With Family In Mind (Saddle Falls Book 1) (21 page)

Rebecca nodded, trying to absorb everything. Her mind was whirling, trying to fit the pieces together. She couldn’t wait to get back to Saddle Falls, to tell Jake what she’d learned: that her mother, his nanny, hadn’t even been in the house when Jesse was taken.

It wasn’t much, but it was more than they’d ever had before. And hopefully, it might help them find Jesse Ryan.

R
ebecca was almost humming with excitement by the time she walked back into the little carriage house. She couldn’t wait to see Jake, to tell him what she’d learned. It wasn’t much, but it was a whole lot more than they’d had before. A solid lead that could be followed up on. One that just might lead them to Jesse Ryan.

After flipping on the lights, Rebecca kicked off her shoes and headed toward the kitchen table, her makeshift desk. Although it was now dark, some of the heat of the day had dissipated and she left the front door open, hoping for a cool breeze to filter through the screen.

Once in the kitchen, she dropped her briefcase with her notes and everything else onto the floor. Right now, she had one last piece of evidence to go through.
The manila files she’d found in her mother’s apartment.

Grabbing the locked box and her notes, Rebecca searched her purse for the key, then padded back into the living room and sank down on the floor so she could spread everything out around her.

With shaky hands, she slowly unlocked the file box and pulled out the contents. She sat for a moment, absently running her hands over the file folder, trying to imagine what her mother had been thinking when she’d put these items in here.

A profound sense of sadness engulfed Rebecca as she thought of her mother and what she’d gone through.

With a shake of her head, she slipped on her glasses, then opened the file. She had to remain cool and detached, completely unemotional, if she was going to do her job. And right now, that was of the utmost importance.

Slowly, Rebecca sorted the newspaper clippings into piles and began reading. She started with ones from the
Saddle Falls News,
figuring they’d have the most complete coverage, considering the Ryans’ prominence in the town.

The clippings were fragile and yellowed, but thankfully, still intact. She read each piece of newsprint slowly, carefully, then set it down, laying them neatly in a circle. She worked best when she had actual documents in front of her, something to look at and ponder as she tried to piece things together. It was a habit she’d learned in college, a way to keep everything fresh in her mind.

With a frown, she picked up clipping after clipping and read it. She hadn’t realized how much press coverage there was over Jesse Ryan’s disappearance. But the story had been carried in newspapers across the state, apparently.

It took several hours before she finished reading each and every one. Finally, Rebecca rubbed her tired eyes and sighed. The back of her neck hurt from being bent over to read, so she shifted to the couch and leaned against it, taking the file folder with her.

There were still several items to go through. She reached in the file again and yanked out a greeting card. It had been thoroughly stuck on something. Until now she had only casually read the clippings, unable to face anything more, fearing she’d find something that would confirm her mom’s guilt. Now that she knew the truth about her mother, she was anxious to read through everything. With a frown, she wondered why her mother would have kept an old card. What on earth could it possibly have to do with Jesse Ryan?

The moment Rebecca opened the card and read the signature, she knew. It was signed “Charlie.”

Rebecca’s breath caught and she stared at the twenty-year-old card. The message on the front was syrupy and sweet, but no doubt very romantic for the times.

Rebecca ran her hand over his signature. “Charlie,” she murmured. “Who are you? What did you do? What on earth did you do?” Quickly, she pulled the remaining contents from the file. There were several more cards from Charlie, confirming part of the story Dottie had told her. Now she knew her mother
had indeed been involved with that man. Unfortunately, she had no further information than that.

“Rebecca?” Abruptly, Jake appeared in front of her, a worried frown on his face. “You okay? What are you doing?” He glanced around. The living room floor was littered with old newspaper clippings. His gaze took in the headlines and his heart pumped faster. They were articles about Jesse’s disappearance.

“Jake!” She jumped to her feet, still holding one of the greeting cards her mother had received from Charlie. “I’m so glad to see you.” She pressed a quick kiss to his mouth. “I have so much to tell you.” She shook her head, unable to contain her excitement. “You’re not going to believe where I’ve been or what I’ve found out.” She pulled him down to the couch, setting the greeting cards on the table.

Trying to shake off the tension he’d felt the moment he saw the newspaper clippings, Jake smiled, affectionately pushing her glasses up her nose. “Okay, I’ll bite. Where have you been and what have you found out?” he asked, absently reaching for a card and opening it.

