Wonderland (3 page)

I
met Jesse and Colton outside the club for Brandon's birthday bash. They were in matching black tanks, which had to be cold. There was a definite hint of winter in the air.

“Alex!” they said as one, hugging me. They were both too pretty for my own good. “Still no Steven?”

He hadn't called. He hadn't replied to a text. His car was still outside his house, or at least had been when I was walking to the club. “No.”

“What was the fight about?” Colton asked.

How to sum it up? Dreading turning thirty, I'd decided to pop the question, causing me to panic and buy drugs, which Steven then found and blew up about? “It doesn't matter,” I said. “Let's get a drink.”

Brandon had gone all out for his party, and greeted us at the bottom of the stairs. Shirtless, bow-tied, all abs and ass, he stood there, Allan on his arm. Allan was already sporting a white ring on his nose. Kids today and their K! The club itself was all black light, glowing green and orange and yellow, and the Hatter was above us, spinning some deep house. Jesse and Colton pulled off their shirts in one synchronized fluid motion.

“We're dancing,” they said, kissing Brandon, kissing me, and then they were off, into the crowd, two gods among so many gods.

“Thanks for coming,” Brandon said, kissing me again.

“I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Can I get you a drink?”

“Vodka seven, thanks.”

“Allan?” I offered.

“I'm good, thanks.”

I slid through the crowd to the bar, got the drinks, delivered Brandon his, and then found my normal stool, the corner of the bar, facing the dance floor, where I could watch the people come in, watch them drink and dance and love and leave. I sipped my gin and cran and looked around, scanning the crowd for Steven.

The Caterpillar came toward me, a smile on his face. “Alex!” he said. “How goes your night?”

“Going well,” I said, trying to be as cold as possible.

He leaned in close. “Going to need anything tonight?”

“Not tonight. Sorry, I'm done.”

He smirked. He'd heard that before, I'm sure, from so many people. “I'm around if you change your mind.”

He slinked off into the crowd. His suit was glowing. Everyone was glowing. I looked down at my outfit, which was white enough to give me a glow of my own. Just another random glow Saturday in Wonderland.

There was a pause in the music and the dance floor cleared as a pumping overture came on. I perked up, ordered another drink, and watched as the resident drag queen came onto the stage, her dark hair piled high on her head, her dress shimmering and red. As the music started, she was joined by Brandon, by Allan, by a couple other nameless pretty boys, and as her backup dancers bounced and thrust with choreographed fluidity, the Queen of Hearts performed.

I watched, enraptured as always. She was grace and elegance and perfection. Small wonder she was the only resident queen in the club. Who else did they need? She owned the room and everyone in it, from tweaked-out club kid to gym bunny to leather daddy. I watched, and drank, and when the song was over, I clapped and cheered as much as the rest. And then she was gone.

“What did you think?” Brandon asked, throwing his arm around me. He was slick with sweat, and I could feel his abs flex against my arm with every panted breath.

“It was great! She always is,” I said.

“I know she is. What did you think of me?”

“Oh, well, you were great too.”

“We rehearsed all afternoon.” He leaned into me closer. “Did you think it was hot?”

Curious, I thought, he'd never hit on me before. “Very hot,” I said, and turned into his face. Our lips were inches apart.

“There you are!” Allan squealed, grabbing Brandon by the shoulder. “Let's go for a bump.”

Brandon rolled his eyes and smirked at me. Without looking away, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his bumper bottle. “Here, go, I'm good.” Allan glared at me, but took the bottle and ran off to the bathroom.

“So Alex,” Brandon said, “what's up with you and Steven?”

“We had a fight,” I said. “It will blow over, I hope. He was pretty mad.”

“What about?”

“Drugs.”

“I didn't think you partied.”

“I don't really. Well, it was a bad week. It was dumb.”

“Oh, I'm not one to judge.” His hand was on my thigh. I was very aware of his hand on my thigh. “Maybe we should party together sometime.”

“I'm flattered but I really want to work things out with Steven. And what about Allan?”

“What about Allan? You don't think he's cute?”

“He's adorable, Brandon. All your boys are.”

“Maybe you can party with both of us. I mean, I hear you're a pretty good third.”

Damn Jesse and Colton! “That was a mistake too.”

“Well, if you want to make another mistake this weekend, it
is
my birthday,” he said, and his hand slid up my thigh to my crotch. I couldn't help but grunt as he squeezed. He squeezed hard, but I was suddenly harder.

