Wounded But Not Scarred (New Adult Rockers 2) (14 page)

I grab the last of my bags, and
give my father a final wave as I climb onto the bus. The first person I see is
our old driver from last time, Elvis, sitting behind the wheel.

“Howdy, Miss Paige!” he calls
cheerfully, “We got ourselves a real nice ride this time!”

“We sure do!” I laugh.

I step into the rest of the RV, and
don’t pay much attention to the familiar faces, because I’m too busy checking
out the surroundings.

“Hot damn,” I whisper.

“I know,” Blake agrees, carrying my
bags into the back. The front half of the RV is lined with couches on either
side, with large windows above. Past the couch on the right hand side, there is
a small kitchenette with a sink, mini-fridge and microwave. Along the left-hand
side sits a booth and table. Past that I see two small doors, one of which
Blake has disappeared behind.

“Come on,” he says, appearing and
motioning for me. One door is slightly smaller, and Blake pushes it open to reveal
a bathroom. The other door opens up to a very tiny bedroom where luggage is
piled in the small space between the bed and wall. A small flat screen TV is
mounted on the opposite wall.

“In case anyone needs some privacy
or wants to take a nap,” he explains.

We walk back out into the main part
of the RV, and I’m still in shock.

Ben, Ryan, Liam and Jack are
sitting at the table, looking at something on a laptop.

Jason and Reese, who now play back
up for me, are sitting on one of the couches, going through their phones.

“I can’t believe how nice this is,”
I say.

“Our albums are doing so well, the
label was able to splurge on this. It’s going to make traveling a hell of a lot
more comfortable, especially since we’ll be spending more time on the road.”

I nod and finally sit down on the
empty couch, and Blake joins me. I notice there is another flat screen TV
mounted in the front of the RV.

We settle into the drive and
everyone starts to do their own thing. Jack joins Elvis in the front of the RV
for a while, and Ryan ends up going into the bedroom and taking a nap.

“He had a late night,” Blake
smirks. I don’t ask for an explanation, mostly because I don’t want to know.
“Hey, I want to show you something.” He gets up and grabs his iPad from his
nearby bag. He turns it on and pulls up a photo of a house.

“What’s that?”

“My realtor sent me this house last
night. Apparently the couple is going to put it on the market in November, but
as of right now it’s not even listed yet.”

I gingerly take the iPad from
Blake, feeling my stomach bubble over with nerves.

The house is newer construction,
but has an older vibe. There’s a huge wraparound porch, and a large manicured
yard with shady trees. The inside is beautiful with crown molding; fire places
and built in shelves. “It’s really nice,” I say slowly, “but I’m not sure why
you’re showing it to me.”

Blake looks hurt for a moment, but
quickly recovers. “I just thought it looked like something that you and I might
like. In the future. I’m sorry, though. I guess it’s too soon.”

“No, Blake, I didn’t mean to hurt
your feelings. I guess, I just didn’t think we were going to be looking until
the tour ended…” I trail off because I don’t want to say ‘and once we were
engaged.’

“You’re right. It was silly.”

I take his hand. “It’s not silly at
all. Let’s just focus on getting the tour going, and then your realtor can send
us all the pictures in the world.”

I leave Paige alone with her book
and head over to the table with my duffle bag. Making sure that no one is looking,
I rifle through the bag and find the inner pocket. I unzip it, and pull out the
velvet box. Keeping the box tucked safely inside the bag, I open it and stare
at the brilliant diamond nestled on the velvet padding.

After a few seconds, I gently close
the box, place it back in the inside pocket, and zip it carefully. I close the
duffle bag.

Kenny had been thrilled when I went
over last week and asked for Paige’s hand. She had been at rehearsal, and I had
been relieved that Daisy wasn’t over visiting. Not that I didn’t want Daisy
knowing, but I didn’t want to run the risk of her saying something to Jami and
then Jami letting it slip to Paige.

I told Kenny that I wasn’t sure
when I was going to ask Paige, and that I was going to wait for the right
moment. I figured near the holidays would be romantic and we were only a month
away from Thanksgiving.

