With Love; Now & Forever (7 page)

na didn’t know what to say. Even with her intellectual mind, she knew the coincidence between the name of the foundation, its

purpose and the name of the unborn child was too great. The expression on her face must’ve said the same thing because Rick glanced at her and laughed softly.

“My conclusion exactly. The proprietor’s name was Sonya and I felt compelled to do this project, she came from money so my firm was enthusiastic with the project. The gallery was located here in London, and with having nothing to tie me down, I took the job.”

Ana couldn’t hide her surprise. “Is that when you saw Austin’s work and met Jennifer?” She couldn’t believe the coincidences that were starting to accrue and the story that was starting to form in her mind. Rick had said he experienced two soul mates. She had to be blind not to see the relationship Rick and Jennifer had. Was Jennifer his other soul mate?

“Not for another couple of years. Sonya and I spent the next two years working side by side on the gallery. Important to each other for different reasons, we became friends and then lovers and I soon found my guilt and pain a little more bearable. One night, I confided my painful history and when I looked in to Sonya’s eyes I didn’t see pity, I saw tears of love, compassion and sorrow. I opened my heart and soul to see that she was truly a kindred spirit, a soul mate. She had no family having lost them all in a car accident when she was sixteen years old. Since I wasn’t very close to my family, we got married within two weeks at a simple civil ceremony. It was a joint celebration, our exchanging vows and the grand opening of the gallery. We were happy, starting our new lives with the successful launch of Ava Foundation Art Gallery.

We officially met Austin and Jennifer that night at the opening. Austin had a few pieces in the show that he had donated for the cause and Jennifer was still in the negotiating stages of purchasing the gallery she has now. When they found out we were just married, they insisted on taking us out for drinks to celebrate our nuptials. We clicked with Austin and Jennifer immediately, becoming close couple friends.”

Ana was taken aback when she felt a slight pang of jealousy go through her as she listened to Rick talk about his friendship with Austin and Jennifer.

“Eight weeks after we were married, we were sitting in the doctor’s office waiting to hear the results of tests that were taken due to Sonya’s migraines.” Rick paused and shook his head, “I still think this story is straight out of a soap opera or something. Anyway, sitting in that doctor’s office, we were told Sonia had an aggressive brain cancer, it was too far along to stop it, all we could do was make her comfortable. Four weeks later, I was burying my second wife, a widower once more.”

Ana once again found herself in tears. She was amazed at the strength and character Rick had, and bewildered he wasn’t holed up in some shack in the middle of nowhere which is what she would have done. Unsure of what to say, Ana remained speechless.

“I’m sure you are saying to yourself one of two things. Either you’re wondering how I’m still functioning and contributing as a part of society or you have a lot of pity for me because obviously I’m dimwitted and don’t know any better.” Rick gave Ana a small sad smile.

She smiled sheepishly back at him, wondering if one of his “voices” told him of her thoughts. “The first one, actually, I’m very astonished. I know the pain of losing Austin was tremendous and I can’t imagine opening myself up to that kind of pain again.”

“But don’t you see that because you’ve closed yourself off from any possible pain you’ve also closed yourself off from the greatest joys too, true happiness?”

“I’ve been happy!” she interjected, surprising herself with the defensiveness in her own voice. “I’m a self-made, successful businesswoman, who has earned respect from some of the most powerful people in the world.” she finished quietly.

“Ah, success. Success can be described as many different things. A successful career, money, cars, all the material things one has ever desired in the world. What about the grandmother who has raised healthy happy children who have gone on to raise their own happy healthy children who are now playing at her feet? Or the strong soul who has battled a life threatening disease and won? A child who has been abused their whole life but defied the odds and turned their life around to be a better person, despite the abuse they have endured? Would you dare deny calling them successful?”

“No, but that’s different!”
“No it’s not. Let me try a different perspective. When you go home at night, do you feel full, blessed to the point that you are often filled with tears of gratitude? Do you go to bed every night thanking God, or the Universe or whoever you believe in, for the wonderful gifts and wonderful life you have been given?”
“No.” Ana whispered as the answers to the questions he was asking stabbed through her heart, the pain leaving her breathless.
Rick softened his tone, “I’m sorry that I have caused you distress tonight, that was not my intention. I would ask you though, to be a part of the meeting tomorrow night with Jennifer and I. I know you don’t believe in what I do but I feel that Jennifer is really starting to like you and heaven knows she doesn’t have many true friends. It would mean a lot to her.” Rick gently squeezed her hand, “and to me.”
Feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by the perspectives that Rick brought to light, she nodded.
“It’s getting late and we both need the rest. I’ll leave you now and retire to my own room. Goodnight Ana, I truly enjoyed talking with you.”
Rick gently rose and before Ana could say anymore, was gone from the room. She sat there, unable to move. Was she cheating herself? What if the topics Rick spoke of were true? Was there another soul mate out there for her? And if that is the case, by closing herself off from love is she also cheating her soul mate out of love too? Was she truly destined to love again? With that last thought, she actually found herself hopeful and almost blissful. It was such an alien feeling but it felt so good. Deciding not to over analyze it, she got up and retired to her room where she quickly fell asleep with dreams of falling in love again.

