With Love; Now & Forever (10 page)

At one point, I remember falling to the floor on my knees, the pain in my heart was so strong that I thought it would kill me. I loved Austin and I wanted to be a part of the family but now how could I? I didn’t love his dad that way, I loved him like a father. I couldn’t say a word, my tears choking my voice and he kept rambling on and on about how we could make a new life, when my mother came out. She had been in the kitchen listening to our conversation and burst onto the porch furious! She yelled at him to get the hell out of our house, took the vase of roses and flung them at his head as he ran out the screen door. She then turned on me, telling me that I was getting what I deserved, that I flirted with anything in pants and I didn’t deserve someone as good as Austin. She told me I was a slut and a whore and that I would never become anything.
“It was then that I packed up my things and went to a friend’s house two towns over. I knew that if I told Austin what had happened, it would devastate him and ruin the relationship he had with his father, not to mention his parents’ marriage. I never saw Austin again.”
“I take it that you never talked to your mother again either?” Jennifer asked softly.
“No, I never talked to her again, only sending lilies to her gravesite after I heard she’d passed.”
“Ana, I am so sorry, it must have been awful for you! I’m just so stunned, Barry was like a father to me and Austin’s mother, Georgia, has also been a strong presence in my life. I love them like they were my own parents.”
Ana nodded her head and looked away, “I understand, this is what I was afraid of. I’ll get my stuff packed right away…”
“Ana, please stop! I’m not asking you to leave, I’m just in shock! I can’t believe he would do that to you, I mean I
do
believe you, I am just surprised. I am so sorry that you missed out on a future with Austin because of something like that…” she trailed off in her own memories of her father-in-law, knowing him only as a great dad.
“So he…never…tried anything with you?” Ana hated herself for asking the question but she needed to know if he had done it to someone else.
Jennifer sensed her unease and tenderly laid her hand on Ana’s arm. “No, he was never inappropriate with me.” she answered gently.
Ana started sobbing quietly, filled with overwhelming emotions. Anger at Barry for doing that to her, anger at her mother for the way she treated her only child, sadness at the loss of a life she had wanted with Austin and relief that she no longer carried the burden. Surprisingly, she didn’t feel any guilt or shame as she had anticipated she would feel. After hearing what Austin and her mother had spoken of through Rick, she felt more assured that she had done nothing wrong. She was just a naive, trusting young girl who hadn’t known what to do. She had been betrayed by a parental role model, someone she trusted and she had handled it the best way she had thought of at the time. The only regrets she felt was that she hadn’t spoken up sooner and had held onto this burden as long as she had.
While she cried, Jennifer held her, stroking her hair and murmuring to her that everything was ok. Ana allowed herself to break down and be comforted, that sixteen year old girl that had needed soothed by her mother all those years ago but had been denied, she now found that comfort in the form of her new friend.
Ana hadn’t thought her and Jennifer’s friendship could have gotten any closer but after Sunday night’s confession, they were inseparable. The reading of Austin’s will Monday evening had been painful, reminding them both of a love that was forever lost. They held each other’s hand as the attorney went over Austin’s wishes and they chuckled at the odd look that the attorney, Mr. Banks, gave both of them when they began accurately naming off the paintings left to Ana. Rick’s Friday night reading had been dead on, so nothing came as a surprise to either woman.
They decided to treat themselves to an exquisite French ice cream topped with decadent hot fudge and freshly chopped pecans and Ana indulged, knowing that she had the rest of the week to burn it off. She agreed to Jennifer’s request to stay until Friday before heading back to New York. Ana had Sally change her flight arrangements and then book Jennifer’s flight to New York six weeks later, so she could visit Ana. That would give Jennifer enough time to arrange a new show at the gallery and settle the affairs before coming stateside. Jennifer had only been to the United States once, to meet Austin’s family after they had announced their engagement and to see his hometown. Austin’s mom, Georgia, had only moved to England after Barry died and at Austin’s insistence that she move closer to them. His grief at losing his father transferred over to his remaining parent and he made sure Georgia stayed close. She had a little cottage three miles from their manor, close enough for easy contact but far enough away to ensure everyone’s privacy and independence.
