Wishful Thinking (11 page)

You need to calm down, wait a few moments and then try again. There’s probably a perfectly rational explanation.

To occupy himself before attempting to phone again, he looked in on Amber. The nurse told him she was still sleeping. So far so good. He checked out Adam’s room, next door. There was no reply when he knocked, so he opened the door quietly, expecting to find Adam snoring in his bed. He saw at once, however, that the bed hadn’t been slept in and that Adam had cleared out completely.

He stood for a moment, cursing under his breath. It took him several seconds to notice the envelope sitting on the untouched bed. He sighed as he slipped the single folded sheet of paper out of it. He had a good idea what it would say, but he was wrong.

Stop trying to delude yourself. You can’t fool me, Amber or yourself.

He sat on the edge of the bed and stared gloomily at the wall. The fact was that he needed Adam to be here, with Amber. He needed him to be in love with Amber – and her with him – to appease his conscience. If she was with Adam, he was free to move on with his own life – to unshackle himself from her bonds. He didn’t believe for a moment that Amber was still in love with him, but he did believe that she was frightened of letting him go, and that she needed Adam now more than ever. She was teetering on the edge – had been for a long time and both he and Adam secretly acknowledged it, but refused to confront it. He wasn’t sure enough about Adam, but he knew he would never be able to abandon her. He was stuck with her, like a deeply embedded thorn in his side, too firmly rooted now to be removed. Maybe that’s what Adam was thinking.

He was roused from his gloomy reverie by the vibrating of his phone in his pocket. He saw it was Jess and smiled in relief, though it was a smile that wouldn’t have convinced many people. Somehow he felt it would not be good news.

“I’m so sorry, Christian. I won’t be able to make it today after all. The doctor’s just been and Ben needs to stay in bed. I can’t possibly leave him.”

“I’ll come there.”

“No! You shouldn’t, really. It’s some sort of virus and you might catch it. You’re flying to the States next week – I don’t want you to be ill.”

He paused for a moment to marvel at her considerateness. He couldn’t remember when he’d last known such unselfishness from a woman other than his mother. “I don’t mind taking my chances.”

“But
I
do. I’d feel terrible. And I need to be at his side – at least until the fever goes down. Maybe we can talk again later?”

He nodded and then released a long, weary sigh. “Of course. I’ll call you this afternoon. I hope he gets better soon.”

“Me too. Thanks, Christian.”

He dropped the phone onto the bed and then stretched out on it himself, lying on his back so he could stare at the ceiling, his fingers steepled together over his chest. Is it always going to be like this? Am I ever going to get a stab at real happiness? Wishful! It should be renamed Albatross. He drifted off into a reverie for a few moments, staring fixedly at a tiny blemish on the ceiling which, as he stared at it seemed to spread and grow and begin to move across the pristine surface of the ceiling like some surreptitious spider. He blinked rapidly, saw the minute spot had not actually moved, then rose and left the room.

Downstairs the new shift of party planners had arrived to continue the clearing up process. He hated this kind of upheaval and had hoped to be absent for it. He felt awkward and clumsy in his own house, as if he was in the way wherever he went. He wandered into the kitchen in search of coffee. Every surface appeared to be piled high with leftover food which a couple of staff members were packing into boxes. Not such great party planners if they miscalculated so badly, he thought.

“What do you do with all this leftover stuff?” He asked, eyeing it with mild disgust.

“Well, we’ve filled up your fridge and the nurses have asked for a couple of boxes. As for the rest, we can leave it here, or dispose of it. There is a homeless shelter we often take stuff to – they’re always very grateful.”

“Take it all. Just get it out of here, please.”

“Yes, sir.”

He paused a moment, “Only…as you’re making up boxes, do you think there’s anything here that might tempt a six year old? He’s not been very well, so you’ll need to go easy. And maybe you could put aside some of that salmon and caviar too, for a friend who couldn’t make the party last night?”

The woman gave him a beaming smile. “Leave it to me, sir. I’ll make you a beautiful goody-basket. There’s plenty of champagne left over too.”

****

“The downstairs door was open – you’re not very security-conscious at this place, are you?” Christian said reprovingly as Jess opened the door and stared at him in surprise. With him was a large man, holding several rugs or blankets. “This is George, by the way.”

Jess still didn’t speak, just stared from one to the other.

“Now we have two options and, as you see, I’m fully prepared for both. Either we can wrap Ben up in these nice, warm blankets and George will carry him down to the car so you can both spend the day at my house, or…” He held up his finger as Jess opened her mouth to protest and produced a large basket. “We can picnic on left-over party grub. It’s your call.”

She gestured for them to come inside, which they did. They filled her tiny hallway to capacity and she had to step backwards into her bedroom so they could pass her and go into the sitting room. She followed them, but remained in the doorway, feeling slightly embarrassed by the smallness of her flat and its lack of comfortable seating for visitors.

“Ben’s temperature has come down slightly, but I’m still not sure about moving him just yet,” she explained.

“We do have two incredibly efficient nurses on tap. They’re eating me out of house and home so I really feel I should give them some employment. But I don’t want to pressure you. George will be just as happy to take the afternoon off.”

She wanted to throw her arms around him and cry on his shoulder then, in gratitude for his thoughtfulness. No one had ever been there for her to share her worries when Ben was ill and she suddenly felt the enormous weight of her responsibility as a lone parent crashing around her and acknowledged, for the first time, how fragile she felt.

Together they decided that, since Ben was sleeping at the moment, George would make himself scarce for a few hours and await Christian’s call. The party fare was then laid out on the small dining table and Jess surveyed it in wonder. “Is this what your guests had last night? At the parties I go to you’re lucky to get bread and cheese, and you can certainly forget champagne! And to think I was going to open a can of soup for lunch!”

