Winter Oranges (17 page)

He thinks that’s the end of it
, Jason realized.
He can’t take off his clothes, so he thinks I’ve given up on him already.

“I’d undo your shirt,” Jason said, picking up his monologue from before, and Ben’s eyes returned to him, bright with hope. “I’d push it off of you while I kissed your chest. And then I’d move to your nipples. I’d spend a long time there, too. Has anybody ever done that for you?”

Ben’s lips moved. The music box had run out, but Jason understood him anyway.
No.

“You’ll be surprised at how good it feels. And while I’m doing that, I’d undo your pants, because despite what you may think,
I do
want to see you naked. Desperately. So I’d take your pants off next, just so I could look at you.” Jason imagined Ben lying naked and vulnerable in front of him. He imagined his cock, thin and pale. “Are you circumcised?”

He thought he detected a blush at that question, but then Ben shook his head no.

“Oh man,” Jason breathed. “Good answer.”

Ben smiled, his eyes full of something Jason had never seen there before. He pointed at the globe, and Jason turned the key a couple of times. “Do you remember when you first saw me?” Ben asked.

“Yes.”

“And do you remember what that man was doing for you at the time?”

“A blowjob?”

“That’s what you call it?”

“Yes.”

Ben closed his eyes. His image flickered, but then glowed strong. When he opened his eyes again, they were dark and seductive. “Would you do that to me?”

“Gladly.”

Ben smiled shyly. “I bet it feels good.”

“That’s a bet you’d win.” Jason imagined moving down Ben’s pale stomach to his groin. He imagined the dark hair there, and Ben’s uncut erection. He imagined sliding back Ben’s foreskin and tasting the dampness underneath. “Jesus,” he moaned, reaching down to cup his aching groin in his hand. He either needed to touch himself or go take an ice-cold shower. “You’re going to leave me in a bit of a predicament here.”

“Then solve it,” Ben said, his voice low and throaty. “Here with me.”

Jason nearly laughed before the meaning of Ben’s words hit him. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Ben’s eyes were surprisingly bold. “I can pretend this hand on me is yours. And you can pretend the hand on you is mine.”

“You’re serious?”

“Absolutely.”

Could he really do this? Jason glanced around them, at his dark backyard and the distant trees, then back at Ben’s face. He was usually so full of joy, but now his eyes glowed with something else—something far more primal and far more arousing. His lips formed a perfect pout as he waited for Jason’s decision.

Jason considered, caressing his erection through his jeans as he did. A low, desperate sound escaped from his throat.

“Yes,” Ben urged as the music box wound down. “Like that.”

Jason hesitated. Was he seriously considering jacking off with Ben’s projection here, on the exposed space of his back patio?

Yes. Yes, he was.

It was too cold to take off his coat, but he removed his gloves and unbuttoned his pants, finally freeing himself from the constraint of his jeans. He stopped long enough to wind the music box again as far as it would go—he wanted to be able to hear Ben—and then returned to his position above Ben, only this time with his free hand wrapped around his cock.

“Tell me you’re really doing this too,” he said as he began to stroke.

Ben nodded, seemingly breathless, his eyes half-lidded. Jason studied the length of Ben’s body as he continued his own masturbation. Their upper halves were more or less separate, but with Jason leaning over him, Ben’s spectral form intercepted Jason’s body from about the waist down. He could see Ben’s arm moving, although he couldn’t see Ben’s cock. It disconcerted him, so he focused instead on Ben’s pleasure-flushed face.

Jason made his living pretending, and it was easy to fall back on that skill now. He and Ben really were together, skin to skin, both as solid and real as the deck beneath them. Ben stroked him, and he stroked Ben. He imagined devouring Ben’s gorgeous lips. He imagined kissing Ben’s neck, and Ben’s warm mouth brushing his ear. He built his dream world on the sound of Ben’s frantic moans and the sight of his lust-filled eyes. God, he was gorgeous. Young and blindingly innocent. So trapped, and yet completely unafraid. He met Jason’s gaze without embarrassment or apology—nothing but the obvious joy of sharing themselves in such an intimate way and the desperate urgency of knowing the end would come too soon.

“Jason,” Ben breathed, his voice strained, and Jason knew what that meant. He felt his own pleasure begin to peak in response.

“Not yet,” he pleaded, wanting to revel in that warm shared space forever. “Not yet, honey. Please hang on.”

“I . . . I don’t think I can.”

And the minute Ben lost it, Jason knew he would too. He sped up his strokes. He imagined driving Ben relentlessly toward his climax. He gazed into Ben’s eyes, saw the boy’s futile struggle to hold on, and suddenly felt guilty for his selfishness. “Don’t fight it,” he whispered. “Do what feels good, and I’ll be right here with you.”

Ben blinked, his image wavering. “Oh . . .” he said quietly.

And then he came.

