Winning Me Over (18 page)

Mom lights her cigarette and then takes a long drag. “I told you that things will change, Colt. And they will. Now go get your stuff. We’re leaving soon.” She leans against the house,
exhaling a string of smoke. “Oh, and it was nice meeting you, Paige. Sorry Colt won’t be around anymore to play house.”

Paige blinks, looking utterly confused by my mom’s behavior. I shake my head and steer Paige away from my mom.

“Sorry about her,” I whisper in Paige’s ear.

“No, don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. God, I can’t believe you have to go home with her.” Paige looks stricken.

“I’ll be fine. I always am.” I marvel at how crazy it is to have someone care about my well-being. I’ve never had that before. Once again I’m struck with the unfairness of all of this.

“So, I see you’re not bothered by labels anymore.” She winks.

I smile at her. “You’re still my only. I like that better than girlfriend, but I feel like other people, especially my mom, wouldn’t get that. So girlfriend seemed like the next best choice.”

“You don’t have to explain it to me. I’m happy to be your girlfriend.”

I nudge her in the arm. “So you better read my letter and write me back.”

“Of course I will. I’ll write to you every day.”

I chuckle. “You don’t have to do that. I still want you to enjoy your life.”

“How can I do that without you?”

“The same way as before.” I stroke her face. “You have Hadley and Tripp and your parents. And I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

She nods, wearing a determined face.
God, I’m going to miss her.

I hear the front door open and
I turn around. Mom is slipping back inside. Her cigarette is smoldering in the driveway. Before anyone can interrupt us again, I frame Paige’s face with my hands and kiss her with everything I have. With my lips I convey all that I can’t with my words. I pour out my love for her, the promises I won’t give, the future I hope we’ll have one day. And when we finally separate I feel spent, drained, yet exhilarated at the same time.

“I’m going to miss you, Colt,” Paige says, a tremor in her voice.

“Me too, McAllistor.”

After kissing me swiftly one last time she races to her car. I see the tears on her face as she drives away. Averting my gaze, I stare at the front lawn and bite back the sadness rising up in my throat. After a couple of deep breaths, I shove my hands into my pockets and go inside.
Zander and Bristol are nowhere to be seen, but I hear hushed voices coming from the kitchen. I inch forward and listen.

“You will not tell me how to raise my children,” Mom snarls.

“Well, someone should,” Callie retorts. “Do you have any idea what you and Adam have done to these kids? Your lifestyle is destroying them. You know I took Bristol to the doctor’s and they said that you used drugs while you were pregnant. That’s why she has so many health problems.”

“Oh,
doctors are all idiots. He has no idea what he’s talking about. She’s just colicky. Zander was the same way.”

“You mean to tell me that you weren’t using drugs when you were pregnant,
Jocelyn?”

“That’s none of your business.”

I can’t see either of their faces while I stand pressed to the wall that divides the family room and kitchen, but I can picture what they both look like. I can envision my mom’s defensive face and Callie’s stern one.

“It is my business because I care about those kids,” Callie snaps. “More than you and Adam do I’m afraid.”

“That’s bull. You don’t know anything about the love of a mother. Yours was a shitty one and you’ve never had your own children.”

“That’s a pretty low blow, Jocelyn, even for you. But you know what? You can say what you want about my mom because you are exactly like her.”

“How dare you?” I hear a slap, and I can only surmise that Mom just slapped Callie in the face. It angers me and I burst from my hiding spot.

“Don’t you touch
her!” I holler at my mom.

Mom recoils from my words. Callie holds a hand to her red cheek. “Oh, you’re defending her now? Wow, this place has really changed you. I see I came just in time. Go get your stuff Colt. We’re getting the hell out of here right now.”

I throw Callie an apologetic look before heading out of the kitchen. Zander is in my room cowering in the corner when I enter.

“Hey, c
hamp, what’s going on?”

“I heard everyone yelling.” He sniffs, lifting his head.

“It’s all over now. Everything’s fine.” I sigh. “But we have to leave now.”

Zander
gives me a resigned nod and stands up. As I watch him walk from the room, I want to scream. I want to punch the wall. I want to cry. But I don’t. I calmly grab my bag of stuff in my hand and head back toward the kitchen.

Mom must have gone outside because only Callie remains.

“Hey, Colt. Sorry about all that.”

“It’s okay. I get it. She can be so frustrating.” I take a couple of steps toward her and then pull her into an awkward hug. It’s the first time I’ve touched Callie since I’ve been here and it takes her a minute to respond. “Thanks,” I say, “For everything.”

“Of course.” When I release her she studies my face a minute. “I hate to see you guys leave.”

“I know. It’s been pretty awesome here. Keep an eye on Paige for me,
kay?”

