Wounded (In My Dreams) (4 page)

I found a few options of free VA counseling at the Air Force base in Bellevue and printed the information. Then I called the Hy-Vee that was right by me and ordered several food trays. I was fading fast, all the excitement exhausting my normally low reserves of energy. I wrote a quick note to Jasper and grabbed the pages I’d printed.

Sneaking into the guest room, I set those on the nightstand with the Post-It I’d written on saying I was running out. I jumped when Jasper screamed and turned to him, right on top of him since there was only a little over a foot between the bed and the wall on either side. He sat up, his arms flailing about and I didn’t get out of the way in time, his large hand smacking me in the face. I stumbled back and cracked my head into the drywall.

“Fuck,” I groaned as I slid down to the floor, lights flashing in my eyes and then my vision swimming.

“Oh my
god
, Lily,” he exclaimed as he scrambled out of bed and onto the floor with me. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s okay. I’m a bear when someone wakes me up too.” I slapped at him when he tried to help me up, wanting another minute to just sit there. “I was going to suggest maybe checking out some free VA counseling, but now I might really insist upon it.”

“No, of course. I didn’t know where to look. I’ll go, I promise.”

I blinked at him, seeing him clearly now and the complete despair on his face. Wow, he really did feel bad. It was just an accident. “I’m fine, Jasper. It’s okay.”

“We should go to the hospital.”

“I thought you wanted to make me feel better, not annoy me,” I groaned as he helped me up… And by help me up, I mean
picked
me up and set me on the bed. “Shit, you’re strong. I’m way too heavy to pick up.”

“No, you’re not. You are too mean to yourself though.”

“Another discussion for another day.” I stretched out my neck, ignoring the pain but wanting to check if everything seemed okay. “Well, I’m running out. I just wanted to leave you a note. Next time I’ll just leave it on your door.”

“I’ll come with you,” he immediately offered as he wrapped his arm around me. “Should you be driving, Lily?”

“I’m fine. I have a thick skull.” I cleared my throat and quickly stood, remembering he was half naked and we were sitting on a
bed
. “Get some rest. I bet you could use it.” He nodded, studying me again.

“I am really sorry I hit you. I swear I didn’t mean to.”

“I know. It’s cool.”

“I’ll make an appointment tomorrow to talk to someone,” he mumbled, staring down at his hands. “I was honorably discharged from the Marines because I have pretty severe PTSD and was wounded. I wanted to get help, but everything was a mess when I got out, and my family—”

“Hey, you don’t owe me any explanations,” I assured him as I covered his hands with mine. “I’m always here if you want to talk, but I hate when people push me, so don’t ever feel like you have to.”

“Thanks, Lily.”

“Get some rest.”

I grabbed my keys and purse on the way out before jumping in my car. It was a bit of a hike back into civilization. I shivered and felt a little clammy when I passed that same gas station on the way to Target. I didn’t think I’d ever be going back there. It was a shame because they did have the best prices on gas and were always really friendly.

One day maybe. After the dust and feelings settled.

I was kinda like a fish out of water in Target. I’d never shopped for guy stuff or been in a relationship that reached “move in together” level. At least something was better than nothing, and if Jasper stayed for very long, he could tell me what he liked for next time.

Face razors, shaving cream, toothbrush, and toothpaste weren’t so bad. But then I just stood at the soap and body wash. I used Dial, so it wasn’t girly smelling. Then again, my brother really liked Axe body wash so I went with that and the matching deodorant. If Jasper didn’t like it, he could use the soap. None of my shampoos were frangrancey besides mint for tea tree, so I didn’t see a reason to get something else.

He had more than enough gaps that needed to be filled instead of wasting money on stuff we could share.

I did a better job at clothes. That I could handle. I had a brother, I’d bought stuff for boyfriends in the past. It was like riding a bike.

Until I realized I hadn’t looked at his boots for a size. Damn. Flip-flops would have to work for now. That was way easier to try and size. He was tall, so large. Done and done. A few pairs of shorts, package of boxer briefs, socks—for when he got shoes—a pair of jeans, and some comfy-looking undershirts that could totally be used as just T-shirts and I was all set.

I picked up some snacks, my fridge and pantry always pretty much bare, several other things I thought he might need as well. Then I grabbed some Mountain Dew and a case of water so he could have his own stuff in the extra fridge in the laundry room. It seemed like the polite hostess thing to do—assuming he liked any flavor of Mountain Dew besides Baja Blast.

“I’ll have to assume,” I muttered as I pushed the cart to the checkout. The bill was pretty high, all the stuff we really need always being the most costly.
He better be willing to work this off.
I almost tripped over the cart in the parking lot. Even my
thoughts
kept being dirty innuendos. For fuck sake. I really
had
meant helping me out around the house and stuff.

I loaded up the car and headed to Hy-Vee. For once the trays were ready on time and were actually what I had ordered. Miracles really did happen. My local Hy-Vee was run by morons who chased their tails. It was annoying most times. Which was why I checked more than once I had the right sauces and dips. Then I added some basic supplies I was low on—milk, eggs, blah, and blah. Lastly what I needed to make some trays of baked ziti and smoke some turkey.

Really I was going for variety but of what
I
liked so I could figure out what he liked as well. There was no point in getting stuff for him I hated.

When I got home, I hit the garage door opener and backed into the driveway, remembering how big of a slope the damn thing was on. It made dragging everything into the house much harder. Nothing
screams
fun like walking uphill to get more groceries to bring inside. Once I was in park, I got out and waved to my neighbors who were playing in the front yard with their kids.

Except they weren’t looking at me.

