Authors: A.D. Ryan
N
othing made sense
anymore. Just when I thought I had a grasp on what my new reality was,
everything got turned on its axis and spun wildly out of control. I couldn’t
deal with it. I couldn’t cope.
And
what did I do when that happened?
I
went blank. I disappeared inside myself, hiding from the world.
When
had everything gone so horribly wrong? Was it the night of my twenty-first
birthday when my twin brother was murdered in the back alley of some exclusive
club?
A club I would later learn was used by vampires to lure
prey
? Sounded ridiculous, right? Well, it wasn’t. It existed, and while
at the time we thought Bobby died at the hands of a deranged madman, I came to
learn about an entirely new world shortly after my twenty-eighth birthday last
month.
How?
My ex-fiancé showed up and threw my entire world off balance.
Nick
Evans had always been a little impulsive, never slowing down to offer any sort
of explanation. It was like this from the beginning of our relationship right
up until the end. It was part of his charm, and quite possibly what brought us
together. It was absolutely what ripped us apart when he left me without a
reason…or at least, I thought the one he gave wasn’t much at the time. Turned
out he was just being vague. Apparently when he said he was “going through some
changes,” what that really meant was “I was attacked by something in a dark alley
while trying to find out what happened to your brother, and now I’m a werewolf.
And because I don’t know how to control it, I have to go away.”
Made
sense, right? What rational twenty-one-year-old wouldn’t buy that?
All of them, because it sounded crazy.
So,
yes, while I thought he was just trying out a new spin on the “it’s not you,
it’s me” routine, I understood what he meant when he finally came out and told
me that he felt he was too dangerous to be around me. I knew this, because I
had recently experienced what he was so afraid of.
The
night after my twenty-eighth birthday, my partner, David Samuels, and I were
called out to Chaparral Park in my hometown of Scottsdale, Arizona, to investigate
the murder of a young woman. While conducting our search I stumbled across a
wolf. Only this was no ordinary wolf. I knew this because wolves in Arizona
were a rarity—fifty Mexican gray wolves in the entire state
rare—but secondly, this wolf was
twice,
maybe
triple the size of any of the ones I’d seen. It attacked me, and after that, my
whole life had been irrevocably changed.
I’d
become something I believed existed only in movies and books. And worse,
because of this, David was murdered. My partner. My friend. My lover.
My everything
.
David
was the first serious relationship I’d been in since my failed engagement to
Nick. We’d met through work, and soon realized there was chemistry there. He
was amazing. Everything a woman should want in a man. He was sweet and compassionate,
protective and just the right amount of possessive, and most importantly,
understanding. For the first two years of our relationship, he never once pressured
me to make our relationship public. He understood that I had ghosts from my
past that I hadn’t yet dealt with.
It
took time, but I’d finally reached that place in our relationship where I could
be open with those around us. Sure, it wasn’t without problems, but what
relationship was perfect? I had a tendency to let my past experience with love
cloud what was right in front of me, and it put stress on our relationship. By
the time I realized this and was ready to take that next step, it was too late;
he was killed in our living room by the woman who’d broken in
and attacked me
.
Correction: by the
vampire
who’d broken in and attacked me.
Maybe
that was what pushed me over the edge. Or maybe it was when I hunted the bitch
down and Nick killed her. Of course, it could have also been when I let my rage
consume me and I killed the leader of their coven.
Watching
Samantha Turner meet her end, while horrifying, was actually quite cathartic.
She got what was coming to her, but it didn’t quite quench my thirst for
vengeance. I think it was because she wasn’t there of her own accord; she’d
been sent there as a message for me by the leader of her coven.
It
wasn’t until Nick and I tracked
Gianna
down, and I
ripped her head off, that I was finally able to properly grieve my loss. Not
just for David, but Bobby’s death as well. In the struggle,
Gianna
had mentioned Bobby, and after she did, Nick blamed her for killing my brother.
I finally knew what happened to him. It was still a little difficult to wrap my
head around, but I could finally grieve his death properly, too.
I
wasn’t sure what I planned to do with my life at that point. While I wanted to
eventually return to work on the police force, my new life as a werewolf
appeared to be holding me back. I wasn’t comfortable with this new part of me
yet, and I couldn’t control it. Someone else was bound to get hurt, so when
Nick extended an invitation for me to join him and his Pack in Canada, I
accepted. It seemed like the logical next step.
After
packing my clothes and a few necessities, I made sure I had my passport and organized
a sad goodbye with my parents. They didn’t understand, of course, but it was
something I needed to do. I was set to meet Nick at his place that evening, but
before I did, I planned to stop by the cemetery to say goodbye to David and
Bobby…
Bobby…
Inhaling
deeply, I pushed the thought aside. I buried it down deep, still not ready to
deal with what I saw, and rested my head against the cool passenger side
window. As Nick zipped down the highway, I watched the scenery fly by. I was so
out of it, I could barely make out the words to the music that was playing on
the radio. Nick tried talking to me, but I couldn’t respond. I wasn’t ready. I
had so many questions, and I knew he had the answers, but I couldn’t bring
myself to ask them for fear of the truth.
Because
I was pretty sure I already knew the truth. I just didn’t want to believe it or
have it confirmed. I’d reached the denial stage.
At
some point, I passed out, the stress of the last several days having finally
caught up with me. I didn’t wake until I felt a warm hand on my cheek, then
shoulder. Slowly, my eyes opened, and I realized we were in the parking lot of
a little diner. There was snow on the ground, and the sky was overcast and
gray. Frost covered the windows of cars that had been sitting outside, and I
shivered just imagining the temperature.
