Worth the Trouble (16 page)

"No, it doesn't happen often, but it did this afternoon.  I lost my head and got in the way.  I could have caused a man to die,
two
men to die, because of my stupidity."

"
You were just trying to help, right?" Joel offered with a shrug.

"I wound up getting in the way and making Ethan's job twice as hard.  He did good out there, Joel.  I think he would be a great replacement for Terri here."

"I agree, we just have to convince him of that," Joel replied.

"I'll
try to help.  I'm going to talk to him when he gets here."

"Good, I appreciate it.  Terri is getting too far along for all this excitement," Joel said then put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed.  "If my mama caught wind of it, I would be up to my eyeballs in alligators,
or have my ass full of buckshot," he told her with a short laugh.

"Yeah, everyone here knows you don't mess with Miss Curly, or her grandbabies."

Joel hooted, "Ain't that the truth?"  He pointed his beer toward the fire then said, "I'm going find my wife, before she gets into trouble."

Rocky glanced at Terri who was standing over by one of the younger guests by the fire
talking.  It was obvious the guy was flirting with her, and more than obvious her husband wasn't happy about it.  "Don't get yourself in trouble in the process, boss man," Rocky warned with a giggle.

"No worries, she'll bail me out...or call Ronnie," he told her with a snort.

Rocky remembered last year when he got thrown in jail, because the police suspected he had killed his ex-wife.  That had been an ordeal, and even though nobody believed he'd done it, if his brother hadn't hired the female attorney to plead his case, he might well be in jail right now.  Rocky had met her one day at the house, and from that one meeting she determined Veronica Winters was not a woman she ever wanted to cross.

Hearing the hum and rumble of the golf cart over the crackling fire, Rocky stepped to the end of the pickup and squinted into the night.

"I think the man of the hour has arrived," Joel said behind her then grumbled, "I'm going to rescue my wife," as he walked off toward the fire.

Ethan's face was
shadowed by the night when he pulled the cart to a stop beside the pickup, so she couldn't see his expression.  Although she knew he had to see her standing there, he didn't make eye contact, and he didn't say hello.  Instead, he reached into the back of the cart and pulled out his crutches then got out of the cart and started toward the fire.

Rocky
quickly figured out that he must be angry at her for what happened this afternoon.  She couldn't really blame him.  Grabbing another beer for herself, and one for him, she opened them then headed over toward where he had seated himself on a log.  Dylan was there talking to him and when she walked up, he turned to her with a smile. 

"Thanks, honey,"
Dylan told her with a wink, then grabbed one of the beers out of her hand, before he drank deeply.

"That wasn't for you, butthead," she grumped then looked down at Ethan, who still
didn't make eye contact or acknowledge her presence at all.  How the hell could she apologize if the man wouldn't even look at her?  Shoving the beer under his nose, she told him, "Here, you earned this."

Ethan didn't take it, and he still didn't look at her.  He pushed up to his feet
, picked up his crutches then waved at Terri and Joel on the other side of the fire, before making his way over there.

"Ooh, looks like
someone is a little pissy with you," Dylan told her with a chuckle, pointing toward Ethan's back with his beer bottle.

"Shut the fuck up, Dylan," Rocky growled then
drank down the whole beer in her hand in two gulps.  She wiped her mouth with the back of her arm, then walked back to the chuck wagon to get another one. 

Rocky had a feeling she
was going to need a heck of a lot more than that to wash down the crow that was stuck in her throat.  It didn't look like Ethan was going to make swallowing it easy either.

An hour or so later, Rocky nurs
ed her fourth beer, which was usually way past her limit of two, while hiding out at the side of the chuck wagon talking to Jarvis, when Ethan rounded the wagon.  Their eyes met and she stopped talking midsentence, then his jaw tightened, before he turned around and started back toward the fire. 

"Ethan, wait!" she yelled and ran after him.  Once he got going, he was pretty damned fast, so she had to jog to catch up to him.
  "Wait!" she said again and grabbed his arm, causing him to wobble on the crutches.

"What the hell do you want, Roxanne?" he stopped and asked gruffly.

"I want to talk to you," she told him then stepped around to face him.  "I want to apologize for getting in the middle of your rescue at the creek."

"Well, you apologized, now leave me alone," he replied and tried to move around her, but she sidestepped so she stayed in front of him.

"Thank you for saving me from my stupidity," she told him and he finally met her eyes warily.

"You're welcome, now goodbye," he
ground out and made a move to leave again, but she stopped him. 

