Wishful Thinking (a journey that will change lives forever) (34 page)

Dara groggily awoke to the sound of the alarm clock ringing in her brain.  She groped blindly for the snooze button, and let her head fall back on the pillow, just for a few minutes. It had taken her hours to fall asleep, her thoughts full of all that had been said the previous night, Mark’s parting words imprinted in her brain. 

Not to mention the rather unsettling phone call she’d received not long after he left.  She had spent most of the night thinking about that, and feeling ashamed about how utterly selfish and unfair she’d been.

It was her dad who had phoned the apartment, not ten minutes after Mark left.  Dara had been surprised to hear from him, really – it was usually her mother who phoned and often put Eddie on for a word or two afterwards.  But a few minutes into the conversation, Eddie had muttered uncomfortably, “Any chance I might have a word with himself?”

Dara was taken aback. “With Mark?” This was very odd.  First, Eddie was phoning her off his own bat, and now he wanted to speak with Mark.

“Yes, I want to talk to him about something.”

“About what?” she couldn’t help but ask

Her dad cleared his throat, evidently uncomfortable. “It’s erm … it’s private business, love.”

“Private business?”

“Yes.  So … um … could you put him onto me for a minute? It won’t take long.”

Dara was flabbergasted.  Her father clearly wasn’t going to tell her what this ‘private business’ might be, and was obviously very embarrassed about it.  What had he and Mark been up to?

“Dad, he’s not here at the moment,” she told him.

“Oh. Will he back soon? He knows I’m phoning tonight. I told him I would and – ”

“I don’t know when he’ll be back. Dad, what’s all this about?” To be honest, Dara felt a little peeved that her father and her husband were keeping some kind of secret from her. What was going on?

“Well … um … it’s a bit awkward really,” Eddie spluttered. “And to be honest, love – I’d rather wait until Mark gets back.  Tell him to ring me when he gets in, will you?”

“Dad, I don’t know when that will be,” she cried then, frustrated.  Frustrated not only by all this secrecy, but also about the fact that she genuinely
didn’t
know when – or if – Mark would be back.

Eddie’s tone changed considerably. “What’s wrong, Dara? Have you two had an argument or something?”

“Oh, Dad!” The events of the last few weeks and everything that had happened yesterday were way too much for her to take, so Dara there and then broke down and told her father everything.  She told him all about her initial doubts about the wedding, her long-standing feelings for Noah, and her confusion since his return.  She gave him an edited version of the argument she and Mark had just had, leaving out the ‘doing both of us at the same time’ and the ‘sperm donor’ comments – the ones that had hit her the hardest.  She ended it all with the admission that she really didn’t know what she wanted, and that Mark might very well have left her for good anyway. 

Afterwards, it took a very long time for Eddie to speak.

When he did, Dara could hear the disappointment in his tone. “Love, I wouldn’t dream of interfering, but I honestly think that by letting that chap go, you could be making the biggest mistake of your life.” 

Dara frowned. Her father liked Mark, she knew that, but this was something more.  There was something else going on with the two men that Dara obviously wasn’t privy to.  Something important.

“Dad, what’s going on? Why did you want to speak to Mark so badly tonight? Please tell me.”

After a few seconds, Eddie cleared his throat once more, and Dara could tell that whatever it was, he really wasn’t comfortable telling her. So why was he telling Mark then?  “Well, it’s a bit embarrassing, and I thought I might get away without saying anything at all but – ”

“Dad, what is it?”

It seemed to take him forever to reply. “Well, I’ve been having a few problems lately, love – men’s problems.  Em …with my prostate, you know.” The mortification in his tone was palpable, and for a second, Dara was almost sorry she’d forced him into such an admission.  Her father was a quiet, private man of sixty-six years of age, and to Dara’s knowledge had never even changed her nappy when she was a baby – let alone discussed ‘men’s problems’ with his daughter.

“Oh, Dad.”

“Right. Well, um … myself and Mark were having a chat one day … a few weeks ago when the two of you were down home for a visit, and he noticed that I seemed in a bit of pain.”

“He noticed you …” Dara was shocked. “But Dad, why didn’t you say anything to any of us? And if you were in pain, why didn’t you go and get yourself checked out?”

“Dara, I’ve never had a day’s sickness in my life, thank God.  I’d had a few problems for a while, but there was no way in hell I was going to let a doctor near my um … my privates.”

Dara’s heart went out to him.  Men, especially older Irish men from a country background, could be funny like that. 

“But, Mark, fair play to him, he sat me down and gave me a good telling-off.  Told me that there was no point in ignoring the thing, and hoping it would go away.  Told me it would go away all right – six-feet under along with the rest of me.”

Dara’s heart melted.  She could imagine Mark doing just that – pulling no punches, making sure Eddie didn’t let things go too far.  But it wouldn’t have been an easy task. Her father was notorious for avoiding hospitals or doctors. He’d have to be dragged into the GP for a simple thing like a prescription for a sore throat!

“So, eventually he wore me down, and got me an appointment with some specialist fella he knows up in Dublin.”

“Here in Dublin?” As if there were twenty Dublins in the country, she thought, feeling stupid. But still she couldn’t get her head around the fact that Mark had done this, had spoken about this to her father, and not said a word. 

“Yes.  So anyway, I went to see this doctor fella a while back, he didn’t like what he saw, so he booked me in for a biopsy.  I wasn’t a bit happy about it, and if I had my way, the man wouldn’t have seen me again for dust.  But Mark knew what I was like, and he made me go.  He went to the hospital with me too – for support.” He chuckled slightly. “That and the fact that he knew I’d probably run out the door at the first opportunity – that’s if I managed to get the nerve to turn up at all!”

“Mark went with you – for the biopsy?”

