Without You I Have Nothing (25 page)

_{“Oh, it’s just been a
bastard of a week and now I have to drive this monster to Bathurst tonight. Frankly,
the way I feel, I doubt if I’ll live long enough to reach Bathurst. Suddenly I
seem to have lost the will to live.”}

_{“You stop that
nonsense instantly, Peter!  You’ve everything to live for. Now what’s the
problem with driving that truck?”}

_{“I'm terrified of
being alone in that cabin. The way I feel, I'm likely to fail to turn the next
corner. Instead I just want to give up the struggle because I’ve already lost
the contest before I start.”}

_{“What rubbish you
talk, Peter.”  Hesitating at first, Susie stared at him while thinking for a moment.}

_{Determined to get him
out of his black mood pensively she continued. “I have a suggestion. Bill is
back at sea so help me into the cab. Drive me home to get some things and I’ll
come with you. Moreover, by heaven, you’ll get me safely back here. Okay?”}

_{Instantly a thought
flashed across Peter’s mind. He searched for an answer to the question, ‘Why
not, why wait?’ and decided that now was the time to start.}

_{“Susie, I’d love
that.”  He breathed every nuance possible into the words.}

_{“What’s wrong with your
voice?  Have you been drinking Peter?”}

_{So much for the
seductive tones.}

_{“Jump up!”  He
hoisted her high into the passenger’s seat, resisting the temptation to fondle
her legs - no point in warning her.}

_{Later, her bag stored
aboard, Peter confessed his relief at having her there with him. “Thanks for
the company, Susie. I really didn’t relish this trip alone, particularly
tonight. This is the sixth trip in just over a week and I am very tired.”}

_{“This is like riding
on top of a double decked bus.”  Ignoring his comments Susie seemed to be
enjoying herself.}

_{“Ah, but this is much
more comfortable.”  Leaning across, Peter showed her how to adjust the wireless
and the climate control. “There’s even a bed behind the seats if you get
sleepy.”}

_{Something in his voice
unsettled her. She stared at Peter, a look of dismay in her eyes. “I didn’t
come so that you could have your wicked way with me!”  Her words were teasing
and her eyes twinkled.}

_{“Oh, I know. No funny
business.”  Peter sounded so bitter that Susie realized that Jennifer must have
caused his blackness, but she held her tongue.}

_{“Just be quiet for a
while. These things are a real handful in traffic.”  Convincingly, Peter lied
as the truck had buckets of gears and there was no loaded trailer behind. Cars were
keeping clear, their drivers fearful of disappearing underneath.}

_{As he drove, he asked
himself, ‘Why should I listen to Susie’s protestations of innocence. She knows
damn well what I intend when she volunteered to come along. I have listened to
Jennifer and where did that get me?}

_{‘Even now, Jennifer
is probably taking her ‘special friend’ back to her flat for coffee and bed. She
won’t tell him she is saving herself for marriage. Oh, no, she has already
given herself to that man many times. That slap on the rump said more than
words could express.’  Peter’s thoughts raced out of control.}

_{Rubbing his forehead
he was unaware of Susie’s perplexed stare as she watched him closely. Seeing
the lights of the restaurant where he had wined and dined Jennifer on that
happiest of trips, his eyes moistened and he wiped tears from his face.}

_{Noticing his despair
Susie stared at him, making no comment to break into his anguish, hoping it
would pass. She listened to the radio, prattling on and seemed to doze now and
then, but she didn’t stop watching Peter carefully for more covert displays of
distress.}

_{She was worried about
him.}

_{Peter’s eyes burnt
and he knew he was exhausted, but there still remained something he had to do. ‘I
am a lone wolf and I haven’t even bared my teeth. The lonely little motel at
Kelso, the little village just short of Bathurst, will be small enough for what
I plan.’}

_{Midnight had passed
when flashing blue lights and the brief whine of a siren interrupted his
thoughts. Police!  His foot had responded to the urgency in his mind.}

