With Wings I Soar (3 page)

Mom got home late from work. Tabitha was upstairs working on homework when she heard the front door open and shut.

“I'm home!” Mom called out, her voice wafting throughout the empty house. “I brought dinner!”

Tabitha had already eaten a turkey sandwich with cheese for dinner, but she went downstairs to see Mom. When Tabitha walked into the kitchen, Mom was opening a bag of fast food and placing its contents on dinner plates. Soon the kitchen smelled like cheeseburgers and fries, and Tabitha felt hungry again. She was happy to join Mom at the table to eat while Mom talked about her day.

The office Mom worked in was well managed and very quiet, so it was easy to get her work done quickly and efficiently. Mom liked this a lot. She had worked in an office before Tabitha was born, but it was loud and bustling. Uncle Nick managed his employees well and met their needs quickly, according to Mom.

“Can I see where you work?” Tabitha asked, dipping a fry in mustard.

“Sorry sugar,” Mom frowned slightly. “Since it's a call center, non-employees aren't allowed in the building.”

Tabitha was disappointed, but she understood. She told Mom a little bit about her day and how she had met a few classmates.

“Ryan was really helpful about showing me around,” Tabitha mumbled through a mouthful of french fries. “And my classes seem pretty bearable.”

Her teachers seemed, for the most part, to be thorough instructors, and they had each welcomed Tabitha to their classrooms with open arms.              

“I am a little overwhelmed with how much homework I have. I guess it'll take awhile for me to catch up with the other students on projects and papers.”

“Well, I'll let you go upstairs and start studying. Don't worry about the dishes tonight, Sugar. I'll take care of them.”

Tabitha smiled and returned to her room. She finished her homework and got ready for bed. Mom was downstairs on the phone talking to Grandma, so Tabitha brushed her teeth and changed into her pajamas. She laid in bed for what felt like hours. She thought of Katie and was filled with new respect for her friend. Tabitha had never heard Katie complain or whine about her father's deployments.

“My dad is keeping us free,” Katie would say sometimes. “My dad is making a difference in the world like I want to someday.”

Tabitha decided she would help Katie make a care package this week. Maybe they could bake cookies together to send to Mr. Miller. Tabitha knew he and his fellow soldiers would all enjoy a tasty snack to remind them of home and of their loved ones. As Tabitha sunk deeper and deeper into the warmth of her blankets, her eyes grew heavy and her thoughts became more scattered. She thought of Dad briefly, but she didn't cry. Instead she tried to focus on Mom and school and her friends, and soon her alarm was beeping to let her know it was time to begin the day.

Tabitha hurried to get ready. She had slept poorly and didn't even remember falling asleep. She pulled on jeans and a sweater before peeking out the front door to make sure it wasn't raining again. Satisfied that today would be a better day, Tabitha grabbed the lunch Mom had carefully packed for her and hurried to Katie's house. 

Tabitha's friend was waiting patiently on her porch, again hunched over a book. Katie was nervously chewing her fingernails when Tabitha approached.

"That's bad for you," Tabitha motioned her head toward Katie's hand, where small bits of nail polish had flaked off her recently painted fingernails, leaving small speckles of blue and pink paint smattered across Katie's white skirt. Katie sighed and obediently withdrew her hand, using it instead to grab her backpack. She tossed the book she was reading onto a nearby chair and the two girls began their walk in silence.

Tabitha felt awkward as they walked. Katie wasn't her normal, bubbling self. Usually, Katie would be pointing out flowers or interesting yard décor, but today she was suspiciously quiet. Tabitha wondered if Katie felt strange knowing her secret, but before she could ask what was wrong, Katie piped up.

“I'm really sorry about your dad, Tabby Cat. I don't really know what to say to you to make you feel better. Do you want to come over after school so we can do homework together?”

Tabitha smiled at her friend's genuine kindness. “That sounds great. It'll be nice to hang out with you and your mom. It'll help me keep my mind off things. Will Kenny be home?”

“Yep. He's done with quizzing practices until next semester, so he'll be hanging out.”

Kenny was Katie's older brother. At 17, he spent most of his free time studying with the school's history quizzing team. Kenny loved school and studying almost as much as Katie did, and the two siblings were constantly in competition to get the highest grades.