"
What
?" he demanded and she saw a muscle work at his square jaw, then noticed his knuckles were white on the grips of his crutches.

She stepped closer to him and put her hand on his chest.  "
I underestimated you and I promise it won't happen again.  What you did at the creek was amazing, Ethan."

He snorted then met her eyes with his angry gaze.  "For a cripple, huh?"

"You're not a cripple, Ethan.  The progress you've made while you've been here is...unbelievable.  What you did today is more than an able-bodied man or
woman
could have done on a good day.  You saved that asshole's life, and you saved mine."

"You can swim, you would
have made it out," he dismissed her looking off over her shoulder.  "But you didn't help matters by getting yourself in the middle of the situation."

"I know that, and I'm sorry," she told him
, moving her hand up to his cheek to cover that jumpy muscle there, because she couldn't help herself.  His five o'clock shadow abraded her palm, sending tingles skittering up her arm.

When her thumb involuntarily began stroking his cheek, his hand came up to cover hers.  "Don't," he said huskily and pulled her hand away.

Embarrassment flowed through her and she dropped her arm to her side then stepped back.  "Sorry," she said with her face feeling like it was on fire.

"If I had to guess, that's as many times as you've said sorry in your life?"  He asked and his firm mouth cocked up on one side.

"You'd be right," she replied with a snort.  "And all in one night to one man," she added with a smile then tucked her thumbs in her belt loops to keep from touching him again.  "Probably owe you a lot more of them too."

"You don't owe me anything, but you could have a little more faith in people," he replied and met her eyes. 
His were cooler now, not angry anymore, but not warm either.  At least it looked like she was making some headway with him.

"You're right, I should," she agreed then looked away.  "There haven't been many people in my life who inspired
faith in me, but you're one of them now.  I think you can accomplish anything you put your mind to doing."

"And trust?" he asked surprising her. 

She hesitated and his green eyes burned a hole in her, while he waited for her response.  Trust was another story.  The only man she had ever trusted in her life was her daddy.  He had always taught her that trust was something earned, not given. 

But
based on what Ethan had done today, he had earned hers.  Rocky had been scared to death when she let go of that log to jump for his hands, but Ethan had caught her, just like he told her he would. 

"Yeah, I trust you too, Ethan.  You're the real deal, and I'm sorry for doubting you."

"Okay, now that is out of the way, and I'm going to be perfectly blunt with you, Roxanne..."

"Blunt is good, that way there aren't any misunderstandings," she told him and braced herself for whatever he was going to tell her.  If he started with that warning, whatever it was couldn't be good.

"I like you and I want you, but I'm tired of chasing you.  I won't be doing that anymore, so you don't have to worry about me coming on to you again.  If you decide you want me too, you'll have to do the chasing, darlin'."

CHAPTER
TEN

Two weeks later, Roxanne sat out in the employee bunkhouse pushing her food around in her plate, not really listening to the loud conversations going on around her.  Matt Walker sat next to her, toying with his food too.  The rest of the ranch hands were digging into the hearty chili Jarvis had prepared as if it were their last meal.

"Food not to your liking, Missy?" Jarvis grumped from his place at the head of the table.
  Jarvis took pride in everything he fixed for them, even tuna fish sandwiches, and if someone looked off of their food, he was going to ask why.

"It's good, Jarvis...I'm just not real hungry," she told him, then forced a bite of the rich food into her mouth
, chewing so she didn't have to say more.

Matt elbowed her then leaned in
to ask, "What's up with you?"

She took a long drink of her iced tea then motioned to his plate with her fork.  "I could ask you the same thing."
 

There was no way she was going to tell Matt she was hung up on a man she shouldn't even think about wanting. 
As much as she tried to deny it though, she wanted Ethan Cassidy more than any man she'd ever met.  Even more now that he was ignoring her.

And he was so wrong for her, she knew giving in to her desires would amount to emotional suicide.  But she was ready to take the plunge off the cliff with one
indication from him that he was still interested.   There hadn't been one single sign from him in two weeks though that he was.

I like you and I want you, but I'm done chasing you
. 

Those words had replayed in her mind a hundred thousand times since he'd muttered them.  Every time they did, they drove her guilt deeper, and pulled her need for him higher. 
Since that night at the bonfire though, Ethan had kept to his word and hadn't even gotten close to the line with her, much less stepped over it.  And It was driving her crazy. 

Flirty, playful Ethan was gone and had been replaced by a man she didn't even know.   It was like aliens had abducted him and taken him to their spaceship where they sucked out his personality. 
Bland and boring, didn't begin to describe it. 