_{The silence as the
engine died and the lack of movement as Peter halted behind the police car woke
Susie.}

_{“What’s happened?” 
She rubbed her eyes. “I must have dozed off. Are we there?”}

_{“No. Go back to
sleep.”}

_{Peter patted her leg
to reassure her, but she quickly brushed his hand aside. His anger flared
briefly and then settled.}

_{‘You’ll keep, Susie,
you’ll keep,’ he recited in his mind at the same time as he spoke. “We have
police trouble. I was speeding.”}

_{Peter’s words were unnecessary.
She was asleep.}

_{“In a bit of a hurry
eh, driver?”  Before the officer could demand that Peter produce his driver’s
license his partner called him back to the pursuit car.}

_{Peter waited.}

_{The officer returned
to climb up and speak through the driver’s window.}

_{“You're lucky. There’s
a truck broken down towards Bathurst and it’s a traffic hazard. Help clear the
road and we’ll forget you thought you were flying a Boeing.”}

_{Grinning, he paused
to study Peter quizzically.}

_{“Okay,” replied Peter.
“It’ll be my pleasure. Lead the way - or would you like a tow?”  Peter’s
chuckle split the night air.}

_{“The speed you
travel?”  The young officer pushed his cap back from his forehead. “No thanks. You
follow - slowly.”  He was laughing as he joined his mate.}

_{It took only a few
minutes to reach the other truck, its trailer laden with cattle that stared,
stomped and bellowed their anger at the men’s efforts to hitch the trailer to
Peter’s truck. Then, with the other prime mover removed from the roadway and
the trailer hitched, Peter climbed back into the cabin, but not before noticing
that the other truck was bearing the same logo as the one he was delivering.}

_{“Susie, get into the
bed.”  He shook her awake. “We have a passenger.”}

_{His plans had come to
naught.}

_{“Sorry, mate. I
didn’t know you had the missus with you.”  The other driver looked sheepish.}

_{Susie must have been
too sleepy to ask any questions. She just crawled into the sleeper cab and
stretched out as the driver clawed his way up into the cabin.}

_{“It’s good of you. I
was lucky you came along with no load. The cattle are due at the yards this
morning.”  Obviously, he was a local.}

_{Believing Peter was
another driver, he chatted freely about the traffic, the price of fuel and the
police radar traps while Peter mentally tried to make plans.}

_{Knowing that the
Bathurst police who had organized him into pulling the cattle would know this
driver, Peter had no worry about seeking his help. Besides, he was driving for
the same company as Peter.}

_{“I’ve done you a
favor.”  Peter had to get this right. “Mate, perhaps you can do me one.”}

_{Easily, Peter slipped
into his patois. “The missus is beat. She insisted on coming - just would not
listen to me. Thought I was getting a bit on the side. I told her it’d be too
much - her expecting the first 'un an all.”}

_{All the time he
prayed that Susie was asleep and didn’t hear.}

_{“D'ya reckon you
could pick me up at Kelso tomorrow morning early?  We’ll be spending the night
there. The missus can rest and we can go on.”}

_{“That’s not a favor,
cobber.”  The stranger was pleased to assist. “The rig’ll be parked waiting for
ya - cleaned up an' all. Things’ll suit me fine. I’ll drive to the yards,
unload - there’ll be stockmen on hand - and be back before daylight. I live in
Kelso and besides, I work for the company that is taking delivery of this truck.
The one I was driving is to be pensioned off.”}

_{Peter pulled to the
side of the road outside the motel and helped Susie down from the cab.}

_{“What are you
doing?”  She clambered down. Half asleep, she allowed him to lead her into a
motel room as the roar of their loaded rig receded in the distance.}

_{“I'm putting you to
bed.”}

_{Still she didn’t
suspect Peter’s motives as he began to strip her. “Put your hands up.”}

