Without You I Have Nothing (46 page)

_{“As I was the only
Matt Selah - European - in the college, I became a celebrity, but I took no
notice at all, remaining a loner.}

_{“Already, I had found
that as soon as I made a friend, the friendship was very quickly swept away by
my refusal or my inability to let go of my past and I was alone yet again.}

_{“My Tamil father made
certain the Catholic priests trained me in all the European sports and
past-times. He arranged to have my voice trained. I’m grateful for that
training now but, God, how I hated those lessons with the priests!”}

_{Peter then turned to
Jennifer and then to Elizabeth as if seeking their forgiveness, “I was not
perfect, however. Candidly, I was a problem - a real curse when it came to
women.}

_{“I could talk to my
twin sisters when it was about living in the jungle, yet I became objectionable
and horrible when the conversation was about anything else. I was more than an
irritation - I was a constant, antagonistic, irascible pest.”}

_{“As soon as my education
at the college was completed, I was shunted off to the Singaporean family of
the Chinese twins. Again, I was alone with strangers and any friendship I could
have built with my Indian friends was shattered.}

_{“The Singaporean
Police quickly discovered my presence and they enrolled me at Nanyang
University where everything was in Cantonese or Mandarin with occasional
lectures in English. The police used me as a secret agent because the
University was a hot bed of communism.}

_{“It made no
difference to me, as I was still a Matt Selah - an outcast - still a loner.}

_{“I had completed my
First Year Exams when I saw a picture of a Singaporean Cabinet Minister with an
article about his exploits.}

_{“The Cabinet Minster
and two of his bodyguards were dead within the week. The article hadn’t
included all the facts - that the three had taken their pleasure of my mother,
and my flogging that night had been particularly severe.}

_{“Before my second
year at Nanyang University, all those who had used my mother were dead and ‘The
Little One’ slept soundly, possibly never to be reawakened. I passed the final
exams and was the first and only Matt Selah to be dux of that University,
passing my subjects with honors.}

_{“Perhaps they should
have offered a university medal in the faculty of ‘killing’ and I wouldn’t have
had to study so hard.”  Peter’s hoarse laughter here was both bitter and harsh.}

_{After a long pause he
continued.}

_{“Yes, I earned
extremely high degrees with honors, simply because I had no other life. I
couldn’t socialize; I couldn’t even be happy - not even with my two families of
twin sisters.}

_{“There was no way at
all I could mix with women, and I regarded everyone with great suspicion. I was
an outcast – an extremely dangerous loner.}

_{“My Tamil and
Cantonese Fathers must have talked over my problem and agreed between them that
I needed some training in the softer side of life. They packed my things and
put me on a train to Butterworth where a limousine picked me up.}

_{“The two burly guards
accompanying the driver allowed no nonsense. Next, I was ushered into a mansion
in Bukit Mertajam and left there. I noticed the gates were closed and the two
brawny guards stood waiting for me should I attempt to leave.”}

_{The women looked
relieved that the horror had passed and seemed almost delighted that the topic
had changed now Peter was telling of his return to civilization.}

_{Even Andrew was
silent wondering just how the story would end.}

_{“A meal was on the
table in the dining room and I ate well - no cutlery so I ate in the Malay
fashion - right hand only, after I poured water from the ornate silver teapot
in the center of the table over that hand and flicked the water to the floor. I
knew hidden eyes were watching me through the ornate filigreed paneling walls,
which definitely belonged in a harem.}

_{“The meal hadn’t
finished when I collapsed on the floor, realizing, as I lost control, that I’d
been drugged.}

_{“Suffice to say that
after two months of being trained in the subtle arts of pleasuring a woman, I
was made to realize the truth of the favorite quote of the bordello in whose
care I found myself,}

_{A Woman}

_{Be very careful if you make a woman cry,}

_{Because God counts her tears.}

_{Woman came out of a man’s rib,}

_{Not from his feet to be walked on,}

_{Not from his head to be superior,}

_{But from the side to be equal.}

_{Under the arm to be protected}

_{And next to the heart to be loved.}

_{“Eventually I left
Asia to return home to Australia, but was Australia home?  I hadn’t seen it
since I was five years old and now, as I returned, I’d lived the life of six
adult men in one.}

_{“Financially, I was a
multimillionaire thanks to the largesse of my two Asian fathers who had given
me huge bank accounts. They seemed to think I had done something wondrous in
saving their daughters.}

_{“However, money was
nothing compared to the empty space in my heart. In fact, money seemed to pour
into my coffers from everywhere. Dad’s insurance and retirement benefits were
huge and then there was Mum’s money as well. There was money aplenty but it
meant nothing to me.}

_{“I had no family and
I needed no money, and my god laughed at me as everything I touched turned to
gold. I was a Matt Selah version of King Midas and those millions climbed until
today, I am a billionaire many times over.}

_{“Back then, at the
same time as I was wealthy, I remained an assassin - a loner. I was a killer,
and one known very well to those who met me on my arrival in Australia at
Mascot - the Australian Secret Service - ASIO. Occasionally they called me in
to supply information about Chinese or Indian Criminals.}

_{“Very quickly my
degree in psychology reminded me I had to find friends and couldn’t exist as a
loner. I joined a tennis club where I met Ted and Bob. Later I joined the
dramatic society to put my Asian skills to work. Yet all the time I kept my
wealth and background a secret. I would not reveal the true ‘Little One’ to
anyone.}

_{“I even manufactured
a plausible excuse for owning my penthouse at Circular Quay so no one would
question my financial worth.”}

