Without You I Have Nothing (6 page)

_{The arrival of the others, a
noisy, excited babbling group stopped any further conversation.}

_{“Come on, you two. Peter, you're
driving us to the Casino.”  Ted took over the leadership this time, trying to
inspire Ruth who was clinging tightly to his arm.}

_{At the Casino as the others stood
around the roulette table placing their bets and trying their luck, Peter stood
back with Jennifer ruefully noting that both Ted and Bob were having much more
success with their partners than he was with his.}

_{The game was barely worth a glance
and Peter was terrified Jennifer would want to bet. He stood close to her –
believing a girl like her needed someone to take care of her. She did not seem
to know anything much about a place like this.}

_{Finally, she moved to a card game
where Peter became engrossed in the movement of the expert card dealer’s hands
as she fanned cards to the players gathered around the green baize covered
table. Absorbed by her elegant fingers, fluttering lightly over the cards as
they flew to the players with unerring accuracy, Peter noticed nothing else.}

_{“Haven’t you ever seen a low
neckline before?”  Jennifer’s words, laden with irony, cut across Peter’s
thoughts.}

_{“Good Lord.”  Peter had not
realized that he had been staring, but Jennifer’s comment certainly made him
think. ‘Low necklines – that’s only for the suckers.’  He had noticed that the
more the dealer revealed as she leant forward, the more the attention of the
players wavered and the more they lost.}

_{“Oops!  Sorry – I was watching her
hands. I’ve never seen anything like them.”  Peter laughed. “Not that I can
deal. I usually manage to drop half the cards on the floor.”}

_{Jennifer was even more worried. ‘Is
this man a fast thinker, some kind of nut or a person of values?  There is
still the trip home to get through. That will be the test. Will he suddenly
become a lecher?  If he does, what will I do?  He’s so strong. His body is attractive
and he moves with a casual feline litheness that is entirely deceptive.}

_{‘Is it safe to have him drive me
home?’ she wondered. She didn’t have long to wait for an answer to her last
question.}

_{A scantily clad waitress served a
drink to one of the players - an expensively suited, lecherous old fool who had
been drooling over the dealer’s neckline. As the waitress leant forward to
place the drink, one of his hands snaked across her shoulders to force her
lower while the other hand thrust money deep into her blouse where his fingers
lingered much too long.}

_{“Don’t!” hissed Jennifer taking
one look at Peter’s face before dragging him out of the casino into the fresh
night air.}

_{“What was all that about?”  Peter
looked perplexed.}

_{“I thought you were about to hit
that old goat. The bouncers thought so too.”  Her comment surprised Peter. “I
could feel your anger, and the flash in your eyes frightened me.”}

_{“Thanks for saving me.”  Laughing,
Peter continued, “It’s just that I hate men who believe a woman is theirs
because they have money or power. That waitress was merely doing her job but
that old goat - as you called him - believed he had the right to maul her. You
were right to drag me away from the situation. I wouldn’t relish tangling with
those gorillas. They would have half murdered me.”}

_{“You're a nut,” laughed Jennifer.}

_{“Yes, but, with you, I am a
harmless one,” Peter replied, joining in the gaiety. His laugh was a glorious,
joyful surge of merriment that burst over them before floating upwards while
his blue eyes sparkled and the creases around his mouth added exclamation marks
to his wide grin. He sobered and, staring into Jennifer’s eyes, as if to
reinforce the idea he repeated the words. “A harmless one.”}

_{Peter paused for a moment before
he gently took Jennifer’s hand and led her to the vehicle. She relaxed but had
to ask one question. “How do you explain being fluent in Chinese?”}

_{He ignored her question until
minutes later when they parked outside her unit.}

_{“I'm not fluent in Chinese. There
is no such language,” he corrected her.}

_{Jennifer winced. All night she had
not seemed to ask the right question where Peter was concerned.}

_{“I’m fluent in Cantonese. I can
swear like a trooper in Hokkien and can speak Mandarin. I can read and write
Chinese, which is Mandarin script. As well, I’m also fluent in Tamil, Thai,
Lao, Vietnamese, Malay and Indonesian.”  Jennifer watched him, wide-eyed. Peter
was very serious as he bathed in her green-eyed gaze.}

_{“Don’t ask how or why – not even
my closest friends know. When we get to know each another better I shall tell
you.”}

_{Peter was an expert – his
psychology degrees and his years of study had guaranteed he knew how words
could affect a listener. Jennifer was one listener he wanted to influence and
cunningly, he had mentioned the idea of getting to know each other. He was
desperate to gain this woman’s interest and for the first time in his life, he
was using every trick in the book to establish a friendship.}

_{He had tried to make light of it,
but clearly, touching on this topic of his early life had struck a nerve deep
within. Staring through the windscreen, he took a series of deep breaths then
sighed before opening his door to walk slowly around to the passenger’s side to
help Jennifer out.}

_{Alarmed by his sudden tension Jennifer’s
mind returned with a sharp pain back into her own reality, her own fears. She
realized she had forgotten what might be expected of her at the end of such a
generously hosted evening. Ashen faced, she whispered a hurried apology. “I'm
not going to invite you in for coffee. I'm sorry your night out with me has
been wasted, but I don’t do those things.”}

_{Peter took her arm and held her a
moment. “I’ll see you to your door so you are safe,” he insisted. “That’s the
least I can do. Stop troubling yourself needlessly. You have no worries and no
problems when you're with me.”}

_{Jennifer knew he felt her body
stiffen. She felt awkward. Peter had been good company with a depth to him that
she was unable to precisely gauge and she believed she should have said something
else - but what?  She wanted him to know the truth about her. Back in the car,
perhaps her words had been too bold.}