Jake’s gaze narrowed as he read the signature. “Rebecca?” He turned to her. “Where did you get this? This card is to Margie, from someone named Charlie.”

Dawning awareness tightened his face even more. “Margie…that’s short for Margaret. Our nanny.” Shaking his head, Jake searched Rebecca’s eyes. “Where did you get this?” He glanced down at the faded card clenched in his fingers. “Where did you get a card that belonged to our nanny?”

Terror clutched Rebecca’s heart, and for a moment, she merely stared at Jake, unable to breathe, to speak.

Truth was her stock-in-trade; she’d never willingly or knowingly told a lie to anyone, not for a story, not for any reason. And she couldn’t lie to Jake now.

Not about this. She’d given him her word.

“From my mother,” she said quietly, lifting her terrified gaze to his. Her hands were shaking. She wanted to reach for him, to hold him and feel his warmth, but she didn’t trust herself to touch him.

“Your mother?” Confused, Jake shook his head. “I don’t understand, Rebecca. What does your mother have to do with any of this?”

Licking her dry lips, she laced her hands together and took a deep breath.
The truth would set her free.
She reminded herself why she’d come here, why she’d returned to Saddle Falls—not just to bury her mother, but to learn the truth of her past. She’d done that. She knew what her mother had done and why. Now she had to share the truth with Jake, no matter how painful, no matter the consequences.

The truth would set her free.

“Jake, Margaret Brost…was my mother.”

Stupefied, he stared at her, as her words reverberated over and over in his mind. He shook his head, certain he’d misunderstood her. This didn’t make sense. He continued to stare at her as her words finally sank in and everything inside of him went cold, icy-cold.

Margaret Brost was Rebecca’s mother. Her mother!

Unconsciously, his fingers tightened on the faded greeting card until it crumpled in his hand.

Rebecca had lied to him about who she was.

His heart felt as if it were cracking in two, then shattering into sharp little shards of glass, each one more painful the next.

Rebecca had deceived him. He wanted to close his eyes and will her words away. But he couldn’t— couldn’t deny the truth.

He’d been a fool, an absolute fool. Again. He’d trusted Rebecca, loved her.
Loved her!

Jake surged to his feet, fury blazing within him. His chest felt as if someone had slipped a rusty dagger into it, then painfully twisted it. “You lied to me! Deceived me. Betrayed me and my family.”

“No, Jake, please listen to me.” Panicked, Rebecca stood and reached for him. She had to make him understand. He shrank away from her, a look of pure hatred and disgust on his face.

“Listen to you?” He spat out the words. “I already listened to you, once, Rebecca, remember?” His fists clenched, and he struggled to control the pain and anger scorching his body, his mind and his heart. “‘Jake, I promise I won’t do anything to hurt you or your family. You have my word!”’ He threw her own promise back at her. “Do you remember saying that to me, Rebecca?” He stepped closer to her, crowding her, his mind a blur of pain. “Do you remember making that vow, asking me to believe you, to trust you?”

“Yes.” The word came out a shaky whisper.

“And I did believe you, Rebecca. I trusted you.” The sudden, gut-wrenching softness of his voice brought tears to her eyes. She would have felt better if he’d screamed, cursed or thrown something. But
that desperate quietness nearly broke her heart. She’d never meant to hurt him. Never.

“I know, Jake, and I’m sorry.” She reached for him again, hoping her touch, the connection between them, would soothe some of his pain. “I couldn’t tell you who I really was, Jake.” Desolate, she shook her head. “I couldn’t tell you the truth.”

“Of course not,” he said bitterly. “That would have been far too honorable, right? So better to tell lies to get what you want. But then again, you had a good teacher, didn’t you?” He paused, wishing he could shut out the pain. “What did you do, Rebecca, come back to Saddle Falls to see if you could make a few more bucks off the Ryans’ misfortune?” Eyes blazing, he shook her hand off. “The story, that’s what all this was about, wasn’t it? The all-important story. That’s all you cared about, Rebecca. Was that the idea? Take the Ryans for one final spin? Finish what your mother started twenty years ago?”

Horrified, she stared at him, unable to blink away her tears. How could he think so little of her? How could he not know how much what they’d shared meant to her?

