Wishful Thinking (12 page)

When he knocked and entered, the bedroom looked like a cross between a beauty parlour and an office. Amber’s manager, Jake, was pacing around shouting instructions to someone from his mobile phone while Amber’s stylist was gathering up a multitude of colourful beautifying bottles and potions. Amber reclined against her silken pillows surveying her freshly manicured nails. Her beautiful hair flowed around her shoulders in a fiery cloud of soft curls. She looked at Christian through narrowed eyes as he led Jess into the room.

“Amber I want you to meet Jess,” he hesitated to qualify her as his girlfriend and instead said “the ghost-writer I mentioned.”

Amber turned her gaze on Jess and surveyed her briefly. “Hello ghost-writer,” she said, to his embarrassment and irritation before turning her large eyes back to him. “Any news from Adam?”

“No, Amber. I’ve been busy. Haven’t you tried to call him?”

Amber shrugged. “No – he’s probably back in Docklands though.” She turned again to Jess. “So you are going to be poking around in all our lives are you? You’ll need to run any questions you have for me by Jake first.” She indicated the pacing man with a graceful flutter of her newly-manicured fingers.

“I’m sure Jess will be very circumspect. It’s up to you if you want to co-operate or not.” He said, biting back his annoyance. He was acutely aware of how uncomfortable this must be for Jess and felt guilty about leading her into the lion’s den in this way. He needed to make it clear to Amber that Jess was more than just his ghost-writer. He put a protective arm around her and drew her to his side, allowing his cheek to brush against her soft, blonde curls for a delicious moment before depositing a quick, proprietorial kiss on the top of her lovely head.

The gesture was not lost on Amber. “I’m sure you must be wanting me out of here. I’ve taken unfair advantage of your hospitality,” she grumbled.

Christian groaned inwardly, but tried to sound cheerful. “Nonsense, Amber. You’re welcome to stay as long as you need to. In fact I insist you stay until you’re fully recovered. The press will be crawling all over your place, you know that.”

“Well I’ll be gone before you leave for America, anyway. If Jake has succeeded in cancelling the rest of those gigs, I’ll probably see you out there. Won’t that be nice?”

Not, Christian thought, in a hundred years! It was the last thing he needed after her New Year’s Eve debacle. Nor did he miss the little glint of malice in her eyes as she glanced at Jess following her announcement. He needed to get Amber well again so that they could discuss things rationally. He knew Amber wasn’t in love with him, despite her protests. She had a form of manic depression and when she was down, she believed he was her only salvation. The rest of the time, she saw things in a completely different light.

“Get some rest, Amber,” he advised, ignoring her question. “Don’t try to do too much too soon. We’ll see you tomorrow.” He congratulated himself on managing to guide Jess gently out of the room before Amber said anything unpleasant.

10

“Hang on, is this thirty two or thirty three?” Jess asked as she leaned against the kitchen counter.

Christian shrugged. “Beats me. I told you I was hopeless at maths. But all the same, I don’t think you should count
en suites
as separate rooms. Shall we take our coffee upstairs and do a mental recount? Or we could just…” he glanced at the central island, now cleared of all the party debris. “Nah! That only ever works in cheap novels and chick flicks and that granite looks very uncomfortable. Let’s go upstairs. There’s one room I haven’t shown you yet. But we’ll look in on Ben first.”

Ben reclined on his pillows like a tiny emperor, watching a cartoon on the large TV screen in the foot of his bed. The nurse greeted them at the doorway.

“His stats are stable and his temperature is still coming down nicely. The kitchen sent up some soup and toast which he ate and he’s cleaned his teeth. I said he could watch a DVD for thirty minutes only. If you don’t mind, now that you’re here, I’ll just pop down to the kitchen to grab a snack. You know he beat me two games to one at
Connect Four
– that boy cheats really well!”

“He’s not a cheat!” Jess protested.

“He must be,” Nurse Jacqui said airily as she sashayed past them. “I’m practically the world champion at C
onnect
. See you in five.”

Jess looked at Christian who gave a non-committal shrug that clearly said
leave me out of this
before going to sit beside Ben. The child looked a picture of contentment.

“Isn’t this great, mummy? Can I have a bed like this?” Ben said without taking his eyes off the screen in front of him.

“No, Ben. It’s bigger than your whole room!” Jess pointed out with a rueful laugh. She put her arm around her son’s shoulder and hugged him to her.

A few minutes later the nurse returned with a huge plate of food which she set down on a table in the corner. “Five more minutes,” she warned Ben. “Then it’s story-time and lights out.”

Ben nodded his acquiescence and Jess surveyed her in frank admiration for a moment before kissing her son. “I’ll be right next door if you need me, darling,” and with a big, grateful smile to the kindly nurse, she followed Christian out of the room.

Christian’s bedroom was like the honeymoon suite of a very lavish Hollywood movie, sumptuously furnished with an abundance of richly-coloured wood, dark leather and vibrant silk. They sat in front of a roaring log fire and gazed into its depths for a few moments without speaking.

Christian was the first to break the silence. “Penny for them?”

Jess smiled. “I’d need far more than a penny. I was imagining what it must be like to be able to hire someone like Nurse Jacqui whenever Ben was ill. It’s so terrifying being alone with a sick child and wondering whether you’re doing all the right things or not. You know, you hesitate to call out the doctor in case he says you’re over-reacting and then when he comes and says you did the right thing, you just want to fall at his feet in gratitude. And I was thinking what a beautiful house you have and wondering whether anyone could ever, in a million years, take all this for granted.”

