Without You I Have Nothing (26 page)

_{“Get yourself cleaned
up and dressed. Then, when we’ve eaten, I want an explanation of these!” 
Opening her hands, she revealed six tablets she had retrieved from his pockets.
Silently, she put them into her bag and sat with it on the bed as Peter found
his clothes once more. “And while you are at it explain your back.”}

_{Dressed, he sat on
the edge of the bed, the tray of food untouched before him. Unable to look at
Susie, he was beaten, his shoulders hunched, a picture of abject despair he
stared at the floor.}

_{Susie looked intently
at him, unable to believe this was the Peter she knew. Wordlessly she lifted
his chin and was horrified to see the hurt, the anguish and the distress in his
eyes.}

_{At last Peter spoke. “I’m
so sorry, Susie.”  His words trailed off but then he took a deep breath. “I’m
sorry that I couldn’t get a seat on a plane back to Sydney today. I’ll take you
to the railway and get you a seat on the express.”}

_{Still he couldn’t
look at her.}

_{Without any further
exchange of words, the air frosty between them, they left the motel and he
drove the truck into the transport yard, coming to a halt outside the office.}

_{“Ah, Peter.”  The
manger came bounding down the steps. “I heard you had a busy night.”}

_{Leaning against the
bull bar and ignoring Susie, he continued.}

_{“You’ve been busy,
eh, but nevertheless you’ve delivered the truck here as promised. Ten trucks in
how many days and not one delivered late. You and your company are a marvel and
there’s a lot more work coming your way.”}

_{Then the topic
changed. “What have you planned for the weekend?”}

_{The manager didn’t
notice the bleakness in Peter’s eyes or the slow drawl of his reply.}

_{“Nothing, bloody
nothing.”  Peter had to admit to himself that he might as well tell the truth. The
rest of his life would be blank.}

_{Listlessly Peter
reiterated, “Absolutely nothing.”}

_{Susie shot him a
piercing look, her attention gained by the despair and resignation in his
voice.}

_{“Could you help us?” 
The manager ignored Peter’s misery.}

_{‘Oh, no, not another
mate job. I'm no-one’s mate,’ was the answer Peter wanted to give, but he was
silent.}

_{“There’s a rig to be
driven to Sydney for delivery Tuesday and we have no driver. We’ve tried everywhere.
Seems everyone has the flu. Don’t suppose you could help. There’d be a few
bucks in it for you,” the manager continued, hoping Peter could help.}

_{Peter just nodded his
acceptance. What else was there to do?  No one was waiting for him anywhere. Again,
he was alone, although he had to admit Susie seemed to care.}

_{Susie didn’t speak
until they arrived at the railway station. Sensing a strangeness come over
Peter once more, suddenly she stopped. Clutching her little bag to her chest,
she turned and watched, realizing it would take some time before the last of
the effects of the drugs left him.}

_{Once again, something
weird was taking hold of Peter who now seemed to be staring at Susie as if
mesmerized. He was hallucinating once again.}

_{He could see beside
her, standing there in the light streaming through the waiting room door, two
figures - his parents. They were frowning at him, their gaze steady and stern.}

_{His eyes closed as he
tried to shake his mind free of the two apparitions and he felt his mind retreating
into itself once more, unable to cope in its drugged state. A most wonderful
floating feeling came over him, bringing with it an almost euphoric feeling of
security.}

_{“What’s wrong?”}

_{He could hear Susie’s
strangely distant voice and could hear the sounds of slapping. He began to feel
the pain of slaps on his cheek that forced him to open his eyes and blink in
the strong sunlight. The slaps got harder until they stung.}

_{“That hurt.”  Peter
at last realized what Susie was doing.}

_{“You’re a fool. You
fainted, that’s all.”  Susie clasped his arm tightly. “What’s wrong?  Surely, I
deserve an explanation. Any moment now I’ll forget I’m a lady,” she flushed
with quick anger, “although you didn’t see fit to treat me like one.”}