_{Obediently she stood
still while he tugged her dress over her head.}

_{“That’s enough!”  She
began to struggle as Peter attempted to continue. “That is enough!  Stop! 
Peter, stop!  No more!”}

_{“Don’t be silly.” 
Peter struggled with her hands, grabbing a handful of hair, tugging it to turn
her face up to his. He kissed her cruelly, biting into her mouth.}

_{Valiantly she fought
his advances.}

_{“Stop it, Peter, stop
it. What the hell’s wrong with you?  I don’t want you to do this.”}

_{Peter cut her short
as she felt him ripping the remainder of her clothing from her body. He picked
her up and carried her bodily to the bathroom and under the shower where,
despite her sobbing and struggles, he washed her thoroughly before drying them
both.}

_{Then he tossed her
onto the bed.}

_{“Are you going to
rape me?”  Distressed, she dragged Peter’s head up from where he was cruelly
sucking her nipples.}

_{“Rape went out with
long red underwear. You know it and I know it.”  Peter knew he was sounding
cruel. The lone wolf was howling to the moon.}

_{She sagged, defeated.
“Please don’t hurt me. I don’t like being hurt.”}

_{Suddenly feeling very
tired, Peter released her and turned to his trousers hanging behind the door. From
deep in a pocket he dragged out a tablet - one of those he had come to rely on
to get though the trips to Bathurst. He tossed it to the back of his throat and
swallowed.}

_{As he turned back to
the bed, a change seemed to come over him. To Susie he was staring sightlessly
at the blank wall in front of him. To Peter it was different. Almost in a daze,
a shadowy memory - his mother - seemed to crystallize before him.}

_{“No, Peter, no! 
You're not like the monster who captured us, forcing me to share his bed and to
accept his incessant cruelty.”  The vision of his mother, whose eyes seemed so
sad, faded.}

_{With a long drawn out
howl of, “Noooooo,” the lone wolf stormed out of the room into the freezing
night air to slink off into the darkness.}

_{He didn’t regret what
he had begun. He had enjoyed battering down Susie’s defenses right up until
when his 'mother' appeared to bring a breath of sanity back into his life.}

_{The lights of
oncoming cars made Peter dive for the shadows. He wanted no intrusion into his
blackness. Suddenly there came a long blast of an air horn and the headlights
of a truck approaching from behind bathed him in light.}

_{A rough voice
shouting through the passenger’s window broke through the night. “Where’re ya
headin’, mate?”}

_{Peter coughed, trying
to clear his mind.}

_{“Bathurst. Bloody
truck expired.”}

_{“Hop in.”}

_{The few miles passed
in silence - the driver too tired to converse, Peter too immersed in his hatred
and anger. Let off on a street corner, he wandered the streets of Bathurst, not
thinking, not caring. He just walked aimlessly until he found himself walking
past the showground and back to Kelso. Once again, he was at the motel. It was
morning.}

_{Seeing the damned
truck, that he had driven from Sydney, clean and parked patiently waiting for
him, he could only just nod his head. That driver was reliable, no doubt about
it.}

_{Not daring to knock,
he inserted the key in the motel door then stood leaning there, motionless. The
pills on which he had so long relied had outlived their usefulness and his body
had finally rebelled.}

_{Wakened by the
peculiar sounds at the door, Susie opened it to find Peter leaning against the
wall. Slowly, and with a great deal of effort, she dragged the almost comatose
Peter into the room. None too gently she stripped him and pushed him under the
shower, appalled at the criss-cross of scars across his back and buttocks.}

_{“Peter, Peter, wake
up!”  Susie was getting desperate. “What the hell’s going on?  Wake up before I
call the police and the ambulance. You’re on some kind of drug and I’ve
completely lost patience with you.”}

_{Savagely she punched
him in the ribs. Ignoring his moans, she continued her fierce assault until his
eyes opened and he was able to lean against the wall without her assistance.}