He interacted with the other ranch hands just fine
, even laughed and joked with them, but he just ignored her.  Well, not ignored exactly, he treated her like a casual acquaintance, polite but standoffish.

During the riding lessons he didn't even really need anymore, h
e was patient and did exactly what she told him to do, but as soon as they were finished, he was out of there like his tail was on fire.  She never, ever saw him after he left the barn. 

Even when she ate dinner up at the big house
, while the other ranch hands were out on the trail, he was curiously absent from the table.  One day she made the mistake of asking Terri about it, and had been told that she needed to ask Ethan.

The irritating man
occupied most of her waking thoughts, which was often because she was even having trouble sleeping.  When she wasn't with him giving him riding lessons he didn't need now, just to spend time with him, she was thinking about him.

And it was her own damned fault, because she
hadn't
trusted him, or had faith in him, had pushed him away one too many times, before she realized she
liked
him flirting with her.  She lov--liked the way he made her feel about herself, enjoyed bantering with him, but she didn't realize that until he wasn't doing it anymore.  Add into the mix that he saved her life, and Rocky was a goner.  Now Ethan was just gone, and she missed him.

But Rocky still
wasn't sure she wanted to get involved with him.  The man was still the smooth-talking city boy her daddy had warned her about.  Maybe she could just sleep with him again to take the edge off and not let her emotions get involved. 

That was probably impossible though, because
to date, except for that night with Ethan in the hayloft, Rocky had never slept with someone until she was sure about how she felt about them.  When she met Ashton at twenty-three, she had still been a virgin.  It took her four months to decide she wanted that with him.  After she slept with him though, she wished she'd have held out a little longer, because it definitely hadn't been worth the trouble.

She wasn't sure if she had feelings for
Ethan or not, she cared about him, liked him a lot, but Rocky knew one thing for certain, she definitely wanted to sleep with him again.

Matt finally spoke up and broke
through her mental struggle.

"My mama called me this morning and
my sister's husband started drinking again.  He left her and her kid high and dry. They have a big farm down by Henrietta, and she can't handle it by herself," he told her then sat his fork down on his plate.  "I'm trying to find someone to help her, but by long distance that's hard."

"So, go help her
yourself," Rocky suggested swirling her spoon in her bowl.

"I have to have the money I make here to help her
, I can't just quit and go down there."

"You can make it work if you want to, Matt.  Joel will understand," she encouraged then told him, "Just talk to him."

He studied her for a minute then a small smile flitted over his mouth.  "I will...thanks, Rocky."  He picked up his spoon and filled it with chili, before taking a big bite.  After he washed it down with a sip of his tea he looked at her again and said, "Now, what's bothering you?"

"I don't want to talk about it, really Matt, it's nothing," she told him.  When his eyes narrowed she said, "Thanks for worrying about me though."

"I do worry about you," he told her then tapped her forehead with his index finger.  "You keep everything in here, and won't talk to anyone about anything.  When you're at capacity up there, where will you be?"

"Right here, sitting at this table," she said with a snort.

"Maybe, maybe not."

"What the heck is that supposed to mean?" she asked him then
took a bite of chili and flinched as the hot stew burned all the way down to her stomach.

"It
means if you don't talk to someone about it, bounce things off of them to get a different perspective, you worry yourself sick, and go crazy," he told her then grinned.

She took that to mean her words to him had helped
him.  "Glad to help, buddy," she told him and returned his smile.  "I'll send you a bill in the morning."

"And I'd gladly pay it, but I think I'm going to be a little short in the near future."

"You going to Henrietta?" she asked surprised.

"I think I am
, but I'm going to sleep on it and talk to Joel tomorrow...we'll see," he told her then dug into the rest of his food.

Rocky
wished sleeping on it would solve her problem, but one had to sleep in order for that to happen.  There had to be something she could do without coming right out and saying, "Ethan, hell yes, I'm interested, put me out of my misery." 

If she could just get him alone, maybe things would just
evolve where she wanted them to go. Or maybe pigs would fly.  It looked like Ethan Cassidy could be as stubborn as her when he decided on something. 

Regardless, she could
break him, she knew it.  She just had to get creative, use her noggin, and maybe something would come up.

Ethan finished the last bite of the delicious steak that Penny had fixed them for dinner, then wiped his mouth and threw his napkin down on the plate.  "God, if Penny keeps feeding me like that, I'm going to have to up my workout routine again," he said and grinned at Terri.