Christian pulled her into his arms. “I could say all sorts of clichéd things about dining on champagne and caviar every day if you wanted to, but I’d rather kiss you instead.”

There was no doubt in Jess’s mind about which she preferred too, as she succumbed to his caresses. His kiss was deep and passionate, his tongue seeking and capturing hers as his hands soothed and kneaded her back and shoulders drawing her ever closer into him as if he wanted their bodies to merge into one. She felt the warmth of his flesh and the hardness of his muscles as she pressed against him, whimpering with desire, allowing herself to be lost in his embrace and the delicious pleasure of the moment. When he pulled away she moaned softly, needing more of him. He nuzzled her ear briefly.

“I hate to spoil the moment, but we have an audience,” he whispered.

“Hello Chris. I need a drink, mummy,” Ben said from the doorway.

Later that afternoon they put Christian’s original plan into practice. Ben felt and looked sufficiently better to allow Jess to overcome her fears about moving him. Besides, she was bursting with curiosity to see Christian’s house – or
one
of his houses – she understood he also had a smaller one in central London as well as a villa in some exotic resort abroad.

As she was putting some things together for Ben, Christian came up behind her and caught her around the waist, pulling her towards him. He kissed her hair and then nibbled her ear before finding that sensitive flesh just below it. His kisses there made her entire body shudder with longing.

“Make sure you have everything you both need for the night,” He told her quietly, sending little shockwaves of pleasurable anticipation tingling across the whole surface of her skin. He wanted her to spend the night with him! The thought both thrilled and terrified her and she bit her lower lip nervously. He turned her around to face him and looked deep into her eyes. “You do want to, don’t you?” He asked, depositing tiny kisses on her eyes and nose.

As she looked up at him she hoped her eyes would not betray her anxiety. She wanted to shout out ‘Yes - more than anything in the world!’ But at the same time she wondered how she could ever compete with the calibre of girlfriend he’d been used to in the past. She almost wished she hadn’t done her research and seen his name linked with some of the world’s most glamorous women.

“Don’t worry,” he said, as if reading her troubled thoughts. “I won’t rush you.”

But her worries escalated dramatically as they drove into the spacious grounds of the Surrey mansion. It looked like a stately home and Jess could only stare at it in speechless wonder, while Ben asked Christian which windows belonged to him, assuming it was a block of flats. This is a different world to mine, Jess thought. I must be insane to imagine I could ever have a rightful place in it. It was a sobering realisation and she entered the house in a thoughtful mood.

Ben was quickly made comfortable in a room that was almost the size of Jess’s entire flat and one of the efficient nurses immediately checked his pulse and temperature and began a chart on him to record any changes. Jess had packed some of his books and games into his bag and the nurse helped him to unpack and stack these beside him.

“Oh look!
Connect Four
. I’m ace at that. As soon as we get you into this nice big bed, I’m going to challenge you to a game of that – though I warn you, I’ll win!” Nurse Jacqui told him.

Jess watched in amusement as Ben hopped into the vast bed, eager to prove the nurse wrong. He hardly glanced up when she and Christian left the room.

“How many rooms does the house have?” Jess asked.

He shrugged. “Not sure – I haven’t counted them recently. Shall we do that now while I show you around? We’ll start from the top – the studio is my pride and joy.”

The sound-proofed studio occupied almost half of the top floor with its adjacent recording rooms and mixer booths. She allowed Chris to demonstrate the various gadgets which meant nothing to her, but she enjoyed his enthusiasm and their intimacy as he demonstrated the technology and asked numerous questions. She loved that he assumed she would share his interest in music and gadgetry and tried hard to follow and understand because it seemed so important to him.

“Why did you give up the band? This is your life, isn’t it?”

He looked at her as if her observation surprised him and then nodded. “I haven’t given it up, exactly. I just wanted to explore new avenues when the opportunity presented itself. I know too many people who claim not to have been brave enough to ‘seize the day’ and lived to regret it. I didn’t want to be one of those, constantly wondering how different my life might have been if only I hadn’t ignored the chance when it came my way.”

Jess bit her lip and winced inwardly. That sounds like me, she thought. I’m one of those people. “So you’re quite an impulsive person then?” she asked, peering through the window into the blue-lit studio.

He drew her towards him, encircling her waist with his hands and nestling his face beside hers so their cheeks touched. The gesture made her feel cherished and safe and she allowed her body to relax in his arms, nestling her head against his neck and darting tiny, soft kisses at his neck.

“Maybe not so much impulsive as lucky. I’ve had some good breaks in life…like meeting you last week.” He caught her lips with his for a moment when she tilted her head and then began to trail kisses down her jaw and neck while she stood for a moment, basking in the sheer thrill of the sensation before turning in his arms to catch his lips again and return his kisses.

No kisses had ever been sweeter. They were slow and sensuous, lips touching lips, tongues gently teasing and enjoying the sheer physicality of the experience. They were not the urgent prelude to sex but simply kisses that delighted in their own perfect art. And yet of course the longer they lingered, the more she was aware of her body’s growing desire for more and it was evident to her that he felt the same and that his urgency was growing by the minute. The knowledge heightened the pleasure of anticipation.

“I thought we were supposed to be counting rooms,” she reminded him as their lips reluctantly drew apart. “Shall we call the studio room numbers one to six?”

He sighed good-naturedly. “Maths never was my strong subject. Come on, I’ll show you the rest.”

****

He’d hesitated before showing her into Amber’s room. He couldn’t decide whether to introduce them or not. But if things went the way he planned, he’d be spending a lot more time with Jess and Amber needed to get used to that. Besides, it was his house and they were both his guests. It would be wrong not to introduce them.