he next day was full of fun and blessedly uneventful. During breakfast, Ana was delighted with how easily Jennifer, Rick and

herself interacted, talking and joking like old friends. The conversation was so light and easy that Ana realized she never had allowed herself to experience all of the joys of a true friendship.

She thought of her friendship with Sally and was saddened at the thought of all she had missed out on by dissociating the friendship with her. It was true that she and Sally often went to lunch or dinner together but the conversations always ended up relating to work. Sally frequently asked Ana to join her for drinks and dancing but Ana always said no, explaining she had work, a date or was too tired. She had never known what a friendship could offer, the laughs, the joking, the camaraderie. Even when she had confided in Sally about her last night with Austin, she had held back on everything that really happened that night.

She pledged to herself that when she got back to New York she would start acting like a true friend to Sally, she deserved it and so did Sally.

“What are you brooding about Ana banana?” Jennifer gently teased.
Ana grinned, “What fun I am having and how hard it’s going to be to go back to New York.”
Everyone, including Ana seemed surprised at this revelation.
“So don’t go back right away.” Jennifer suggested. When no one said anything, Jennifer looked at Rick and Ana. “Well it’s not unreasonable! Ana, you
own
your very own company and I bet you have
never
taken a vacation! Am I wrong?” she looked at Ana, waiting for rebuttal but when Ana didn’t respond, Jennifer nodded and continued, “So you can stay here for as long as you like! It’s not like you are in the way or anything and everyone keeps telling me I need a female comrade, and well, you seem to be fitting the bill, so what do you say?”
Jennifer was looking at her defiantly expecting Ana to argue while Rick sat quietly with an amused look on his face. Unsure of what she wanted to say, Ana conceded. “Let me see how it’s going at the office and what happens at the reading of the will, you may hate me after that, so let’s just wait and see.”
At the mention of Austin’s will, a shadow flickered across Jennifer’s face. “Fair enough.”
They ate quietly for a few moments and Ana began to worry that she had ruined the morning when Rick spoke up. “So I can’t name any names but would you like to hear about a special session I had with the young mother who lost her husband? It’s actually quite beautiful! “
“You have confidentiality among clients? “ Ana blurted out, surprised by his clandestineness of his clients.
“I’m not a doctor but I still have respect for my clientele. Loss is private and personal but she was actually so thankful that she is requesting that I put her case in my book.” he explained.
Again, Ana was surprised. “You’re writing a book?”
This time Jennifer responded, chuckling, “Of course he is! He doesn’t charge his clients for readings so with their permission, he puts them in his book, hoping to help others and give him the financial aptitude to provide readings for free.”
“You’ve written other books?”
Jennifer and Rick both laughed, exchanging appreciated looks before Rick answered. “Given that you are a nonbeliever, I won’t take any offense. This is my third book, my other two are currently on the bestsellers list.”
Embarrassed, Ana tried to apologize. “I am truly sorry. I have been so wrapped up in my own work, building my business that I don’t have time to read.”
“It’s okay, Ana” Jennifer soothed, “We’ll make a believer out of you yet!”
“Okay!” Ana surprised them both, and laughing at her own response, sat back to listen to Rick tell his tale. “Go ahead Rick, no more questions, I promise, other than what happened?”
“A young woman, who had lost her husband in Iraq was obviously distressed and came to see me. She had a sevenmonth-old baby boy and wanted to make sure her husband had received her last letter which included pictures of their new son. Her husband came through very clearly and described the pictures that she had sent. He told her that he was very proud of her, that she and their son were beautiful. He described the settings and their clothes in the pictures and conveyed that he loved them very much. Then he described the clothes she was wearing right then and said she was as beautiful as the day he married her. He told me of a life insurance policy he had on himself, he had taken out in his early twenties. He had always known he was going to be a military man and made sure that the policy would pay even if he was killed in war. No one but himself and his insurance agent knew of the policy and he listed her as the beneficiary when they got married. He then named the insurance company, the account number and the password he had set up. She called me three days later to tell me she called the company and they verified that he did have a policy in his name, with that account number. It was a five hundred thousand dollar policy.”
“Oh Rick, that’s wonderful!” Ana cried.
Both Jennifer and Rick looked at Ana, shocked and Ana wiped at the dampness in her eyes. “Hey, cut me a break! I may not be a believer, yet, but I’m not so cold and callous that her story wouldn’t touch me!”