She nods. “Colt, if you want to stay, you’re always welcome here.”

“Yeah, thanks,” I say, even though I know she’s just trying to be nice. I’m sure the minute we’re out of here she’s going to heave the biggest sigh of relief ever. Zander races down the hallway, a bag in his little hand. “I got that, champ.” I take his bag from him, marveling at how light it is. Funny, the three of us have so little belongings.

Callie scoops
Zander into her arms and starts whispering in his ear. Both of them start to cry, and that’s when I take my leave. I’m not sure I can survive any more emotional scenes today. Mom is standing against the house taking one last drag off of the end of her cigarette when I emerge from the house. I glance at the beater parked against the curb.

“Is that yours?” We don’t exactly have a family car like most people. My parents just borrow other people’s cars when they need it.

“Yeah. It’s open. You can just throw your stuff in the back.”

I swagger to the car and drop my bag and
Zander’s into the trunk, and then slam it closed. The whole car shakes with the effort, and I find myself wondering if this car is capable of taking us all the way back to San Francisco. After riding around for the past month with the worst driver on the planet, you would think car rides wouldn’t scare me anymore. Then again, at least Paige’s car is reliable. At the thought of her my insides churn. How will I survive without her?

I glance back at Aunt Callie’s cute little house and think about how I never really allowed myself to truly enjoy my time here. From the moment I got here I knew it was short lived. So I never really let myself get comfortable. Despite that, I did start a life here. I put down roots in
ways I never have anywhere. It’s the first place I made a true friend, it’s the first place I felt secure, and it’s the first place I fell in love. Even though I have no idea how I’ll do it, I know I have to get back here somehow. This town holds my future, my hopes, and my dreams.

I can’t bring myself to look at my brother and sister as Mom drives away from Callie’s house. Bristol screams from her
carseat, and Zander hunches over in the backseat sobbing into his hand. The sound wrenches my heart. I stare out the window doing my best to tune it out. The houses and buildings blur past, seeming to mock me.

When Mom merges on the freeway, the reality of the situation crashes over me and I feel sick. We really are leaving. I glance over my shoulder saying a silent goodbye as Mom barrels down the freeway toward San Francisco. Mom’s oldies rock station crackles from the speakers, hurting my ears. I lean down in my seat, resting my head against the torn, stinky vinyl. Closing my eyes, I wish for sleep
, but I know it won’t come. Not only is my mind whirring with images of Paige, but the loud music coupled with my siblings’ cries make it impossible to fall asleep. So, I sit up staring out the front window at the rows of cars ahead of us. Mom flicks on her blinker and starts to get over.

I see the car before Mom does. How the hell did she miss it?

“Mom!” I holler just as she crashes into the oncoming car. I hear a snap, a boom, and then everything goes black.

TWENTY-NINE

PAIGE

B
y the time I reach my house, my face is streaked in tears. I wipe them away frantically with the back of my hand as I rush inside. Sniffling, I reach down and press my hand to my right pocket, fingering the note inside. It gives me comfort, just knowing that Colt’s words are safely tucked away. As I push open the front door, I feel desperate to get to my room and read the letter. My cheeks are tight from crying, my nose and throat raw. I marvel at how quickly I fell for him, how much he’s come to mean to me in such a short period of time.

“Paige?” Mom comes around the corner, concern in her eyes. “You okay?”

“He’s gone, Mom. She just took him away, even though he didn’t want to go.” I press my head into my mom’s chest. Her arms come around me, her hands massaging my head. “And she was so horrible. I can’t even imagine him having to live with her and not Callie.”

“I’m so sorry, honey. Life just isn’t fair sometimes.”

The tears start to fall again. Mom knows better than anyone about the unfairness of life, that’s for sure. Wiping my face again, I look up at Mom. “I just need some time alone.”

Mom nods. “Okay, honey. If you want to chat I’ll be here. And I even have some left over chocolate chip cookies.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I force a smile and then bound up the stairs. When I get to my room, I close the door and drop on my bed. With clumsy fingers, I snatch out the letter and open it. It trembles in my fingers like wings flapping. I set it on my bed and smooth it out with my palms. My gaze connects with Colt’s handwriting, which is nicer than I expected it to be. It’s sweeping, yet legible.