_{Smiling, Peter took
Jennifer’s hand.}

_{“Then you came along
and, well,” he paused, “the rest you know.}

_{“I met you and for
the first time a woman stole my heart. I realized that to gain your love I
would need to expose my soul. The prospect was terrifying.}

_{“We both struggled
with our demons. You battled with the memory of that night of the school dance
and the depression that followed while I contended with the horrors of my
childhood. Thank God, we were able to overcome our fears to allow our hearts to
become one.}

_{“Suddenly I’ve found
peace, love and happiness with your family, and no-one will ever take that away
from me.”}

_{His words were so
emphatic that Andrew couldn’t help thinking that anyone who tried would be
risking everything.}

_{Exhausted, Peter
leaned forward and placed his hands in Jennifer’s lap. Slowly he lifted his
eyes to look first at Eric then Elizabeth.}

_{“Now I must ask you
once more. I need a truthful answer. Am I still welcome to become your
son-in-law as Jennifer’s husband?  Eric, I sense you, in particular, have been
questioning my history, wondering if this stranger is the right man for your
only daughter.”}

_{Peter continued
explaining his past and revealed even more about himself. At times, he paused,
wondering if he was overdoing his personal sell to win over Jennifer’s parents.
Yet he continued producing paper after paper of clippings from the Straits
Times, University Degrees and passports to back up his history. He didn’t want
to leave anything to chance and risk the family finding out something of his
past a few years on.}

_{Eric and Elizabeth
were astounded at the truthfulness and openness of Peter to reveal such a
painful and brutal past.}

_{Peter paused to draw
breath and Eric rising from his chair motioned Elizabeth that he wanted to see
her privately in the kitchen.}

_{Peter, Jennifer and
Andrew felt an air of tension but in his usual fashion, Andrew tried to make
light of the situation.}

_{Eric and Elizabeth
seemed to be gone for what felt like an eternity. Finally, they walked back
into the room hand in hand both bearing a grin that instantly eased the tension.
Their earlier disquiet about Peter’s background had disappeared. There was no
hesitation as Elizabeth darted across the space between them and hugged Peter
to her as Eric lifted him to his feet.}

_{“Lad, you’re part of
the family already and have been in our hearts since Jennifer first prattled on
nonstop about ‘her Peter’. That was many months ago. Yes, to be truthful
Elizabeth and I have been worried that Jennifer has been involved with a man
whose mysterious background confused us.}

_{“Then there was the worry
over the three criminals. Yet Andrew was so certain you could cure the problem
and the heartache. He rang us immediately you drove off in that truck reporting
that there was no problem as you would fix their wagon.}

_{“Stop worrying -
you’re ours and we’re yours. Thank you for unburdening your soul - we know it’s
been harrowing, but now it’s ceased to be a burden and we’re all here to share
your worries and troubles.”}

_{Stunned by the
family’s reaction and the speed with which they officially made him part of the
family, Peter felt a heavy weight slide from his shoulders.}

_{Even Andrew’s dry
comment seemed so friendly as well. “Good on you Jennifer. I thought you must
have something under that head of hair. I can’t believe Sis has captured this
wild man - a billionaire to boot. What about a loan?”}

_{He threw his head
back and roared at the shocked look on Peter’s face.}

_{“Now you’re family
you’re on the tractor tomorrow. No shirking,” he concluded.}

_{Everyone’s attention
was on the engagement and the ring and Peter could actually feel the warmth of
feeling while he packed up all the bits and pieces that made up his personal
memorabilia. He took one last look as his parent’s pictures as he packed them
away carefully, and he was certain they were both smiling broadly.}

_{As Elizabeth handed
Peter a coffee she quietly whispered to him, “Guide me, Oh Thou Great Jehovah! 
Well I’m so grateful that our God led you to us.”}

_{As Peter and Andrew
walked back to their rooms, Peter’s comment, ‘What a day’, gained a quick
retort from Andrew.}

_{“You’re not free
yet,” was his laughing comment. “I think there’s worse to come. Mum and
Jennifer have some business to discuss with you. You thought that the hardest
part was asking Jennifer to marry you and plan a fancy engagement. I have news
for you my boy.”}

_{Beginning to laugh
uproariously Andrew continued. “I’ll saddle the fastest horse first thing in
the morning - there’s still time to escape.”}

_{Still chortling
loudly, he wandered off down the corridor leaving Peter mystified.}

_{For the next two weeks,
Peter relieved Eric on the tractor, and when lunch arrived with Jennifer each
day, he just didn’t get any time alone with her. Mealtimes at the house were
the same and, at night, he was so tired he just wanted to sleep.}

_{Then one night around
the dining table, they were drinking a final cup of tea when the fateful
question came from Elizabeth.}

_{“We’re delighted
you’re shortly to become a member of the family, but when?”}

_{Peter couldn’t answer
and his thoughts were in turmoil. ‘No wonder Andrew thought worse was yet to
come. He didn’t know when. Now?  That wasn’t practical. Jennifer and he hadn’t
been alone together long enough to discuss such things. God, he was only just
becoming accustomed to the idea of being engaged.’}

_{As these thoughts
raced through Peter’s head, Elizabeth waited for his answer.}

_{“Well, Jennifer would
make a beautiful Easter bride.”  Elizabeth’s patience was at an end.}

_{Peter could only
stare, not daring to verbalize his thoughts. 'Are you mad?  Easter is months
away. You have taken leave of your senses. Why do I have to wait so long?’}