Wonder (Insanity Book 5) (24 page)

“I went to Carroll’s grave to get a stock of Lullaby pills from his corpse.”

“You dug him up?” I don’t like the sound of that.

“Let’s not try to be ideal heroes here. Yes, I dug him up to get the pills and save your life.”

I shrug.

“But that’s not the point,” he says. “On my way out of the cemetery, I came across a tombstone.”

“Whose?”

“Someone dear to me was buried there.”

“Fabiola?”

“That someone is very important to me. You have no idea how.”

“Me?” I say. “But it can’t be me. I was alive in the future. My kids expected to see their mum, so I was alive.”

“It’s not you, Alice,” the Pillar says.

“Who is that someone? Do I know him or her?”

The Pillar steps back, locking eyes with me. “That someone is me.”

There are no words to describe my shock. No words at all. “But…”

“Don’t, Alice,” he says. “I’m going before, or some time within the Wonderland Wars”

“Don’t say that, Pillar.” I step forward. “You will not die. We can do this. We can do this together.”

“No, we can’t. The future will always find a way.”

“But you’re wrong. Didn’t you see I saved Jack?”

“I think that’s why I’m going to die, Alice.”

“What do you mean? What does Jack have to do with this?”

“According to the terrible Guide to Wonderlastic Time Travels, time will take a life for every life you save. For every life the time traveller cheats out of time.”

I didn’t know that. “Are you saying that Jack’s life comes at a cost?”

“Yes. At the cost of another life.”

“So what? It doesn’t say it will be you.”

The Pillar shrugs. It’s one of the rare moments I’ve seen him do that. He tries to evade my eyes, but I don’t let him, locking on with his. “It has to be me, Alice.”

“Pillar?” I tilt my head, realizing I can’t lose him now. “What’s going on?”

“Time let you save the dearest person to you. In exchange, he will take the next dearest person to you.”

And with this I realize the paradox and dilemma. Now that I’ve learned what the Pillar has done for me, and even though he may have his own agenda, I know he is truly the dearest person to me after Jack.

“Time is vicious,” the Pillar says. “I thought I’d live long enough to beat him, but I was wrong.”

“Pillar,” I say. “No. We’ll find a way. We’ll…”

“Just don’t,” the Pillar says. “I’m good to go. Just keep my note. Read it only when I die.”

The Pillar starts to walk away. Even now, he is as arrogant as he’s always been. He is smiling. Caucus racing, and doesn’t give a mushroom about this world. I am out of words — and solutions.

“I think you should look for that future husband of yours,” he says, walking away and happily waving his cane in the air. “Get married after you win the Wonderland War, Alice. Have kids. Teach them how to go down the rabbit hole and beat it.”

I am standing in place, soaked in my tears.

“But I have a question,” he says. “Why name your Tiger and Lily? I thought Lewis and Carol would be neat. But then again, I’m not their father.”

The Pillar disappears from view and I stare at the note in my hand. I am staring at the Pillar’s Wonder. But I can’t open it. I promised. I can’t describe how much I love and hate this note. If I keep it closed, the Pillar lives and I never realize his Wonder. I’m afraid if I open it, I will know his Wonder, but he will be dead.

Chapter 93

T
HE
P
RESENT:
P
ILLAR’S
C
ELL,
R
ADCLIFFE
A
SYLUM

Tom Truckle, having made a deal with the Pillar, keeps me in the Pillar VIP cell upstairs. It’s a lonely place up there in the empty ward. But it’s necessary to have everyone else think I’m still dead at this point. I understand.

The Pillar doesn’t use the cell anymore. He said he wanted to make something useful out of his days alive. When I asked where he’ll be, he said: “Where madness is a virtue.”

I can’t imagine where that would be, but he promised me he’ll have a great time.

All until next week’s monster arrives.

Now in the Pillar’s cell, Tom brings me my Tiger Lily pot from downstairs. He sets it next to me and asks me if I need anything else. I thank him and he leaves.

