Worlds Apart (23 page)

“If that's the case, will he still
be protected after he's born?”

“We may not know until he is born.
Even if he is not immune himself, it's possible your breast milk
will provide what he needs to keep him safe for as long as you
nurse him.”

“
So many
maybes
,” Tina
murmured.

Shandari reached across and
squeezed Tina's hand. “We will find a cure. Or at least a
treatment. So let's get busy on it, all right?”

Tina nodded. “Yes. But I have
another problem.” She told her about Will.

As Shandari listened, the light in
her eyes glittered a little too strongly for Tina's comfort, and
she finished her story with a stronger ultimatum than she expected
to use. “I don't know what it's like in Kaarmanesh, but here, it is
highly unprofessional of me to just drop Will like this. And our
professional relationship is even closer than that of doctors in
larger places. We're not partners, but we care for this town
together. He needs to know.”

“Kasia will never agree to bring
him into Kaarmanesh,” Shandari said. “Will he believe your story
without proof?”

Tina shrugged. “I don't know, and
you know what? It's not my problem. If he's not happy with the
truth, he doesn’t have to work with us.”

“And how many people will he
tell?”

Tina folded her arms.
“Patient-physician privilege is a law. He can't tell anyone without
my permission.”

Shandari laughed. “Do you always
have an answer for everything?”

“I try.”

“Then I leave your colleague in
your hands. Give him whatever assignments you feel are
necessary.”

“Thank you.”

Shandari nodded, rubbing her
fingers together, her gaze intent. “I'm afraid I must also provide
you with information you may find disturbing.”

“That sounds ominous.” Tina tried
to sound light-hearted, but sudden queasiness made it
difficult.

“Kasia asked me to update you on
some changes in the investigation,” Shandari said. “Our leaders
have authorized an extensive hunt for the werewolf. We'll
headquarter at the Keeper's house, and will try to stay hidden from
any Flatlanders.” She touched Tina's arm. “But you should know that
one of the agents assigned to the task force is Clive
Winslow.”

“Is that really
necessary?”

“You have no idea how unusual it
is for the Council to allow it. They would never do it if they
didn't believe it is necessary. Kasia wants me to assure you that
he will not try to contact you.”

“Does he know? About the
pregnancy?”

“Yes.”

“What did he say?”

Shandari glanced at her, and for
the first time, Tina felt disapproval from her new friend. “I won't
be a go-between, Tina. He desperately wants to talk to you, but
that's all I'll say.”

Tina's smile was bitter. “Touché.
All right, I'll stop acting like a spoiled child. I'll talk to him,
if only to clear the air. But he won't like what I say.”

Shandari gazed at her
thoughtfully. “Thank you, Tina. I'll let him know.” She turned to
the refrigerator and pulled out a rack of vials. “Shall we get
started?”

“What's our first
step?”

“I'll obtain samples of your blood
to isolate the
anti-vyra-stribdal
. We can make a variety of
dosages and inoculate the samples I brought.”

“We need to see if we can grow
them outside of my body, don't we?” Tina asked.

“Yes. Eventually, we'll need to
synthesize them. But for now, let's find out what works.” Shandari
picked up one of Tina's bloodletting kits. “I'm not a vampire, but
let me have some blood.”

Great,
Tina thought as she
held out her arm.
They must have vampires, too.

Chapter 27

Tina tossed all night, thinking of
what to say to Clive that wouldn’t sound hateful. Her anger grew
with lack of sleep. By the next afternoon, she knew she wasn't
ready to confront him with any grace. She'd just left the clinic to
head home, still disturbed at the prospect of a house empty of
Beowulf, when she saw Clive crossing the field toward her
house.

She was furious, but confused. His
walk reminded her of their dancing, and the feel of his movements
against her body. She watched his hands as he walked, remembering
the things he could do with them. His face, hopeful even at this
distance, brought back the heat of his kisses, by turns tender and
rough, of his tongue feeding her passions.

God damn the man, why didn't he
stay away like he’d wanted to?

Her anger saved her, exploding
without warning and chasing desire to a quick death in its ashes.
She threw her bag on the porch and strode to meet him, her steps
strong and fast. He stopped midway to her, his hopeful expression
fading to uncertainty. She didn't give him a chance to talk. She
closed the distance in three steps, and shoved with all her might
against his chest. He fell back and she pushed again.

“How dare you?” Her voice shook.
She stood close, her head level with his shoulders, fury giving her
added height. “How dare you take a chance with my life, just for
your own pleasure? How dare you have sex with any woman knowing it
could kill her?”

“I'm sorry...” he began, and she
swung a slap to his face with a sharp crack. Her hand
stung.

“Sorry? There is no sorry for
this. Don't they have vasectomies where you come from? You couldn't
have done that one thing so you weren't a walking bomb?”

“I did take care of it,” he said.
“Every werewolf must have it done. Not a vasectomy, but the effect
is the same. I don't know how this happened.”

She stared at him, seeing the
sorrow in his eyes, hearing the despair in his voice, and not
buying any of it. She poked a finger at his face as she half-turned
back to the house. “You stay away from me. I'm working with
Shandari, and I'll handle this myself. You—you just go on your way
and forget this ever happened.”

He called after her. “You're in
danger, in so many ways. Let me help.”

She kept walking, waving an arm
behind her. “Kasia is helping me. You just go away.”

“It's my baby, too. I have a stake
in making sure he's safe. That you're safe.”

Tina stopped. She stared at the
house without seeing it, felt her heart pound against her ribs, her
body shake with fury. She turned, closing half the distance between
them. She fought to keep her voice calm.