McAllistor
,

According to my mom I didn’t start talking until I was three. The doctors thought maybe something was wrong with me. But then one day I just started talking. Still I only spoke when necessary. I’ve always been pretty quiet. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say. It’s just that to me words have meaning, and I don’t want to waste conversation on a bunch of meaningless talk. But when I met you I found myself wanting to talk, wanting to share everything, wanting to expose my feelings and thoughts. I don’t always articulate my feelings well in conversation but writing has always been my escape, my way of putting my feelings to words. So here goes…

I never had a favorite color. In class as a kid the teacher always wanted to know our favorite color. It seemed like such a stupid question. How can you pick just one color out of all the colors and what exactly makes it your favorite? Also, who gives a shit? However, after I met you I understood how a color could have significance, because now I find myself fantasizing about the latest color you streak your hair with, or the intense blue of your eyes, or the pink lipstick you wear. I love those colors because they remind me of you. So now if I were to be asked my favorite color I would have to say blue for Paige’s eyes, or pink for her lipstick, or purple for her streaked hair.

What I’m trying to say is that you’ve changed me,
McAllistor. I’m not the jaded, untrusting guy you first met. You’ve opened up my eyes to new things, new feelings, new experiences. And I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you. But I’ll try. With everything I am, with everything I have, I’ll try.

I will miss you every day. Hell, I already do. But I’ll come back to you
, so don’t give up on me.

Love you,

Colt

A tear slips down my cheek as I finish reading the letter. I clear my throat and sniff
, reaching for a tissue out of the box on my nightstand. After swiping the tissue across my face, I stare down at the paper again. For someone who swears he’s no good with words he sure wrote a beautiful note. I turn over the paper and find the address he scrawled on the back. It’s of an apartment in San Francisco. I try to picture what it must look like. After meeting his mom, I’m sure it’s pretty unsavory, and that twists my stomach.

I pull out a pen and piece of paper and hunch over.

Colt,

I’m with you on the whole favorite color thing. I never had just one favorite color. Why do you think I change the streaks in my hair so often? But when I close my eyes, I picture the rich brown color of your eyes or the bright silver of your lip ring. Mostly I just imagine you.

In the short time I’ve known you, you’ve become one of my favorite people.  And that’s not going to change no matter how far away you are, or how long you are gone. I’ll be right here waiting for you.

I miss you so much already. And I love you.

McAllistor

When I set the pen down, I feel a little better. Just knowing that I can write to him anytime makes me feel tied to him somehow.
Like he’s closer to me somehow. My cell buzzes, and I yank it out of my pocket.

Hadley: U ok?

Me: Yeah.

Hadley: Is he still here?

Me: No. He left.

Hadley: I’m sorry.
Watcha doing?

Me: Reading a letter he gave me.

Hadley: How romantic.

I chuckle. Hadley is all about romance.

Me: Yeah, I guess it is.

Hadley: Need some company?

Me: That would be nice.

Hadley: Be there in a few.

I smile as I drop my phone on the bed. Gathering up the two letters, I carefully fold them and place them on my dresser. I’ll send mine tomorrow. As I assess my tear-stained face, I realize that I really am going to be okay. I’ve got my friends and family, and I just know Colt will come back to me soon.

True to her text, Hadley shows up at my door within ten minutes. She’s also equipped with a romantic comedy and a bag of chocolate candy. I giggle when she shows me the goodies.

“Wow, you brought your emergency supplies, huh?” I tease her.

“I figured I had to bring out the big guns,” she says, thrusting them at me.

“It’s not so bad that I have to watch a sappy romance movie, but I’ll take the chocolate.”

“Okay, but you have to share.” Hadley shrugs. “I mean, Tripp’s still here and everything, but you know how much I love chocolate.”

“Sure.” We both sink down on top of my bed and dig into the chocolate candies. The sweetness melts on my tongue as I toss back a handful.

“Are you really okay?”

I nod, swallowing. “I think so. I mean, he promised to come back and I believe him. So, it’s not technically goodbye.”

Hadley opens her mouth to respond but is cut off with the ringing of my phone.

I throw her an apologetic look as I lean over to check the caller ID. When I see that it’s Callie’s number, my chest tightens. I answer swiftly.

“Paige?” Callie’s voice is strangled, scared.

“Yeah?” I hold my breath.

“There’s been an accident.”

My body numbs. “Please tell me Colt is okay.”

“I just don’t know, Paige. I don’t know anything.” She sounds hysterical. “All I know is that they’re at Mercy.”

“Here in town?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. I’ll meet you there.” I hang up and jump off my bed, wiping chocolate onto the fabric of my shorts.

“What was that about
?” Hadley stands too.

“Colt’s been in an accident. He’s at Mercy.”

“I’ll drive.” Hadley grabs my hand. Grateful, I follow her in a daze as she guides me downstairs.

Desperate prayers tumble from my lips as I race into the hospital. I spot Callie right away. She’s pacing, her mouth quivering and moisture filling her eyes. My heart sinks.

“Are they okay?”

She shakes her head. “No one is telling me anything yet. I’m waiting on a doctor to come out and talk to me.”