I spend hours and hours trying to solve a few mysteries in my head. Like why I had to kill those on the bus, where it was going, and who my future husband really is.

And and why the Pillar really helped me.  I keep the note about his Wonder with me all the time, worrying I’ll lose it. I need to find a safe place to hide it.

Sometimes Jack comes to mind, but I cry the thoughts away. And then I’m fine.

Even when I can’t stop thinking about him, I remind myself he is alive and happy. It helps, not much, but it makes me not cry.

I remember my future husband. I don’t know what to think of him. Hey, I’m too young to think of it, even if time pushes me to marry him.

But all I think about are my children. They break my heart. They mend my heart. They make me laugh. Make me cry. I know it’s a weird way to put it, but they’re the light of my life. They’re the reason I will keep on fighting, even though I won’t meet them until several years from now.

It puzzles me how time didn’t consider them my Wonder. Maybe because they didn’t happen yet.

Not that I’m really convinced by the Pillar’s explanation of my Wonder, me saving Jack, but I can live with it.

At night, I hug the Tiger Lily pot and think of my children. Then I realize I need to take care of it in a better way. I need to quench its thirst and make sure its roots are fine.

So I spend the night checking the pot.

This is when an idea comes to me. To bury the Pillar’s note in the mud in the pot. Carefully, I start digging through it with my thumb.

Instead of tucking the Pillar’s note inside, I find another note. One similar to the Pillar’s.

What’s going on? Did I do this before in the loop of time?

I dig the note up, rub away the dirt, and unfold it. It’s in handwriting that I think is mine. The words delight me. They make sense:

This is me, writing a note to me. Don’t panic. Time is a loop we’ll never understand. Just read the note:

A little lower it says:

You’re alive because you found your Wonder. Which isn’t Jack. Your Wonder is YOU, Alice. Beating the evil inside.

My heart flutters with a mix of euphoric emotions. I even hug the thin note. I am fine with the Wonder being mine, although I’m oblivious to how and when I wrote this message.

It doesn’t matter.

I beat the evil me. I beat my recklessness, my anger, and my weakness to Black Chess. My name is Alice Wonder, and I save lives.

Epilogue Part One

S
T
A
LDATES
S
TREET,
O
XFORD

Two days later, I’m discreetly walking near Oxford University. It’s heavily raining again. I’m hiding underneath my hood so no one knows I’m alive. My hood is grey, the color of rain. The color of invisibility. In order to make the Bad Alice disappear, the Good One has to vanish as well.

It sucks being invisible. It sucks not having friends. It’s been only three days and I feel as lonely as the homeless man on the corner of the Alice Shop I’m passing by.

All I can think about is the Wonderland Monster who is supposed to arrive in a few days. I wonder what I did to him in the past – I wonder what the Bad Alice did to him.

It’s almost impossible to keep saving lives, knowing who I really was and how many people I hurt. This isn’t so much about doing good anymore. It’s more like repenting and giving back to the people I hurt in the past.

What in the world happened to me after the Circus? How did I become a Bad Alice?

I tap my hand on my breast pocket, where I keep the Pillar’s note. I really want to know what his Wonder is.

Walking further, I notice a black limousine has been tailing me for a while. I wonder if someone knows I’m still alive. My feet urge me to stop, but it’s not like I really want to know who it is. I’m just so goddamn lonely I’d enjoy a conversation with the devil right now.

I stand in silence. The limousine stops. I’m unable to see inside because of its black glass. I wait a little, but no one comes out.

Curious, I step down from the pavement, toward the limo. I reach for the door’s handle and pull it open.

The limo is pretty dark inside. But I see silhouettes of people. Silent people.

“Can I help you?” I ask.

“We knew you’re alive, Alice,” a voice speaks to me from the dark. “But we thought we give you time to heal.”

“I’m not sure who you think I am.” I say. “Who are you?”

“Let’s not play games,” the voice says. “How long will you pretend you’re not one of us?”

So it’s Black Chess. They found me, and they want me back.

