Without Scars (13 page)

Was Nikki still watching me? I drifted out of the scene but kept my eyes on Samira’s lips for my cues. Raging heat rippled up my back, and I was anxious to look away. To look at
her
. Dammit, had it bothered her that I was hard when we hugged? I definitely understood the reaction to the surprise boner, but Nikki and I talked about sex
all the time
. Had it really caught her off guard that she might turn me on?

Shit. I needed to focus.

When Sami ran out of words, she became flustered and beat Chuck’s chest.
“You know I could be with anyone I want, right?”
He did know; that was part of the problem. He hardly ever felt worthy of her, and he knew he had no claim over her. He really wished he had an answer for what had changed. Chuck turned to watch her leave the room, looking conflicted about going after her.

I always watch Nikki leave rooms. Her legs are so fucking shapely. Fuck. I want them around my waist. Around my neck, too.
Chuck went to close the door to the dorm room, but Sami returned. Her lips crashed onto mine. I expected to feel nothing, except…

Desire lit a million torches in my bloodstream.

Samira grunted in surprise when I rocked her hips back against the door. Grabbing her face, I teased her lips apart with mine as I walked her over to the bed. She fell onto the mattress, resting on an elbow as she slipped her hand under my shirt. Nikki was suddenly in my periphery, and I did my best not to look at her.

The shock faded from Samira’s eyes when I tilted her head back and grazed her bottom lip with my thumb. I dropped my mouth on hers.

Watch me, Nik. Watch what I’d do to you.
My heartbeat pounded between my ears, my core tightening with each breath. Samira unbuckled my belt. We both pulled off her top.

I fitted myself between her thighs, and Samira snorted softly. “Oh…well…hello to you, too, Charlie,” she mumbled. “So this is what I missed out on?”

“Shut up,” I muttered back. A lot of this scene would be dubbed with music, so as long as our lips didn’t move too much, we could whisper.

Samira touched my back as I kissed her stomach. Fake moaning, she arched against my mouth. I ran my tongue down to her navel.
This is your body, Nik. This is how I would taste you.
Samira unfastened her jeans, lifted her hips, and let me yank them off. I kissed her inner thigh, just below her underwear line. I mashed my lips against hers again before moving back down between her legs.

I adjusted my head and Samira’s hips until Nikki and I locked eyes. I gripped Samira’s thighs and held Nikki’s stare.
This is you.
She crossed her legs tighter.
You’re who I think about.
I spread Samira’s legs apart a little wider, and she ran her hand over my head. I slid my palm up her stomach to caress her breast. Samira snorted and I froze and looked at her. Her stare fell to her squeezed tit then rose back up to me. She was almost suffocating herself fighting her laughter. Finally, she chuckled out loud, breaking character completely, and pressed her hand over her mouth.
Cut!
The scene was over.

“I’m so sorry, guys,” she called out to the crew, and then she patted my head. “I’m so sorry, Charlie. I’m an adult-child.”

“Shit…” I whispered as I sat up between her legs.

Her eyes stretched wide. “Wow. That was
some
improv…” Samira touched her lips, growing more amused by the second. “I mean, wow. Just…wow. I hope you know that was hot enough for Patrick to kill you and bury you in our backyard when this episode premieres. Like, dismember you first, too. All out of admiration for your work, of course. So…it was
her,
wasn’t it? All of that just now?”

Sweat rolled off my face and crashed down onto her stomach. I was wound up so tight—so fucking horny now—I was out of breath. “Yeah,” I admitted. “Hell yeah.” I was excited to see Nikki’s reaction to the scene. Too bad her chair was empty.

****

              Hillington had rented a dine-in movie theater for our private
How to Fuck up a Friendship
viewing party. It was a renovated vintage cinema—just one auditorium—with modern amenities and a full service kitchen and bar. A DJ was playing low volume house music in the lounge. We wanted a low-key event, even if it was specified as cocktail attire. No red carpet. No live streaming. No menu with food we couldn’t pronounce.