“I've seen this lots of times in
my practice, Clive. Not werewolves, of course. But women, alone and
pregnant, and an irresponsible jackass who thinks he's
somethin'
just because he got a girl knocked up. I try to
help those women see what their choices are. I can't tell them what
to do, but I can always see they're better off without the guy
around. The kid is better off without the bad influence in his
life.”

She paused, panting, and held up a
hand when he started to speak. When she caught her breath, she
continued.

“All you did was screw me, Clive.
You didn't even want to stay around for a few days to get to know
me better, to see if we could have had something together.
You
didn't want it.
” Christ, she hated the tears in her voice.
“Don't use the
it's my baby
line. It was your
sperm
,
and it could have killed me. It's just pure luck that it didn't.
Either way, you do not have a baby to worry about. Just go on your
way, like you wanted to do three months ago.”

He didn't try to stop her. She
locked the door after she went into the house, sank to the floor,
and burst into tears.

Fifteen minutes later, the last of
her tears fell. She sat on the floor and stared into her empty
fireplace, seeing Clive's face as she yelled at him. It was not the
face of a stranger looking for casual sex, nor the face of a man
arrogant about impregnating a woman. It was a face wracked with
pain. More than pain—it was a face of despair, as if her words tore
out his soul. She lifted her hands to her cheeks, trying to cool
the flame that burned there.

How could she hurt another human
being like that?
I want him, she admitted to herself. I want him
to care. I still want what we had that night. And he's right. It's
his baby, too. I don't deserve this child any more or less than he
does. What am I so afraid of?

She knew one thing for certain.
She needed to apologize.

~~

Clive ran, not paying attention,
not caring where his feet took him. Somehow he avoided careening
into trees or falling into bushes. When he stopped in a deep
shadowed grove, he pressed his hands against a tree, gasping until
breath made it into his lungs. Then he sent a raging fist into the
trunk, screaming in fury, but not feeling the pain at
all.

Damn her. Damn her to all the
hells, the bi
…
No. He refused to call
her that, in any of its meanings.
None of this is her
fault.

He stared unseeing at the tree,
sensing the gathering darkness, certain that it was building inside
him.
Everything.
This damned curse touched everything in his
life. Every new door closed in his face before he could cross it.
Laws, biases, and fear followed him everywhere he went. His parents
were heartbroken and shamed, his friends gone. Public places denied
him entrance, schools turned him away.

He rested his forehead against the
tree’s rough trunk.
I’ve always known a woman would never love
me. I thought I’d accepted it as a natural consequence of what I
am.

Pain ripped through his heart. He
gasped at its strength.
Knowing something is not the same as
experiencing it. I’ve always known I could never have children, yet
against all our knowledge and history, there is a child. No one can
take that away.

He lifted his head.
Even if I
never see him, never know anything about him, he is still here. He
exists.

“That will always be true,” he
whispered to the tree.

He realized that he had kept an
irrational hope. That if one impossible thing could happen—a child
of his blood—then perhaps another impossible thing would happen as
well. That Tina would be willing to live with him, would allow him
to be a partner and a father. Would want him.

He’d always known this door was
closed to him. He had cracked it open anyway, and the force of its
slam ripped his soul in two.

He stared at his hands as they
rested on the tree, streaked with the blood of his pounding. It was
time to return, but he couldn't go back to the Keeper's house and
face the quiet pity of Kasia and Shandari. He raised his head, and
gazed at the inky clouds fading into twilight. The moon was waxing,
nearing full, somewhere behind those clouds.

He had a job to do.

Then he could return to
Kaarmanesh.

Alone.

~~

Tina hesitated to call Sebastian
Ruth's house. She doubted that Clive had returned yet, and she
didn't feel up to explaining to Kasia or Shandari. She poured a
large glass of water, drinking half of it in an effort to beat back
the headache pulsing behind her eyes. She wasn't hungry, but forced
herself to eat a cup of yogurt.

Maybe enough time had passed.
Surely, he'd had time to get back.

Her cell rang. With sudden hope,
she dug it from her pocket. “Hello?”

“Ah, Tina. I'm glad I caught you.”
The voice was breathless.

Her hope plummeted. “Damien? Um,
can I call you back?”

“I'm hurt, Tina,” he said, and now
she could hear the pain in his voice. “I'm sorry to call you like
this. I feel like an idiot. I was out hiking and I fell. My leg
is... ah hell. This is ridiculous. I'll just rest for a while and
then walk home. I shouldn't bother you.”

“Don't be silly,” she said, glad
for the professionalism that replaced her depression. “It's almost
dark, and it's going to rain. Where are you?

“Are you sure? I'm just off of
Grillman Road, about ten miles from town. There's a fire
trail...”

“I know it,” she said, pulling her
coat from the closet. “Do you have a flashlight?”

“Of course.”

“All right. Give me twenty
minutes, then start turning it on and off in five second intervals.
If I don't see it when I get to the fire road, I'll call you. Is
your leg broken?”

“I don't think so. Just twisted or
something. Swollen like hell.”

“Try to stay warm. I'll be there
as fast as I can.”

“Thanks, Tina. I owe you a week of
dinners.”

“Damn straight. See you in a
bit.”

She dashed out the
door.

Chapter 28

It was full dark and raining by
the time she eased off the main road onto the sharp curve of
Grillman Road. The fire road intersection was about a mile down.
She crept along, unable to see more than a few feet in front of the
car. She stopped after a mile. She honked once and turned off her
headlights, craning her neck to search the forest for flashing
lights.