_{She remained silent her thoughts
remaining unspoken. ‘Let’s face it – I want you to kiss me, but I don’t want
things to happen too fast. I want to see you again and...’}

_{Asking for her key, he interrupted
her thoughts.}

_{“I'm sorry your evening was spoilt
but…,” Jennifer tried to explain.}

_{His roar of joy interrupted her. Chuckling
loudly he unlocked her door.}

_{“Spoilt my night?  You’ve spoilt
my night?  Don’t do those things - what things are we talking about here,
Jennifer?  My night wasted, when all the time I was with you?”  He gave the
door a nudge and it swung open.}

_{Incredulous, Peter stared at her
before continuing.}

_{“Surely you're joking. The night
itself was a disaster - not of our making - but a disaster all the same. In
spite of that, I enjoyed your company. You're a beautiful, intelligent young
woman and I'm grateful to have been your escort for the night. As for the
coffee - well I’d much prefer a good drinking tea.”}

_{He chuckled as Jennifer’s eyes
widened in surprise. “But here I am – I’ve escorted you to your door as a
gentleman should. If I hadn’t done that my mother would have given me a
terrible smacking!”  Laughing loudly he indicated the entrance to her apartment
then turned to her.}

_{At that moment, he knew he had to
do it – to do something that conveyed the genuineness of his liking for this
beautiful, frozen girl with the fragile soul. There, in front of her open door,
he took her head in gentle hands, reveling in the flow of her hair through his
fingers. Bending forward, tenderly he tilted her face up towards his own. For
moments, he paused to stare silently into her eyes, before sighing.}

_{He kissed her hair and left.}

_{Jennifer closed the door and leant
against it, catching her breath. Her mind was crowded with thoughts. ‘What did
he say?  I have no worries, no problems?  Of course, I have these. Too many of
them – and they won’t ever go away.}

_{‘Nevertheless, do I have a chance
of ever seeing Peter again, even for just for a moment?  What about his love
for the ballet, opera, symphony concerts, chess?  Those kisses on my hair – and
the effortless ease with which he demolished those three at the bar?  Finally,
what about his not being interested in my body... no groping no touching…  Yes,
I have to admit to the question... is he gay?  If only I had the experience on
which I could make a judgment.’  She reached for the phone.}

_{“God Jennifer, some people work
for a living, you know. Do you know the time?  Whatever’s the matter?  Are you
okay?”  The gruff sleepy male voice reassured her.}

_{“Andrew I'm so worried. I met a
man tonight and he...”}

_{“Oh hell, I’ll pack my cricket bat
and be up there as soon as - say Monday at the latest.”  Andrew sounded worried
and furious.}

_{Laughing Jennifer interrupted, “No
Andrew, that’s not necessary.”}

_{Then losing her laugh she sobered
to add, “I'm so worried that I rang you for help. Tonight I...”}

_{“I'm not your priest, Jennifer,”
was Andrew’s polite interjection. “I think you're supplying me with too much
information. Perhaps your doctor could put you on the pill!”}

_{“Andrew, you're disgusting. How
could you?  Behave!”  Jennifer began to doubt the wisdom of seeking his help.}

_{Patiently she restarted. “Tonight
made me worry that I will never be able to love, to be free and not be
suspicious of men. I'm terrified my mind can never get over that horrendous
night when you rescued me. I feel unable to let go. I’ll never be able to give
myself to the man I love,” and she began crying.}

_{“Come on, use my shoulder. You
have in the past so use me now. What has happened?”  Suddenly Andrew’s voice
reflected his love and concern for his twin.}

_{“Tonight I met a man, Peter, who
was thoughtful and charming and when I repulsed his attempt at seeing me home
safely he just kissed my hair and left. I wanted him to kiss me and I chased
him away. Whatever will I do because I just froze?”}

_{“Look Sis, stop worrying. If this
Peter is to be your man, he will thaw you. He kissed your hair you say. Are you
sure he is a man?”}

_{The answer was a sob.}

_{“So he didn’t do anything other
than kiss your hair goodnight. Well that could mean one of two things. Either,
he wants you and does not want to risk any relationship by moving too quickly
or he just wants a good-looking female on his arm to make him feel like a male.
If you need me to fly up to help, give me a week to make arrangements.}

_{“You sleep well Sis, I am beaten –
been a long day branding all the new calves.}

_{“Sleep well, you’ll be okay and forget
that night, it was a long time ago – easy for me to say – and enjoy your new
friend. He sounds fun.”}

_{The phone went dead in Jennifer’s
hand.}

_{She lay motionless, staring at the
ceiling. Unable to sleep, her thoughts retraced her early life. ‘If only I had
not accepted that lift home from the school dance. They said they had been sent
by Andrew.’  Then as her mind slid back to that night and the pain, the terror
and the brute strength of the men took over her consciousness. In her mind she
screamed as she once more felt the fists pounding her face and saw the flash of
the knife. Cuddling her pillow she curled into a ball and shook as she wept.}

_{‘Yes I went to university but my
brother or one of his two friends was always by my side. They made certain no
man got too close as I was so fragile after my night of horror. Dad even paid
three girls who attended my lectures to protect me from men. The only men I
have known are the friends of Andrew, all farm kids, like Andrew and me, and
all ready to jump to my defense.}

_{‘Yes I am a highly paid lawyer but
other than that one terrifying night I have had no experience of life. Living
on a farm then attending university I may as well have been a nun!}

_{'Peter, I believe I am interested
in you so please look after me. I do not want to fall into that black hole of
depression I suffered at the end of my final school year when…}

_{'Just don't hurt me or play with
my emotions as I really don't think I would be able to cope.'}

_{Eventually she closed her eyes!}