I look over at Paige, and feel
completely overwhelmed by my feelings for her. Not just the love that I have
for her, but also the desire. As I'd gotten older, I didn’t think that you
could have love
and
physical desire in a relationship. I remembered
feeling that way about Paige, but I chalked it up to us being young, and having
a mostly long-distance relationship. When I had settled with Savannah, I'd
thought we at least had the desire part down.

Foolishly, I'd never imagined that
the best relationships had love, desire and respect. Because not only was I
physically attracted to Paige, but I fucking loved her in a way that made me
fiercely protective of her. And I
respected
Paige. I don’t want to say
that I didn’t respect Savannah, but I certainly didn’t value her the way a fiancé
should have.

But until the moment was right, and
I was certain that Paige wasn’t going to be freaked out, the engagement ring
was staying tucked safely inside my bag. Not even Ben or Ryan knew about it,
and I was going to keep it that way.

For now.

The day passed by slowly, and we
ate fast food in the back of the RV, hoping to make it to Ft. Lauderdale before
ten.

“This was definitely nicer than
spending fourteen hours in the van,” Paige says, flopping down next to me on
the couch and snuggling up.

“Agreed.” I look out the darkened
windows. “I think we’re just about there.” Elvis has gotten off the interstate.

Ten minutes later we pull up
outside our hotel, and we begin unloading our bags and start checking into our
rooms. Paige and I share a small room – that seemed to be an unspoken
understanding among the group, and everyone else breaks off into twos and
threes to go to their rooms.

“This is definitely nicer, too,”
Paige smiles as we drag our luggage into our room.

I laugh. “Yeah, no more sneaking in
and out of your room at night.”

“Ha ha. Like anyone was surprised.”

We put our things down and Paige
heads into the bathroom and turns on the shower.

“Did you want to do anything?” I
call out, knowing that if I set foot in the bathroom, I won’t be able to
control myself.

“Like go somewhere?” she calls
back, sounding confused.

“Yeah. I mean, we could always go
down to the bar and get a drink, or go out and see some of the city.”

I hear the shower turn off.

“I was kind of thinking we could
stay in.”

I turn around and see Paige
standing in the bathroom doorway, dripping wet and completely naked.

“Uhh.” I’m rendered speechless.

“I take that as a yes,” she teases.

“It’s a hell yes,” I say quietly,
moving towards her and scooping her up like a baby doll.

Paige laughs and doesn’t protest
when I fling her on the bed. Instead, she spreads her thighs for me and that’s
all the invitation that I need.

I wake up and notice sunlight
filtering in through a crack in the curtains. The next thing I notice is my
hand across Paige’s bare breasts.

“Mmmm,” I groan. “I could get used
to waking up like this.”

Paige cracks her eyes open at me
and smiles.

“So could I.”

She rubs at her eyes and then rolls
over so that she’s sitting on her elbows, facing me.

“I’m not scared anymore,” she says.

My mind is still foggy from just
waking up so it takes me a few seconds to process what she’s saying.

“I’m not scared about
us
,”
she clarifies. “In fact, I was up most of the night thinking about us and I’ve
never been more sure of anything.” She plays with a piece of hair that has
fallen across her collarbone. “You can have your realtor send us as many houses
as she likes. I’m ready to look at houses once we’re back in Nashville.” Her
bright blue eyes pool with tears and it pulls at my heart.

“Hey, hey,” I say quietly, pulling
her towards me. “We don’t have to rush into anything. I’ll wait as long as it
takes.” The last thing I want is for Paige to feel pressured. I never should
have showed her those pictures from the realtor. I just got so excited myself,
especially since I now have the ring on me.

“That’s not why I’m crying,” she
sniffs, wiping at her nose.

“I’m confused.”

“I’m just so sure about you, Blake.
And I love you so much. I’ve never been this happy and I’m so tired of my past
acting like one giant road block to my life and my happiness.”

“Oh, baby,” I murmur, kissing her.
“You’ve already proven that you are so much bigger and better than what
happened to you. Every day you amaze me with your strength and your ability to
love. The past is not getting the best of you. Anyone who knows you can see
that.”

