Words Heard in Silence (89 page)

"I am your wife and I love you. How can you ask me not to worry?" Rebecca smiled, gently running her hand over his chest. "I only want you home."

"Can I tell you a secret?" He nuzzled her hair.

"Of course you can. You can tell me anything. I hope you know that."

"I really wish I could stay behind and send Richard off to the front. I am so tired of war, and want so much to begin our life here together properly." Charlie sighed, "Unfortunately, I believe I have to complete my commitment to the Union and the Army. It is very hard for me to leave you, darling –– but you are an amazing incentive to come back as quickly as I can."

"I know, but it still does not keep me from worrying about you. For the first time in my life, I have found love and I do not want it to end. I realize you have commitments, but that does not make the fear and the pain of your departure any less."

"Nor does it make my task any easier, when my leaving is the last thing either of us wants. But I must, dear. Please understand why." Charlie laid his head on her shoulder and softly kissed her neck, offering comfort and taking it at the same time.

"I do understand. I truly do. I just cannot help but feel my heart is breaking for fear I will lose you. The only person I have ever loved passionately, the way I love you. Sometimes I think this is all so new to you, that you do not understand what will happen to my heart if you are killed." She paused, curling closer to him. "It will die with you, Charlie."

Charlie froze. The image in his mind of her life without him overlaid the image of his without her and he knew the truth of what she spoke. "Then I suppose I just cannot let myself get killed. We have a daughter and another child on the way who just would not understand if their mother’s heart died before its time."

"No, you had better not. I want you home; Em wants you home and by the time you return there will be a new life for you to meet." She sighed and closed her eyes. "But do not be angry with me for doing what my heart tells me to do, which is worry."

"I cannot control that anyway, my love. I have learned I have as much ability to change the way you feel as I do to control the weather, so I shall not try. But," Charlie nibbled on her earlobe. "I can try and distract you for a bit."

"Charlie, stop!" She pulled back and tried to make him understand. "Not everything can be made better by making love and right now I need you to hold me more than I need to make love."

Charlie was immediately contrite. He pulled back, shifted and took her in his arms, her head lying on his chest. She could not see the bleak look in his eyes. His fears and worries were just as great as hers, if not greater, as he knew just what kind of risks he was facing. Desperate men made dangerous enemies. Charlie’s demon just laughed.

Charlie had just finished his morning run and was having his first cup of coffee when he heard a light tap on his office door.

"Come." Whoever was knocking this early must have something important to say –– and private.

"Major Timothy Byrnes, Commander, Company F, requests permission to speak frankly, Sir."

"Have a seat, Byrnes. Since when have you had to stand on formality with me?"

Byrnes grinned ruefully, then unconsciously rubbed his thigh. Since he had taken a Miniéé ball in his leg the previous summer, he had developed the nervous habit. "Well, sir, I think anyone actually volunteering to remain behind may be faced with a problem. These boys have a certain…… enthusiasm for seeing an end to the war and getting home. I think a lot of them can taste it, if you know what I mean? If a man volunteers, he might be seen as a slacker –– or even a coward."

Charlie shook his head and snorted. "I have been at war for so long and wanted to have peace so badly I honestly never thought of that. I knew Dewees was eager, but given the problems we had earlier, it is understandable."

Byrnes raised his eyebrow. "Aye, he is a bit, Sir. I think he has the makings of a good commander, but under Monty he had very little opportunity to develop. Keep an eye on him, he may do something rash out there in the vanguard."

Charlie nodded. "However, I suspect you did not come here to talk about Company C’s young commander. How can I help you?"

"Well, sir, I think I might just want to stay behind. I have a good second who is entirely ready to take command and, to be honest, this leg is just plain bothering me. I have met some of the folks in town and seem to get on well with them. And I have the right experience. I was the local sheriff in Bucks County before the war began."

"So you would like me to arrange it so the men do not know you have volunteered, but you are actually volunteering?"

"That is about the sum of it, Sir. I think I could do a good job. And, um, Sir?"

"Yes, Byrnes?"

"I will make sure Mrs. Redmond’s letters get through to you in the priority dispatch bags." Byrnes grinned at Charlie. It was not strictly by the book, in fact, it was specifically forbidden to put civilian correspondence into the priority military dispatches, but Byrnes was one of those who thought Rebecca was a good influence on his spit and polish General.

Charlie called a meeting of all his officers that morning. The announcement was simple. "I recognize that every man of you, as well as every man you command, is dedicated to ending this conflict. Being asked to remain behind is a hardship, one that is necessary, but even so, a hardship. I thought long and hard last night, and reviewed the records and condition of every man in this regiment. My decision has been made strictly on the records of the individuals, their enlistment status, and their physical condition. Major Byrnes will lead the garrison here. He has been selected because of his civilian experience and because he has not fully recovered from the injuries he sustained this summer. Here are two lists. One is of men who will be assigned to the garrison in Culpeper. The other is the list of men who will be mustered out because the term of their enlistment has expired. Quartermaster, please handle the muster out pay and make arrangements for transportation for any who wish to return home. Major Byrnes, please take command of your garrison."

A roar of comments greeted his announcement. Charlie just smiled and sorted through all of the questions. One more thing had been accomplished –– a safe garrison for Culpeper.

R
ebecca watched from the back porch as the men continued their task of dismantling the camp. She pulled her cloak tighter over her shoulders to ward off the evening chill.

Charlie had been dreadfully busy since the orders had come down to get ready to move. He was up and out even earlier than usual and in much later than normal. Rebecca hated every moment of it. She held her tongue however, knowing this was just as hard on Charlie. Not only was he leaving home, but he was about to lead his men into what they believed would be the worst of the battles.

