Wishes and Tears (4 page)

Janet smiled, though she didn't think she would get used to it, but then her time at the home wasn't going to last for ever.

The weeks went by very quickly and Janet had had only two letters from her mother. They didn't tell her much, just news about the people in the village, those that had died or given birth, or were getting married.

Janet was shown how to make booties and mittens. She enjoyed this, but couldn't believe babies could be so small as to fit into the tiny garments. She saw Dr Winter every week and her pregnancy appeared to be progressing normally. She went to the exercise sessions and had lessons on how to breathe when she was in labour.

As one girl left so a new one arrived. As soon as Janet got to know someone, it seemed she was off. She was dreading the time when Freda would be going.

It was approaching Christmas, and they were busy making paper-chains when Janet told Freda her fears.

‘You are daft. You'll be all right. 'Sides, mine ain't due till the end of January and yours is the beginning of March so it'll only be for a couple of weeks. Look, I'm really beginning to show now.' Freda stood up and, resting her hands in the middle of her back, stuck her stomach out, determined to look like the rest of them.

Janet laughed. ‘Will you go home after?'

‘Yer. I ain't got a lot of choice. Will you?'

Janet nodded.

‘I'm gonner miss you.'

‘Not as much as I'll miss you. You're the closest friend I've ever had. You must give me your address.'

‘Course, and you must give me yours.'

‘Mine's easy to remember: The Old Vicarage, Stowford, Near Horsham.'

‘Sounds a bit like this place.'

‘In some ways it is. I can't always do what I want there either.'

Janet felt her baby move; she loved this feeling of life within her. She sat back and placed her hands on her stomach. ‘Next year will be our babies' first Christmas. I wonder what sort of people she'll have for parents. I hope they look after her and love her.'

When the girls had done the ring test on Janet, they'd told her she was going to have a girl.

‘Put a sock in it, Jan. You'll have me in tears in a minute.'

Janet knew her friend wasn't joking.

 

After church on Christmas morning presents were exchanged. A week ago the nuns had taken them out in pairs. Janet didn't go with Freda as she wanted her present of a white petticoat and matching knickers to be a surprise.

Freda's face was a picture when she opened the parcel. ‘These are smashing. I can't wait till January when I'll be able to wear 'em.' She held the petticoat against her. ‘I hope you like what I've got you.'

Janet held the fluffy pink rabbit to her cheek. ‘This is lovely. I've only got an old teddy at home.'

‘I know. I remember you saying you'd like something to cuddle.'

‘Thank you.'

‘I knew I couldn't get you a bloke to cuddle so I thought that might be the next best thing.'

Janet laughed. ‘A man is the last thing I need in my life at the moment.'

‘Yer, but you wait till this is all over. I bet you start looking again.'

‘I'm not so sure, if sex is all they want.'

‘They ain't all like that - at least I don't think so.'

‘And thank you for the diary.'

‘I guessed you'd be needing a new one. You've got a lot to put in it.'

Janet kissed Freda's cheek. ‘I'll cherish this for ever,' she said, clutching her rabbit.

The nuns had kept back till today the parcels that had arrived for the girls.

Janet opened her present from her parents. There were three Christmas cards, one from her mother and father in her mother's handwriting, one from the WI ladies - Mrs Scott had signed it and said what a good girl she was giving up her Christmas to look after her aunt - and a card from the children at Sunday school, which brought a lump to her throat. It was wrong to tell them lies. She looked at the scarf and matching gloves they'd sent. It would have been so much nicer if they had come and given her their present. She quickly put them to one side.

‘What did your mum send you?' she asked Freda.

‘This.' Freda held up a book on baby care. ‘Bloody stupid present to give me. She knows I ain't gonner keep him.'

After dinner they sat and listened to the Queen's speech, her first as Queen and very moving. Janet's thoughts went back to the Coronation. That had been a good day. Somehow, even the encounter with Sam she didn't mind now; it had brought her here and she'd found a friend.

Games and carols followed tea, then all too soon Christmas was over.

That night as they were getting ready for bed Freda said, ‘It might sound daft but d'you know, this is one of the best Christmases I've ever had.'

Janet looked at her in surprise as she got into bed.

‘There wasn't any fights or rows. Just peaceful with a lot of nice people - apart from the nuns, that is.'

‘I suppose they aren't so bad. Just got funny ways of thinking they're helping us wicked girls.'

They laughed together.

‘D'ou know,' said Janet, easing herself up on her elbow. ‘It's one of the best Christmases I've had as well.'

‘It seems strange, don't it, that next year we'll be in different places. I dunno where I'll finish up; can't see me staying at home for long.'

‘I can't see me staying at home after this.'

‘They won't chuck you out, will they?'

‘No, my father will act as if nothing has happened.'

‘But it has.'

‘Yes, it has. That's why I think I should move on.'

‘But you'll only just be seventeen when you get home.'

‘I know.'

‘You'll be underage and if you left, they could have the police on you and drag you back.'

‘Perhaps I'll have to leave it for a few years.'

