Wounded (In My Dreams) (5 page)

“Hy-Vee up, Target down, along with pop and water. You can lock the car and close the garage when you’re done.”

“You got it.”

I could get used to this, not having to do
everything
myself.

Ten minutes later, I had my X-box loaded with my Amazon Instant Video account and we were sitting down to dinner.

“Oh, right, the Target bags are for you,” I chuckled as I dipped an egg roll in sauce.

“Me? Why are you getting
me
things?” he asked, his eyes going wide.

“You were right. Your clothes have seen better days,” I hedged, realizing this could be tricky territory. “I just got some basics.”

“Lily, there’s like seven bags here,” he argued as he moved to the floor. He started rooting through them, stacking the clothes on one side of him and setting all the supplies on the stone of the fireplace. Then he held up the flip flops.

“Yeah, I didn’t check your shoe size. We can get something else later but I figured those were better than nothing.” I shrugged and bit into my egg roll.

“These are perfect. I used to live in ones just like these. I can’t believe you did all of this for me especially after I hit—oh my god. How are you?” He jumped up and gently grabbed my chin, wincing at the bruise I’d seen forming in the car’s mirror. “I’m
so
sorry.”

“It was an accident, Jasper. I’m fine, really.”

“Thank you for everything, Lily,” he whispered before kissing my bruise. “You better be careful. You keep being this great to me and I might not ever leave.”

I smiled at him as he sat back on the floor. That didn’t sound like such a threat. Jasper was a nice guy who already was helpful and appreciated everything I did for him. That was really rare in a person.

He hurried to put all his stuff away before sitting back on the couch with me. “I might steal your jammie pants though. These are so comfortable.”

“They’re
huge
on you,” I snickered.

“Not huge, but I like them bigger. They’re really soft.”

“Yeah, I have several pairs,” I agreed. Hey, he could steal them, and considering how good he looked in them, it wouldn’t be any hardship on me to lose one if he wore them around the house. “Okay, so I went with Chinese appetizers, veggie tray, meat and cheese, and seafood dip platter.”

“It all looks amazing. I promise not to eat the last of anything though.”

“Oh, we’ll get along
really
well,” I chuckled, shaking my head. He glanced at me a moment so I decided to explain. “That’s always my pet peeve. I live by myself. I should never go for something and have none left without me knowing it.”

He shrugged. “Totally fair in my book. What do you want to watch?”

“I’ve seen it all so your call.”

“She even lets me pick the movie—amazing,” he muttered as he flipped through the options.

We ended up starting with
I, Frankenstein
. Then he wanted to see
Frozen
, which I couldn’t help but tease him about since most adult men don’t pick Disney movies on their own. He listened to me when I suggested the new
Hercules
wasn’t a first draft pick so we went with
World War Z
.

It was a fun night and I didn’t even have to clean up the trays. Jasper paused the movie and loaded them in the fridge, asking if I needed anything while he was up. I said I was fine and I ended up having such a good time I never went and got my laptop. It was nice having a movie buddy who talked just the right amount and enjoyed good stories as I did.

Sometime during
The Mortal Instruments
, which I’d seen like a dozen times, I fell asleep… On him. I woke up with my head on his lap, his fingers running through my hair that wasn’t in my tie anymore. It was strangely intimate given our situation, and worse, I really liked it. That wasn’t something I should get used to.

“I’m gonna head to bed,” I yawned as I sat up.

“Do you want me to turn this off?”

“No, I’m good. It’s not loud.” I gave him a wave as I stood and walked out of the family room. “Sleep tight, Jasper.”

“You too, Lily.”

I was in my bed minutes later, out for the count. What a crazy, screwy day that one had been.

3

“Time to get up, sleepy head. Daylight’s burning,” a deep voice chuckled from next to me. My eyes snapped open and I saw Jasper lying next to me in my king-sized bed.

Which meant something else.

“Get off!” I screeched as I sat up and tugged the covers. His eyes went wide as he immediately rolled off the bed. I threw back the bedding and sucked in a harsh breath. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. What’s going on, Lily?” he whispered as he walked around the bed and sat down next to me. “What were you looking for?”

“Who,” I corrected, tears in my eyes. “My pup. It’s like it doesn’t hit me that he’s gone when I first wake up, and when I saw you there, it was like that realization was hitting me as I thought you could be crushing him. I’m so sorry, Jasper.”

“How long ago?” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him.

“Beginning of the year. I know, I should be over it by now, but it was just him and me for almost ten years. We should have had more time. He was my baby, my traveling buddy, always excited for our new adventure or place to live, and my best friend.”

“The Weimaraner I saw a picture of on the wall outside my room?”

“Yeah, that was right after I got him. He was the runt, so small, so scared, but still
so
happy that someone cared when I picked him up. I hadn’t even been really thinking about getting a dog. I just went to look, and then I saw him, and found out he was a rescue—”

“You were sold.”

“I was,” I sniffled, wiping my eyes. “I’m sorry. This is probably so stupid and normal compared to what you’ve been through.”

“Loss is loss and grief is grief, Lily. No one can know or judge what you’re going through. He was your person.”

I nodded, leaning against him and sighing. “Even if he never talked to me. He had his own way of answering though. I swear I’m not making it up. That dog was so damn smart. And spoiled. My god, spoiled brat. He used to stand at the head of the bed until I lifted the covers for him to crawl under with me. A couple of years ago, I finally got him trained to stop plopping on me, but now I’d kill to have a bruise because he stepped on my leg or something.”

“Have you thought about getting another pup?”