I was searching for Nikki the minute I got there, but I ran into my boys first. It was rare that we were all suited up for an event, so we grabbed a passerby and had him take a picture of the group. After I sent it out to my Instagram followers (caption: “Can you believe I have this many assholes?”), Shaw guided us all to a corner near an emergency exit door. They huddled around me, patting me roughly on the head and back like we always did to celebrate the success of any one of us. Most of their praise involved calling me “bitch” and “motherfucker.” They dispersed and their interest in me died the instant the stars of “Girls Talk Cars,” another Hillington-backed web series, strolled by.

“You all right, man?” Ghost elbowed me then hooked his arm around my neck. “I know that face, from your belated twenty-first birthday party, when you threw up in the back of my truck.”

“I don’t know, man. I’m—”

“Aww, are y’all Facebook official yet?” We both turned toward Deacon.

“What, I can’t ask my friend how he’s doing on his big night without you turning it into a love story?”

“You should know better, Ghost. Don’t give him a reason to put on his poor little rich boy act. You know he loves that shit.” He flashed teeth. A white-hot rush of adrenaline clawed through my veins and I balled my fists.
This motherfucker.
I shouldn’t have let Deacon get under my skin so easily, but he did it with so much calculation. Snide comments wrapped in laughter and smiles so I’d look like an idiot for getting pissed. He always forced me to be the bigger person. Otherwise, I’d be a sensitive, whiny bitch.

I waited a few seconds until my irritation subsided, but I kept a cold stare on him. “My parents have money that they have spent a long time working for, but
I’m
not rich. You know that…and I didn’t say shit was wrong with me.”

“You weren’t about to bitch about something no one else gives a fuck about? Or should have to give a fuck about?” He turned to Ghost. “Charlie has no real problems, and yet he’s always crying about something.”

Heh. One of these days I was going to punch him in the face, and I wouldn’t feel any remorse about it. I just had to do my best to make sure it wasn’t today.

He stared at my fists with amusement for a moment. When he looked up at me again, there was a smirk. A dare. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Like I said, soon…but not today. “Fuck you, Deek…” I smiled.

“D, don’t be an asshole,” Ghost said calmly, but he was cautiously assessing how this was going to play out between the two of us. “Fuck, why do I bother? I know that’s like telling lions not to eat gazelle.” He pulled a baggie of colorful pills from his pocket and passed it around. “Everybody, just chill out and let’s enjoy ourselves, okay?” he said.

“I’m fine,” I said, declining. I’d be coasting into a relaxed state soon enough on Fallon’s pills, and ready to suffer through the season two premiere. Yeah, I’d taken the pills. Right before I walked in. Fuckin’ sue me. It was going to be a long night, and I really hated watching the finished episodes. “Have you seen Nik?” I asked Ghost.

“Yeah, she’s talking to your parents. I think they’re by the tables near the auditorium.” I clapped him on the back before I crossed the floor. My entire life, my parents had come to every event or activity my sisters and I participated in. Sometimes it was ending when they got there, but they always made the effort. They were so dedicated that they visited during Parents Weekend the entire time I was at Leeward, even though the parents of most people I knew stopped coming after sophomore year. Tonight was no different and I appreciated that, but it meant that the episode had to be perfect. I wanted to impress them. There were downsides to having a great, stable family. You didn’t want to be the one who was stumbling, threatening to shake up the balance by floundering. So I kept a lot of what I felt about my writing to myself. That I lived with the fear of failure, that it overwhelmed me, no matter how much I loved having this opportunity.

My walking slowed when I finally spotted Nikki. I hadn’t seen her since all the women left the set to get ready for tonight. Pleasure bubbled up in my chest (
not
the drugs, by the way). She was wearing a silver gown and the overhead lights were bouncing across the material. Her hair was tousled in the front and a messy braid was lying on her shoulder.

Wow. She was really fucking beautiful.

“…Understand cardiothoracic surgery any better, admittedly, but I’m amazed that you have a procedure named after you now,” I heard Nikki tell my dad as I approached. “And that guy has a great story to tell his kids someday.”

