Wishful Thinking (a journey that will change lives forever) (16 page)

“Louise, we’ve been through this before.  You haven’t done anything wrong here.  As far as I’m concerned this is an open and shut case.  There’s no question of liability – the driver’s already admitted he was at fault.  All we’re asking is that you be suitably compensated for your injuries, and the lifestyle you’re resigned to as a result of those injuries. Nothing more. 

“I suppose.” Still, she wasn’t convinced.  “But, Mr Cahill, what if the judge thinks I got enough from the insurance company in the first place? What if he thinks I’m just chancing my arm looking for another payout?”

“Louise, I’ve spent months working on this case trying to prove beyond doubt that you didn’t get nearly enough – far from it.  Now, I can’t tell you that we’re definitely onto a winner – in all my years as a solicitor I’ve never told
anyone
that – but what I can tell you is that we have a very good chance of success.”

“But if we don’t win …”

“Louise, trust me,” Cahill persisted.  “Everything will be fine.”

******

The following morning at work, while Louise was still trying to put her imminent court case out her mind, Fiona approached her with a very timely and most intriguing suggestion. 

“I have a fantastic idea!” she declared, plonking herself on the edge of Louise’s desk. 

Please, please don’t let it be another shopping trip, or another big night out, Louise prayed silently.  After Gemma’s ultra-expensive nuptials the previous weekend – and of course, all the associated wedding-related celebrations – she really couldn’t handle it.  And she was being so good lately too.  She had barely put her nose outside the door since and, much as she was tempted, particularly with all those fabulous party clothes in the shops these days, she hadn’t been near Grafton Street. 

“Go on,” she said, almost afraid to ask.

“Well, you know the apartments me and Becky were looking at – the ones on the Marina Quarter?”

Louise nodded.  Fiona and her flatmate Becky had decided that living in the Dublin 6 area “with all the students and refugees” was no longer cool, and that modern apartment living was now the ‘in’ thing.  

Following a massive construction effort along Dublin Bay, a large number of high-rise and high-spec waterside apartments had been built near Dun Laoghaire in an area now christened the Marina Quarter.  The apartments had been sold within minutes of going on sale, mostly to investors, and as a result there was a fantastic selection of rented accommodation available in the area, ideally suited to discerning Southside professionals.  The Marina Quarter was being heralded in the newspapers as Dublin’s new bohemian district, with all its new galleries, trendy bars and restaurants – perfect for any self-respecting fun-loving single girl.   Fiona had fallen in love with the place on first sight, consumed with the idea of living the
Sex and the City
lifestyle, albeit in boring old Dublin.

Louise had recently gone with Fiona one Saturday morning for a viewing, and could see why her friend wanted to live there.  The apartments were chic, modern and infinitely glamorous – a million miles away from Louise’s shabby matchbox in Rathgar.

“You haven’t changed your mind, have you?” she asked, thinking it was unlikely.  But having said that, it would be nothing new for Fiona.  The girl was known to do complete turnarounds on anything, be it the colour of her hair or the men she fancied.  So, if she’d suddenly decided that living in mud huts was the next big thing, Louise wouldn’t have been too surprised.   

“Of course not! Louise, you saw the place overlooking the Marina, the one with the floor-to-ceiling windows, with that incredible view out across the bay …” She sighed dreamily.

“But I thought that one was too expensive,” Louise replied. 

Fiona’s eyes gleamed.  “It was – for two of us,” she added pointedly.

Louise looked blank.

“But not for
three
of us!” Fiona declared, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“For three of …”

“You don’t really want to stay in that horrible little room forever, do you, Louise?  Three of us could get a much bigger apartment, a lovely, big airy one with a room each.  Can you imagine what it would be like – three single girls living right in the heart of it all, the trendy bars and clubs, the restaurants, those fab little boutiques …” She grinned excitedly. “We’d have a fantastic time!  But, in order to get the bigger place, me and Becky need a third person – Louise,
you
could be that person.”  She announced this better than the one who did the voice-over for the Lottery.

Louise thought it about it.  She could imagine
exactly
what it would be like.  She’d never get out of debt; she’d be spending money constantly if she lived somewhere like that.  And speaking of money …

“I don’t know Fi,” she said shaking her head. “A place like that –”

“Please?” Fiona begged, and just then Louise understood how utterly desperate she was. Fiona
never
begged. 

“So what happened to you and Becky getting a place, just the two of you?”