She tried to remain cheerful but with every moment she felt slipping through her fingers, her mood turned darker. She continued to watch as more tents were struck down and the men worked to roll and secure them.

In the distance she could see Charlie on Jack, riding through the camp giving orders and ensuring that everything was done properly. She resisted the urge to call to him and ask him to come in. She finally had a bit of an idea of what it was like to be the wife of a military officer. In a way she did envy the others, because they tended to travel with their husbands and she would not be able to do so. But, even they did not travel into battle with their spouses.

She turned and went back into the house to find Em and Tess there to greet her. "And how is my little darling tonight?" She knelt down and hugged the child, holding her close and envisioning her future with Charlie, raising his little ‘‘imp’.

"Hungwy."

"I was going to give her a little bread and honey before bed, Miss Rebecca."

Rebecca smiled at the nanny who adored Em and catered to her every whim. "Thank you, Tess, but I will take care of her. You can take the rest of the evening off."

"Thank you, Miss Rebecca," Tess gave a quick nod and left the room.

Rebecca and Em continued to the kitchen where Em was placed in her own chair, while Rebecca busied herself with fixing the child an early evening snack. She settled down at the table with Em to drink a cup of tea while Em tried her best to devour a piece of bread covered in honey.

"I hope your Papa does not come in while you are a gooey mess, he will never forgive me." She sipped her tea. "Of course with the smell of horses and sweat clinging to him he may not notice."

Rebecca sighed while she watched Em cram her mouth full of the sweet concoction. Elizabeth entered quietly to join them.

"You make a wonderful mother, Rebecca. She has flowered under your care, you know."

"Well, considering the situation, she does seem to be very happy. I am glad to be a part of that, but I am concerned about what will happen when ‘‘you know who’ has to l-e-a-v-e." They had taken to spelling the word around Em because saying it out loud sent her into crying fits.

"To be perfectly honest, I am almost more concerned over how she will handle it when Constance..." Elizabeth looked at Rebecca with a helpless shrug, unable to keep the sadness from her eyes.

Rebecca rose and poured her friend a cup of tea, placing it on the table as a silent request for her to sit. Then she retook her seat. "You know, she seems to understand. She knows it will happen and she seems to have accepted it."

"I do not envy your position here when we move on, dear. It will not be easy. I have spoken with Mrs. White and she understands what needs to be done, but it will still be very hard."

Rebecca nodded, trying to keep tears from her eyes. "I am doing my best to……" she shook her head and reached out for Elizabeth’s hand. "Thank you. Thank you for everything. I feel I have gained more than a friend. I feel as though I have gained a sister."

Elizabeth looked out of the window to the rolling meadowlands, the little pond, and the shadows of the mountains to the west and sighed. For once, she spoke her heart, a rare thing for this stoic woman. "I know I have found a sister in you, my dear - and somehow, perhaps even a home, something I have not had for a long time. I will miss you deeply."

"Then know you have a place here anytime you desire it. I would be delighted if you chose to come back here after the war." Rebecca tried to lighten the mood with an evil little grin. "We can work together to make Mrs. Williams as uncomfortable as possible. I will teach you the fine art of malicious taunting unsuspecting bigots."

Elizabeth broke out into raucous laughter. "Just for that, I might have to find a colored assistant and make her really uncomfortable." She hesitated for a moment. "Did you really mean it when you said I could be married from your house?"

"Of course I did, my dear. However, I think Charlie will run to the hills. Being around women planning a wedding is too much for him, I think. I would be delighted if you and Richard were married here."

"Then, this is not a permanent farewell, dear. I promise I will be back, and I will bring both of those two recalcitrant fellows with me."

"You know, I am worried for all of you, but with your promise, some of my concern is lessened. Thank you."

R
ebecca was tucking Em in, and making sure the pup was also nested in the pile of blankets by the fire. Em rolled over in her bed and watched as Rebecca checked the fire. "Mama?"

The call surprised Rebecca, simply by the fact it did not have ‘‘Becca’ attached to it. She turned, moving next to Em’s bed and sitting on the floor so she could be eye to eye with the girl. "Yes, my little darling?"

"Papa?"

"Oh, Papa is working." She brushed her fingers through Em’s dark hair once again marveling at the fact that it was the same color and texture as Charlie’s.

"Papa leaving?"

"Yes, Papa must go away for a while but he will come home. He has promised us."

A little chin quivered, "Not Em."

"Oh, sweetheart. Would you like Papa to promise you too?"

"Pwease."

"All right, you wait here and I will go get Papa. We will be right back."

Rebecca decided it was time to have Charlie come in. His men were grown and quite independent of him, but his daughter needed him.

Just as she stepped out on the back porch to try and find him she saw him coming up the steps. "Just the Papa I need to see."

Charlie bent and softly kissed Rebecca's cheek, "Yes, darling? So what does Mamma require of Papa?"

"It is not so much what Mama requires, as what Emily needs."

Charlie put his arm around Rebecca's shoulder as the two walked into the house and up the stairs. "What does the little one need, love? You know I will do whatever I can."

"She wants you to promise her you will come home."

"I will promise to do everything in my power to come home as quickly as I can."

"Then let us go so you can do that or she will not sleep tonight."

They went upstairs to Em’s room. When they opened the door they caught a glimpse of a tiny body running across the room to jump into bed. There was one very confused puppy by the fireplace.

Charlie looked from the puppy to the little girl. "Hmmm. Seems somebody was out of bed when she was not supposed to be. Were you cuddling your puppy, little one?"

Em looked to the puppy, then cast her eyes down, "Yes, Papa."

Charlie walked over and sat on the side of the bed, taking the child in his arms. "Well, little one, if you need cuddles, you only have to ask me or Mama."

Em settled immediately into his arms, "Papa leave?"