Wreckage (4 page)

But I’m recovering. I’m getting over it. I hope Steven is too, and that our bad dreams will stop, and that I’ll be able to find another job, and that one day he’ll be able to look his father in the face again. And that some day we’ll both be able to accept that evil walks the world and there’s really very little we can do to protect ourselves against it and that it’s always been that way. In its rarity lies the hope, Dr Brierly says, and Claire has said that too, but I wonder about that, I really do. I mean surely the fact that it’s there around us and we cannot defend ourselves against it … I wonder. It still hurts when I smile.

But they’ve been wonderful, tho, really, the surgeons and Claire and the good Dr Brierly. They’ve all done an excellent job. Really; I don’t know what I would’ve done without them, I really don’t.

DARREN’S VICTIMS: NUMBER 21

NO DON’T HIT ME PLEASE GOD PLEASE GOD GET THEM AWAY GET AWAY DON’T LET THEM HIT ME
WHAT’S THE FUCKIN CODE YER AHL CUNT GIVE ME THAT CODE OR AL SMACK YEH AGAIN
NO DAR DON’T HIT HER MATE
DON’T USE MY FUCKIN NAME SOFT-SHITE
DON’T HIT HER MATE SHE’S HAD ENOUGH YEH DON’T AVTER HIT HER AGAIN
PLEASE
LISTEN TO YOUR FRIEND THE POLICE WILL
D’YEH WANT ANOTHER LUMP YER AHL FRIGGIN BITCH GIVE US THE CODE I WON’T FUCKIN ASK YEH AGAIN
YEH MIGHT KILL HER DON’T DON’T SHE’S OLD MATE SHE’S ALREADY HURT
FUCKIN WILL KILL HER LAR N ALL I DON’T GET THAT FUCKIN CODE LAR SEE THIS HAMMER YEH FUCKIN
NO PLEASE NO PLEASE I HAVE MONEY TAKE MONEY
THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT AM TRYIN TER DO FER FUCK’S SAKES I MEAN
JUST GIVE IM THE CODE LUV AN WE’LL GO THAT’S ALL WE WANT I’M NOT GUNNER HERT YEH
GIVE US THE FUCKIN
EMRYS! EMRYS!
OH JEEZ DARLIN NO PLEASE DON’T SHOUT
ARGH YEH FUCKIN AHLD
NO DARREN NO DON’T HIT HER
ARGH
PLEASE DON’T SHOUT LOVE JUST GIVE US THE CODE AN WE’LL LEAVE YOU ALONE I PROMISE
GIVE ME THE FUCKIN TAKINGS BITCH
TAKE THEM JUST TAKE THEM
GIVE US THE FUCKIN CODE WELL
EMRYS!
OH NO PLEASE DON’T CALL YER HUSBAND LUV JUST
HELP ME SOMEONE GOD HELP ME
THE CODE TWAT THE FUCKIN COOOOOODE

Numbers then noise. Then numbers and
a
noise. Then a lot of money.

ALASTAIR

Oh shite that fuckin no-mark bastard that was too far he went too far im I’m not avin that he’s not getting
away
with that he’s one fuckin psycho balloonhead he is that was too much that was sick no fuckin need man what do I do now oh Jesus Christ God what do I do now tell me

get that bag I’m gunner get that fuckin bag he’s gunner be sorry I’m gunner fuck that bastard up BIG time

all he deserves

someone’s granny someone’s missis

should never have gone to Wales with him shoulda known better know what he’s like he’s pure fuckin sick he’ll welly anyone even sweet ahl ladies he’s parro about evrythin he’s pure wrecked in thee ed

no need for that man no need at all he’s wacko he’s wacko he should be locked up that fuckin bastard

that’s it between me n im now I’m avin nowt to do with that fuckin nutter that idyit that prick he’s fuckin mental loop-the-loop he is he’s fuckin

gunner get
iz
man tellin yeh no lie about fuckin time that arsewipe paid too right

all he deserves

he’ll gerrit

that’s
it
between me n im

psycho, sicko

Tommy’ll do fuck all just laugh they’re as bad as each other wankers

sweet ahl granny like that like me
own
granny dyin there in thee ozzy thee age of her like so old she gets through it all through life an evrythin all them bad years an she don’t deserve some sick no-mark knob’ed comin into her shop