“I know you’re being kind and concerned about me, but it annoys me sometimes when people ask me that. A parent loses a child and do they just think about getting pregnant again? I adopted him when he was a little over
three weeks
old. That means I had to bottle feed him. That’s not a replaceable bond I can just project onto a new dog.”

“I know. I know that,” he whispered as he rubbed his hand up and down my arm. “People just mean that he loved you so much, he’d want you happy again, to be loved like he did.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. Sometimes it just rubs me the wrong way. People were asking me right after he died like I could switch to new shoes and it made things worse for me. Besides, I can barely handle my life as it is, the last thing a puppy needs is a mess of an owner.”

“You’re not a mess.” I shrugged and he gave me a squeeze. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

“I just want to sleep,” I bitched and pulled away, still staring at the spot my dog used to lay in the mornings when he was alive.

“I know. I know you’re tired and worn out, exhausted all the time. You told me that. Just come for a walk with me, get your blood pumping and some endorphins in your system. If this is how you wake up all the time, I’m amazed you ever even get out of bed.”

“I got a new mattress. Sleeping on the one he used to was just too hard.” I shook my head and looked at Jasper. “Plus that thing was a rock.”

“This one’s not too soft either. Why don’t you have box springs?”

“They’re in the garage. It makes the bed a mountain and pup kept falling when he tried to hop up here. I couldn’t banish him to the floor after years sleeping in my bed.”

“You have a good heart.” He stood up and held out his hand to me. “Come on. Just to the end of the block. You can show me around a bit and help me get my bearings. Then maybe we’ll get those box springs cleaned off and under the mattress so you can sleep better.”

“Maybe.” I shrugged and took his hand, letting him pull me out of bed. It was then I realized I was only wearing one of my tiny night shirts that showed
way
too much cleavage and my yoga pants.

And Jasper was staring at my boobs. He cleared his throat and looked away, realizing it too.

“Sorry, used to living alone. I’ll get dressed.”

“I’m a straight man, Lily. You don’t
ever
have to worry about covering up on
my
account,” he chuckled. I rolled my eyes as I walked into my closet and pulled a fleece down from the shelf. Then I remembered I hadn’t gotten him anything but T-shirts and tossed Jasper a sweatshirt. “Thanks. It’s still pretty chilly in the mornings here.”

“Yeah. I can’t imagine how you survived this winter. It was really fucking cold and like forever.” I pulled the fleece on, rubbing my arms at just the idea of being homeless in the winter.

He shrugged after he slipped it over his head. “You make do. You find places that have hot exhaust behind them, like restaurants. That McDonalds by the gas station is twenty-four hours and they don’t let their employees take out the garbage overnight. I normally camped out in back by the kitchen against their exhaust grates. The manager normally woke me up and gave me a breakfast sandwich and coffee for free. He’s a nice guy. Never called the cops on me.”

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Jasper,” I whispered and hugged him. “You can stay here as long as you want and we’ll build fires all the time so you’re never cold again.”

“Well maybe not now since summer’s coming,” he chuckled, hugging me back. “Thanks, Lily. I promise I’ll really help out and make your life easier.”

“God knows I could use it,” I groaned, the list of everything I had to do that day already weighing on me. “Okay, let’s go walk to the end of the block and wear me out.”

“I think you meant to say
invigorate you
.”

“You keep dreaming, but if I want a nap when we get back, you and whatever army you could call on won’t stop me.” I smiled at him just to be cheeky as I slipped on my sneakers.

But it was true. I’d fallen asleep at my desk during the day more times than I’d liked to admit because I was always so damn tired. We went out through the garage after I grabbed the spare opener. Then I tucked it in my pocket once I closed it again.

“See, you already have a system in place for walks,” he pushed, looking pleased as could be.

“When my mom visits, her dog needs to be leashed, so we got in the habit of taking walks with both dogs. That’s why there’s all kinds of flashlights in the garage,” I explained.

“Not your dog?”

“No,” I whispered, blinking rapidly. “He hated the leash. He never ran from me. He’d circle the yard, do his thing, and come racing back to me like he’d missed me and hadn’t seen me for hours.”

“Loyal pup.”

“He was. Big bark that would scare the crap out of anyone. I always felt safe with him around.”

“Is that why you sleep with the TV on and your bedroom door locked?”

“Yes—how
did
you get in my room?” I blanched, my eyes going wide.

“I stuck a pin in the handle. It’s not like those doors are Fort Knox. I shut off the TV before I laid down next to you. You snore.”

“I do, but we might need to talk limits, Jasper,” I drawled, shaking my head. “I could have been doing
anything
with the door locked.”

“I listened outside. You weren’t. I thought knocking on your bedroom door would freak you out after living alone so long.”

I mulled that one over as we kept walking. “Good point. Okay, I won’t lock the door anymore, but don’t just sneak in. I could be sleeping naked or something.”

“Yeah, that’s a reason
to
sneak in, not behave more politely,” he drawled. I gaped at him. I didn’t even want to see me naked. No way
he
would!

I was embarrassed how tired I was when we got to the cul-de-sac at the end of my street. It was definitely longer than a normal block, but since my side of the block abutted the woods in the subdivision, it wasn’t broken up as most places would have been. So really it was like two or three blocks to the end.

Still something that shouldn’t have left me exhausted.

I pushed myself, trying to act like I was fine, but after we turned around and got to the hill before my house, I groaned.

“Hey, we got this. Baby steps.”

“Are you my personal trainer now too?” I quipped, shooting him a less than friendly look.