"Yeah, you are getting a little chubby," she teased and took a sip of her tea.

"Chubby?" he asked and lifted his shirt to pat his rock hard stomach.  "Does that look like chub to you?" he snorted indignantly.

"I meant in your head, brother dear," she said and rested her elbows on the table to give him
that
look.  The one that said she was about to blast him.  "It's about time you start earning your keep around here, don't you think?"

Ut oh, she was back on the ranch medic thing again, he thought.  "I thought the creek thing would buy me a little more time," he told her.

"Your time has expired, it's been two weeks since the
incident
by the creek."

He snorted then pushed his chair back.  "Two lousy weeks is all you're giving me?  I saved Rocky too, doesn't that count?"

"It counts, but your free pass is over," she said a little more seriously than he liked.

"I wasn't aware I had a free pass.  You came to Henrietta to drag my ass out here in the boonies, so you could torture me," he reminded her.

"And you better be thankful I did.  You wouldn't be walking right now if you had laid your lazy butt in that bed another day, while you drove mama crazy."  Terri leaned forward then told him, "I need an answer, Ethan.  I'm not physically able to help with medical services in the field anymore.  The creek incident proved that to me.  If you hadn't been there, that man would have died.  It's either you take the job, or I have to hire someone else."

"Give me a few more days to think about it.  I'm almost back on my feet
now.  With dad retiring, I was thinking maybe I could go back to the department," he told her without meeting her eyes. 

That
thought had been playing around in the back of his mind for a week or so, and the more he thought, the more sense it made.  He hadn't talked to his dad about it yet, but he wanted to.  At the end of next month, his dad was retiring and that would leave the Captain position open. 

That
job would be something Ethan could probably do, even slightly limited in his mobility.  Since he added swimming to his workout routine, he was getting a lot stronger.  Even though he knew he would never be back to a hundred percent, Ethan was starting to think he would be able to get very close.  Besides, the men on the crew would handle the heavy lifting.  He had the experience, they had the muscle, a win-win situation.

Terri huffed out a frustrated breath.  "Ethan dad is retiring so both of you can be out of firefighting, not so you can take his job."

Anger surged up inside of him and he stood up then slammed his hands on the table on either side of his dinner plate.  Terri jumped back and Joel scraped his chair back to stand. 

With a glance at Joel, Ethan
met Terri's eyes and told her, "I am mentally capable of making my own decisions, Terri.  I don't need you shoving a job down my throat that would only utilize a fraction of what I'm trained to do."

She gasped and put a hand to her throat then stood and assumed a similar position to his.  "I'm trying to offer you a job that is suited to your present
physical
condition and fits with what you're trained to do."

"Don't upset your sister," Joel demanded and stepped around the table with his fists clenched at his sides.

"Fine," Ethan said then walked through the arched doorway of the dining room.  He was halfway across the living room before he realized he didn't have his crutches, they were leaning against the wall by where he had been sitting. 

"Well, I'll be damned," he muttered then took another experimental step, and another.  Maybe he was ready to make that trip to the fire station
now, he thought with a grin, continuing slowly across the living room, then down the hall to his bedroom where he slammed the door behind him.

Rocky helped Jarvis clear the table, it was her turn, then as soon as she put the last plate in the dishwasher, she headed for her room to change.  It was still early, and she was not tired yet.  She thought maybe it was a good time to start working the plan that had been formulating while she ate.

Tonight was a full moon, and the lake on the ranch property had some nice catfish in there.  She'd gone
fishing there several times with Matt and Dylan, and they had caught enough fish for supper the next night. 

Her rods were in the barn, so she would go get them and borrow some chicken gizzards from the freezer.  She also knew a place near the
lake where she could dig up some night crawlers, so she added a shovel to her mental supply list.

Once she changed into shorts and her
tennis shoes, she went out to the barn and got the equipment then loaded it in the back of her truck.  Excitement, and not a small amount of fear and indecision, built inside of her when she parked in front of the big house and walked up on the porch. 

Sucking up her courage, she twisted the knob
then went into the house.  It was eerily quiet inside as she walked through the entryway into the living room, then made her way to the dining room where she assumed everyone would be.  The room was empty, except for Penny who was picking up dishes to carry to the kitchen.  Her face was red and she didn't look happy at all. 

"Hey, Penny...where is everyone?"  Rocky
asked hesitantly, hoping Ethan hadn't left the ranch tonight.  She didn't know where he had been going while she was here eating with Terri and Joel, but assumed he had gone into town...to avoid seeing her.