Jason couldn’t see the details, but he didn’t need to. He knew by the way Ben’s body moved, the way his back and neck arched. He knew by the way Ben’s image flickered fitfully, and the expression on his gorgeous face. And Jason watched, letting his own orgasm come too, ejaculating onto the blanket as he reveled in the sight of Ben’s pleasure. The music box ran down before it was over, but it was easy to imagine Ben’s soft sighs as he finally went still. His image wavered and began to fade. His eyes drifted shut, as if he could barely hold them open. He gripped his chest with one pale hand.

Jason
, his lips said soundlessly.
I have to go.

“Is something wrong?”

No. I just need a minute.

“Did I upset you?”

Ben smiled, shaking his head, although Jason could barely see his face now.
I’ll be back.

And that was it. He disappeared, leaving Jason alone on the patio, the sticky mess at his groin rapidly cooling in the evening breeze. He flopped onto his back, staring up at the cold distant stars as he absentmindedly used the comforter to wipe himself clean.

“Fuck my life,” he groaned to the sky. “Now I want to kiss him more than ever.”

He didn’t realize until he was back inside how cold he was. He left the globe in his bedroom and took a quick shower, hoping Ben would be back by the time he emerged, but he wasn’t. It wasn’t until two hours later, as he was lying in bed playing solitaire on his phone that Ben finally appeared, although his projection was far more transparent than usual.

Jason retrieved the globe from the bedside table and wound it, then turned back to Ben, keeping the globe in his hand.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yes. I’m just really tired. All that walking wore me out, and then what we did afterward. I didn’t realize how hard that would be, trying to stay here while I . . . um . . . did that.” Ben ducked his head in embarrassment, and Jason found himself smiling.

“Can you stay now?”

“Not for long, I don’t think.” But he moved onto the bed as he said it. He stretched out on his side, his head propped up with one arm, although as usual, a good inch of him descended into the mattress.

It was wonderfully intimate, having Ben in his bed, even if he couldn’t really touch him. Even if he couldn’t pull him into his arms and fall asleep with Ben’s head on his chest, as he suddenly longed to do. Jason moved nearer, mirroring Ben’s position so they were face-to-face, a mere foot between them. “Then I’ll cherish the few minutes we have.”

Ben grinned. “I think you might actually mean that.”

“I wouldn’t tell a lie that cheesy.” Ben laughed, but he still seemed reluctant to meet Jason’s eyes. Jason was pretty sure he knew why. “Have you done that before?”

Ben shook his head. “Not since I’ve been in the globe. At least, you know . . . not with anybody other than myself.”

“And before the globe?”

He was sure Ben was blushing, but blushes were difficult to detect on Ben’s strong days. Now, with his image so faint, it was impossible to see the tinge of red that must be warming his cheeks. “That makes exactly my fourth time with another person.”

And the last time would have been before the Battle of Fort Sumter in 1861. Jason vowed to never complain about his dry spells again. No wonder Ben hadn’t lasted long, after waiting a hundred and fifty years for somebody else to touch him.

And that person had been Jason, in spirit, if not in the flesh. His heart swelled at the thought. “I’m really glad it was with me.”

Ben sucked his lower lip in thoughtfully, his expression suddenly somber. “I wish I could make it as good for you.”

“It
was
good for me.”

“No, but . . . it’s not the same. I know that. For me, it’s something I can’t have with anybody else. But for you, it’s—”

“Something I can’t have with anybody else.”

Ben blinked at him, and Jason used his moment of silence to wind the key.

“I only mean—” Ben started again.

“I know what you mean.” Jason reached out as if to touch Ben’s arm. Of course his hand drifted right through Ben to land on the plush comforter. “Would I rather be able to actually touch you? Hell, yes. But it doesn’t make what we did any less valid.” He shrugged. Considered. Found himself smiling as he remembered how good it had been. “In fact, I’ll happily show you how valid I think it was, whenever you want to try it again.”

Ben’s perfect lips slowly spread into a smile. “You’d really want to?”

“Are you kidding? Jesus, I’d suggest we do it right now if I thought you had the energy.”

Ben’s eyes drifted to the window as he pondered. “It was hard to stay with you while I, you know . . . finished. It was hard to keep my concentration in both places. But back when I was first in the globe, it was hard to project at all. The more I did it, the easier it became.”

“So you’re saying you need more practice?”

Ben laughed, although his image wavered as he did. “I guess that’s what I’m saying, yeah.”

“That’s fantastic. I’d like to offer my enthusiastic support in that endeavor.”

“That’s awfully generous of you.”

“I’m a generous guy.”

Ben’s laugh subsided, and he leaned closer, as if to kiss Jason. “I have to go. I’m barely hanging on here.”

“Come back when you’re strong enough.”

“I will.”

He dimmed. Flickered. Flared back into view suddenly, his eyes somehow brighter than the rest of him. “I’m glad, too, that it happened with you.”

He reached out as if to take Jason’s hand, but disappeared before he could.

Jason fell back onto the bed, feeling both elated and heartbroken. Feeling lost, yet found. Sure in a new and delightful way that nothing in his life would ever be the same. That he’d turned some dark corner only to stumble onto a bright new path.

A path full of mystery.

Full of laughter and light.

Full of . . .

Full of Ben.

Jason missed him already.