Georgia knew that Ana was flying over, Jennifer having called her mother-in-law to cry on her shoulder when she found out Ana was in Austin’s will. Georgia had also been surprised that Ana was in her son’s will and had requested that she be there to support her daughter-in-law but Jennifer adamantly declined, stating she had wanted to confront Ana on her own. With the unexpected turn of events, Jennifer had told Georgia of her change of heart regarding Ana and respectfully requested that her mother-in-law postpone her weekly visits until after Ana had left. She hadn’t told Georgia of Rick’s reading or of Ana’s revealed secret, agreeing with Ana that only heartache would come of Georgia’s knowledge of Barry’s betrayal. Georgia had snorted at Jennifer’s excuse that Ana was still embarrassed by that night she had caught Ana and Austin in his room, claiming it was water under the bridge but finally conceded at Jennifer’s insistence. As far as Jennifer was concerned, the relationship Ana and Jennifer had was their own and needn’t include her mother-in-law.
Once again, Ana found the time flying by and was saddened at the thought that she would be leaving the next day. Jennifer and Austin’s property consisted of one hundred and fifty six neatly manicured acres and though both women walked the grounds daily, Ana always found something new. She felt like a little kid running and laughing through the meticulously kept hedge maze and was sure she had died and was lying in heaven as they lay talking in the middle of wildflower meadows. The colors and scents were so vivid that they almost seemed surreal. There was a small lake to the west of the property that had several stone sitting benches and Ana enjoyed talking with Jennifer while they fed the ducks. The property was truly amazing and she was thankful to Jennifer for sharing it with her, along with her companionship.
They had spent the week mostly on the grounds then had gone into town for some shopping on Wednesday. Stavros had kept his distance, only being present during meals and of course, Austin’s will reading. Ana watched how he and Jennifer interacted and was amazed at the attraction between them. Jennifer’s smiles were more frequent and her lilting laughter filled the room when they were together. She saw the unabashed love in Stavros eyes when he joked with her and couldn’t believe that Jennifer was so blind to the depth of his affection. So many times she had wanted to point out his attraction to Jennifer, but decided to keep her mouth closed and honor Stavros’ wishes. She agreed that Jennifer needed her time to grieve and Ana knew that Stavros was patient enough to give her the time. There had been a couple of times Ana had awakened to the sound of soft knocking on her door, Jennifer sobbing at her loss and just needing comfort. She held Jennifer during those times, allowing Jennifer to speak of loving moments that she and Austin shared or screaming her anger at Austin for leaving her. Ana kept her own pain and anger of losing Austin to herself, knowing her pain was probably small in comparison to Austin’s wife, which is what Jennifer was, his grieving wife.
Tuesday night, Ana had gone down to the kitchen to get a drink of milk when she heard voices from the study. Walking softly to the entryway, she paused, recognizing Stavros soothing voice. She carefully peeked in and saw him sitting on the love seat, holding and consoling a visibly upset Jennifer. She had started into the room to help comfort, when she heard Jennifer’s tearful voice.
“I feel so guilty, Stavros. I miss Austin so much and want him back but a part of me is happy because if Austin hadn’t died, I would’ve never met Ana. Why couldn’t I have them both? I want Austin back so bad!”
“I know sweetheart, I’m sorry, I wish he were here too. Ana is a good person, I think she is a blessing in your life. Maybe Austin sent her to you to help ease the pain of him having to leave you.” he spoke softly.
Feeling embarrassed at overhearing a conversation she shouldn’t be hearing, Ana crept quietly past the doorway and went back to her room. Stavros was good for Jennifer and she knew he would take care of her selflessly.
Today, Thursday, Ana found herself at the manor alone. Jennifer had a meeting at the gallery with a new and upcoming artist that she wanted to display and although Jennifer had pleaded for Ana to come with her, Ana declined, claiming that she wanted to enjoy the grounds one last time while she was here.
Stavros, being their investment advisor, went with Jennifer and Ana found herself wandering Jennifer’s beautiful rose garden. No matter how many times she went through them, she found a new flower or plant that she had missed before. The flowers seemed brighter and more exquisite, the foliage seemed a deeper emerald green and the birds seemed to sing more cheerfully. Everything today seemed fresh and new and she wanted to enjoy every moment of it. After a light lunch of cold meat sandwiches, she went into the study to lounge on the couch and began reading a history book on London.