“No, Jake, that’s not true! I know it might seem that way to you, but that’s not the way it was.” She took a deep breath. “Jake, please believe me. I didn’t mean to hurt you, and had no intention of hurting your family.” Helplessly, she shrugged. “All I wanted to do was find out the truth about what happened the night your brother disappeared. To find out what my mother’s involvement was so I could finally have some peace.” Pushing her hair off her face, Rebecca
struggled not to cry. “Charlie was someone my mother was seeing. Jake, the night Jesse disappeared she’d snuck out to meet him. Jesse was sleeping. Jake, my mother wasn’t even there when Jesse was kidnapped. When she came back after Charlie stood her up, Jesse was gone. You aren’t the only one who’s been tormented by what happened to Jesse.” Soft sobs shook her shoulders as tears slipped down her cheeks. She didn’t bother to brush them away. “My whole life I’ve lived with the knowledge that my mother might have been responsible for the disappearance of a little boy. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? The guilt and shame I had to live with?”

“Spare me your explanations, Rebecca. As well as your excuses for yourself and your mother. There’s no excuse for what you did or what your mother did. None.” He started toward the door, deliberately stepping on the tattered newspaper clippings still scattered all over the floor.

Desperate, Rebecca grabbed his arm. “Jake, wait, please. Don’t leave like this. Let me explain.”

He glanced down at her hand, his gaze so cold she nearly shriveled. “Take your hand off of me, Rebecca,” he said. “And don’t bother with any more explanations. I’ve heard everything I want to hear from you.” He glanced at his watch. “Now, you have exactly one hour to pack up your things and get off my land.”

“Jake, wait, you can’t be serious.” How was she going to make him understand? “I’m not finished. I think we may have some actual leads on what happened to Jesse. I need to follow them up.”

His face darkened brutally. “Don’t even think about my brother or my family. They’re none of your concern. You stay away from them, you hear me?”

“Jake, please, you can’t mean that!”

“Oh, trust me, Rebecca, I mean every word. And I guarantee I’m very serious. If you’re not off Ryan land in exactly one hour, I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.” Shaking off her hand, he slammed out the door, leaving Rebecca heartbroken and staring after him.

She had no choice. She packed up her belongings and moved back to the Saddle Falls Hotel. Heartbroken over Jake’s reaction, Rebecca realized that no matter what, she couldn’t let her own feelings compromise her story.

She called Mr. Barker as soon as she got to the hotel, told him she’d moved back to the hotel, and asked if he’d had a chance to read her draft. He had and promised to fax it back to her with revisions first thing in the morning, complimenting her on a job well done. Normally she would have been pleased. She took great pride in her work, but not this time. This time the praise rang hollow.

Though exhausted and spent from crying most of the night, she slept fitfully. Shortly before dawn there was a knock at the door. Grabbing a robe, her heart thrumming, she went to the door, hoping it was Jake.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Tommy, lass. Can I come in?”

After tying her robe around her, Rebecca pushed her sleep-tangled hair off her face and opened the
door. She stared at the elderly man, not quite certain what to say to him.

“Tommy…” Her voice broke as tears filled her eyes.

“There, there, lass, no need for tears.” Shutting the door softly behind him, he reached for her, engulfing her in a warm, paternal hug. “You’ve had a time of it, haven’t you?” he soothed, stroking a hand over her hair and rocking her gently. “Quite a time, from what I understand. But life’s not always pleasant, lassie. Sometimes we get a good dose of the bad with the good. It’s what we do with it, how we handle it, that makes our character.” He continued to hold her, to rock her until her tears finally stopped. When she quieted, he reached in his pocket and dug out a crisp handkerchief of fine Irish linen embroidered with his initials. “Here, lassie, dry your eyes and take a swipe at your nose. I imagine it’s a bit drippy now.” He smiled as she hiccuped, taking the hanky to mop her face.

“Tommy, I’m so sorry.” Her voice broke and she almost started to cry again. “I never meant to hurt you—any of you, especially Jake.”

“I know, lassie, I know. But sometimes pain is unavoidable.” Taking her hand, he led her to the little round table in the corner of the room, pulling out a chair for her. “Sit now, and we’ll have ourselves a chat.”

Rebecca sat, still mopping her face.

“So tell me, lass,” Tommy said, pulling out his chair and sinking down into it. “Have you still a fondness for lemon drops?” Eyes twinkling, he reached in
his pocket and held out a bag to her. She stared at it, remembering another evening when she’d been miserable, scared and crying, and Tommy had offered her a bag of the sweets.