Hadley puts her arm around
me. I grab Callie’s hand and hold it tight. It seems that none of us know what to say, but we welcome the affection. The three of us stand that way for several minutes until a nurse comes out and tells us to have a seat and that the doctor will be with us shortly.

As the minutes tick by, my nerves frazzle. I feel like I’m coming undone by the time
a doctor saunters over to us, wearing a white lab coat and holding a clipboard.

“Are you related to the Lancaster family?”

Callie jumps up, nodding. Her face is a mask of terror.

“I’m Dr. Farrell.” He juts out a hand, and Callie takes it in hers. “I’ve been caring for your family.
I’m happy to report that the three children are in stable condition.”

I
exhale, my shoulders relaxing. “Thank God.”

Callie’s hand flies to her mouth, relief evident on her face. “Great. Can I go back to see them now?”

“In a few minutes.” He glances down at Hadley and I still seated. “Are you family as well?”

“They’re with me,” Callie says
quickly.

“Okay.
  I’ll take you back in a minute. But I need to tell you that unfortunately Mrs. Lancaster is in critical condition.” He leans in close. “And I hate to say this, but it seems she may have been under the influence of a controlled substance.”

Callie bites her fingernails, guilt etching her features. I stand, taking her hand, squeezing it for encouragement. 

As we follow the doctor down the hallway, I lean over and whisper in Callie’s ear. “This isn’t your fault, you know?”

“I never should’ve let them go with her,” she says quietly.

“You couldn’t have prevented it,” I say more firmly.

“The oldest one is in there.” He points to a door. “The two younger ones are in the pediatric ward.”

Callie looks at me. “You go talk to Colt. I’ll go with the doctor to see Zander and Bristol.”

“Don’t stay too long,” the doctor says
to me. “He needs his rest.”

“Okay.” I wipe my clammy hands on my legs. After Callie and the doctor walk away, I turn to Hadley and take a deep breath.

“You’ll be fine.” Hadley pulls me into a hug. “And I’ll be right here if you need me.”

I nod
and turn from her. Pressing my palm to the door, I slowly open it and step into the room. The stark white walls close in around me, and I inhale. Memories of my mom being in a hospital room like this surface, and I fight them down. This isn’t the time to lose it. I have to be strong for Colt.

A machine beeps in the corner as I step past the small white curtain that hangs in front of the door. I gasp at the sight of Colt lying in the hospital bed, a white sheet pulled up to his chin. Bandages and tubes are everywhere
, and his face is a little swollen. I stumble forward and reach for his hand.

His eyes pop open, and a slow smile spreads across his face. “See? Didn’t I tell you I’d come back,
McAllistor?”

“That’s not funny,” I scold him.

“C’mon.” He reaches his arm up to touch me. “Don’t be sad. I’m fine. The doctor said in a couple of weeks I’ll be good as new.” Then his eyes darken. “How are Zander and Bristol? The nurses won’t tell me a thing.”

“They’re fine. Callie’s with them.” I bite my lip, hoping he doesn’t ask me about his mom. I decide to keep him talking about other things. “How did this happen?”

“Mom was getting over into another lane on the freeway and she drove straight into another car. I have no idea how she didn’t see him. It was on her side.”

I think about what Dr. Farrell said about his mom being on drugs. “Well, you’re okay. That’s all that matters.”

“What about Mom? Did they tell you how she is?”

“Um…” I so don’t want to be the one to tell him, but it doesn’t look like I have a choice. “She’s in critical condition, Colt. I’m sorry.”

His gaze drops, so I can’t read the expression in his eyes. I stroke his fingers. “But I know the doctors are doing all they can. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”

He nods, glancing up at me. “
Thank you for coming.”

“Of course,” I say. “Nothing could keep me away.” My lips tremble
, and tears blur my vision.

“Hey, none of that.”

“I’m sorry.” I clear my throat and stare at the wall in an effort to keep my emotions in check. “It’s just that I was so scared. I thought I lost you.”

“
I made you a promise, right?”

I nod.

“It’s the first promise I’ve made in my entire life. I would’ve done anything in my power not to break that promise.”

I lean over and kiss him on the cheek, careful not to hurt him. “The doctor said I can’t keep you long because you need your rest. But I’ll be back, okay?”

“I’ll be right here.” He smiles. “I don’t really have any other choice.”

I chuckle and turn away.

“Hey.” His hand grips my wrist. “Did you read the letter?”

“Yeah.”
I peer down at him. “And I wrote you back. I’ll bring it when I visit next time.”

“Sounds good.”
He releases my arm as his eyelids lower a little and he yawns.

“Get some rest, Colt. I love you,” I say gently before slipping out of the room.
When I get out into the hall I see Callie racing in our direction, a grim look on her face.