I pull back, about to close the door. “I’m not her anymore. She is dead.”

“Don’t you want to meet him, Alice?” the voice says.

“Meet who?”

“Mr. Jay.”

I say nothing.

“Don’t you want to know who he is?”

I am not sure what’s happening to me. It could be curiosity.  It could be my inner Bad Alice wanting to answer to her employer. Her boss. Black Chess. Her past.

I don’t know.

“Don’t you know if you’re mad or not?” The voice says.

I almost flinched at the assumption. I am tired with people trying to mess with my mind. “Is that another Black Chess trick?”

“Not at all,” the voice said. “You may have been told we’re evil –which is very much a point of view – but the reality is we’ve never lied to you.”

“I won’t fall for your this,” I stress the words. “I’m Alice Wonder. I’m Mary Ann. I’m the orphan girl. In fact, I’m the Bad Alice. I am not mad.”

“You’re definitely the Bad Alice. And most of what you just said is true,” the voice says. “But not everything you learned is real.

“What do you mean?” My hands grip the edge of the door. An inner urges me to shut it close. Right now, before my heads starts to reel again. I know enough about myself. Maybe it’s not wise to know more.

“Come on, Alice,” the voice says. “Did you forget about the Lullaby pill?”

“What about it?”

“You’ve swallowed a whole lot, enough to make you lose your mind.”

I should have closed the door. Images of what happened to Tom Truckle hunt me. I’ve seen him pop the Lullaby pills like M&M’s. I’ve seen what they did to his mind. Who said I haven’t been affected like him? I really should have closed the damn.

“The Pillar doesn’t have all the answers. Only Mr. Jay, your psychiatrist, the founder of Black Chess, knows the little details about you, Alice,” the voice says.  “They say the devil is in the detail. In Black Chess, we believe that madness is in the detail.”

I’m lost in the space of my head again. What is the person in side the limo talking about? A stranger need overwhelms me. I can’t explain it.

“Think about it, Alice,” The voice says. “You tried to change the future, and were slightly successful. You saved Jack, but that’s all. Everything stayed the same.”

“What’s your point?” I have a feeling I’m about to get into the limousine. I hate that feeling. But hating something never prevented it from happening.

“The future always finds a way,” The voice sounds confident. Comfortable with the darkness it comes from. “We will win the war. It’s inevitable, even if you change a few things.”

“The Pillar and I will fight you – “

“The Pillar will die soon. That’s also inevitable. Give in, Alice. It’s fate.”

It’s hard to explain how I feel in my chest. Those mixed emotions of love and hate. I feel like there is a magnet pulling me inside the limo. I say, “Yes, I want to meet Mr. Jay.”

Am I so lonely I want to meet with the mysterious psychiatrist?

“Please get in,” the voice said. “Mr. Jay is waiting. He has important plans for you.”

And here I stand at the crossroads of my life.

Am I really going to enter Black Chess’s headquarters? Will I be a Good Alice and kill them all and save the world? Or will I give into the Bad Alice in me and help destroy the world?

I wonder.

Epilogue Part Two

T
HE
F
UTURE:
M
OUNT
C
EMETERY,
G
UILDFORD

T
HE UNTOLD PART

When Carter Pillar ran out of the cemetery with the Lullaby pills, his heart raced. He was afraid he’d miss Alice and that she’d die because of him being late. Panting, he was on his way to his motorcycle when something caught his eye.

He suddenly forgot about Alice and approached that something. A tombstone outside the cemetery.

The Pillar stood before it, unable to comprehend what he was looking at. This must have been a mistake. How could this be true? Was this really going to happen?

The Pillar was simply staring at his own grave.

Things didn’t get crazier than that. Staring at your burying place in the future while you’re still alive in the present.

But that was only half the horror.

It took him a moment, staring at the writing on the tomb. Strangely, there was no date of death. He leaned forward and squinted in the rain.

Something else was written at the bottom of the tomb. A revelation that puzzled him the most. The tomb read: