Word and Breath (17 page)

With a silent exhale of resignation, Mikel admitted to himself that it made perfect sense. She’d been betrayed. And it wouldn’t matter to her—at least not right away—that Mikel regretted it and wished he could take it back.

“I understand,” he murmured. “I can wait. You’ll let me help you, though?”

For just a moment, Riana’s eyes were absolutely aching. “Yes. I’m desperate. I’ll take all the help I can get.”

***

“No!”

“Connor, you’re being ridiculous,” Tava insisted, looking like she wouldn’t mind walloping him upside the head. “You can hardly blame her for not wanting to be led around in the dark anymore. There’s no reason for you not to meet with her.”

Experiencing a slow, lowering sense of impending doom—like he was fighting a losing battle—Connor still didn’t back down. “We’ve already discussed this. I’m not going to keep having the same argument.”

“Then stop acting like a child and accept the fact that you can’t hide from her anymore.”

Connor flinched. “I’m not trying to hide. There are considerations—”

“Your considerations are worthless,” Tava snapped, clearly at the end of her rope. “You know it as well as I do. Unless you don’t trust her…”

He knew she was baiting him, but he reacted defensively just the same. “Of course, I trust her.”

Tava’s dark eyes softened, and she put a comforting hand on his arm. “You don’t, you know. That’s what the problem is.”

“What does that mean?” He wished she would just leave this be. Wished everyone wouldn’t keep pushing him into something he’d given up years ago.

“You don’t really trust her. Not in the way it counts.” Before he could object, she explained, “You don’t trust her not to unknowingly stomp all over your poor heart.”

It was so inappropriate. And so insulting. And so absolutely true. Connor just stared straight in front of him, unable to say anything at all.

Finally, he rubbed his face with both his palms and groaned. “Does everyone know?” There was no sense in holding onto defensiveness when he was so obviously without a leg to stand on.

Tava chuckled and patted his shoulder. “Of course not. Jenson knew, of course. And me. And Kelvin, I’m sure, since he’s around you all the time. And probably anyone who saw you yesterday—you were a little…upset. And—”

“Stop,” he begged, putting up a hand in defense. “I’ll meet with her. Bring her by my office tomorrow morning.”

“I assume you don’t want Mikel there too.”

Connor gave her a look that needed no further answer.

He had been extremely disturbed to learn that the Soul-Breather in question was Mikel. Mikel was notorious for his advanced and nuanced abilities—as well as his irresistibility to women.

“He’ll be hard to put off,” Tava said, her expression thoughtful. “He was quite clear about his loyalties, and he’s not going to want Riana to go into an unknown situation by herself.”

Connor surprised himself by making a sound like a growl. “He’ll have to deal with it. She’s not going into an unknown situation. She has deeper ties to us than she has to him.” Taking off his glasses, he cleaned the lenses and prayed Tava wasn’t going to disagree with his last statement.

“He’s not going to understand or believe that.”

“I don’t care what he understands or believes. I don’t care how honest he was this afternoon. I don’t trust him. And he’s not to know who I am.”

Tava nodded, agreeing with his assessment. “I’ll do my best. But Riana is really calling the shots here. I think she’ll understand why she has to meet with you alone, though.”

Connor wished he weren’t so out of the loop—having to rely on Tava’s experience and judgment to understand what was so important to him. “Are you sure we can trust him? It seems like an unnecessary risk.”

“I think it might be necessary,” Tava said slowly, gently. “Not just for Riana, but for us. You still don’t understand the kind of resource we suddenly have with Mikel. It’s not just his position and contacts. I’m talking about his strength.” Her eyes were almost glowing as she remembered. “You should have felt him. I’d never experienced anyone else with that kind of depth and power. And he was kind—truly. Generous. I hadn’t expected that. It was…”

Connor looked away so she wouldn’t see his sneer at her awed expression. “Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for him too.”

Tava gave him an odd look, holding it until he closed his eyes with a pang of guilt.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m treating you horribly today.”

“Don’t worry about it. I know what you’re dealing with. And, like I said this morning, you have got to get some sleep.” She paused, as if she weren’t sure she wanted to say the rest of it. “I’m not sure she’s really fallen for him.”

Connor shot her a searching gaze.

“I don’t know for sure,” Tava explained slowly. “I mean, there’s obviously an attachment there, and he’s already halfway in love with her.”

Connor’s fist tightened in his lap. “He said that?”

“No. I don’t think he really knows it himself yet. But it wasn’t that hard to sense in him.”

“He’s just known her for a matter of days. People don’t fall in love so quickly.” It had taken Connor years to realize he was in love with Riana. She’d been so young when he’d first met her, even though fourteen was considered adult by all Union standards. It had been three years before his feelings for her had fully transformed, and then another year before he’d admitted it to himself.

“Soul-Breathers do. You don’t understand how quickly and surely we know people when we open a connection with them.” She glanced away, her face growing pained as she whispered, “I fell in love with Jenson in less than a week.”

The sudden jolt of pain was so sharp that Connor momentarily lost his breath. For just a minute, he’d almost forgotten that his cousin was dead.

“But anyway,” she went on, her voice cracking just a little, “Her feelings don’t seem to have progressed that far—and with the betrayal she suffered she’s pulled back in defense. Don’t assume it’s a lost cause. You aren’t that bad a catch yourself, you know.”

Connor snorted. “I’m meeting with her because I have to—to help her find her sister—not to pursue a love affair.”

Tava smiled, in both tenderness and amusement. “There’s no reason why you shouldn’t do both.”