_{Peter sagged against
the wall and she grabbed his shoulders, trying to get him on his feet.}

_{“Peter, whatever’s
the matter?”}

_{“I haven’t been to
bed,” he explained before correcting himself. “No, I haven’t been to sleep for
four – or maybe five days. It was just a long day followed by an even longer
night and the day was horrible, a real bitch of a day. Now it’s going to be an
even longer night.”}

_{She remembered he’d
agreed to take the load back to Sydney.}

_{“But I’ll be all
right. I’ve been given these to keep awake.”  Peter produced the bottle of
tablets the yard boss had given him. “I’ll take them to help.”}

_{Brooking no argument,
Susie reacted with speed and finality as she snatched them from his grasp. “You’ll
do nothing of the sort. I’ll have those.”  She was so angry she was shouting.}

_{“These young people -
domestic arguments!”  The waiting passengers were critical.}

_{“But your train?” 
Valiantly Peter tried to resist but his body was rubber.}

_{“Damn my train,”
Susie replied angrily. Hailing a taxi, she pushed Peter into the back seat and demanded
that the driver take them back to the motel. It took the efforts of both the
driver and Susie to get Peter back into the room and on the bed.}

_{His body was
demanding a rest.}

_{Hours later his eyes
slowly opened. The moon shone through the window lighting up the room as he
struggled to rise.}

_{“So the hero is
awake.”  Susie fluttered into view. “Do you feel fit enough to take me to
dinner?  I'm starving.”  She began to snigger as Peter threw the bedclothes
back and stood up. “No. Not like that. You’re far from decent.”}

_{Her eyes sparkled
merrily as she studied his naked body.}

_{“Not so fearsome now
are we?  Where’s your manhood gone. You’re only a little boy in a man’s body.” 
She laughed stridently as Peter, trying to cover his family jewels with his
hands, fled to the bathroom.}

_{“And, yes, your back.
I demand some explanations. At least, you owe me that.”}

_{Considerably
refreshed, they eventually began talking while eating.}

_{“Now you’ve slept and
we're eating, perhaps you can tell me what yesterday was all about,” Susie
continued her nagging.}

_{Peter was learning
more about her, but in his opinion, her nagging was a common trait of women.}

_{“Forget it.”  Peter
was becoming stubborn. He was not going to answer. “Let’s go for a walk around
the shops. I’ll collect the truck and take the load to Sydney.”}

_{“There’s no truck. Not
tonight.”}

_{Susie pulled on his
arm until she forced him to face her. Hands on hips and feet spaced wide apart,
she glared at him. “You can sleep tonight and possibly drive tomorrow. Do you
think because I’m a woman I’m here for you to tumble into bed whenever you get
the urge?”  She was bitter. “Do you believe I can’t think?  Peter, you’re even
more stupid than you were last night.”}

_{The knives were out. She
really made him writhe as each blade plunged deep.}

_{“You men make me sick.
Honestly I thought you were different but, my God, how mistaken was I.”  She
was furious.}

_{“Ssh, Susie.”  Her
voice had become a strident shriek. “People are listening.”}

_{“Hell, why should I
care?  Don’t you want them to recognize you as a ‘would-be’ rapist - a rapist
who would do it - if he had anything to use in a rape. You are a poor, silly
excuse for a man. I suppose you want the world to think of you as a kind,
well-mannered gentleman instead of a stupid little boy.”  Her words sank to a
hoarse whisper.}

_{Back in the motel
room, she pushed Peter onto the bed then dragged a chair closer to the bed. As
he reached out to touch her, she recoiled as if he were loathsome.}

_{“If you touch me,
I’ll go.”  Then she softened a little. “God knows what would happen to you, but
I’ll go. I seriously doubt your ability to look after yourself. You’re just a
little boy, lost. Now tell me what’s wrong. What’s been eating you?”}

_{Peter stared at her,
his mouth set into a hard line and his thoughts locked on his problem as he
wondered what was wrong with him. ‘Women, that’s what is wrong.’}

