you or doesn’t, and I always knew with him. You were an impossible obstacle.”

I stared at her, unsure of how to respond. The clock above Nathaniel’s desk ticked, driving a stake through the silence between us with each passing second.

“When I met you,” she said, “I resented you, but I never hated you. I’m sorry if I haven’t been very kind. I just didn’t understand how he could be so dedicated to you for that long. He’s only able to spend a little while with you before you die again, and then he’s lonely for years. I hated seeing him like that, especially this last time when you were gone for so long and wouldn’t come back. You will never truly understand what he went through. I was angry at you for causing him so much pain, because he saved my life,
gave
me a life, and I was in love with him then.”

My heart kicked in my chest. She was so cruelly blunt. “Ava, I—”

“I was jealous too,” she continued, smiling gently at me. “I wanted Will to love me, but his broken heart has always belonged to you, even after he believed he’d lost you forever. He gave up everything for you, and Zane wouldn’t give up anything for me.”

“That’s not totally right,” I urged. “Will is my Guardian, the same as Zane was that relic’s guardian. So much of everything they do is part of their duty. They have to give up everything when they become a guardian. Zane was no exception, and neither is Will.”

She smiled ever so slightly, and the blue-violet of her eyes intensified as her emotions stirred to the surface. “Zane was kind to me, and I’ve always been drawn to people who take care of me. Zane and I were together a very, very long time ago, and he never loved me the way I wanted to be loved.” Her smile grew wider, and the warmth spread to her cold winter eyes. “And that’s also why I was jealous of you, because I see you fight against the demonic like no one else can, see you fight for Will, and I understand that he does all of this for
you
. I’ve never seen anyone look at anyone the way he looks at you.”

Will’s face appeared in my head, looking at me the way I loved him to, and a flutter of heat shot through me. I couldn’t think of him lonely and broken, especially because of me.

“I don’t love him anymore, but I still respect him,” she said. “Most of the time you come off as a silly young girl to me, but when everything most important to you is at stake, you transform into this fearless thing of wonder, like a true avenging archangel. After watching what you did last night, I respect
you
, Gabriel.”

I studied her carefully, waiting for her gaze to falter, but it stayed true. “Everyone keeps calling me that, but it’s not me.”

“Why do you deny who you truly are?” she asked. “You
are
Gabriel.”

“I’m human,” I said sadly, my hands tightening on my knees, desperate to keep myself from becoming too emotional in front of Ava. “In this world, I’m human, not some flawless archangel. That’s something I can’t even wrap my head around. I’m reckless and passionate and imperfect. I die. I’m born human, I live human, and I die human. My body isn’t as strong as yours, but my power comes from inside me and I’m as strong as I need to be. But don’t call me Gabriel, because that’s not who I am, not right now. I’m just Ellie.”