I
wanted Arizona.
I
sat up, rubbing my eyes, and looked at Nick, who offered me a smile, then out
the window at his Pack who’d parked their bikes all in a row next to us.
Apparently they weren’t going to let a little snow and ice scare them.
“The
guys were hungry,” Nick explained. “You? We’ve been on the road about ten
hours.”
My
stomach grumbled, but I didn’t say a word.
“Come
on, then.” Nick opened the door and climbed out, and I did the same. I moved
toward the door slowly, letting the Pack go ahead. I looked around outside,
curious as to where we were, but I didn’t see any defining landmarks. “We’re in
Orem, Utah,” Nick explained, resting his hand gently on my lower back and
holding the door open for me.
Nick
stayed by my side, and when we entered the Village Inn diner, I didn’t fail to
notice the looks we all garnered from the patrons and employees alike. There
was prejudgment in their eyes, and I knew it had something to do with the fact
that they all wore the typical biker leathers and their scruffy faces.
Uncomfortable, I wrapped my arms around myself as the hostess fumbled with six
menus and then led us to our table.
I
slipped into the booth, scooted closer to the window, and looked outside,
watching a few people walk by in the cold. It wasn’t particularly interesting,
but it kept my mind occupied. Nick’s hand on my thigh made me jump, and when I
looked into his eyes, he looked apologetic.
“Did
you need more time to order?”
Confused,
I looked down at my still closed menu, then up at the guys all staring at me,
and finally at our middle-aged server. She had kind eyes, and seemed the least
nervous around this group in comparison to all the other employees and patrons.
“I…”
My voice cracked from having been silent for so long, so I cleared my throat
and rubbed my forehead, which suddenly felt damp. “Eggs…I guess?”
Nick
took my menu and handed it to the server with his. “She’ll have what I’m
having,” he said confidently before placing his hand on my back and moving it
up and down soothingly. “You okay?”
I
nodded, letting my gaze drift back out the window.
“The
guys and I were hoping to grab a few rooms here in town to catch a little
shut-eye. We’ve still got about fifteen hours on the road…”
“Yeah.
That’s fine.”
I
tried to pretend like I was paying attention to the conversation, but the truth
was, my mind just wasn’t in it. I kept seeing
darkness—emptiness—and the smell of damp earth and grass filled my
head as I tried to dig up the memory of what I found in the cemetery. Or maybe
I was trying to bury it.
It
wasn’t until Zach asked me a question that I realized I’d completely zoned out
again.
“Hmm?
Sorry?”
He
didn’t take it personally, shooting me an understanding grin. “Have you ever
been skiing?”
“Uh,
no. I’ve actually never really been a fan of the cold.”
Zach
laughed boisterously and the others joined in. He was the youngest of the group
at eighteen and had so much life in him. Always goofing around and teasing his
elders, he was obviously the goofball of the Pack. His brown eyes were so
bright and expressive, and he had this way about him that just made you feel at
ease in his company. I hoped he never lost that. “Well I hope Nick told you
what you’re in for,” he teased, taking a sip of his coffee.
I
tried for a smile. It must have worked, because Nick relaxed a little at my
side, his hand brushing the side of my thigh and inviting a warm tingle to move
beneath my skin. I let it spread, accepting anything but the cold darkness I
had been stuck in. “As long as you have indoor heating, I’m pretty easy to
please.”
Nick’s
thumb moved up and down the outer edge of my thigh. I didn’t know if this was
on purpose, or some kind of weird tick, but I didn’t ask him to stop. Truth
was, it was the first time I’d felt anything since we left Scottsdale. At least
before we left, there was sadness, then rage, then more sadness. Now there was
nothing but a void where several questions swirled around.
He
leaned in close and smirked. “I think you’ll love the manor,” he boasted confidently.
Our
breakfast arrived, and I watched as the guys all dug in. I looked down at my
plate to find bacon, eggs, and pancakes. It looked delicious, so I picked up my
fork and started pushing it around before taking the first bite. I ate slowly
compared to the others, but I finished most of it.
I
picked up scant details of their conversation—most of it having to do
with the trip as they tried to navigate the best route from Nick’s phone. There
were apparently some storms expected in some of the counties we were supposed
to pass through, and they wanted to avoid them if possible. Nick’s first
priority was getting us to the manor before the full moon, which he was sure we
could accomplish with there still being ten days until that happened.
Barring
any major snowstorms that could lay us up for days. Apparently that was a very
real possibility now.
His
worry wasn’t for him and the others; it was for me. Because this would only be
my second full moon since I was bitten, there was no way of telling if I could
avoid a forced shift. Sure, I’d just shifted a few days ago, but that apparently
didn’t mean I could avoid this one altogether.
After
breakfast, we drove through Orem to the Hampton Inn so the guys could rest before
braving the roads for the final leg of our journey. We pulled into the lot and
headed inside where Nick stepped up to the counter.
“Good
afternoon,” the concierge said cheerfully. He was a slender man, wearing a
nicely tailored blue suit. His black hair was slicked back stylishly, and his
golden eyes were warm and welcoming. “How can I help you out today?”
Nick
smiled. “We’ll need three rooms for the night.”
The
concierge typed some stuff into his computer, asked for Nick’s credit card, and
then typed a few more things. There was an exchange of details for each of the
rooms—something that I didn’t pay attention to since I figured it really
didn’t concern me; Nick knew what he was doing—and then we were on our
way toward the elevator.
The
silver doors swung open, and an older couple, probably somewhere in
their
sixties, stepped out, eyeing the six of us nervously.
I smirked, finding a little humor in it this time. It felt nice to smile again.