‘Yer, or else get married.'

‘Who will have me?'

‘You'll find someone.'

‘That might be the only answer.' Janet turned over. ‘Good night.'

‘Good night. And thank you for me present.'

For a long while Janet fondled her rabbit's ears and thought about home and her parents. How different were things going to be? Would she be able to settle down to her humdrum way of life again? She turned over and drifted into a deep sleep.

‘Jan! Jan, are you awake?'

She sat up. She was disorientated.

‘Jan! Are you awake?' Freda's voice was full of panic.

‘Yes, I am now,' she yawned. ‘What's wrong?'

‘I feel ever so peculiar.'

‘What d'you mean, peculiar?'

‘I don't know, sick like.' With that she was sick all over the bedspread.

Janet jumped out of bed and put the light on. ‘What have you been eating?'

‘Only the same as you.' She lay back and groaned.

‘You don't look that good. Shall I get someone?'

Freda rolled her eyes, and Janet could see she was drawing up her knees.

‘Are you in pain?'

She nodded.

‘You haven't started, have you?'

‘I don't know.'

‘Oh my God.' Janet grabbed her dressing gown from off the bed. ‘I'm just going to get—'

The door flew open. ‘Just what is the light doing on at this time of night?' Sister Verity filled the doorway like some great black whale.

‘It's Freda, Sister. I think she's started.'

‘Started? She can't have. She isn't due till the end of January. Look at the state of that bedspread. I'll have complaints from the laundry about this.' In one swift movement it was off the bed and being rolled up. ‘It's probably something you've eaten. I did notice that you were devouring those chocolates at an alarming rate earlier this evening.' She started to take Freda's pulse. ‘I'll try to get hold of Dr Winter. But if this is a false alarm he will be very cross to be dragged away from his home on Christmas night.'

Janet looked at Freda. She was worried. Beads of perspiration stood out on her friend's pale face and she hadn't come back with any of her bright remarks.

Sister Verity swept out of the room with the offending bedspread under her arm.

‘Jan, I'm ever so frightened.'

Janet held her hand. She brushed Freda's damp hair from her forehead. ‘You'll be all right.' But Janet too was frightened. Freda had almost another five weeks to go and everybody had said she would probably go over her time as she was so small.

Freda gave out a cry, her brown eyes seemed to sink back into their sockets. She thrashed about in the bed, pulling at the bedclothes. Janet was petrified. She went to look out of the door, hoping one of the nuns was nearby.

‘Jan, Jan, don't leave me!' cried Freda, struggling to sit up.

Janet hurried to her friend's side and gently pushed her back down. ‘I won't.' She felt so helpless. What could she do? ‘Let me go and find Sister.'

‘No, no, don't leave me.' She grabbed Janet's hand.

‘Try to take deep breaths.'

Freda made a gallant effort but wasn't succeeding.

Janet was living every moment of her friend's pain with her. The girls in the next room heard the noise and came in.

‘What's going on?' asked Betty, her shiny face peering round the door.

‘I think she's started,' said Janet.

‘What? But she ain't due yet,' said Yvonne. ‘Have you told Sister?'

‘Yes, she's gone to try to get hold of Dr Winter.'

‘If you ask me she should get her into hospital,' said Betty. ‘She don't look that good to me.'

‘Perhaps you could go downstairs and try to find her and tell her Freda's getting worse.' Janet wanted to get rid of Betty. The last thing Freda needed to hear was a lot of horrific tales that she was in a habit of telling.

Betty reluctantly left the room.

It wasn't long before Sister James came in with Betty close on her heels.

‘Now back to bed, you girls.' She ushered Betty and Yvonne out of the room. ‘And keep your voices down. We don't want everyone to be woken.'

Janet guessed that everyone was awake already, and straining their ears to try to find out what was happening.

Sister James took hold of Freda's hand. ‘My, we do feel sorry for ourselves, don't we? You know women have to suffer in labour. It's God's way of punishing them for doing naughty things.'

Janet stared at her. She felt like shouting, ‘What a load of twaddle. And what about men? They don't get punished. Besides, how would mankind continue if women didn't have children?' But she decided that this wasn't the time or the place to start that kind of discussion.

‘Don't you think Freda should be in hospital, Sister?' Janet tried to keep her voice even.

‘We shall see. She isn't the first to have an eight-month pregnancy, you know.'

‘But she's so small. Her baby can't be that big.'

Sister James turned and smiled at Janet. ‘Time will tell, my dear. Time will tell. This could just be a false alarm.'

Janet looked at Freda. Her heart went out to her. Freda's eyes were darting about, full of fear, and her face was contorted with pain. When she moved Janet saw blood beginning to quickly spread over the sheets. She knew then that this wasn't going to be a false alarm.

Sister Verity returned to the bedroom and, despite Janet's protests, ordered her to go and sleep in Miss Taylor's room. Sue Taylor was very quiet and most of the time had her nose stuck in a book. She had been on her own since her roommate, Barbara, had left.