Allan was back, and dragging him away. Brandon looked back at me and winked, and then his abs disappeared into the crowd. I shifted on my stool, ordered another drink. As the bartender, some new ginger cub called Tom or Todd, brought it to me, I looked across to the dance floor, where Brandon and Allan flailed about to the Hatter's hard house, where Jesse and Colton claimed their cage.

I could see where this night was going to go. And before it went there, I decided it was best to leave. I tipped back my last drink, and lost myself in the crowd, hoping none of my friends saw me as I snuck up and out. Luckily none did, and when I was out in the fresh night air, away from the throbbing bass and equally throbbing temptations of hot men, I thought again of Steven.

A
fter we finished dinner, Steven drove me back to my car. The sun was starting to go down. As I unlocked my car door, he said, “I'm glad you backed into me.” Smiling, I turned around. He was right behind me. And then he was kissing me, and I was kissing him. My keys fell to the ground.

“Want to go dancing?” he asked.

I wasn't a big bar person. When I'd first come out, of course, it was the bar every night, but that had been years before, and then I'd been in a relationship for six years, rarely going out. After that, when Aaron and I broke up, I turned my focus to work and hadn't set foot in a dance club in two years.

“Absolutely,” I replied.

“Okay, I just want to change.” Steven took me by the hand and led me into his house. It was tidier than my condo, that's for sure, and had a long aquarium running along the wall between the living room and the kitchen. “Make yourself at home,” he said. “I'll be right out.”

I looked at his fish, looked at some pictures on the wall. He was responsible, traveled. “Alex!” he called from down the hall. “Did you want to change? I probably have something that would fit.”

I looked down at my work clothes, and no, they weren't really suitable for a night out on the town. I was smaller than Steven, but not by enough that something he had wouldn't fit. “Sure.” I walked down the hall toward his bedroom. He was standing there, shirt off, his chest hair perfectly trimmed over his sculpted pecs, so beautiful, holding first one, then another shirt up to his reflection in the mirror.

“Nice,” I said.

“This shirt?”

“That everything.” I leered at him.

He laughed. I loved his laugh, it was rich and deep. “Here, try this on.” He tossed me a shirt.

As I took mine off, he whistled appreciatively. I felt myself blush. As I pulled his shirt over my head, I felt his hands on my chest. My body broke into goose bumps. He pulled the shirt down and kissed me again. I kissed him back, harder this time, and he took a step back, pulling me with him, falling onto the bed, pulling me down on top of him.

It was hot! I hadn't been with anyone in the two years since Aaron and I had split. Well, that's not true. There was that guy from Pride the year before, but it barely counted. It was quick and meaningless and didn't have anywhere near the passion that those first kisses with Steven did. Steven rolled onto me, raised my hands above my head, lifted his face away from mine. I strained upward, wanting his lips on mine again. He pulled away, laughing again.

“Later,” he said. He got up, finished dressing. I lay there, panting. “Shall we?” he said, offering me his hand.

Instead of letting him pull me up, I pulled him down. He laughed and we kissed again. I could feel him pressing into me. I rolled on top. His hands went up my shirt, his thumbs teasing my nipples. I rolled off him and stood up.

“Okay, let's go.” I could play that game too.

The club he was taking me to was called Wonderland, and it was only a few blocks away from his house. As we walked down the street, he took my hand in his. Now, I wasn't normally big on PDAs, but as he wrapped his fingers in between mine, it felt quite natural. I didn't pull away. After all, I'd backed into this guy's car. What was a little hand-holding?

“Do you go out often?” I asked him.

Steven shrugged. “It's close.” He paused. “It's a nice way to unwind after a hard week at work.”

I could think of several ways I'd rather help him unwind, but I knew that it would happen eventually. The sexual tension between us was palpable, and I couldn't wait to get my mouth back onto his hot body. Drinks and dancing were just prolonging the inevitable, and would only make it hotter. I wondered, not for the first time, if he was a top or a bottom. I glanced down at his butt as he walked—it was definitely fuckable. But I'd also felt him pressing into me, and could definitely see him actually
in
me. Time would tell....

My thoughts stopped abruptly as we turned the corner and were met by a giant flower. Well, a shirtless muscle man, fake leaves around his waist and head. “Steven!” he said, hugging Steven with wrists equally leaf-clad. He was hot. I'd never wished I was a bumblebee before.

“Jesse!” Steven greeted. “This is Alex.”

“Nice to meet you.” His handshake was firm, his smile broad. “You're probably wondering about the outfit.”