Tabitha was excited that Kenny would be around. A senior in high school, Kenny was one of the most popular boys at Mitchell. His suave persona was highlighted by his kind attitude and gentle spirit. Although Kenny enjoyed hanging out with his friends, he never let being popular go to his head. He always said hi to the nerdy and awkward kids at school, and Tabitha loved that about him.

“Maybe we'll even bake some holiday cookies,” Katie offered, bringing Tabitha back to the present.

Tabitha smiled. “That sounds great.”

The girls walked the rest of the way in silence. Leaves bristled and blew wildly across the sidewalk, but Tabitha barely noticed them. She instead focused simply on putting one foot in front of the other and walking as quickly and determinedly as she could. As they approached the school, the two girls parted ways to head to their separate classrooms. Tabitha would attend homeroom today for the first time, but felt more at ease than she had just the day before.

She reached the classroom and opened the door, unaware of what the day would hold.

Tabitha's morning classes breezed by, a whirlwind of pop quizzes and dull lectures. When the bell tolled for lunch, she was ecstatic and raced to the cafeteria. She found an empty table in the corner to unpack her lunch at while she waited for Katie. Mom had packed Tabitha a turkey sandwich with some fruit inside a vintage metal lunchbox.

It had been Mom's when she was a teenager, and its age showed. The front of the lunchbox displayed a scene from
The Princess Bride,
one of Tabitha's favorite romance movies. Tabitha stared whimsically at the image of Buttercup and her true love, Wesley, in front of the setting sun. The love story of Buttercup and Wesley was perfect. It had everything any girl dreamed of: hope, adventure, danger, and mystery. There was nothing quite as magical as Buttercup's relationship with Wesley and the never failing strength of their love. Tabitha wished quietly to find a love that pure and magical.

              As she bit into her sandwich, a familiar voice jolted her back into reality.

              “Hey Tabitha!”

              She looked up and saw Ryan smiling at her. He slid into a chair across from Tabitha and clumsily placed his cafeteria tray on the table.

              “Mind if I join you? It's pretty crowded in here today.”

              Before Tabitha could speak, Ryan began munching his tuna fish sandwich and devouring a handful of chips.

              “So how are your classes going?” He asked Tabitha as he finally took a moment to breathe. Ryan sipped his chocolate milk loudly and Tabitha grinned at his milk moustache.

              “They're going okay,” she conceded. “I still feel really behind, but I mean, it's only my second day. Hopefully things will start making more sense pretty soon.”

              “The first week is always the worst,” Ryan agreed. “When I started I felt out of place for what seemed like forever. Have you thought about joining a club or something to meet more people? There are a ton of activities going on.”

              “Yeah, but most of the join deadlines have already passed. Katie said I'd probably have to wait until the spring to join anything.”

              “Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. So you and Katie, huh? You're pretty good friends, I take it?”              Tabitha smiled and took a bite out of her apple as she nodded, glancing around the cafeteria. She wondered where Katie was. They were supposed to eat lunch together today, and it was unlike Katie to be late.

              “We've been friends for awhile. I met her right after she moved here. Our moms both made us join a book club at the library.”

Tabitha smiled at the memory of that boring club. She had never met anyone who made her hate books as much as the book club's leader, Abby Tolls. Abby was a college student who liked to chew gum loudly and used the word “like” after each and every sentence. When she wasn't chewing gum, she was sending text messages to her boyfriend and taking pictures of the book club members with her cell phone.

Abby never read any of the books she assigned her club members, so the group never had a discussion leader. Instead of talking about major themes and character development of the novels, the group simply sat around eating lemon cookies and drinking over-sugared punch. Katie and Tabitha had both been so bored that they eventually began ditching the official club and instead, sat outside the library talking about the books they read.

              “Katie seems pretty cool. We've only had one or two classes together but she always smiles and seems really nice.”

              “Yeah, she's the best. She was actually supposed to meet me here, but I guess she must be busy with something.”             

              “Aw, don't be sad,” Ryan reached his hand across the table and placed it gently on top of Tabitha's. “I'm sure she has a really good reason for not showing up.”

              Goosebumps rippled up and down Tabitha's arm at the touch of Ryan's hand. She stared up at his twinkling eyes and gentle smile. He really was a pretty nice guy, and Tabitha enjoyed spending time with him. It was nice to be around someone who was so concerned about her feelings and her friends. Ryan knew just what to say to make Tabitha feel better when she needed it the most.

              The rest of the lunch hour breezed by in a whirlwind of jokes and laughter, and Tabitha quickly forgot about Katie's mysterious disappearance. It wasn't until Tabitha's last class ended that she realized she hadn't seen Katie at all that day. Tabitha waited outside the front doors of Mitchell High for a few minutes after the final bell before she decided to walk ahead to Katie's house.
Maybe she didn't feel well and had to leave early,
she contemplated.

              The wind was fierce as Tabitha made her way slowly to the Miller family's tiny blue house. Leaves blew across the sidewalk in front of Tabitha's feet, dancing with glee and freedom. A lone bird jumped down in the road and took a few steps before taking off again to fly away.
I wonder where he's going. I wonder what it's like to be so free.

              As Tabitha turned on to Stearns Avenue, she knew immediately that something was terribly wrong. Katie's narrow driveway was full of cars and minivans. Two SUVs sat idly in front of the Miller's house. Tabitha began to run up the street as quickly as her legs would carry her. She arrived out of breath and did not knock before entering the house.

              The house was full of people standing around, talking in hushed voices. Two soldiers in uniform stood out from the rest of the crowd. A man in a nice suit looked sort of like a pastor, but the Miller's weren't a particularly religious family. Katie was nowhere to be seen, and Tabitha squeezed past the hordes of visitors to creep upstairs to her friend's quiet bedroom.

              The floor squeaked loudly but the upstairs hallway was empty, and Tabitha was grateful for a chance to catch her breath before she knocked gently on Katie's door. She heard muffled sounds coming from the room and pushed on the door to find Katie face down on her bed. Kenny sat next to Katie, one hand on her hair, and looked up at Tabitha with tears streaming down his face.

              “Our dad is dead.”

Captain Miller's funeral was a quiet ceremony held just a week after his untimely death. The entire family and surrounding community was devastated. A local newspaper ran a short article about his brave and heroic life, and people who didn't even know the Miller family sent flowers and food. Tabitha had spent most of the week sitting around Katie's bedroom, eating chocolate and watching romance movies: anything to keep their minds off their fathers.

              A light snow fell the morning of the funeral, littering the cemetery grounds. The shining sun fought with the cold, arguing that it wasn't cold enough to stay. The result was mushy, muddy earth mixed with remnants of snow. The snow that was left soon turned dark and dirty, giving the cemetery an even sadder and more dreary appearance.

              Tabitha's boots sunk into the mud as she stood during the short ceremony. Katie's family had opted for a private burial, inviting only family members and the closest of friends. Tabitha and her mother were both in attendance, but her father was still nowhere to be found. Tabitha held Katie's hand as the pastor offered up condolences and a small measure of hope that there was something beautiful after death.              

              “I'll take anything,” Katie told Tabitha later. “A hope of heaven or an afterlife, anything. I just want to see my dad again someday. I'll hope for whatever I can.”

              Long after the funeral's conclusion, Katie and Tabitha sat around the cemetery, shivering with cold and heartache. Funeral workers had lowered the casket and covered it with heaps of dry, brown dirt. Now there was a mound of padded dirt covering an empty grave: Captain Miller's body had been destroyed by a roadside bomb. There was nothing left to bury.

              Katie's tears began to freeze to her face, giving her a glistening and almost angelic appearance. Neither girl spoke as they stared at the tomb. Finally, Katie stood up and turned to Tabitha.

              “I'm ready to go home now.”

              Tabitha nodded and followed Katie out of the cemetery. The sun was beginning to set, casting a heavenly glow on a sea of tombstones. Tabitha read a few of the engraved epigraphs as she walked. Some of the tombstones had Bible verses or nicknames written on them, while others offered special sayings or phrases. Angela Henning's tombstone said: “Live each day like it's your last.” A few were last chances to show love to a family member, like Mabel Shoemaker's grave, which read: “Loving wife and gentle mother; we will never forget you.” A few graves had one line puns on them, while still others were empty, free of expression and respect. Tabitha felt sad when she saw those tombstones, the ones that held only a name and two dates. She wondered if those people had been loved, if they had been forgotten, if they had been mourned.

              The ground was still mushy and wet as the girls left the cemetery and began the trek back to Katie's house. Neither girl spoke as they walked. Occasionally a car would whiz by, spraying up bits of snow and splattering their jackets. Tabitha tried to brush the bits of snowy mud from her jacket, but Katie ignored any stains she gathered. Her eyes were glazed over and her lips were dry and raw from the cold.

              “Some Christmas,” Katie muttered as they rounded a bend and saw a house that was covered in multi-colored lights. A small snowman glittered and twinkled on the roof of the house, beckoning and laughing with glee that Christmas would soon be upon them. Two miniature reindeer made of wire stood proudly in front of the house. One of them had a bright red nose that blinked. The other stood behind it, used to being in the shadow of its peer.

              “Poor reindeer,” Katie stared at its pitiful smile. “It seems used to being ignored. Everyone is so busy staring at Rudolph that they don't even see or notice him.”

              Katie walked slowly to the reindeer and placed her hand gently on its wire head. While the first reindeer lit up magically every few minutes, this one remained still. It had a few miniature light bulbs sprinkled across its body, but they didn't light up. A few patches of rust dotted the reindeer's body, telling a tale of neglect and sadness.

              “It's not easy being forgotten, little reindeer.”

              The two friends stood in silence for a minute, then Tabitha placed her hand on Katie's shoulder. The girl sighed heavily, but allowed herself to be pulled away from the dismal scene. Tabitha held onto Katie's hand tighter than ever as they walked the rest of the way home.

              When the girls arrived at the Miller residence, there were a few people mingling and chatting quietly. The warm aroma of fresh cookies and apple pie filled the house.

              “My aunt,” Katie explained quietly. “When people die, she cooks. It's the only way she can cope.”

              Neither girl was hungry, so they retreated to Katie's room. The bedroom was the smallest in the house, but Katie didn't mind. Movie posters and photos covered the forest green walls of the room. Green was Katie's favorite color, and she had begged Mom to let her paint the room herself. Shortly after the start of their friendship, Tabitha had helped Katie complete her vision. The two girls had spent hours working diligently to cover every inch of the previous owner's ivory white paint. Satisfied with their finished result, they had carefully pinned the posters and photographs on the wall using multi-colored tacks. Katie kept pictures of friends from every base her family was stationed at. Some friends she kept in touch with and some she didn't, but their pictures stayed on her wall just the same.

              Tabitha tossed her jacket onto Katie's desk chair and plopped onto the twin size bed that rested in the corner. Dozens of stuffed animals covered the bed, and Tabitha allowed her body to sink back into them. She picked up an orange giraffe and held it close. Its two button eyes stared back at her without emotion. Tabitha wondered what the giraffe would say if it could talk.

              “My friend Angie gave that to me before we moved here,” Katie said from the other side of the room. She slipped her shoes off and settled into her worn beanbag chair.

              “We spent a day at the zoo and she got it for me to remember her by.” Katie smiled briefly. “She was awesome.”

              Katie picked up the TV remote and pushed a few buttons. The small television roared to life.

              “Movie time,” was all Katie said as she pushed a video tape into the small VCR below the television. Tabitha smiled as she glanced at Katie's milk crate full of VHS tapes. She was one of the only people Tabitha knew who refused to upgrade to DVDs. Katie said there was just something special about having to rewind a movie by hand when you were done.

              “It makes it seem more real,” she explained passionately. “DVDs are too easy and mindless. I don't need a thousand special features. I just want to be engrossed.”

              Soon the little room was filled with noise from the film, boasting far-away lands and forgotten adventures. Tabitha said nothing during the movie, which was unusual. Just a few weeks ago, the girls couldn't go more than a scene before they began talking and laughing and analyzing the characters they saw. Now movies were filled with silence and reflection; the two broken hearts that sat in Katie's room couldn't bear to laugh any more.

              As the movie ended, Tabitha glanced over to see Katie asleep in her beanbag chair. Tabitha picked up a quilt from the foot of Katie's bed and laid it gently and tenderly over her friend's exhausted body.

              “Good night, Princess.” Tabitha whispered. Her words hung loudly in the room, echoing a dream that once seemed viable and true. Now the notion of being a princess or accomplishing her dreams seemed silly and childish. Tabitha turned off the television before she left Katie's room and slipped quietly from the house. The stars shone brightly, but not brightly enough to fix what had already been broken.