“Really?” she asks, clearly
insecure. It’s moments like this, when Paige is more vulnerable than usual,
that remind me just how strong she really is. I know, probably better than
anyone, besides her parents, just how much Paige had been through. I remember
her cutting me off. I remember the trial in the media. I remember what Paige
was like when she returned to Nashville, still broken and trying to heal. Her
transformation is amazing.

“Yes, really. You’ve already won.”

She brightens at my encouraging
words and kisses me on the lips.

“I meant what I said,” she insists,
“I’m ready. I know we’re focused on kicking off the tour now, but you will
always come first. I’m ready for us to start our life together.”

I smile mischievously. “So, you
want to head over to the courthouse this morning?”

She blanches, her face paling and her
eyes wide.

“I’m only kidding!” I laugh and she
swats at me, quickly recovering. “Don’t worry. I won’t rush things that much!”

“I would have!” she argues, “I just
didn’t expect that!” She stammers, blushing. “I
am
ready. I just had
started to picture myself in a white dress, surrounded by my family.”

“Baby, I was teasing. I
want
to
see you all decked out in a white dress.” I push myself out of bed and rub at
my tired eyes. If Paige was up for most of the night thinking, then she must
really
be tired, because we spent a big chunk of last night christening every piece of
furniture in our hotel room.

“I’m starving and I need caffeine,
which I’m guessing you need, too.”

“Most definitely.”

I pull the blinds back and bright
sunlight fills the room. I can see that we are about three blocks from the
beach, and I can make out a boardwalk not far from us. “Alright. Want to get
dressed and head out to find a breakfast place? It looks great out there.”

“Sure!”

We quickly dress and head out of
our room, not having to worry about checking out today. We'll stay in this
hotel one more night and then head out tomorrow morning to make our way towards
Orlando and then onto Tallahassee.

The weather outside is warm and
balmy, and we hold hands as we weave among the small streets, checking out
touristy beach shops and hidden cafes. We settle on a small café that has
street tables and plenty of shade. I order a hot coffee and Paige orders an
iced coffee and we each order a bagel.

“Gosh, it’s so pretty down here,”
Paige remarks, slipping her sunglasses on.

“Mmhmm,” I agree, my mouth full.

Paige sips at her coffee and then
puts it down and fixes me with a look.

“Did I do something?” I ask
playfully.

“No. I just want you to know that
I’m serious about not being afraid any more. And I don’t care about all that
crap with Savannah’s family.”

I reach over and take her hand. I
can’t help but wonder what her ring finger will look like once there’s a
sparkling diamond on her hand.

“I know. But there’s no rush. No
matter what, we still have to wait for this tour to wrap up.”

“I know. But I just want you to
know how sure I am.”

“I know, baby. Don’t worry. We’re
going to do everything right this time.” And I mean it. We’re going to go at
Paige’s pace and we’re going to do things traditionally.

We spend the rest of the morning
wandering about, ducking into shops and strolling along the beach. All too
soon, we have to head back to the hotel to get ready and head over to our
venue. I lose sight of Paige once we arrive at the music lounge.

I say music lounge, but when we
arrive it’s actually a small arena.

“Damn,” I say to Ben and Ryan, “I
had no idea we were selling this many tickets.”

Ben nods, equally impressed. “Jack
just told me that we have a ton of places like this booked. And check this
out.” He pulls out his phone and scrolls through to a gossip site. “We made
gossip news,” he laughs.

I take his phone and quickly scan
through it. There’s a photo of us with Paige, mentioning how we were kicking
off our tour this weekend and that we were both the two hot new country acts to
follow.

“Hot new country acts,” I repeat.

“Yeah, well clearly they are
referring to Paige when they use the term hot,” Ben says.

“Speak for yourself,” Ryan chimes
in, flexing his bicep. “I think I’m pretty damn sexy and so far the chicks do,
too.”

I didn’t even want to think about
the tail that Ryan will be chasing on this tour.

“Does it make you sad at all?” Ryan
asks.