Fiona sighed. “We couldn’t get a two-bed for love nor money, as it turned out.  But the letting agent rang this morning to say that a three-bed has just come up. We couldn’t afford that with only two, but with three of us it would be no problem.  The thing is, we need to move fast, Louise, so …”

It did sound tempting, but Louise knew she just couldn’t afford it.  Her own bed-sit was originally supposed to be just a stopgap until she found something better but, as it turned out, she couldn’t afford anything else.   But wouldn’t it be lovely not to have to live all alone anymore?  Louise hated that bit.  She’d never been happy with her own company, had always felt a bit of a saddo.  Now Fiona, her good friend Fiona, was asking her to move in with her – and to a lovely modern place in a lovely to-die-for area.  What more could any girl want? 

And there was always the possibility that if Louise didn’t agree, then Fiona might hold it against her.  She was really desperate to get this place, and Louise didn’t want to be the one responsible for her losing it.  She might end up losing her best friend as a result. But there was still the very important matter of whether or not she could afford it.

When Fiona eventually quoted the rent, Louise was a bit taken aback, but not as much as she’d expected. And it would be a million times better than where she was living now. 

“It’s not terribly expensive considering,” Fiona persisted.  “And of course, we can share all the bills – not there’ll be too many,” she added quickly, when Louise looked worried. “Just have a little think about it and let me know by the end of the week, OK?”

Louise nodded.  She would think about it, but in reality, there was just no way she could afford it – not with the way things were going now.  Then again, if her court case went as well as Cahill was so sure it would …

She smiled longingly.  Wouldn’t it be wonderful though, sharing a flat, no wait – an
apartment
– with someone like Fiona?  It had taken her long enough to make friends when she came to Dublin first, so she really should try to hang on to the ones she had, shouldn’t she?  And in fairness, wasn’t Fiona doing her a huge favour in getting her out of that run-down kip in Rathgar? Although, she wouldn’t be able to walk to work from now on, would she? No, she’d have to start taking the train into town and back each day but that wasn’t really a problem …

“Well,” she said, breathing deeply, “I’ll have to give notice so – ”

Fiona almost leapt into her lap. “Oh, Louise, you are fantastic! Becky will be thrilled! She really likes you, you know, and the three of us will get on like a house on fire! Oh, Louise, I can’t wait! This will be absolutely brilliant!”

It would be brilliant, Louise decided, thrilled that she’d made her friend so happy.  Forget the bloody money – at the end of the day wasn’t friendship
much
more important?

Rosie was shattered.  Her back ached like never before, and after all the dusting and polishing she’d done that morning, she sorely wished she could lie down for a few hours and let the pain wear off.

But unfortunately, this was out of the question.  This afternoon, David was coming home, and Rosie wanted everything, including herself, to look fresh and clean when he arrived.  She smiled happily at the thought of her only son’s impending return.  She had given the place a good scrub, and if she did say so herself, the house was looking wonderful.  Now all she had to do was prepare David’s special welcome home dinner.

Having finished polishing the furniture in the living-room, Rosie gathered her cleaning utensils and made her way into the kitchen to wash her hands. 

Twix looked expectantly up from her basket, and wagged her tail. 

“Honestly, Twix, aren’t you ever full?” Rosie scolded her good-naturedly.  She went to the cupboard to get her a small doggie biscuit and, as if to prove a point, Twix gulped her treat at lightning speed, and happily licked her lips.

Rosie looked around the room, trying to view it through David’s eyes.  His house in Liverpool had a lovely modern kitchen with brand new appliances and every time-saving gimmick you could think of.  David had always been very interested in gadgets and technology, whereas Rosie preferred to do things the traditional way.   The only gadgets she had in her kitchen were an electric kettle, a toaster and a microwave – and none of these new-fangled juicer and blender things that David and Kelly seemed to like so much.

She hoped that he wouldn’t find it too difficult settling back home, but then again, the place hadn’t changed all that much since the last time he’d lived here.

The kitchen was still Rosie’s favourite room, and had probably been the main reason she and Martin had bought the house in the first place.  Very bright, it got the light for most of the day, and the buttercup yellow they had chosen for the walls along with the traditional pine cupboards and matching table and chairs, gave it a lovely country-cottage feel.  Rosie had expanded on this theme by choosing a blue gingham tablecloth and decorating the walls with dried flowers, handmade ceramics and traditional copper cookware. Sheila called Rosie’s kitchen ‘the bistro’. 