***

Riana was almost relieved that she’d had to leave Mikel behind when the man named Kelvin came to pick her up and bring her to meet the Librarian.

Mikel had been lurking constantly, watching her, silent and protective.

It made her nervous. And uncomfortable. And she was glad for the break from it—even if she’d had to tell Mikel point blank, when he argued about her going alone, that he wasn’t allowed to come with her.

It was uncomfortable enough to hear what she’d heard the day before about his feelings for her and why he was helping her. The confusion and lingering betrayal she felt made it even worse.

She had no idea what she was supposed to think or feel about the whole thing. She still had that instinctive attachment to him, but nothing else about her feelings was simple.

So she needed to let it rest for a while. To not dwell on it or force herself to figure it out. There was too much else to worry about, and a possible romance was the last thing on the priority list.

If Mikel could help and could be trusted, then she wanted him to. But that was as much as she knew for now.

Kelvin drove her over to the east side and stopped in front of a walk-in clinic. Surprised, Riana got out of the car when he did and was even more surprised when he ignored the clinic and took her into an alley.

They walked a few blocks before they got to an old warehouse. Kelvin opened a back entrance and ushered her in.

“This is where the Librarian is?” she asked, looking at the dingy hall. She had expected something a little more covert and mysterious. And cleaner. “Where is this?”

“Headquarters.” Kelvin wasn’t much of a talker, and he urged her forward into the warehouse.

Riana gazed around the large space. There were crates stacked against the far wall and other boxes scattered around the middle of the floor. “What’s all this stuff?”

“The warehouse is used to store freight from a local discount store.”

“For real?”

“It wouldn’t be a convincing ruse if it weren’t a working warehouse.”

That made sense. And it was the longest sentence she’d heard from him yet. So she nodded and followed him up the back stairway.

She was led into an office, and Kelvin told her to take a seat.

She lowered herself onto the sofa and looked around. The desk was large and cluttered, and the rest of the furniture was worn and faded. It felt pleasant though—lived in and tasteful, despite the stark, disagreeable warehouse beneath them.

It wasn’t anything like the dark, high-tech den she’d imagined for the leader of the Front.

“Is this his office?” she asked Kelvin, who’d moved to the doorway.

“Wait here.” He ducked out of the office and disappeared.

Riana blinked. She wasn’t sure if she’d gotten an answer or not, but she didn’t have anything to do except wait.

There was a book on the desk. She was drawn to it irresistibly, the way someone else might be drawn to a piece of chocolate.

Getting up, she walked over and opened the book. It was some sort of journal. And there was handwriting inside.

So she did what she did best. She started to read.

“Riana.”

She jumped at the sound of her name and whirled around, feeling ridiculously guilty.

Then the book and her shock were completely forgotten when she saw who had just shut the door of the office.

“Reed!” she exclaimed, with a little leap of excitement in her heart. “What are you doing here?”

Connor’s mouth quirked. “I see you haven’t changed. Still set on reading anything that comes into your line of sight.”

She ignored his dry comment. “Where have you been? I didn’t know if you were even alive or not. No one knew—” She broke off, realizing something that answered some of her questions. “You work for the Front too, I guess. That must be why you disappeared. I guess I should have realized it before, but you were just gone…”

She was babbling, and she should really stop. She just couldn’t believe Connor was standing in front of her again.

He looked almost exactly the same. Same brown hair, tousled like it always used to be. Same wire-framed glasses and corduroy jacket. Same rueful smile and kind blue eyes.

He moved across the office toward her, bumping into the corner of the desk and then cringing self-consciously.

Same adorable clumsiness.

She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed him until now. “Why didn’t you tell me before you left?” she asked. “I thought we were friends.”

“We were. We are. But I couldn’t tell you.”

She sighed and wondered what the whole story had been. Maybe later he’d have the chance to tell her.

But now she remembered why she was here. And what had led her here. With a pang of memory, she said hoarsely, “I guess you know about Jenson, then. He saved my life.”

“I know,” Connor said, his mouth twisting and grief rising up in his eyes. “I know he did.”

Riana stared up at him—at Jenson’s cousin—and she realized how much Connor must have lost yesterday. As much as she’d lost herself. And she saw that, Connor-like, he was pushing his own grief into the back of his mind so he could concentrate on helping someone else.

Something broke inside her and she let out a choked little sob. And she wasn’t sure if she’d reached out for him or if he’d pulled her into his arms.

But she was hugging Connor, his arms tight and surprisingly strong around her, his warmth and strength both comforting and supportive.

Memory overwhelmed her as she breathed in the smell of him, her face pressed up against the texture of his coat. She’d always loved how he smelled—half clean and half musty, like the old books her grandfather had owned.

“I’m so sorry,” she told him, holding him as tight as she could. “I’m so sorry about Jenson.”

He didn’t answer, but his arms tightened around her until it was almost uncomfortable.

After a minute, she finally found the will to pull her face away and peer up into his face. His hair was messier than ever now and his glasses were sliding down his nose. “I missed you,” she said.

“I missed you too.”

There seemed to be something significant in the way he said the words, but she couldn’t really follow what it was.

Then she shook it off, remembering why she was here. “So do you know who the head honcho is? I’m supposed to meet with him.”

Connor raised his eyebrows in a look she remembered very well. “I know you are.”

“I guess you heard I was here.” He hadn’t released her so Riana glanced over his shoulder at the door. It was still closed. “Is he always late? Is he a decent guy? Do you think I’m safe in trusting him?”