“Great Scot, Ricky, there is truly hope for her yet! “ Jennifer goaded, causing all three of them to crack up. They finished their breakfast in good spirits, Ana asking Rick about the places he’s traveled to and Jennifer of all the artists she’s met.
Ana found her gaze constantly coming back to Rick, seemingly mesmerized. She noticed the small laugh lines that formed at his eyes whenever he smiled, the huskiness in his voice when he laughed, the way he motioned with his hands when a topic excited him. He addressed both of them when he talked but when his eyes locked onto Ana’s, she felt like she was the only one in the room and a spark shot through her body, leaving her hands sweaty and quivering. She tried hard to focus on Jennifer and the things she was saying but found her mind coveting the thought of Rick’s hands on her body, slowly caressing and stroking, how his lips would feel on hers, soft and sensual or rough and demanding. She envisioned both scenarios, her heart quickening with each enactment her mind produced.
Jennifer finished her coffee and stood, excusing herself and explaining it was time to find Devon. Rick and Ana spent the day together, as old friends would, enjoying the grounds and laughing at the silly things that friends do.
She was so surprised at the ease in which Rick opened conversations and drew her into them, things that she had been uncomfortable talking about before, were easy to discuss about with him. She was able to talk about her father’s death and how her mother turned into an abusive alcoholic and even talked about her relationship with Austin. Although she didn’t disclose about the last night she had been with Austin, she felt comfortable enough with him to share her desires, what drove her and her plans with her company. Other than Austin, she had never felt so close to another man and enjoyed the forgotten communion men and women shared. He kept his hand at the small part of her back, as if to guide her and she relished in the tingles that ran through her body at the feel of his touch. It was a very enlightening day for Ana and she wished it would never end. She felt comfortable and drawn to this attractive man and she loved to listen to him talk, to hear his opinions of the world and of everyday matters.
Rick was thrilled to have the day with her. His dreams had been haunted with her face, her scent and her movements since he met her. He dreamed of having her and loving her but even in the depths of his slumber, he knew his dreams would never be as good as the real thing. He wanted her, wanted to be with her, to talk with her to get her opinions and views of the world that he found so beautiful and yet she found so scarred. He had been thrilled when Jennifer invited Ana to stay longer and Ana had accepted, he knew he would come up with an excuse to extend his visit also and hoped that no one would be the wiser. Their day together was easy and filled with conversation and comfortable silence, it was if they had been friends forever and were completely in tune with the other. Maybe if he could get his fill of her during the day, he would get some reprieve tonight and get some sleep, though he was not complaining. His dreams of her were a painful pleasure, filled with desire, seduction and passion. It was only when he woke up and realized she wasn’t there that he felt the disappointment.
That afternoon, Ana was amused to find herself looking forward to the evening, although she was still skeptical of the work Rick did, she found him charming with a great sense of humor. She was also curious about the tingling sensation whenever their eyes locked and she wanted to know if it was more than just physical attraction. She was also very fond of Jennifer and liked to believe that they would have become good friends even if the tie to Austin wasn’t there. They had a light dinner and the three returned to their own rooms to prepare for the evening’s activity. Jennifer went to change into more comfortable clothes and Ana used the time to catch up with work and e-mails. Rick retired to his room as he always meditated for at least an hour before a reading.
They met in the den at seven and Rick asked them to sit anywhere that would be comfortable. Earlier in the day, he had asked Jennifer and Ana to refrain from any cocktails so that everyone’s auras were clean and not muddled from the alcohol. At Jennifer’s insistence, Stavros was also in the room, but seemed to be more comfortable once again standing in the corner.
Ana was unsure of what to expect. She had envisioned a darkened room with candles flickering, casting ominous shadows on the walls, while sitting in a circle holding hands, no one but Rick speaking or doing whatever it was he did. Instead she was pleased and surprised when Rick started joking with them and actually had all of the lights on and she was slightly bewildered when Jennifer handed her a notepad and pen, but waited patiently to be told what to do.