“A bit,” I said, even as Steven said, “It's the garden party already?”

“Yessir! Colton's at the other end of the block. He's a rose.”

“That he is,” Steven said. “And doesn't he smell sweet?”

“Find your own flower!” Jesse said, winking at me. He reached into the waistband of his green undies, and pulled out a couple cards. “VIP passes for the night. They're good for no cover and a free drink.”

“Thanks, doll,” Steven said, taking the cards and smiling at me. “This is Alex's first time.”

“Oooh! Well, Alex, any friend of Steven's . . .” He hugged me, then Steven, taking care not to squash his petals. “Have a good time, guys!”

I'd been in many gay bars over the years but nothing quite prepared me for the sight inside. Giant flowers towered overhead, some in fabric, some in paint, all glowed, all glittered. The floorboards were hidden with fake rosebushes, the stairwell down into the club was covered in red gravel. As we turned off the stairs, the lights hit my eyes, colored shapes and laser lines, a dozen disco balls tossing out hundreds of swirling spots of light, and all of it was set to a soundtrack of pulsating house music, being spun by a DJ in a giant purple hat.

And the men! If I hadn't only had eyes for Steven, I'd have hurt my neck straining it about. Smooth and hard bodies were everywhere, some muscled, some slender, all glistening. It was like walking onto a movie set—not like the gay club back home, that's for sure.

Steven looked at me. “Welcome to Wonderland,” he said, and he kissed my cheek.

“Wow!” I yelled over the music. “This place is crazy!”

“It's not always this over the top, but they go all out for their theme parties. Drink?”

“Sure!” He pulled me by my hand through the crowd, to a bar decorated to look like a hedge maze, and from the center of the maze, bartenders served drinks with speed and smiles. The one Steven led us to was ripped and blond, and when he leaned down to get Steven a beer, his ass was to die for.

We traded in our VIP cards for our drinks, then Steven dragged me to the dance floor, and pulled me in tight to him. “What do you think?”

“It's wonderful!”

“So are you.” He kissed me, and then no matter how bedazzled the club or how beautiful the men, I forgot everything else. It was just that kiss, flooding me with music and energy.

“I'm glad I backed into you,” I told him, as we pulled apart.

He threw back his head and laughed. “Crazy guy. Let's dance!”

T
he lights were on at Steven's house, the car was still outside. I glanced at my phone—nothing. I debated knocking. No, it was best not. How things had changed from the day I barely thought twice about following him home from a grocery store.

That really had been crazy, and I probably would never have done it if it hadn't been for the fact that I was completely over Aaron, and really ready to get back on the horse. I'd given up my condo, my city, my whole life, to get away from the rut that was Aaron, and after two years in a new city and only one Grindr hookup on Pride, I leapt at the connection I'd thought I felt.

Aaron. I never thought about him. We'd been together for six years. And if it wasn't ever great, it wasn't ever bad. It just . . . was. We were comfortable with each other. By the end, maybe too comfortable. Not like pooping-with-the-door-open comfortable, don't get me wrong. My parents did that, and it was gross. But we had no surprises anymore. No passion.

So I'd left. And there hadn't even been a big teary scene. We sold the condo, split the money, and he found a new place while I got transferred to the big city and got myself my little apartment. And I dove into work, wanting to get stabilized.

Stabilized to the point where I backed into some hot guy's car, and then proceeded to fall madly in love with him.

Because don't get me wrong. The threeway and drugs aside, I did love Steven. It was just . . . thirty was looming ahead of me, and I panicked. Should six months of an amazing relationship get thrown away for one night of a bad decision? Okay, two nights.

At least I'd bailed tonight before I made it three. Brandon had never hit on me before. What had been up with that?

A silhouette moved in Steven's house. Why was I standing out here watching? He was home. I should just go knock and get it over with. If I confessed and apologized, he'd forgive me, and then things would get back to normal, not this bizarro world we'd lived in the past two days.

I crossed the street toward his house, past his Rabbit.

There were two silhouettes.

Steven wasn't alone.

I about-faced and crossed back over. I couldn't even be mad seeing as I'd spent the night with the twins. And who knew if it was a trick anyway? It could just be a friend. Their shadows came together. Okay, not just a friend. But how could I be mad at him for doing what I'd already done? Two wrongs made a right, in this case, right?

I walked away, not daring to look back. I decided I would call in the morning, would let him have his night of indiscretion too. Then we were even. Steven.