I followed their line of sight and jumped when I saw Jasper standing in the garage, arms up as his hands rested on the doorframe, one foot stepping on the other—in nothing but those candy cane pajama pants. Yeah, couldn’t imagine why my neighbors were more focused on him. He looked like he had just walked out of an Abercrombie ad and was smiling at me, not even noticing other people were twenty feet away or so.

“I didn’t get much sleep so I heard you come back.”

“Oh, sorry. Is the bed not okay?”

“No, it’s great. I thought some wild animals were running around eating each other.” He gave a quick nod to next door.

“Yeah, Lucifer and Beelzebub make a
lot
of noise, especially since it’s so quiet out here. They just echo off the houses and open air.”

“That can’t be their real names,” he chuckled as he let go of the top of the doorframe and walked over to me.

“No, it’s what I call them.”

“That’s not very nice,” he teased, smiling widely.

“Hey, I say it to their faces,” I defended. “They should learn not to scream like they’ve been hit by a car when playing. The kids next door to
them
are younger and don’t scream like that.”

“Fair enough. Maybe we can exorcise them.”

“Ohh, I like it. You have a dark side too.”

“I do,” he snickered as I popped the trunk. “I can bring all this in. You’ve been running around all day.”

“Kinda love you right now. I hate carrying all this crap in.” Still, I took a few bags because it wasn’t like I was going to walk in empty-handed. I’d been so distracted I hadn’t noticed my neighbors walk over.

“So you’re
finally
dating someone?” Berna asked as she gaped at Jasper.

My face flushed as I shook my head. Not in a million years could I land someone as hot as Jasper. “No, Jasper’s just a friend staying with me. Berna, Craig, this is Jasper. Jasper, Berna and Craig.”

“Nice to meet you,” he greeted, shaking Berna’s hand first.

“You too,” Craig replied. “Sorry about that. We’ve just never seen a man at Lily’s house before.”

Jasper glanced at me. “Oh?”

“I don’t have time to date,” I mumbled as I picked up another bag.

“Lucky for me,” Jasper chuckled, shooting me a wink. “It would be really weird if you had a boyfriend when we met and decided to let me crash here.”

“You guys haven’t known each other long?” Berna inquired, realizing there was some gossip here.

“A while.” I shrugged but shot Jasper a look they couldn’t see.

“Yeah, we met and just now she said I could stay and help her out.”

“That’s good,” Craig replied, realizing I was uncomfortable talking about this. “Lily could use help with a big house like this. She has too much to worry about all by herself.”

“Well, anything she needs, I’m her man.”

I couldn’t even look at him. That was a loaded comment if I’d ever heard one.

“Well if you’re staying through the summer, you should come out with us on our boat. We could make a day of it,” Berna offered.

“We’ll have to see what Lily’s schedule’s like. She’s got some crazy work stuff coming up, but maybe. Nice meeting you.”

“You too,” they replied, taking the hint.

“Thank you,”
I mouthed as he lifted one of the trays from the trunk.

“I’m sorry. I guess I thought you were friends with them considering how they were acting,” he whispered.

“It’s not that I’m
not
friends with them,” I hedged, glancing over my shoulder to make sure they weren’t in ear shot. “It’s just, she likes to talk and to everyone about
everything
. Her mom has stopped over when she was housesitting and knew stuff I would never tell most people, and that was just what she said while standing on my doorstep. Berna doesn’t have much of a life and likes to act like she’s so important by knowing lots. Just not my thing. I’m pretty private.”

“That’s understandable. Load me up.” He jostled the tray to show me what he meant and I set down the bags, stacking the other trays in his arms until he cut me off. “So no boating with them then?”

“Oh, they’ll never really invite us. They’ve been making that vague offer since I moved in. Then when they actually are planning to go, they never say a word to me or ask. It’s always
we should go
or if I see them coming home,
next time you should come with us
.” I picked up my bags again and headed into the garage.

“So, fake invite so they can bring up they have a boat,” he drawled, rolling his eyes as we walked into the house.

“Pretty much,” I snickered, loving that he got that so easily.

“Up or down?” he asked when he reached the entryway. My house wasn’t a split level, just a two story. But it was an open entryway that came in between both levels so it was a little over half a flight up or down. It was really neat and I liked the open space so it didn’t seem cramped ever.

“Down.” I followed after him, then led him into the family room. “I thought maybe we could have a movie marathon and chill. Get you caught up on anything you might have missed but wanted to see. I have some work I can do on my laptop so I got some trays because I don’t feel like cooking and there wasn’t really anything
to
cook until I went shopping.”

“You got these for me?” he gaped at me, setting them down on the cedar chest.

“Well, I’m going to eat them too,” I chuckled as I dropped the Target bags on the couch. When I turned to get more I was suddenly in his arms.

“Thank you, Lily. No one’s ever been so thoughtful or concerned about me.”

“Wow, I really don’t like your family if you can say that just because I thought treats and movie marathon,” I whispered, hugging him back. What kind of monsters had he grown up with?

“I was one of many and not traditional in their eyes,” he mumbled, kissing my cheek as he pulled away. “Another story for another day.”

“Of course. Glad your voice sounds better.”

“Yeah, that tea was amazing.”

“I also got you some cough drops. I figured that would be the best thing too.” I turned and picked them out of the Target bag, holding them up for him. He tore them open the moment he took them from me and popped one into his mouth. So maybe his throat wasn’t all that okay yet.

“I’ll go get the rest of the stuff.”

I let him. I was exhausted. I plopped my butt on the couch and started taking covers off the trays.

“Hy-Vee bags up or down?” he yelled from the hallway.