“Huh?” I ask.

“Not being able to chase after the
girls with us.”

Ben bursts out laughing.

“Not at all. Have you seen my
girlfriend?” I smirk.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck you,” Ryan
mutters which only makes Ben laugh louder.

“He’s still mad that he didn’t get
his shot with her,” Ben explains.

“Oh, I know. I was there that first
night we watched her perform.”

Ryan flips us off and heads out of
the cramped dressing room.

We finish getting ready and then
we’re being called to go onstage. Like our last tour, we’re playing first, even
though we get equal billing as Paige. But we aren’t fools; we know that Paige
is a better seller than us. And rightfully so. Rust is damn good, but we aren’t
as good as Paige. Then Paige and I will close the show with two of our songs.

We take the stage, and we hear the
fans go wild. It’s funny because the band seems to have more female fans than
male fans, but Paige also seems to have more female fans, so usually our
audiences are female heavy. Ryan doesn’t complain though.

We start out with some of our older
songs, which honestly aren’t that old, but they aren’t on the new record. We
throw in a few of our newer songs, and as we start doing our final number, I
see Paige step into the stage wings.

It’s hard to concentrate on my
singing when I see her, because she’s so dolled up. Paige is always gorgeous,
but I forget what she looks like when she’s performing. She still looks like
Paige, which was very important for her from the beginning—she never wanted to
look like someone else, but she's definitely an “enhanced” version of herself.

She blows me a kiss and laughs, and
I know she’s teasing me. I look away, even though the image of her in cowgirl boots
and a bright red dress is emblazoned on my mind. Damn! There’s something about
a woman in a red dress and cowgirl boots! It’s just so country and so sexy,
especially with her all-American blonde hair and blue eyes. I can still picture
her scarlet lips and when I look back, I see her hair hanging in loose
tendrils, framing her face.

The woman is damn beautiful.

We finish our set, and I have a
quick two minutes with Paige before she has to go on.

“You kicked ass!” she squeals, as I
pull her into a tight hug.

“Thanks! I loved looking over and
seeing you in the wings.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get out sooner
to see more, but it took me longer to get ready than I'd planned.”

“They seem to be a great audience.
I know they’re going to love you.”

Paige, adorable as ever, bites her
nails, insecure. “I hope so.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Wherever we
go, people have gone crazy for you. Even Tim McGraw and Faith Hill loved you.
You’ve got all kinds of fans that you don’t even know about.”

“Oh my god, don’t even mention Tim
and Faith. Just the thought of them having watched me perform makes me feel
sick!”

I laugh. “Why?”

“Because they are
Tim and Faith
.
They aren’t supposed to like people like me. They aren’t even supposed to know
little people like me!”

“Paige, that’s all changing. You’re
about to become ‘Paige Lawson: Country Superstar.’ ’’

“Stop!” She says, shoving me
playfully. We hear her name being announced and her eyes widen with fright. “Oh
gosh! Here I go!”

I give her a quick kiss and then she
runs out onstage, smiling and waving at people like it’s the most natural thing
in the world for her.

I want to stay and watch her whole
set, but I have to go change before my number with her, so I do that first, and
then I come back and watch her finish up.

She’s smiling at me like I’m the
best thing she’s ever seen when I join her onstage. The audience seems to know
what’s coming and they go nuts for our music.

When it’s finally over, we head off
stage and meet the rest of the crew in the wings.

“Y’all were fantastic!” Liam says
happily. “I’m getting ready to place a call to Kenny to tell him how well y’all
did!”

Paige is beaming and Ben and Ryan
are high fiving.

“Come on! Let’s go celebrate,” Ben
says and I look over at Paige who shrugs and nods. We don’t normally go out
with everyone, but the energy is so high between the group tonight.

Paige quickly changes and takes off
some of her makeup and then we all cram into an exclusive bar in Ft. Lauderdale.
We're having a good time, sharing some drinks, but mindful that we have to
perform the next day. Paige really lets loose, dancing out on the dance floor
and beckoning for me to come join her. She doesn’t need to ask more than once—she’s
irresistible as she shimmies under the pulsing lights.