He put his arm around her shoulder and very gently urged her closer. “Was there never anyone else – after Ben’s father?”

Jess shook her head before resting it on his shoulder. “A couple of vague hopefuls that never would have amounted to anything – I suppose I was just too busy doing what single parents do to think about…you know.”

“You must have been so lonely,” he murmured into her hair.

“Mmm…occasionally. Most of the time I was fine; I had Ben…and there was a goldfish for a while who was very good company – a really great listener. And I had my job and my books and Ben…did I say Ben?”

“All the time. He’s a lucky little boy. I envy him.”

She turned her face up toward his and began to plant tiny kisses wherever she could reach.

“Why would you envy him? You have both your parents and they are the loveliest people imaginable. You must have had an idyllic childhood.” She delivered these sentences between light, fluttery kisses which seemed to distract him very easily from the conversation he had initiated.

When his lips sought and captured hers, all the earlier hesitation had gone. His kiss was passionate and hungry and a groan of longing passed from his mouth into hers as he pulled her closer and deepened the kiss.

Jess could feel all her fears melting away. All her reservations about not being good enough for him dissolved in the face of her own urgent need answering his and when he raised her to her feet and led her towards his bedroom she no longer thought about whether or not she would live up to his past conquests as all that occupied her mind was her desire to be with him at this moment. A desire stronger than any she had ever felt before; stronger than any urge she had ever even imagined.

****

Christian finally laid back, spent and more content than he could remember having felt in a very long time, if ever. He settled Jess against him and rained kisses onto her hair and face. She was amazing – every bit as wonderful as he had imagined, if not more so. Her gentle, yielding softness as she clung to him and all around him was nothing short of exquisite. She was perfection and he realised that he had spent his life searching for her. She was meant for him and now that he’d found her, he would allow nothing to come between them again. And here she was, returning his kisses, smiling her adorable smile which curved the corners of her mouth so sweetly and loving him. He must have died and gone to heaven, as the old cliché went.

“That was…amazing,” he whispered into her ear, already feeling his interest reviving from her delicious proximity.

“I know! I mean…” she giggled delightfully, cuddling closer to him. “I mean, it was for me! I was so…you know…worried that you…”

He stopped her hesitant words with more kisses, deep, satisfyingly beautiful, unspoken words. Who needed mundane words when kisses could be so much more expressive? He would have to write a song about these kisses some time. But not now; right now he was far too busy enjoying their effect on them both.

Later still, he said, “Why couldn’t I have met you years ago? To think of all this time we’ve wasted when we could have been together, just like this, in sheer perfection.”

“Shhh,” she murmured, sated and sleepy from their tender but deeply passionate lovemaking. She placed her palm against his cheek and caressed it lovingly. “If you had then we would not have had this magical night together – and I wouldn’t forego this for anything.”

He kissed her again before settling her more comfortably into his arms and, holding her close, he had the satisfaction of seeing her fall asleep just seconds before him.

****

Jess woke up in Christian’s arms with the wonderfully profound contentment of someone who feels truly loved. Her head was nestling beneath his chin and she could not resist planting soft kisses on the delicate skin of his throat as she recalled the ecstasy of their lovemaking. She felt him stir and his hands tightened their hold on her. His mouth sought hers and their lips joined in a languorous kiss.

“I want to wake up like this every morning,” he told her later and she thought how wonderful that would be.

Nurse Jacqui pronounced Ben fully recovered and he was able to dress and go out into the grounds to explore and kick a football around with Christian. As they walked and talked and played together like a contented family, Jess glanced up towards the house as if looking for a way to convince herself all this was real. Her eyes rested on a second floor window from which a pale face stared down at them. The face was surrounded by a shock of red hair which emphasised its ghostly and waif-like appearance. When Jess caught Amber’s eyes and smiled, Amber withdrew from sight, without returning the smile.

“I don’t think your friend Amber approves of me,” Jess told Christian, trying to keep her voice light and uncomplaining.

Christian pulled her towards him and planted a kiss on the top of her head. “She will when she gets to know you. She’s a complicated person.”

“She’s very important to you, isn’t she?” Jess put her arm around Christian’s waist, wondering if Amber was still watching and whether she would approve. A naughty part of her hoped she was still watching and didn’t care whether she approved or not.

“We’ve been through a lot, together. She’s like a sister to me,” he admitted.

Just then a friendly golden retriever came bounding towards them, greeting Ben as if he was a long-lost friend. A middle-aged man followed the dog, anxiously calling it to heel, but even had the animal wanted to obey, it was clearly incapable of tearing itself away from Ben’s ecstatic welcome. Christian introduced man and dog as Stan and Tippy. Stan was the gardener who wanted to discuss a couple of planting issues with Christian so Jess moved aside and watched Ben throwing a ball for the joyful dog to chase and return.

She glanced again at the window and was convinced Amber was still there watching her. Jess pursed her lips. A sister may be how Christian viewed Amber but she began to suspect that Amber viewed Christian as something much more than a brother.

Her suspicions deepened during lunch, for which Amber had surprisingly deigned to join them. Jess watched the proprietorial and sensuous way Amber thrust her body towards Christian whenever she spoke to him and listened in silence to all the throw-away comments which excluded Jess and whose sub-message said quite clearly:
We have a history together. You don’t belong.

Jess refused to let any of it spoil her wonderful day. She could perfectly comprehend Amber’s feelings and even surprised herself by pitying her a little. There was no doubt in her mind that Amber was a troubled soul, desperately trying to keep her grip on reality. That she had known great unhappiness was also evident.