But for Rosie the room’s greatest attraction was the wonderful panoramic sea view which swept right down to the harbour, and out over Broadlough towards Bray Head.  As the majority of housing in Wicklow town was built along the hillside above the harbour, a sea view wasn’t unusual, but she and Martin both agreed when viewing the house that this particular room was perfectly positioned to make the most of the spectacular coastline views.  The two of them would often spend long afternoons sitting quietly reading or in Martin’s case,
snoozin
g in front of the window.  Because it was such a warm, inviting and restful spot, they rarely spent any time in their living-room, neither of them being great television fanatics.   The living-room was quite comfy too, and grand for watching the news or a half-hour of
Coronation Street
, but Rosie could count on one hand the number of times she’d spent an evening in there since Martin’s death.  She much preferred curling up in the armchair with a good book, Twix resting contentedly on her lap, or by her feet.  No, the kitchen was her choice, her room, and the place in which she felt totally relaxed and at ease with life. 

But today, there was no time for relaxing in the kitchen, not when there was a homecoming dinner to prepare. David would be driving down directly from Dun Laoghaire ferry port, which was very handy as he wouldn’t have to be dragging all his belongings too far. 

Rosie smiled again, the thought of his arrival cheering her enormously, her initial unease about it long forgotten. Despite what Sheila had been saying about the possible difficulties of having someone living with her again – as if David was some strange lodger or something – Rosie was really looking forward to it.

So, her firstborn child would soon be back living under her roof, and in order to give him a proper welcome, she was going to prepare his favourite dinner of fried steak, onions and mushrooms and some of her own-recipe gravy.   David would get a kick out of that, she thought affectionately.  When he first moved to Liverpool, he was always saying that the beef just didn’t taste the same over there.  So this was as good a way as any to put him at ease, and try and forget – for a little while anyway – the reason he actually was coming home.  She’d been down the town earlier, and had picked up a lovely bit of sirloin from the butcher’s so …

The phone ringing in the hallway put a stop to Rosie’s musings and, grabbing a towel to wipe her wet hands, she went to answer it.  She hoped it wasn’t David ringing to say that the ferry had been delayed or anything.  The last thing the poor crature needed was more hassle in his life at the moment and …

“Hello?”

“Hello, is that Rosie?”

Rosie immediately recognised the warm, melodic, Scouse accent. 

“Kelly, hello,” she said, slightly discomfited.  Why was David’s wife ringing her?  Was she hoping that Rosie would help convince him to come back?  Was she looking for forgiveness?  Well, David hadn’t told her much, so Rosie didn’t know what had happened and didn’t really want to get involved …

To her surprise, Kelly began to weep.  “Rosie, I just wanted to say how sorry I am that all of this has happened.  And I’m sorry it had to come to this.  I love David, and you know I really liked you, and of course Martin and –”

“Kelly, love – you don’t have to apologise to me,” Rosie soothed.  “Now, I don’t know exactly what happened between you and David and, to be honest, I don’t particularly want to know. Obviously, you two have been having serious problems,

so –”

“I just couldn’t do it anymore, Rosie,” Kelly sniffled.  “I couldn’t live with it any longer.  I tried, honestly I tried, but it was too difficult. 
He
was too difficult, and no matter what I did, no matter how much I tried to change, it just wasn’t good enough.”

Rosie’s eyes widened.  What was all this ‘trying to change’ business?  From what David had said, Kelly had cheated on him, and from what the girl was saying now, it obviously wasn’t just the once.  Rosie held no tack with that attitude.  If a person cheats at all there is something seriously wrong and, as the old cliché went, a leopard never changes its spots.

“He was just so hard to live with, and Rosie, I know he’s your son, so maybe he’ll be different with you, but I just feel I should warn you, and again tell you how sorry I am for putting all of this on you.”

Warn me? Warn me of what?

“But when I told him to leave, when I told him I couldn’t take it anymore and I wanted him out of the house, I thought he would go and get a flat in town or something, I really didn’t think he would go home –”

“
You
told David to leave?”

“Well, yes,” Kelly calmed a little, “I thought you knew … oh no, please don’t tell me he’s trying to blame all of this on me.” She began to cry again.  “Oh, Rosie, I don’t want to have to put you through this, it’s not fair! And he is your son after all but … Rosie, he’s changed!  He’s not the same David I married, not the same David I fell in love with.  He’s … I don’t know … he’s just … different.”

Rosie’s head spun.  It was inevitable that Kelly would be upset and bewildered that her marriage was over, but what was all this she was saying about David having ‘changed’?  Of course people changed, and particularly when they got married.  People got older and wiser and more settled.  Kelly was by her nature an outgoing and sociable kind of girl, but Rosie had always believed she was sensible with it. Was the root of the problem that David had wanted to settle down to married life and Kelly still wanted to be out at weekends enjoying the lively Liverpool nightlife?  If that were the case, then yes, it would certainly lead to problems.