I’m sorry my nain I’m so sorry
that
cunt’s gunner get
iz

youse watch me youse just wait n see

that’s it now man that’s
it

not right in thee ed that fucker not right not right it’s all gone wrong

I’ll
make
it right

I
will

what do I do now oh God what do I fuckin

DARREN

Aw man, that was so friggin easy … eeeaaasssyyy … so
easy
, lar … easiest four grand I’ve ever made that like no fuckin lie … I can do anythin in the werld, now, wharrever I fuckin want … snort me gack off this slag’s chest … no tits on it like but so fuckin what lar I’m livin fuckin large … this charlie … the weight of the ruckie on me knees like just fuckin perfect lar, knowmean? … fuckin brewstered, man … am friggin rich
as
… so fuckin powerful with these big bucks I can do wharrever the fuckin hell I wanner do an no fucker’s gunna stop me no fuckin Hunter clan no fuckin Lenny Rees no fuckin Gozzy Squires no Tommy not even any fuckin Joey … all me own werk this is so fuck
them
… is right …

… gunna watch that fuckin Alastair tho … softlad’s all fuckin tampin cos I adter give that ahl queen a bit of a wellyin … knob’ed dozen unnerstand, like, that yer’ve gorrer be ruthless in this fuckin game, yer not gunner get nowt for nowt … lesson for life, that, tellin yeh … never get anythin for nowt … gorrer fuckin assert yerself like …

… stop movin about, will yeh, yer spillin the fuckin beak …

… just gorrer av the guts, like, thee arse, the balls … gorrer go out n take … don’t owe no cunt notten … it’s all fuckin yours, man, it’s all out there, just gerroff yer arse an take it … grab it … make it just pure fuckin
yours
, knowmean? …

… keep one beam on that Alastair, tho … cunt’s up to somethin, I just fuckin
know
ee is … can read that bastard liker buke … thinks I itter too hard, fuck’s … she’ll be alright … hardest bone in the body, that human skull … an anyway notten stands between me n what’s mine, no fuckin way … paid me bleedin dues, me … no lie … entitled to some kinder fuckin reward arn I …

… I can do anythin, now, anythin I’ve ever friggin dreamed of … an I’ve dreamed of fuckin
lotser
things … no lie … believe …

… aw man, this bugle … she’ll smoke the bone if I can gerrit up, like, cos sometimes the gack does that to me, sometimes … does it to fuckin everyone, man, not just me … but
fuck
ow it feels in thee ed …

… so good, lar, so happy … evrythin’s gunner be alright, fuckin
evrythin
… it’s just gunner get better n better n better … eeyar, Darren lad, the werld is fuckin yours … like that globe statue thingio in that film
Scarface
said, ‘the werld is yours’ …

… an it
is
, Darren, it
is
… oh too fuckin right yeh …

… believe.

DEAN

An Jeez that’s
not
the face yeh wanner see on yer doorstep all unexpected like, now, is it? Checkin on yer little sis an her mates, like, makin sure none of em’s done too many pills or too many friggin Breezers an are chokin on ther own spew, like, an bing-bong the doorbell goes an yeh answer it an who’s there? Fuck me I did
not
expect this, man. Thee
eyes
on the fucker.

—Darren? The fucker
you
doin ere?

All I can do to stop meself from screamin. Ee tells me he needs a place to crash.
Tells
me, like, too much to expect that twat to do anythin as nice as friggin
ask
… But nah, he’s alright really, Darren is; never given
me
any grief, like, personally, an I’ve known im years. I know how he can be, God yeh, I’ve seen him lose it with mushers, like, on many an occasion an there’s some hard fellers, that Stega for one, who’re absolutely shiters of him an that but I’ve gorrer say, like, gorrer admit, he’s always been sound with me. Member when I first moved out here from Prenton about two years ago an Darren invited imself to me house-warmin do, like, an comes up to me all charlie’d up an says he’d like a bit of the market, like, slice of the pie, meanin the coke an billy dealership I was gunner set up in Wrexham after the Birkenhead market got too chocka an started to attract some bad, bad people, an I mean
really
fuckin bad … I told im no. Just that; ‘No’. Fergerrit, lad, I said. An he threw his hands up, like, says fair enough, fucks off back to the party. An that Peter comes up to me, asks if I knew
who
that was I’d just KB’d, I says I couldn’t give two fucks who he was, I didn’t need any kinder partner. Coked up at that stage I was, see. Peter just laughed, told me to watch me back, fucked off back to that bird he was seein, that mad one who apparently strangled her boyfriend to death last year sometime, can’t remember her name now. But yeh, never ad any trouble from Darren, that night or since; I think he kinda respected me, standin up to im, likes. Think he thought I was alright after that episode, no pushover like, knowmean?

