Winter Oranges (16 page)

“What does it matter if I was in Best Buy?”

“They say you were acting crazy. Talking to yourself and threatening people?”

“What?” The first thing he understood. But the second? “Who says I threatened them?”

“Well, that’s part of what
StarWatch
is saying on their webpage. They attribute it to ‘witnesses who asked not to be identified.’”

“In other words, they made it up.”

“Probably. The original tweeters have openly said they saw no hostility, but you know how these things go. The good news is, I think it’s already peaked and is on its way back out. I mean, we also have a professional baseball player who got arrested yesterday for domestic violence, and another Hollywood couple who eloped to Vegas three days ago and are already filing for divorce. And there was a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at the AMAs that makes Janet Jackson’s original Super Bowl booby-shot look like child’s play, so you’re actually only generating a tiny amount of buzz right now. It isn’t even worth worrying about, in my opinion, but I wanted you to hear it from me first.”

“I appreciate that.” Although it was partially a lie. If she hadn’t called, he never would have known about it at all, and he was beginning to think that ignorance really was bliss when it came to the media. “Anything else?”

“Have you read the script yet?”

“Not yet.”

“You’re going to, right?”

“Eventually.”

“Good, because the word is that most of the other actors are waiting to hear your decision before they’ll commit.”

Jason blinked, absorbing that. “Really?”

“Well, one of them is your friend Dylan, so that’s no real surprise. But also Kayleigh Brooks. Do you remember her?”

“Of course.” Especially after watching the movie so recently and answering Ben’s questions about whether or not he found her attractive.

“She’s holding out too. Says she’ll only do it if you’re on board. But without you, Kayleigh and Dylan both intend to pass. And without the three of you, the entire project is doomed. The producers are starting to panic.”

It surprised him. Sure, he and Kayleigh had gotten along. They’d worked well together. But he would never have expected her to base her decision on him. “I’ll read it soon, I promise.”

“Okay.” She hesitated, and he knew she was fumbling for something else to say, although he couldn’t figure out why she suddenly seemed so awkward. “Are you having a good Thanksgiving?” she asked at last. “Not spending it alone, I hope?”

She knew he’d never be with his parents. This was her way of checking in. “No, I’m not alone.” Although with Ben gone, it sure felt that way. “I’m spending it with a friend.”

“I’m glad to hear that. You take care, all right?”

“I will.” He clicked off and sat, staring blankly out the window, lost in thought.

He wanted to take the part. It made no sense—only a few weeks ago, he’d sworn he was through with Hollywood forever. And yet now he found himself wondering about how it would feel to make
Summer Camp Nightmare 4
.

First, he’d be with Dylan, but that thought didn’t fill him with joy the way it once had. There was Kayleigh, who he hadn’t thought about since the first movie had wrapped, but he remembered her fondly. There was the new director. A few quick calls around would be enough to determine what kind of set the man ran. Jason worried he’d regret it later like he always did, and yet acting was something he knew. Besides, he’d need to work eventually, one way or another. Wasn’t acting as good a way to make a living as any?

Sometimes he thought so. Sometimes he thought it was hell.

Movement outside the window caught his eye, and he looked up to see Ben had returned. After being outside in the cold for so long, Ben’s cheeks and nose should have been rosy, but he was pale as always. He waved, indicating he was finished wandering the property, and Jason rose and joined him on the patio. “Well,” he asked after winding the snow globe, “what’d you find out?”

“Two thousand paces,” Ben said. “That’s how far I got, every single time.”

“Just like in the globe?”

“I guess now I know the length of my tether.” He leaned back against the air, two inches in front of the patio railing. “I thought I’d be mad about it when the globe pulled me back, but two thousand paces isn’t bad, right? It’s far enough away that we can each have our privacy if we need it, but not so far that I feel like you’ve left me.”

Jason nodded, thinking how much he’d missed Ben while he’d been wandering through the woods counting his steps. He thought again about the conversation he’d had with Natalie. He’d been on the verge of deciding to take the part but now, seeing Ben’s smiling face, he wavered. “I don’t know how you maintain such a good attitude about all of this.”

Ben laughed. “Oh, it hasn’t always been positive. You caught me in a good decade.”

Jason wanted to laugh too, but found he couldn’t. He was busy thinking about Kayleigh and Natalie. And
Summer Camp Nightmare 4
.

And Dylan.

“Sometimes I feel like I have a tether too, only it’s less about distance and more about time.”

Ben wrinkled his forehead in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“With Hollywood. With my career. Like I can’t go too long without committing to something. Even when I know I shouldn’t, I still hear this voice inside me telling me it has to be done.”

“And is that voice automatically wrong? Or is it your assumption that you shouldn’t do it that’s wrong?”

Jason shrugged it off, not wanting to explore the analogy any further. “I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

Ben nodded and tilted his head back to gaze up at the stars, as if soaking them in.

“We can stay out for a while if you want.”

Ben glanced over at him.
Aren’t you freezing?
The music box had run out, but Jason was able to lip-read the question.

“A little. But I can fix that.”

He went inside and added a couple of layers—a sweatshirt and his coat and gloves—then grabbed an extra comforter out of the closet to wrap around himself. When he emerged again onto the back patio, he found Ben lying flat on the wooden surface. In the near darkness, he seemed more solid than ever, his skin pale and beautiful in the starlight. He’d only misjudged his placement by about half an inch. He seemed to float lazily just above the rough wooden boards. Jason grabbed the globe and wound it as he crossed over to Ben.

“Comfortable?” he asked.

“Sure,” Ben said. “You should come down here too. It’ll be easier on your neck.”

“But harder on my back.” Nonetheless, Jason obliged. He set the globe down and spread the blanket out, letting it fall through Ben’s form and settle underneath him, so it seemed like they were sharing it. He lay next to Ben and pulled the edge up over himself for warmth.