“Well, he didn’t come in with me while I was getting it done or anything, now,” Eddie was eager to clarify that. “No, he just waited in the hospital with me and tried to keep my mind off it, keep my mind away from thinking the worst.  And of course, he’s so witty he had me in stitches with his smart comments about the doctors and the nurses so that I didn’t have a minute to be nervous about it.”

Dara was unbelievably touched.  To think that Mark had done all this for her father, had made him go to the hospital and then had sat through the entire frightening experience with him …

“When did all this happen?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

“We were in for the biopsy last week.  The results were due back today.  I’m grand, love – I got the all clear. They reckon the pains I was having were some kind of infection or something but it’s gone now.” She could hear the relief in his voice. “And if it wasn’t for that husband of yours, I would have pretended the pain wasn’t there, and I certainly wouldn’t have got it looked at. So, who knows where I might have ended up?”

“Oh, Dad.”

Dara just couldn’t comprehend how much she admired and respected Mark just then, how grateful she was that he’d gone out of his way to make sure her father looked after himself. He really was an incredibly generous and kind-spirited person who not only loved her, but obviously cared a lot for her family too. 

Mark was a wonderful person who really didn’t deserve someone like her. 

Now, sitting up in the bed, she wondered where he had gone last night, and what time he had returned.  She must have been asleep when he came in, as she hadn’t heard anything, and seeing as the space in the bed beside her was empty he must have slept in the spare room. Remembering their argument, and her father’s revelations afterwards, she once again felt incredibly guilty.  She’d never argued with him like that, never really argued with him at all. Yes, they bickered over silly little things, but most of the time it was light-hearted banter. You could never stay angry with Mark for long anyway, as he never really took anything seriously. 

She sat up and swung her legs out over the side of the bed, trying to find the energy to stand up.  She’d had two or three hours’ sleep at best – not so good, she thought groaning, when the first thing she and Nigel had to do this morning was meet with bloody Leo Gardner. The man would be delighted with himself – especially after yesterday.  His dirty tricks had worked and worked very well. Dara sighed as she clearly recalled the expression on poor Louise Patterson’s face.

Something else for her to feel guilty about.  Something else that she wished she hadn’t been a part of.

Finally getting up, she gave another quick glance at her alarm clock.  Shit! She’d snoozed for longer than she’d thought – and if she didn’t get a move on she was going to be late.

She quickly flung on the same clothes she’d worn the day before – no one would know the difference, and for once she didn’t care.  Today she didn’t care about much, other than what was going to happen with Mark and if he’d calmed down a little. She hoped he had because they had a lot to talk about, and she wanted to sort this out. They needed to have a good long chat, no fighting, no accusations, just sort it all out.  And she wanted to thank him profusely for what he had done for her father. She bit her lip. That’s if he would consent to talking to her at all and, in all honesty, she couldn’t blame him if he didn’t. 

She crept into the kitchen in her stocking feet, not wanting to wake him if he was in the spare room.  But no, the door was wide open and the bed was unmade.  Mark hadn’t slept there, nor had he slept on the couch she discovered, as the living-room was empty too. Where was he? Had he come home at all? 

And if not, she thought, heart pounding, where had he stayed last night – and with whom?

She tried to think rationally, tried to ignore the feeling of dread that had suddenly, out of nowhere, implanted itself in her brain.  Had he gone off and spent the night with someone else, just to teach her a lesson?  Recalling all that he had said the night before, about how he wasn’t going to be made a fool of, she couldn’t help but wonder. 
Would
Mark do something like that?  And if he had done it, what could she say?  Hadn’t she been on the brink of doing the very same thing? And hadn’t she intimated to him that their marriage had been a big mistake? So who could blame him if he decided to go off and be unfaithful to her?  Head dizzy with questions, she went back into her bedroom to look for her shoes. 

No, no, she was being stupid jumping to conclusions like that, she thought, trying to be logical.  He hadn’t come home because he was upset, that’s all.  It didn’t mean that he would automatically jump into … To her surprise, Dara found her stomach coil with jealousy at the thought of Mark, her
husband
, with someone else. 

He wouldn’t do that, would he? 

No, Mark wouldn’t do something like that, she reassured herself – he wouldn’t.  He had more respect for himself, had more respect for her.  But the question was, did she deserve his respect? After the way she’d behaved, did she deserve anything from him?

She gave a quick glance at her watch.  Unfortunately, she didn’t really have time to be thinking about this; she was already behind time, and if she didn’t leave soon, she’d miss the train. 

Briefly checking her appearance in the mirror, she picked up her jacket, handbag and briefcase and quickly head for the door. Then, remembering that she wouldn’t be in court today, she set the briefcase back down on the countertop.  Just as well that today would be an easier day, she thought, closing the front door behind her, considering she hadn’t had much sleep and her thoughts were all over the place.  No, today there were no court appointments, no surprise witnesses, just a day of endless paperwork and phone calls. 

Dara hurried down the street.  She couldn’t help but worry about Mark, and where he might be or worse –
who
he might be with.  She rummaged in her handbag for her mobile phone.  She could always give him a ring, or send a text … just to see if he was OK.  Then at least she’d have some idea of how he might be feeling, if he’d calmed down a little, whether he was still angry and disgusted with her …

But a quick glance at the phone told her that her battery was dead.  Shit! With all that had happened last night, she’d forgotten to put the phone on charger.  Oh well, she’d phone him as soon as she got to the office.  Maybe today things might be better between them.  She wanted him to know how much she really did care about him.  Her dad’s phone call last night had really got her thinking.  Thinking about what a wonderful person Mark really was, and how much he really did love her.  She’d thought about all the little things he’d done for her, and for those she loved.  Things for which she had given him very little in return. 

Things that she desperately wanted to make up to him.