Still n all, tho … he’s not the kinda feller you want in yer house. Not at yer little sister’s birthday bash, like, oh no. His is
not
the face yeh want turnin up on yer doorstep without warnin, like. He’s clutchin that ruckie to his chest like it’s, what, a baby or somethin, no, a gold-plated diamond-encrusted Stanley knife or somethin an he’s got his gormless mate in tow, one ugly get with zits an a basey who says nowt, just stares round at evrythin as if he’s just payin a visit from another fuckin planet. Thee’ve got an air about them, these two, I mean ther guilty as fuck of somethin, some bad thing thee’ve just done comin off em liker bad stink. An I’ve gorrer invite em in, like, avn’t I? I mean, what else can yeh do? An call it a deathwish or wharrever but I tell em one great big fuckin lie about bein in New York when the towers came down; I don’t know why I do it but I’m almost crackin up, me, I mean it’s so friggin funny, I’m almost startin to believe meself, tellin em I was gettin stoned with me brother when the planes hit when the truth be told I was in a boozer in Chester. An then all that stuff
about
gettin arrested an taken to thee interrogation room! Jeez, it’s all I can do to stop meself laughin in ther faces, ther takin all this shit in. I mean I
was
in NY, yeh, but this was months before September 2001 but I mean this is just so funny, comin out with all this crap, like, an them two just standin there gawpin, believin it all … dead funny. Score:

Got to be careful, tho … Darren thinks he’s bein taken for a knob’ed and there’s no tellin what he’ll do. Out’ll come his trusty ahl Stanley and I’ll have a much wider gob to tell porkies out of. But it feels good, this, tellin all these lies … knowin there’s somethin
I
know that Darren and loads of other people don’t. It gives me, what, what does it give me … makes me feel
closer
to meself, knowmean? Makes me feel like I’m a
mate
to meself, that’s thee only way I know how to describe it. Like there’s somethin I share only with meself an evry other fucker thinks exactly thee opposite, that kinda thing. Sort of like that. Like I know better than
them
. Secrets, like.

I think of this later when I’m cookin up for Karen, which I know I shouldn’t be doin but the poor girl’s rattlin so loud she sounds liker box of Smarties, and Darren’s got Gillian bent back over his knees an is snortin bugle off her chest, between her virtually non-existent tits, like. Fuckin state of him, man, tellin yeh; thinks he’s some kinda rock star. Screamin at his brain-dead mate that he’s livin fuckin large, I mean, gerrer
grip
, softarse; yer not tootin grade-A Colombian off Angelina Jolie in LA, yer snortin not-very-good gack off a skanky ahl skaghead in a council house in fuckin Wrexham. I mean sort yerself out, man, get back to the fuckin real werld, eh? State of yiz. An apart from all this, yer believin a lie, you think I was someplace where I wasn’t on what might tern out to be the most important day of ar lifetimes and that makes you a total fuckin idyit. Dozen it?

Pathological liar, me teachers an me dad used to call me. An maybe I am. I mean I know it’s stupid, really, an not much point, burrit makes me feel good. Also dangerous, I mean if Darren finds out …
any
excuse for that bastard and his fuckin chaos. Burrit makes me feel good. That’s just me, tho, I’m Deano, it’s just the way I am; it’s not
you
that’s livin fuckin large, lar, it’s
me
. Unnerstand?

GILLIAN

Tickles! It’s ticklin me!

Ee stops me wrigglin with his big hands on me waist an I like the feeling of that so I wriggle some more when he snorts the charlie so that he’ll grip me tighter. Feel his great big hard hands like if he squeezed some more I bet he could make his fingers meet around me waist … So fuckin horny here I yam. Got a heat in me an he’ll do, this one, he’s got them funny eyes, like, but there’s something about him an the way he moves an I bet there’s got to be something
dead
intrestin in that bag he’s carrying round everywhere … money or drugs, I bet.
Got
t’be money or drugs
the
way he’s holdin it dead tight to him like that, nothin else could be –

Ticklin me!

—Stop movin about, will yeh, yer spillin the fuckin bugle.

His knee presses up into me back, bendin me further backwards over his legs … can feel me spine bendin, feel me ribs pushin out up at the ceiling, all the bones in me body stretchin an expandin … reminds me of the time Nathan picked me up by me collarbones to spin me around, just messin around like, but one of em snapped. Made a sound like a stick breakin or something and didn’t half fuckin hurt … in the hospital, like, in Wrexham General, Nayth was all sad an apologising all the time sayin he only wanted to show me how thin I was getting so that I’d eat some more, which was typical of him, that, always caring about people he was. But I was tryin to tell him I didn’t mind, I
liked
it, not the bone-snapping bit obviously but when he picked me up, like, when he kinda grabbed me … I like it when fellers grab me … not
hurt
me, no, fuck that, but when they’re, y’know, big an strong … it’s like me mind empties, like kinda bein free. The three or four turns in the air I did with Nayth before me collarbone went crack, them few seconds like, seemed to last for hours an they were some of the best moments of me life. That nurse, tho, that nurse in the hospital tryin to make me press charges sayin no woman should have to put up with that, their boyfriends breaking their bones … called Nathan an animal she did an I nearly twatted her. Animal! That’s my feller, yer frigid cow I said. That’s my
feller
yer calling names.