“Isn’t it amazing?” Ben asked. “This is one of the things I’ve loved about this house ever since I came here. The other places I’ve been the last few decades were all in town, and it’s so much harder to see the stars. But out here, they’re everywhere. It’s how I remember it being back in Tennessee. I’d go into the neighbor’s apple orchard and lay there staring up at the stars.”

Jason stared up into the sparkling void. “It’s a bit overwhelming, isn’t it?”

“I think it’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“I suppose.” But Jason was a city boy, through and through. He found the expanse of endless stars above him a bit disconcerting: one small, twinkling light for every aspiring star in Hollywood. It was a horrible reminder of how small and insignificant he really was. He chose to ignore the sky and turned toward Ben instead, rolling onto his side and propping his head up on one elbow. The motion took him nearer to Ben, bringing them almost face-to-face. It would have taken very little effort to roll forward a bit more. If Ben were solid, they would have been touching. He could easily have shifted his weight and lain on top of Ben. He might have stared down into his trusting eyes. The thought made Jason’s heart ache.

“Tell me about the orchard.”

“It was on the property adjacent to ours. My dad hoped to buy that land eventually—to expand his farm—but he never had the money, and I was glad. I would have been sad to see all those apple trees torn down only to make room for more cotton.”

“You like apples?”

“I do.” Ben closed his eyes in remembrance. “I did, at least. Sometimes we’d buy some of the windfall from him, and Cook would make applesauce. But what I liked most was just being there, in the middle of all those trees. My dad never thought to look for me there. Nobody did.” He opened his eyes again, smiling. “It’s funny. I used to want nothing more than to be left alone. And now, I feel like I’ve had enough solitude to last me an eternity.”

“I can understand that.” Both parts of it, truth be told.

“This is perfect though,” Ben went on, scooting a bit closer and lowering his eyelids in a way that would have seemed like flirtation on anybody else, but on him somehow came across as sweet and hesitant. “Being with you.”

Jason soaked that in as the music box ran down. It really was perfect, lying there together under the cover of night. Nothing stirred around them. Not a single sound penetrated their haven. Was it really so silent? Was the universe really holding its breath just for them? Or was it only that he no longer cared about anything but Ben? Ben seemed so real and solid beside him, his pale skin practically glowing, his full lips dark and pouting and begging to be tasted, his every glance and move and gesture an unknowing invitation, and for the first time, Jason hated their predicament.

“Man, this sucks,” he said quietly.

Ben cocked his head. Raised an eyebrow in query.

“I’d give anything to be able to kiss you right now.”

Ben’s eyes widened in surprise. Those lips that had so thoroughly captivated Jason formed the word,
Really?

“Yes, really.” Now that he’d said it, he wanted it even more than before. “You have the most perfect lips I’ve ever seen. It’s driving me crazy.”

Ben’s image flickered. Jason wondered if it was from embarrassment, or discomfort, or something else entirely.

“You’d let me?” Jason asked. “If I could?”

Ben nodded, putting up a hand as if he could touch Jason’s cheek, and for a moment they lay there, staring into each other’s eyes. Jason felt sure they were both contemplating the magnitude of exactly what they were being denied. Ben’s eyes became sad, then thoughtful. Finally, he turned and pointed at the globe, and Jason dutifully wound it as far as it would go before setting it aside and returning to his position leaning over Ben’s spectral form.

“What else would you do, if you could?”

Jason felt a thrill at the sudden invitation he saw in Ben’s eyes, and at the shy seductiveness of his tone. “Anything you’d let me.”

“You’d kiss me on the mouth?”

“God, yes.”

Ben smiled, biting the lower lip that Jason longed to touch. “Anywhere else?”

“Your cheek. And then your ear. And then . . .”

“Yes?”

“I’d leave a few marks on that pretty neck of yours.”

Ben put his fingers against his neck, caressing the skin between his ear and his shoulder. He turned his head, exposing that expanse of flesh to Jason’s sight. “Here?”

“Yes.” It came out a breathless moan. “And while I was doing that, I’d undo your shirt.” He eyed the buttons running down Ben’s chest. “I’d move it aside and—”

“No.” Ben shook his head. “You don’t want to see me naked.”

“Really? It sure feels like I do.”

“I’m skinny and weak and pale. I’m runty. That’s what my dad always said.”

“I would never use that word to describe you.”

“Well, I don’t look like you.”

“Good. If you looked like me, it’d be damn weird for me to be this attracted to you.”

“I only meant—”

“I know what you meant.” Now that they were talking about it, he couldn’t help but imagine Ben naked, and the thought made his heart do strange, fluttery things. “You’re wrong. I very much want to see you naked. And telling me you’re skinny and pale isn’t changing that.” Quite the opposite, in fact. True, Ben wasn’t big or muscular, but Jason suspected his skin was soft as silk. He imagined kissing Ben’s flat stomach, and the ache in his groin increased at the thought. He had to reach down and shift his jeans over his growing erection. “Take off your jacket and shirt for me, and I’ll prove it. And then I’ll tell you all the other things I’d like to do to you.”

Ben’s lips turned down into a frown. “I can’t.”

“You can’t take off your clothes?”

“I can inside, but not out here.” He moved his hands oddly over his chest, rubbing his fingers together over his sternum before moving his hands an inch lower and doing it again. It took Jason a moment to realize he was working buttons, and yet the image of his dark waistcoat lay unmoving on his chest. “See? It’s like it’s only a picture of me, and I can’t change it.”

“That’s even more unfair than not being able to kiss you.”

Ben laughed, but he didn’t sound amused. He seemed forlorn, and he turned his face away, staring sadly across the cold, brown grass to the distant woods.