“You’re not even drunk,” I murmur,
moving behind her and sliding my hands around her waist.

“I know. I just feel like dancing.”

“Well, I’m certainly not
complaining.” I press myself further against her, feeling her warm body move up
and down against me. I run my hands along her bare arms, and feel the heat
pulsating from her skin.

“I’ve never really been out dancing
before,” she admits.

For a moment, I’m paralyzed because
it didn’t even occur to me, though it makes perfect sense. Then a frightening
thought occurs to me, and I spin her around so I can look at her.

“What?” she asks, alarmed.

“I don’t want you to feel like
you’re missing out on things if you settle down with me.”

Paige has never experienced dating
around. She’s never gone on dates, or been to clubs. Hell, she’s never had her
heart broken or been through any of the pitfalls of dating.

“Are you crazy?” she asks, stopping
abruptly on the dance floor.

“Come with me,” I say urgently,
pulling her to a quiet corner. “I never thought of it this way before, but I
don’t want to rob you of those experiences. Maybe you feel like you need more
life experience before you settle down with me. Or if you’re even sure that you
want to be with me.”

“How much have
you
had to drink?”
she accuses. “I mean, Blake, do you know me at all? I had plenty of time to do
all those stupid things, I went to college and dated, but I chose not to do
them. I
couldn’t
do them. And if I hadn’t reconnected with you, I
probably would have been alone my entire life. It’s not just that I was
afraid
to be with other people. I physically
couldn’t
do it. I tried! I dated
guys in college. It was awful. I couldn’t bring myself to be intimate with
them,” her eyes fill with tears as her voice cracks. “I forced myself
sometimes, and it was so awful. I hated it!”

This is not how I wanted this
conversation to go.

“Shh, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t
mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know that I would understand if you
felt like you hadn’t seen enough of the world.”

Even though it would break my
fucking heart.

She buries her face in my chest and
I hear her sob. “I don’t want to see what else is out there,” she cries, “I
only want you.”

“Okay, okay. Shh. I’m sorry I ever
said anything.”

I can tell that I’ve ruined the
night, so we quickly grab our things and I lead Paige from the bar.

It feels like the walls are closing
in on me as Blake leads me out of the fancy bar. Everything had been going so
well until he mentioned me possibly wanting to date other people. How could he
not understand? I
can’t
date other people. Blake is the only person for
me, and if I can’t be with him, then I won’t be with anyone. It doesn’t work
any other way.

Even though the air is warm
outside, it’s a welcome change from the hot, humid air inside the bar. Once
we’re on the sidewalk, I pull away from Blake and look at him, feeling the
tears still sliding down my cheeks. I know part of this is from all the stress
that is finally catching up with me.

“How could you even suggest that?”
I demand, and I can see Blake is at a loss here. “How can you not understand
how screwed up I was? How broken I was? I only want you!” I break off into a
sob again.

“Paige, I was never implying that I
wanted that. It would rip my fucking heart out if you wanted that, but I also
didn’t want to keep you from certain things if you felt you needed to
experience them!” He rakes his hand through his hair and I can see that he’s
stressed out. “I know how hard it was for you, I mean I don't know, but I
realize it was painful for you.” I can hear the pain in his voice. The pain of knowing
how much pain I had experienced. “I know, Paige, I know. It was a stupid thing
to say. I thought it was something you might have considered.” His voice trails
off.

I feel a fresh sob work its way up
and it breaks through.

“God, Paige, I’m sorry,” he moans,
pulling me back into his arms.

I don’t resist this time. “Please,
let’s just go back to the hotel. I want to sleep.” My voice is thick from the
tears.

He nods, and quietly leads me back.
We don’t speak as we walk through the lobby, or get in the elevator. Once in
the room, I peel off of my clothes, take a quick shower and slip on a t-shirt
and shorts. Blake silently gets into the shower after me, and a few minutes later,
he’s climbing into the bed, wearing nothing. Normally, I would sleep naked too,
but I feel too exposed at the moment. I need to physically cover up because of
my emotional state.