When everyone was seated comfortably, Rick started to explain. “I always begin a reading with a prayer of love and protection for all of us in the room. Sometimes loved ones come through and experience their death again. Because I’m their messenger, I often experience how they died and it can become overwhelming for me. The prayer of protection allows me to safely pass on the messages that they have. After that I will have all of us mediate together, walking you through it so that your aura is open to receive messages. Because you were tied to Austin, he may have some messages for you too, Ana, I hope you will accept them with the love that is intended. You may even have other loved ones that have passed come through, for both of you.
“Please use the notepads and pens to take notes because some things that come through may not make any sense now, but may make sense later. The notes give you a reference for in the future. Are you all ready?”
Ana looked at Jennifer and saw that she was smiling at her. She felt herself relaxing and smiled back, then looked at Rick and nodded. She closed her eyes and listened to Rick’s prayer and concentrated on his voice during the meditation. She felt her mind and her body relax and realized that she had never felt so reposed and calm. After the mediations, Rick started talking and she noticed his whole personality change. He was talking very strong, broken and considerably more animated, as if he were repeating something that someone else was whispering in his ear.
“I’m getting an older woman coming through, she’s around you, Ana. She’s very upset and very agitated. She keeps saying, ‘I did you wrong Anastasia, I did you wrong!’ She’s crying, saying she’s sorry and she is very proud of you. She says ‘you did it, Anastasia, you got out of Fairfield.’”
Ana was shocked, no one knew her hometown, except Greg and her friends from there but she hadn’t kept in contact with any of them after she left.
Rick kept talking, “there is an M name, Mary, Merith, no, please speak slower, Meredith, do you know this name?”
Ana felt stunned and nodded slowly, she hadn’t told Rick or Jennifer her mother’s name.
“Meredith says you’re following in her footsteps, shutting yourself off from the world and you shouldn’t. She said she died very lonely and sad. She said she should have supported you and not said those nasty words that night. She said you were not, nor ever were a whore and she’s sorry.”
Ana gasped but Rick didn’t notice, lost in his silent conversation with the unseen minstrel.
“She says thank you for the lilies you send every year to her gravesite, they are her favorite flowers. She is saying that she always loved you, you were her little Anastasia Angel. I have a very tight feeling in my chest, hard to breathe, did she die of a heart problem?”
Again, Ana could only nod, tears flowing down her cheeks.
“She says there was no pain, it was very quick. She again asks for your forgiveness.” he hesitated, then opened his eyes and looked at her. “She is gone.”
His eyes shifted slightly before he closed his eyes and bowed his head, nodding occasionally. Ana looked at Jennifer and was surprised to see Jennifer staring back at her, tears also running down her face. Before they could say a word, Rick started speaking again.
“Austin is here and because I also knew him, I recognize his spirit. He’s very happy and pleased at the friendship blooming between the two women he loves so much. He said he knew that you two would be good friends because of what loving souls you both are. He’s telling me he’s very sorry that you ever doubted his love, Jennifer, he loves you very much and you were his best friend. He wants you to know there is a painting, in the back of his studio, it’s covered with a blanket behind the ocean still life. It was your birthday present and he hopes you like it. He keeps saying ‘I love you Jenny bug‘, does this make any sense?”
Jennifer was nodding, quietly sobbing into a tissue.
“He’s telling me that you shouldn’t give up on love or life. He was with you the night you held the pills, do you understand this?” Jennifer looked sharply at Rick and then Ana, mascara streaking down her face. She nodded.
“He’s saying that you will love again and the person is much closer than you think. He’s crying and laughing at the same time, saying you’re going to be a great mother. ‘I love you, Jenny bug.’”
Ana couldn’t tear her gaze away from Jennifer, she had never seen a person so exposed and raw with emotion and knew that the words had hit a nerve.
“He wants you to know Ana, that you were his first love. You were the one that inspired him, that made him feel like he could do anything. He said he left you the Paradise Valley series because they were the best memories he had of you and also the portrait of you hanging in the sitting room. He says he knows what happened that night and is upset that you kept it from him. He is telling me that keeping the secret is tearing you up and you should have no guilt, that you did nothing wrong. He wants you to let it go and be happy in your life because you deserve it. He says his father was wrong about what he did to you but it’s not your burden to bear.”
“Oh my God!” Ana jumped to her feet, “I can’t do this!” As she fled the room she heard Jennifer’s bewildered voice. “I thought it was Austin’s mom that tore them apart?”