_{He decided to say
nothing, no matter how much she stared at him and insulted him. He would say
nothing.}

_{With no answer
forthcoming, thoroughly exasperated Susie gathered up her things and left. She’d
tried so hard to break through his reserve without success. She’d had enough of
Peter O’Brien!}

_{Lying back on the bed
he allowed his thoughts to wander. ‘I can’t stand all that questioning and
anger - just like my childhood – questions, anger and pain. If it hadn’t been
for that phone call everything would be so good.’}

_{A sob welled up from
deep in his chest. He lay back on the bed and allowed his thoughts to wander
unchecked. ‘If only Jennifer would give me a chance.’  He clutched a pillow and
weeping bitterly, enjoyed the luxury of not holding back. For the first time in
his life, he howled his bitterness into a pillow.}

_{“Peter!”  A light
touch on his shoulder and a soft voice told him he was not alone.}

_{“For Christ’s sake,
leave me alone!”  He punched the pillow in his bitter anger, burying his face,
trying to conceal the tears. “Get out. Leave me alone. Oh, for God’s sake,
leave me alone.”}

_{The bed creaked
gently as Susie sat.}

_{Peter didn’t struggle
as she cradled his head and cuddled him like the mother he could barely
remember. “Ssh, ssh, ssh.”  Trying to break through the sobbing she patted him
gently.}

_{“Please go. Isn’t it
enough that I am crying?  What else do you want?”  He shrieked maliciously,
“Blood?”}

_{“Ssh.”  Ignoring his
pleas, Susie continued her patient patting and rocking.}

_{“Let me be.”}

_{Peter struggled
against her but she only held his head more firmly against her breasts and
rocked until he calmed. Then carefully, as if he were a baby, she undressed
him, put him into bed and tucked him in.}

_{Reaching out to her,
he grasped her hand and begged, almost piteously. “Please, Susie. Please don’t
leave me. I’m so frightened.”}

_{Wordlessly, Susie
stood there.}

_{Having made a
decision, quietly she shed her clothes. Then, completely naked she slipped into
the bed with him and drew his head tightly against her naked breasts.}

_{“You great big baby,
I’m here. I won’t leave you.”  She pulled his head up against her shoulder and
patted him lightly. “You really do need me, don’t you?”  She sounded as though
she could not believe it.}

_{Unable to answer as a
weariness of soul overwhelmed him, Peter slept.}

_{“Hey, wake up. You
have a job to do. Get up.”  Susie was enjoying her newfound role of mother. “Breakfast
is here, so shower, shave and eat.”}

_{Monday had arrived as
she ripped the bedclothes back and smiled down at him.}

_{“Don’t lie there
looking all sad and sorry for yourself. Get up. It’s a beautiful sunrise.” 
With a twinkle in her eye, she added, “Didn’t you know you have a passenger -
me?  Now hurry up. It’s early, so we can get a good start.”}

_{In the car park was a
present for Peter. ‘We have a load for Sydney,’ is what the foreman had said. He
hadn’t warned Peter what the load was. The chains were tight, the warning signs
‘LONG LOAD’ were in place and the twenty-five tons of pre-stressed concrete
struts were ready for the trip.}

_{All the instructions
needed were in the note on the driver’s seat. ‘Take extreme care or the load
will be pushing you hard. A driver will collect the truck from your workshop
tomorrow morning. Don’t rush things. Remember this is an enormous load.’}

_{“Goody, there’s a bed
in here and a wireless too!”  It was as if Susie had driven all thoughts of the
trip to Bathurst from her mind.}

_{“Same cab, Susie. However,
a different trip entirely. Did you see what we are dragging?”  Peter took her
hand in his.}

_{“This is going to be
a really rugged trip, so you must agree to one rule before we start. It’s going
to be slow, noisy and hot - that engine is really going to be working hard. Now
if it gets too much you must tell me. I’ll pull over and get you home safely
somehow.”}