“You look amazing,” I whispered. I kissed her cheek and she linked our fingers behind her back. My mom was watching us carefully, probably trying to figure out what was going on between us.

“Charlie said you’re a dancer?” Mom asked.

I squeezed Nikki’s hand in support, hoping she was neither intimidated by my parents’ normal jobs nor embarrassed of hers. “Yes, I just got a principal role with a really cool dance company-slash-burlesque house, but I’m choreographing a high school musical also.” She spoke with confidence. Nikki was proud of how far she’d come and she should’ve been. I didn’t know why I was concerned.

“Burlesque? Oh, that sounds interesting,” my mom said, smiling kindly. “I had a lot of stage fright growing up. I found my self-assurance
after
I became an attorney. But I’m sure my son can attest to my skills on the dance floor.”

“Yeah, Nik, expect some competition tonight,” I said, giving my mom a wink. “All right, guys, I’m gonna steal my date for a sec.”

“It was so nice talking to you both,” Nikki called out. We went into the empty auditorium and walked down the aisle to the front. “I’ve been invited over for dinner and to see pictures of you as an apparently really fat baby.” She gave me a conniving look then climbed onto the stage. Nikki took her shoes off and set them in the corner.

“Yeah. I was fucking huge,” I said, trailing her. “Mom says I never actually learned to crawl; I just rolled places until I figured out how to pull myself up using the furniture.” I stood stage left as she raised her arms and leaped from one end to the other, twirling and jumping.

I accepted the dark side of her, but I loved when she was like this. Dancing seemed to bring a kind of light out of her. Sometimes I liked to think I did that for her, too.

She stuck her last jump on one foot without any wobble and then bowed. “Okay, Charlie. I want to try something. Hold your arms up. You’re going to catch me. Don’t think too much about it.”

“Wait… what?” I whispered. Nikki ran toward me and rocketed into the air. “Oh fuck.”

“Oh God. Yeah, right,” she said, laughing as she touched down softly. “You think I’m insane?” She grinned. She spun away from me and her eyes seemed brighter, some secret joy kindling in her irises.

“Hey…come here. You look so damn amazing tonight, Nik.”

“Is that my ‘damn’ for today? Thank you. Dress is from 1975; the woman at the thrift shop told me. Seemed appropriate.” She threw her arms around my neck and mashed her lips to my cheek. It took all the effort in the world not to turn my head. But I couldn’t help imagining what she’d do if I kissed her. “I’m having such a great night. Camryn had a great day, too. My brother…is having an awesome time. I don’t care if I had to bribe him with this event to hang out with me. He’s here and he’s talking to me. That’s all that matters. Thank you.”

I shrugged. “Any day I get you to smile like this is a good one.”

“Well, today was perfect.”

“Except for the part where you left the set…”

She gasped, her face flushing. “And you’re going to laugh at me when I tell you why.”

“It’s okay…some people can’t handle seeing a sex scene live. Trust me, Samira and I could barely handle it. You should’ve seen what happened when we closed the set for the nasty version.”

Nikki gave me a defiant look—a smirk and squinted eyes. “You don’t know anything about me, Charlie, if you think I really can’t handle watching a guy about to go down on a girl.”

Oh really?
Whenever Nikki got that rough edge in her voice my dick got hard. Wait…harder. “Then why did you leave?”

“Because
you
were that guy…” Her look fell. “I just…I realized if you ever got a girlfriend, that’s how things would be…” Her fingers curled into the back of my collar, her fingernails scraping my neck. “I’d be on the outside. I’d start being the third wheel.” She sighed and right before she pressed her face into my suit jacket, sadness washed over her face.

“It would be the same for me. I’d have to see that, too,” I said. I saw the way men looked at her when we were out together. She could have her pick. I scowled over her shoulder, anger suddenly buzzing around my head, anxiety waiting in the wings. Nik and some other guy? Nah. I didn’t like that shit at all.