Particularly if Kelly had being enjoying her nightlife a little too much.  

Still, the fact that she seemed so upset about it all meant that there might still be a chance for them, didn’t it?

“Kelly, again, I don’t know what happened between you two, but I was under the impression that,” she chose her words carefully, “that one of you had maybe met someone else or something.”  When Kelly said nothing, she went on.  “I’m sure mistakes were made on both sides but, obviously, the two of you aren’t quite ready to call it a day.  I think that David coming back here for a while and the two of you taking some time apart might be a good thing in the long run. Who knows how you’ll both feel after a little while?  Things might look very different.”

“Rosie, I’m sorry but it’s more complicated than you think.  If for some reason you think that I cheated on him or anything like that, you are completely mistaken.  I would never
ever
cheat on David.  I still love him.” Then her voice broke. “But I just can’t do it anymore.  I’ve tried and tried, and it’s just too hard.  This constant walking on eggshells, wondering whether or not he’s going to explode …”

Explode?
But David didn’t have a temper.

“Whatever do you mean? Explode?”

Kelly recollected herself.  “Look, I just hope that he doesn’t act the same around you …oh, I suppose I’m being stupid. After all, he is your son and you know him best, but … I just wanted to let you know that I did try my best.  I did try, but there’s only so much you can take before you realise that it’s not right.”

Rosie felt bewildered. “Are you sure that the two of you can’t –?”

“I’m sure, Rosie. And again, I’m sorry that it had to end like this.  I’ll miss you a lot.”

At this Rosie felt very saddened.  Kelly was still the same kind, soft-hearted girl she knew well, and it was obvious from listening to her that she still loved David.  And she’d just told Rosie that she
hadn’t
gone off with some other fellow either, like she had first suspected.  She believed her too; Kelly wasn’t an underhand type of person, and Rosie was certain that had it been the case, the girl would readily have admitted it.

So what on earth had gone wrong for them?

******

A few hours later, when the steak was perfectly cooked medium-rare – exactly how David liked it – and the gravy was almost ready, the doorbell rang.  Perfect timing.  Rosie almost couldn’t contain her excitement.  He was here!

To her surprise, she’d felt almost nervous in the last half hour while waiting for his arrival, as if David was just some stranger coming to dinner, and not her first-born coming home after ten long years away.  But everything would be fine, and with a nice home-cooked meal waiting for him on the stove, soon it would be as though he was never away. 

As she went out to greet him, Rosie tried to put the earlier telephone conversation with Kelly out of her mind.  She wasn’t going to stick her nose in – if David wanted to discuss his problems, that was all well and good, but she certainly wasn’t going to say anything of her own accord.  It wasn’t her place to.

Beaming from ear to ear, she flung open the front door to find her beloved son standing on the doorstep, an irritated look on his face.  Poor crature, the ferry crossing must have been tough on him was her first thought, the second being how pale and wretched he looked.

“Hello, love,” Rosie said merrily. “Welcome home!”

David was still scowling. “Did you tell the whole country I was coming back this evening, or something?” he said, by way of greeting.

“No, I only told Maureen next door – why?” Rosie replied, slightly stung by his sullen demeanour. 

“Because there’s a shower of biddies having a good old gawk for themselves over there,” he said, cocking his head to where some of the older neighbours stood at one of their gates having a chat, as was often their custom.

“They’re always standing around there, love – and I don’t think they’re looking at you at all.  Look, why don’t you go inside, and I’ll help you with your luggage later.”

“All right,” he replied grudgingly, as he stepped into the hallway.  “But I really don’t appreciate the welcoming committee.”

“Well, it had nothing to do with me,” Rosie answered, a little annoyed that he hadn’t even said a proper hello.  Still, this was bound to be difficult for him, wasn’t it?  Returning home to Mammy after the break-up of your marriage couldn’t be good for the ego, never mind the mood, and Rosie couldn’t really blame him for being glum.  

Still, she thought, her spirits lifting as she closed the door and followed him inside, once he sat down and got a good dinner into him, the two of them could have a proper chat, and …

“Jesus!” David stopped short at the kitchen doorway and turned to look at her, revulsion on his face as he sniffed the air.  “What is that smell?”

“Smell?” For a moment, Rosie didn’t know what he was talking about.  She hoped the drains in the small bathroom under the stairs weren’t acting up again but … Oh, surely he didn’t mean …?  “David, it’s your dinner, your favourite dinner – steak and onions.  I knew you’d be hungry after all that travelling, so I got a lovely big bit of meat down the town today and –”

“For God’ sake, Mum, do you not have any cop on?”