She was surprised when Devon entered the room and claimed there was a delivery waiting for her in the entry way. She started to thank him when he abruptly turned and left. Ana grinned, Devon still hadn’t warmed up to her yet. Taking no offense, she shrugged and hurried off to the entry way, wondering what it could be. She had received an e-mail from Sally that morning claiming all was calm and she was excited about Ana coming home to fill her in on the trip but nothing else was going on so it couldn‘t be anything from her. She paused and gasped at the beautiful flower arrangement on the large round table. It was a huge glass vase of exquisite red roses mixed with lavish flowers that were larger than Ana’s embrace. After her initial shock, she quickly searched for the card that typically accompanied deliveries, instead of finding a little note card, she found a beautiful pink colored card in the center of the arrangement. She recognized the handwriting even though she had only seen it once before. Rick. She tore open the envelope and sat down on the cold stone floor as she read its contents.
Ana, first off, I want to tell you how much I miss you. I have been haunted by your kiss and longing to taste you again. I was asked to speak at an engagement in Fort Collins, Colorado. While doing readings at the Lincoln Center Sunday night, I was surprised when Austin came through and told me you had confided your secret to Jennifer. He said your aura completely changed and you were filled with relief and freedom. He said you could start healing now and he was happy and at peace. He also told me you made the right decision not to tell Jennifer of her future husband. Is there something you know that I don’t? Maybe you’re the psychic!
Ana started laughing and was surprised when she felt hot tears on her cheeks.
He also told me that you will be back here in New York by the weekend. Here is my number in case you’ve been too stubborn to get it from Jennifer. Please call me. I miss you, Anastasia. All my love, Rick.
All my love! Her heart beat a little faster as she read those words over and over. A whole week she had tried to push out her thoughts of Rick, trying to force herself to admit it had just been a moment between them. She believed the saying ‘
out of sight, out of mind’ but
here was proof that the saying was wrong, dispelling all of those thoughts. He still wanted her.
The rest of the day went by quickly as her mind focused on getting home and calling him, her book of London lay forgotten on the couch. Her daydreams were shattered by a high pitched squeal that came from the front door. She grinned and started to get up from the couch in the study, still clutching Rick’s note, when Jennifer ran into the room.
“They’re from Rick, aren’t they?” Jennifer grinned, Stavros following her into the room, the familiar half smile on his face.
Ana grinned and nodded, handing her his note. Jennifer quickly read the letter and squealed again.
“You better have the wedding here! The grounds are beautiful in the spring and we have the gazebo in case it rains which is very possible for that time of year and…”
Ana laughed and held her hand up to stop her. “Hold it! We are a far cry from getting married. We’ve only had one kiss and…”
Jennifer cut her off. “Nonsense! I knew before I even read this note that you two have kissed!” At Ana’s embarrassed look, Jennifer laughed. “Come on! After I told you Rick had left, you went all white and pale as if someone had told you that your dog died! Not that losing a dog isn’t sad, but I knew right away!” Jennifer rambled on and Ana searched Stavros face for help. He held up his hands and shrugged, knowing Jennifer was on a roll and would have to exhaust herself like a class five hurricane.
Jennifer, oblivious to both of them, continued on, talking of possible wedding colors and where she should get her wedding dress. After five minutes of her rambling, she realized Ana hadn’t said anything. Placing her hands on her hips, she scrutinized at Ana. “Well?”
Ana finally chuckled and gazed back at her friend. “Well, I think I need to get back to New York and call him. Wouldn’t that be the logical first step?”
After a moment’s hesitation, both Jennifer and Ana burst into laughter. Stavros looked at both women and decided they had gone insane.
“I’ll go into the kitchen and open a bottle of wine. Is a sweet red okay?” When he couldn’t get them to stop laughing long enough to answer, he left the room, muttering that they had both lost their minds.

na sat at the little café on Broadway waiting for Sally, reflecting again over everything that had happened on her trip. Saying